Wednesday, November 14, 2012
So, Goodbye for now
I've thought about this a lot.
I didn't sleep much last night, weighing the pros and cons, making a list, all of the things a person is supposed to do before making a decision.
Here is the end of this blog.
I almost wish I hadn't named it to include my name, because in a way, it feels like the end of me.
But I know that it's not.
I had the best intentions. Ok, maybe not the best, but pretty good ones. I wanted to write, to practice writing, to become a part of something.
I know this was a blog about nothing. I know it was an angry rant, most times.
Please know - while it was me, all of me, I'm not always that person. I enhanced some tales for entertainment value, stretched the truth to get the laugh.
I have feelings - I get hurt. I have super happy silly days and some not so much.
I am sorry this past year has been pretty crappy over here. I've written a few posts that were more for me, to get my feelings out of my head and onto something I can go back and re-read - I've always had a bad memory.
I hope to still be around, I'm going back to just commenting. I think I'm better at that anyway. Turns out I can't do this.
So, I'm sorry to everyone for everything.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
To all of you
Even I thought I'd have written something sooner than now.
I am shocked and embarrassed to see how many days into November it is, and not a word from me.
Ideas have come and gone and been developed and discarded.
I'm afraid for this blogging thing.
I'm afraid that I can't keep it up, and for no good solid reasons.
I'm afraid that my "community" is also flailing a little too.
I never realized before how much I actually (real life) like you people, until now - until I think that I'm losing you. Most of you. Some of you.
I've come to miss the actual emails and phone calls and texts and visits and developing friendships that used to happen.
I miss the catty chats on teh FB that I would have with some of you ladies, usually riling me up to start something with other ladies we don't like very much.
I hadn't really appreciated what I had here, until my Dad passed away. That day, the third person I called (of all of the many many people in my life) was one of you. And through her, this community rallied around me and showed me so much love and compassion and kindness - so much more than I probably even deserved.
Up to that day, I thought I was a small time jester in a very large, much smarter court.
So today - no snark, no bitchiness, none of that -
I miss you - all of you. I hold on to my friends as tightly as I can, because I feel if someone is in my life, they are valuable to me and I need to hang on to them, because they add to my value. I feel I am losing this community, and I really don't want that.
So help me hold on somehow.
I am shocked and embarrassed to see how many days into November it is, and not a word from me.
Ideas have come and gone and been developed and discarded.
I'm afraid for this blogging thing.
I'm afraid that I can't keep it up, and for no good solid reasons.
I'm afraid that my "community" is also flailing a little too.
I never realized before how much I actually (real life) like you people, until now - until I think that I'm losing you. Most of you. Some of you.
I've come to miss the actual emails and phone calls and texts and visits and developing friendships that used to happen.
I miss the catty chats on teh FB that I would have with some of you ladies, usually riling me up to start something with other ladies we don't like very much.
I hadn't really appreciated what I had here, until my Dad passed away. That day, the third person I called (of all of the many many people in my life) was one of you. And through her, this community rallied around me and showed me so much love and compassion and kindness - so much more than I probably even deserved.
Up to that day, I thought I was a small time jester in a very large, much smarter court.
So today - no snark, no bitchiness, none of that -
I miss you - all of you. I hold on to my friends as tightly as I can, because I feel if someone is in my life, they are valuable to me and I need to hang on to them, because they add to my value. I feel I am losing this community, and I really don't want that.
So help me hold on somehow.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
365
Good days and bad days.
Long days and short days.
Meh days, blah days, and just one of those days days.
Brilliant days and rainy days.
Quiet days and raucous days.
Full days and half days.
Holidays and birthdays.
Some days and those days.
Musical days and reflective days.
Stressful days and silly days.
Save for a rainy day days and expensive days.
Family days and friend days.
Work days and Sundays.
365 of these, all of these.
Each one of them less than, missing something, a little less bright.
I miss you, Dad, every day.
Long days and short days.
Meh days, blah days, and just one of those days days.
Brilliant days and rainy days.
Quiet days and raucous days.
Full days and half days.
Holidays and birthdays.
Some days and those days.
Musical days and reflective days.
Stressful days and silly days.
Save for a rainy day days and expensive days.
Family days and friend days.
Work days and Sundays.
365 of these, all of these.
Each one of them less than, missing something, a little less bright.
I miss you, Dad, every day.
Friday, October 12, 2012
A break
I want to be honest with you all, so I'll just lay it out here.
I'm having a really hard time with October - and that's why I haven't been around.
I don't think you want to hear about my melancholy, my wanting October to both speed up and get the fuck over, and to slow down, because I do not want 10/23 to come.
I can not believe it has been nearly a year since my Dad passed away.
I don't want to write about it or him, not yet.
So, I just do not write at all.
It's not that I don't have other things to say - I do, sometimes - it's just that I don't really feel like it.
Things are just, you know, fine. Like FINE in a fucked up insecure neurotic and emotional kind of fine.
Work - fine
Dating life - meh, fine
Family - fine
Other work - fine
See - you don't even want me to write right now.
So, unless something super magical or inspiring, or God forbid really awful happens, I'm taking October off.
I'm sorry, I never wanted to be this kind of blogger, but that's how it is right now.
I'm having a really hard time with October - and that's why I haven't been around.
I don't think you want to hear about my melancholy, my wanting October to both speed up and get the fuck over, and to slow down, because I do not want 10/23 to come.
I can not believe it has been nearly a year since my Dad passed away.
I don't want to write about it or him, not yet.
So, I just do not write at all.
It's not that I don't have other things to say - I do, sometimes - it's just that I don't really feel like it.
Things are just, you know, fine. Like FINE in a fucked up insecure neurotic and emotional kind of fine.
Work - fine
Dating life - meh, fine
Family - fine
Other work - fine
See - you don't even want me to write right now.
So, unless something super magical or inspiring, or God forbid really awful happens, I'm taking October off.
I'm sorry, I never wanted to be this kind of blogger, but that's how it is right now.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Mini catch up
Headed to Connecticut last week for a big work meeting.
American Airlines? You and I are FINISHED.
Flight out of O'Hare on Wednesday morning at 6:40. Everyone gets on the plane, all things are stowed and all people are seated.
And the plane breaks or something.
Everyone, off the plane.
I get on the phone with my company's travel service, who are always so awesome.
"Sure, Von, we will get you on the next flight!! It leave in 20 minutes and you have to go about 3,000 miles across the airport to get there! Have a nice day!"
Not her fault - she didn't know I was in heels and lugging massive barely carry on-ables.
I get to the gate (barely), give up my luggage, and throw myself into the last seat on the plane.
Of course, I caused upheaval in CT. My pickup car had to be rescheduled, but no one knew which flight I was on, so ooops.
I arrived in CT about two hours past when I was supposed to. Ooops.
Heading home, not much different - almost worse. Our meetings ended earlier than expected on Friday, so we headed to the airports two hours earlier than we had planned. I decided to see if I could change my 8:40 pm flight home. I waited in line for about an hour, and finally put on my best face and headed to the counter.
"8:40? That flight was cancelled....."
best face gone.....
"But this is good because I can put you on any other flight I want."
Of course, there was a flight leaving in about 30 minutes.
I get to the gate (barely), give up my luggage (again) and throw myself into the last seat on the plane (hello, old friend).
Only to sit on the runway for about an hour.
The Big Work Meetings were actually pretty good, for me. I'm going to have a new position with new responsibilities and a new team and a new boss as of 11/1. This means I get to keep my job here (YAY) and learn things and work on my career growth. This is a very good thing. There's not much I love more than my jobs.
I'd love to tell you more, but it'll have to wait. Lots of secrecy and such.
Other than that -
I am super pissed about things on the home front.
I am still kinda dating a couple of dudes.
I'm tired. Very tired.
American Airlines? You and I are FINISHED.
Flight out of O'Hare on Wednesday morning at 6:40. Everyone gets on the plane, all things are stowed and all people are seated.
And the plane breaks or something.
Everyone, off the plane.
I get on the phone with my company's travel service, who are always so awesome.
"Sure, Von, we will get you on the next flight!! It leave in 20 minutes and you have to go about 3,000 miles across the airport to get there! Have a nice day!"
Not her fault - she didn't know I was in heels and lugging massive barely carry on-ables.
I get to the gate (barely), give up my luggage, and throw myself into the last seat on the plane.
Of course, I caused upheaval in CT. My pickup car had to be rescheduled, but no one knew which flight I was on, so ooops.
I arrived in CT about two hours past when I was supposed to. Ooops.
Heading home, not much different - almost worse. Our meetings ended earlier than expected on Friday, so we headed to the airports two hours earlier than we had planned. I decided to see if I could change my 8:40 pm flight home. I waited in line for about an hour, and finally put on my best face and headed to the counter.
"8:40? That flight was cancelled....."
best face gone.....
"But this is good because I can put you on any other flight I want."
Of course, there was a flight leaving in about 30 minutes.
I get to the gate (barely), give up my luggage (again) and throw myself into the last seat on the plane (hello, old friend).
Only to sit on the runway for about an hour.
The Big Work Meetings were actually pretty good, for me. I'm going to have a new position with new responsibilities and a new team and a new boss as of 11/1. This means I get to keep my job here (YAY) and learn things and work on my career growth. This is a very good thing. There's not much I love more than my jobs.
I'd love to tell you more, but it'll have to wait. Lots of secrecy and such.
Other than that -
I am super pissed about things on the home front.
I am still kinda dating a couple of dudes.
I'm tired. Very tired.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Best feeling ever!
Wow.
I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted.
I'd apologize for that, but no. I haven't had anything decent to write about, and I didn't want to bore you.
I didn't realize, however, that it had been almost a month.
For that, I suck.
Anyway.
MAN DO I HAVE A POST FOR YOU TODAY!!!!
For those of you who have read this blog from the beginning, you know that I have "the one that got away", and sometimes I write posts about him. And I sigh and I tear up and I pine.
So, for this story, let's call him GA (GotAway, got it?!?)
Yesterday, I went to my new super fun bar where I play fantasy football. For no reason at all I decided to look super cute. Jeans that fit, no saggy butt, a very cute Bears tshirt (vneck, cleavage), did my hair - I looked kinda adorable.
I was very early, I wanted to get a good seat for the game. I was sitting by myself playing with my phone when a couple walked in. They stopped right in front of where I was sitting, and had their backs to me.
"Hi, GA. Hi DirtyWhoreWhoStoleHimFromMe" calm as all get out.
They turn around - "Oh! HI Von!"
They asked if they could sit by us, I had to say no, I was saving seats for fellow fantasy players.
Admittedly - at first I FREAKED OUT. I was so irate they were there. I started drinking a lot more quickly than I had planned. I texted everyone I could think of who would understand the importance of the crisis of GA AND his lady being there.
My FF friends showed up and I decided just to let it all go and have a good time with the people I was there with. GA and LF (lady friend, I guess. I can think of other things that start with L and F, but I digress) were sitting far enough away, yet within my line of sight so I could keep an eye on them. Looked like I wasn't the only one who was pounding the drinks.....
By the middle of the first quarter, GA started hugging me everytime he was near me. I expected sparks and stars, and got neither.
Around the middle of the second quarter, GA asked me if I was staying for the whole game. I gave him the blank stare - of course I was staying. He asked me to do a shot with him in honor of our friend who had passed away, and also for VonDad. I agreed to that.
Half time rolls around, and I have to go in the other room to play our FF league game of Bozo buckets. Good times. I walk back over to the other side, and there's four shots of Jaeger lined up on the bar. Four? I wonder?
GA tells me to go get "my friend"
"Um.....(I look around) Which one?" Not being a bitch, here, just really have no clue who he's referring to...
Light bulb goes off, I go get Pete, my 24 year old league Commish.
He comes and does the shot. LF gets mad because GA does not clink his shot glass against hers, so she refuses to drink it......mmm hmmm, that happened.
So, LF orders two more shots. Apparently "my friend" is off the hook for GA's flub, and now the three of us are going to do another shot.
OK FINE. GA makes sure to clink glasses with LF, while keeping his other hand around my back.
I say thanks and move off to my people. I can tell LF is getting drunk, and I know better than to hang around that hot mess too long.....
Third quarter, and I am showing some of the FF folks my most recent tattoo. GA walks over and looks at it too. He says "I still have mine"
"Ok"
His? MY INITIALS, above a broken heart, quite large, on his arm. I'm SURE that LF likes seeing that when they get naked together.......
This should have sent some sort of flutter across my heart place.
GA walks away.
The room gets very bright. A choir of angels starts singing. I have the greatest moment of clarity in my life.
I AM NO LONGER IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN!!!
The 14 years of what ifs and pining and love songs and unrequited whatever? All B.S.!!!
The fantasy, turns out, is leaps and bounds better than the reality!!!
He's......used up. And.....not that attractive anymore - I don't see Dennis Quaid in him AT ALL anymore! He looks pretty unhappy.
A 14 year weight lifted off my heart,then my shoulders, then my brain!!
WHAT WAS I THINKING??!?
I realized in that moment that the years I had with him - the intense ones of black leather jackets, a 69 Mustang, the letters and love songs and fighting and making up and midnights showing up at my house and me sneaking out to meet him and lying in the grass looking at the stars and knowing I loved him and he loved me the best that he knew how - those were his best years. And I had them.
What/who he is now? I don't want that. And I certainly do not NEED that.
I started smiling. Making jokes with complete strangers. Have a great time.
Middle to end of the fourth quarter, I noticed LF was shooting death stares my way. GA and LF seemed to be bickering. Uh oh - I knew this was not going to bode well for me.
Bears win!! I hang around about 10 minutes more.
More death stares from LF.
This is my cue.
I say good bye to my FF friends, and promise to see them next time. I say good bye to GA. So much more meaning behing my "Good bye!!" He hugs me (900th time of the day) and reminds me to say good bye to LF.
I lean over and say "Good bye, LF"
She responds: "Im gonna move to Alllllasha."
"Alaska?"
"Imma mooove to Allasha so you two canbetogether....."
I laugh - my real, genuine, I feel it in my bones laugh "Ok, LF. See you."
GA hugs me AGAIN (this is not shocking to you, at this point I'm sure."
I smile at him.
I grab my things.
I go home.
I fall asleep smiling, and guess what?
I wake up this morning, smiling.
I'm smiling so much, I look like I have the best secret in the world.
And who's smiling back? EVERYONE.
I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted.
I'd apologize for that, but no. I haven't had anything decent to write about, and I didn't want to bore you.
I didn't realize, however, that it had been almost a month.
For that, I suck.
Anyway.
MAN DO I HAVE A POST FOR YOU TODAY!!!!
For those of you who have read this blog from the beginning, you know that I have "the one that got away", and sometimes I write posts about him. And I sigh and I tear up and I pine.
So, for this story, let's call him GA (GotAway, got it?!?)
Yesterday, I went to my new super fun bar where I play fantasy football. For no reason at all I decided to look super cute. Jeans that fit, no saggy butt, a very cute Bears tshirt (vneck, cleavage), did my hair - I looked kinda adorable.
I was very early, I wanted to get a good seat for the game. I was sitting by myself playing with my phone when a couple walked in. They stopped right in front of where I was sitting, and had their backs to me.
"Hi, GA. Hi DirtyWhoreWhoStoleHimFromMe" calm as all get out.
They turn around - "Oh! HI Von!"
They asked if they could sit by us, I had to say no, I was saving seats for fellow fantasy players.
Admittedly - at first I FREAKED OUT. I was so irate they were there. I started drinking a lot more quickly than I had planned. I texted everyone I could think of who would understand the importance of the crisis of GA AND his lady being there.
My FF friends showed up and I decided just to let it all go and have a good time with the people I was there with. GA and LF (lady friend, I guess. I can think of other things that start with L and F, but I digress) were sitting far enough away, yet within my line of sight so I could keep an eye on them. Looked like I wasn't the only one who was pounding the drinks.....
By the middle of the first quarter, GA started hugging me everytime he was near me. I expected sparks and stars, and got neither.
Around the middle of the second quarter, GA asked me if I was staying for the whole game. I gave him the blank stare - of course I was staying. He asked me to do a shot with him in honor of our friend who had passed away, and also for VonDad. I agreed to that.
Half time rolls around, and I have to go in the other room to play our FF league game of Bozo buckets. Good times. I walk back over to the other side, and there's four shots of Jaeger lined up on the bar. Four? I wonder?
GA tells me to go get "my friend"
"Um.....(I look around) Which one?" Not being a bitch, here, just really have no clue who he's referring to...
Light bulb goes off, I go get Pete, my 24 year old league Commish.
He comes and does the shot. LF gets mad because GA does not clink his shot glass against hers, so she refuses to drink it......mmm hmmm, that happened.
So, LF orders two more shots. Apparently "my friend" is off the hook for GA's flub, and now the three of us are going to do another shot.
OK FINE. GA makes sure to clink glasses with LF, while keeping his other hand around my back.
I say thanks and move off to my people. I can tell LF is getting drunk, and I know better than to hang around that hot mess too long.....
Third quarter, and I am showing some of the FF folks my most recent tattoo. GA walks over and looks at it too. He says "I still have mine"
"Ok"
His? MY INITIALS, above a broken heart, quite large, on his arm. I'm SURE that LF likes seeing that when they get naked together.......
This should have sent some sort of flutter across my heart place.
GA walks away.
The room gets very bright. A choir of angels starts singing. I have the greatest moment of clarity in my life.
I AM NO LONGER IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN!!!
The 14 years of what ifs and pining and love songs and unrequited whatever? All B.S.!!!
The fantasy, turns out, is leaps and bounds better than the reality!!!
He's......used up. And.....not that attractive anymore - I don't see Dennis Quaid in him AT ALL anymore! He looks pretty unhappy.
A 14 year weight lifted off my heart,then my shoulders, then my brain!!
WHAT WAS I THINKING??!?
I realized in that moment that the years I had with him - the intense ones of black leather jackets, a 69 Mustang, the letters and love songs and fighting and making up and midnights showing up at my house and me sneaking out to meet him and lying in the grass looking at the stars and knowing I loved him and he loved me the best that he knew how - those were his best years. And I had them.
What/who he is now? I don't want that. And I certainly do not NEED that.
I started smiling. Making jokes with complete strangers. Have a great time.
Middle to end of the fourth quarter, I noticed LF was shooting death stares my way. GA and LF seemed to be bickering. Uh oh - I knew this was not going to bode well for me.
Bears win!! I hang around about 10 minutes more.
More death stares from LF.
This is my cue.
I say good bye to my FF friends, and promise to see them next time. I say good bye to GA. So much more meaning behing my "Good bye!!" He hugs me (900th time of the day) and reminds me to say good bye to LF.
I lean over and say "Good bye, LF"
She responds: "Im gonna move to Alllllasha."
"Alaska?"
"Imma mooove to Allasha so you two canbetogether....."
I laugh - my real, genuine, I feel it in my bones laugh "Ok, LF. See you."
GA hugs me AGAIN (this is not shocking to you, at this point I'm sure."
I smile at him.
I grab my things.
I go home.
I fall asleep smiling, and guess what?
I wake up this morning, smiling.
I'm smiling so much, I look like I have the best secret in the world.
And who's smiling back? EVERYONE.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Tumbling around in my brain
I went away for the long weekend. Again. Went to Michigan with the Tricycle. For those of you that are new, the Tricycle of Awesome are Shannon, TheMarty and I.
It was a perfectly quiet, lazy, calm relaxing few days. I even got to dog-sit their delightful pups Sophie and Schatzie for a few hours.
I read a lot, drank some, played 7 Wonders a lot (Best.Game.Ever.), slept a lot.
The three of us have this very familial thing that means we do not have to talk every second, or entertain, or be entertained.
"Should we go to Cracker Barrel tomorrow?"
"Sure"
"Are we going to watch the new Doctor Who tonight?"
"Sure"
I spent some time reflecting on my year so far. I've decided that 2012 has been better than 2011, in leaps and bounds. The gaping hole from losing my dad is still there, but it reminds me to do better, be better, behave better.
I've let L go (2011's lapse in judgement), and have tried to be open and kind and above board with 2012's dating-ness. I've decided to let one of my dudes go. I let him know as nicely as I could, I feel my karma is fully intact. I'm also learning to deal with "dating" someone who is busier than I am. While I always thought it was what I wanted, I'm finding it pretty difficult to do. So, if it works out or doesn't, I've learned there is such a thing as too busy, and I need to make some adjustments if I really want a real relationship.
I've decided to return to a project that has been on my mind for some time. And, I'm doing something about it to make sure that I do it. I got myself a motivator/coach of sorts. Someone I care about and trust 100%. She's already given me homework, and while I didn't quite get to my goal yesterday, I think I can today, and that's the important part.*
I am incredibly happy with both of my jobs. I thought about whether I have a Career right now, and if I should, etc. I don't know if my day job defines Career, but I am VERY good at what I do, and because of that, I am proud of myself. I also am proud of myself for taking my life-long love of all things music and with some patience I have gotten myself my second job. I was embarrassed, for a while, that it took me over five years to go from brand new volunteer to concert staff. Why? Who decided the time line on that? Who was I letting down by not getting hired sooner, or somewhere else? I've let all of that down crap go, and can now just be happy that I am where I am at Old Town, and that I got there myself.
I want to make some sort of home improvement. I have been in my apartment for almost 13 years now, and I need some freshening up. I have zero dollars, so maybe I'll just re-organize my kitchen? I am starting a list of little projects I can do.
I'd like to take a little long weekend to visit some of my family in MI. I haven't seen many of them in years, and it could be fun. It could also be stressful and weird, but who knows. I'd like to do this alone - take the Amtrack and figure out who to see when (not all of my relatives get along with each other). Pretty sure VonMom and VonSis don't think that I'll actually go, or, if they do think I'll go, I think they're wondering why I'd want to.
I love my family, all of them, regardless of their connection to me. That being said, I'd like to spend some time with some people who are actually related to me by blood. I don't really see how I can be faulted for that.
*Yes, this is intentionally vague. All will be revealed in good time. It may be a loooong time from now, but eventually.
It was a perfectly quiet, lazy, calm relaxing few days. I even got to dog-sit their delightful pups Sophie and Schatzie for a few hours.
I read a lot, drank some, played 7 Wonders a lot (Best.Game.Ever.), slept a lot.
The three of us have this very familial thing that means we do not have to talk every second, or entertain, or be entertained.
"Should we go to Cracker Barrel tomorrow?"
"Sure"
"Are we going to watch the new Doctor Who tonight?"
"Sure"
I spent some time reflecting on my year so far. I've decided that 2012 has been better than 2011, in leaps and bounds. The gaping hole from losing my dad is still there, but it reminds me to do better, be better, behave better.
I've let L go (2011's lapse in judgement), and have tried to be open and kind and above board with 2012's dating-ness. I've decided to let one of my dudes go. I let him know as nicely as I could, I feel my karma is fully intact. I'm also learning to deal with "dating" someone who is busier than I am. While I always thought it was what I wanted, I'm finding it pretty difficult to do. So, if it works out or doesn't, I've learned there is such a thing as too busy, and I need to make some adjustments if I really want a real relationship.
I've decided to return to a project that has been on my mind for some time. And, I'm doing something about it to make sure that I do it. I got myself a motivator/coach of sorts. Someone I care about and trust 100%. She's already given me homework, and while I didn't quite get to my goal yesterday, I think I can today, and that's the important part.*
I am incredibly happy with both of my jobs. I thought about whether I have a Career right now, and if I should, etc. I don't know if my day job defines Career, but I am VERY good at what I do, and because of that, I am proud of myself. I also am proud of myself for taking my life-long love of all things music and with some patience I have gotten myself my second job. I was embarrassed, for a while, that it took me over five years to go from brand new volunteer to concert staff. Why? Who decided the time line on that? Who was I letting down by not getting hired sooner, or somewhere else? I've let all of that down crap go, and can now just be happy that I am where I am at Old Town, and that I got there myself.
I want to make some sort of home improvement. I have been in my apartment for almost 13 years now, and I need some freshening up. I have zero dollars, so maybe I'll just re-organize my kitchen? I am starting a list of little projects I can do.
I'd like to take a little long weekend to visit some of my family in MI. I haven't seen many of them in years, and it could be fun. It could also be stressful and weird, but who knows. I'd like to do this alone - take the Amtrack and figure out who to see when (not all of my relatives get along with each other). Pretty sure VonMom and VonSis don't think that I'll actually go, or, if they do think I'll go, I think they're wondering why I'd want to.
I love my family, all of them, regardless of their connection to me. That being said, I'd like to spend some time with some people who are actually related to me by blood. I don't really see how I can be faulted for that.
*Yes, this is intentionally vague. All will be revealed in good time. It may be a loooong time from now, but eventually.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
My forever man
I have always always always loved Dennis Quaid. I kinda think the reason I still think about my college boyfriend (The One that got away) is because he looked a lot like Dennis Quaid, back in the day. I'm totally going to watch that new Vegas show, simply because it's starring - Dennis Quaid. As a sheriff. Yummy.
Sigh. Dennis. Quaid.
So, today I give you this video. Because:
1. It has Dennis Quaid, at his hottest.
2. Bonnie Raitt seduces him, with a song and her mad guitar skills.
3. I dream of seducing Dennis Quaid with my mad guitar skills.
4. I dream of having mad guitar skills, like the Queen, Bonnie Raitt.
Sigh. Dennis. Quaid.
So, today I give you this video. Because:
1. It has Dennis Quaid, at his hottest.
2. Bonnie Raitt seduces him, with a song and her mad guitar skills.
3. I dream of seducing Dennis Quaid with my mad guitar skills.
4. I dream of having mad guitar skills, like the Queen, Bonnie Raitt.
Monday, August 27, 2012
All the things
My life, and all of its parts, seems very out of my hands these days.
Setting a date? Sure, why not, but let them text me.
Work stuff? Sure, I have thoughts and hopes, but no one is talking about the changes with me.
Home stuff? LOL.
Family stuff? See home stuff, multiple by raging bitch, add crazy and blend.....
To be in control of ONE THING ANY THING SOME.....THING
I joined a new fantasy football league. And this one, this one had a live draft. No sitting in front of my computer in my pjs, taking my time, having the program take out other players picks......NO I had to put a bra on, head out in the rain and do all of the things by myself.
With eight people I do not know, and only one (The Commissioner) that I do know.
Well, me being me, I made pals with the other two women at the draft, and we helped each other out. OK - They helped ME. See, there was this rule that if someone picked a player that was already drafted, that person got a "loud, strongly worded warning". If a second person picked that same player, they got "a warm shot of bar tequila". Needless to say, none of us ladies had to deal with that.
So, without further whatever, here's my FF live drafted team, named, Electric Pandas:
Philip Rivers
Ryan Fitzpatrick
LeSean McCoy
Ryan Mathews
Roddy White
Miles Austin
DeSean Jackson
Rob Gronkowski
Brandon Pettigrew
Robbie Gould (had to take one Bear)
Green Bay defense and special teams
and on my bench:
Josh Freeman
Christian Ponder
Willis McGahee
James Starks
DeAngelo Williams
Austin Collie
I'm already working on getting rid of the last three on my bench, as well as Christian Ponder.
Wish me luck, my friends.....
Setting a date? Sure, why not, but let them text me.
Work stuff? Sure, I have thoughts and hopes, but no one is talking about the changes with me.
Home stuff? LOL.
Family stuff? See home stuff, multiple by raging bitch, add crazy and blend.....
To be in control of ONE THING ANY THING SOME.....THING
I joined a new fantasy football league. And this one, this one had a live draft. No sitting in front of my computer in my pjs, taking my time, having the program take out other players picks......NO I had to put a bra on, head out in the rain and do all of the things by myself.
With eight people I do not know, and only one (The Commissioner) that I do know.
Well, me being me, I made pals with the other two women at the draft, and we helped each other out. OK - They helped ME. See, there was this rule that if someone picked a player that was already drafted, that person got a "loud, strongly worded warning". If a second person picked that same player, they got "a warm shot of bar tequila". Needless to say, none of us ladies had to deal with that.
So, without further whatever, here's my FF live drafted team, named, Electric Pandas:
Philip Rivers
Ryan Fitzpatrick
LeSean McCoy
Ryan Mathews
Roddy White
Miles Austin
DeSean Jackson
Rob Gronkowski
Brandon Pettigrew
Robbie Gould (had to take one Bear)
Green Bay defense and special teams
and on my bench:
Josh Freeman
Christian Ponder
Willis McGahee
James Starks
DeAngelo Williams
Austin Collie
I'm already working on getting rid of the last three on my bench, as well as Christian Ponder.
Wish me luck, my friends.....
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Politics again!
Looky here!
Another "post" about politics!!
So, that Todd Akins guy is a co-bag.
See - I can write about politics too!!
Another "post" about politics!!
So, that Todd Akins guy is a co-bag.
See - I can write about politics too!!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Ask her
In 1959, a mother of four was living in post-war Berlin, Germany. Her older children had moved across the planet - two to Canada and one to the United States, taking her first grandchildren with them.
This woman - brave, strong, broke and with a young daughter - found a way to get herself and her child to the United States. That journey itself has never been discussed much, beyond the fact that the nine year old daughter was both fascinated and afraid of the small rickety prop plane that brought her here.
This woman and her daughter came to the United States legally, with sacrifice and scrapped together money. Some treasured family heirlooms were sold, had to be, in order to get the two of them to their new home.
The woman knew some English, the daughter none at all. The woman set up a tailoring shop and found a little apartment for herself and her daughter. The daughter started to learn English from watching television. Once school started the little girl took her brave little non-English speaking self to school and LEARNED. She learned English, and beyond that, developed a keenly Chicago accent.
The woman worked hard, and so did the little girl. The little girl grew up, learned slang and curse words, and learned and learned and learned. She learned her way all the way to a degree from Northwestern University.
The woman grew older, as did the little girl, who had two little girls of her own. She taught them to love learning, to appreciate living this life in this country, even though she remained a German citizen. Eventually, the woman passed away, and the little girl started teaching her daughters about some of their German history.
The little girl now grown woman is only recently considering becoming a US citizen. She can take her time with this, because when she was nine, her mother did all of the things legally and properly. She is a Bears fan, a community leader, and one of the most Chicago-y people.
The mother of four? My Oma. The nine year old immigrant? My Mother. You want to talk about immigration reform, and deals for people who came here illegally? TALK TO HER.
This woman - brave, strong, broke and with a young daughter - found a way to get herself and her child to the United States. That journey itself has never been discussed much, beyond the fact that the nine year old daughter was both fascinated and afraid of the small rickety prop plane that brought her here.
This woman and her daughter came to the United States legally, with sacrifice and scrapped together money. Some treasured family heirlooms were sold, had to be, in order to get the two of them to their new home.
The woman knew some English, the daughter none at all. The woman set up a tailoring shop and found a little apartment for herself and her daughter. The daughter started to learn English from watching television. Once school started the little girl took her brave little non-English speaking self to school and LEARNED. She learned English, and beyond that, developed a keenly Chicago accent.
The woman worked hard, and so did the little girl. The little girl grew up, learned slang and curse words, and learned and learned and learned. She learned her way all the way to a degree from Northwestern University.
The woman grew older, as did the little girl, who had two little girls of her own. She taught them to love learning, to appreciate living this life in this country, even though she remained a German citizen. Eventually, the woman passed away, and the little girl started teaching her daughters about some of their German history.
The little girl now grown woman is only recently considering becoming a US citizen. She can take her time with this, because when she was nine, her mother did all of the things legally and properly. She is a Bears fan, a community leader, and one of the most Chicago-y people.
The mother of four? My Oma. The nine year old immigrant? My Mother. You want to talk about immigration reform, and deals for people who came here illegally? TALK TO HER.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
I've got NOTHING
Getting all sweaty, here's a video!
Sigh. Two things I love most of all.
REM and MUPPETS.
I should watch this every day.
Sigh. Two things I love most of all.
REM and MUPPETS.
I should watch this every day.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Smoochy Smooch Face
On the bus ride to the train yesterday, I was listening to music and in an off-kilter state of tired&melancholy.
So, nothing new.
I like to look out the window* on the bus ride, it's a part of my heading home/switching gears routine.
For some reason, yesterday there was quite a bit of kissing going on in downtown Chicago. Quite a bit, indeed. I saw a couple of meh ones, a creepy one or two, and a few really lovely romantic ones. One delightful couple was beyond sigh-worthy. They were waiting for the light to change, and laughing about something. She wrapped her arm around his waist, he put his hand on her face and kissed her. It was movie like, and sigh worthy. Romantic silly headed me totally sighed.
The light changed, the bus went on, and as I got on the train, I pretty much forgot all about the kissing people of downtown.
I took some Tylenol PM before bed (ya know by now I've been having trouble sleeping lately) and let myself drift off. I rarely remember dreams that occur while in my deep Tylenol sleep. This morning, though, the memory of a dream kept nudging at the edge of my brain. I ignored it, it was just a dream and nothing worth remembering.
Sitting at work not 20 minutes ago, listening to my iPod, I heard a song that reminds me of the one that got away. All of the sudden BAM there it was - the dream from last night. The one that got away and I were somewhere (irrelevant) and there were other people there (who cares) and we were laughing. He pulled me in for a kiss and I smiled and we kissed the kiss of the ages.........dream fades out.
While it was a great and lovely dream, I have to admit - I HATE having dreams about him. They happen less frequently now than in the past, but when they do happen, it sticks with me for days and days.
I'm thinking I just need one of those head-spinning, heart-stopping kisses. And soon.
*When first typed, I typed 'winder'. Guessin' my hill-billy side was tryin' to get the better of me.
So, nothing new.
I like to look out the window* on the bus ride, it's a part of my heading home/switching gears routine.
For some reason, yesterday there was quite a bit of kissing going on in downtown Chicago. Quite a bit, indeed. I saw a couple of meh ones, a creepy one or two, and a few really lovely romantic ones. One delightful couple was beyond sigh-worthy. They were waiting for the light to change, and laughing about something. She wrapped her arm around his waist, he put his hand on her face and kissed her. It was movie like, and sigh worthy. Romantic silly headed me totally sighed.
The light changed, the bus went on, and as I got on the train, I pretty much forgot all about the kissing people of downtown.
I took some Tylenol PM before bed (ya know by now I've been having trouble sleeping lately) and let myself drift off. I rarely remember dreams that occur while in my deep Tylenol sleep. This morning, though, the memory of a dream kept nudging at the edge of my brain. I ignored it, it was just a dream and nothing worth remembering.
Sitting at work not 20 minutes ago, listening to my iPod, I heard a song that reminds me of the one that got away. All of the sudden BAM there it was - the dream from last night. The one that got away and I were somewhere (irrelevant) and there were other people there (who cares) and we were laughing. He pulled me in for a kiss and I smiled and we kissed the kiss of the ages.........dream fades out.
While it was a great and lovely dream, I have to admit - I HATE having dreams about him. They happen less frequently now than in the past, but when they do happen, it sticks with me for days and days.
I'm thinking I just need one of those head-spinning, heart-stopping kisses. And soon.
*When first typed, I typed 'winder'. Guessin' my hill-billy side was tryin' to get the better of me.
Monday, August 6, 2012
All VonMom, all the time
Spent a LOT of time with VonMom this weekend.
For the first time ever in her life, she had to take her car in for repairs by herself.
Now, even though she has NEVER helped me out in this situation, I ended up driving her for a day.
Met her at the repair place, drove her to pick up dinner, drove her home.
Saturday morning - drove past the diner to pick her up and take her to the diner, drove her home.
About an hour later - took her back to repair place to pick up her car.
I'm still a shit, though. I felt the need to remind her she has never once not ever done the same for me. When I had need of a ride, the standard, the ONLY response was "Call your friends". I'm just storing up the good mojo on this for the next time she yells at me for anything.
Upside to spending time with her are the little gems she says every now and then.
"I LIKE Black Sabbath" (I spit my coffee out at this one)
"I want to try a Chik A Fil (that's how she said it, over and over and over) sandwich. But now I feel like I can't go, because it's bad. Like when I decided to become a citizen, but then I couldn't because George Bush was in office, and that would have been bad."
I'm glad she got her car back. Really, really glad. And I know who NOT to call the next time mine breaks down.
For the first time ever in her life, she had to take her car in for repairs by herself.
Now, even though she has NEVER helped me out in this situation, I ended up driving her for a day.
Met her at the repair place, drove her to pick up dinner, drove her home.
Saturday morning - drove past the diner to pick her up and take her to the diner, drove her home.
About an hour later - took her back to repair place to pick up her car.
I'm still a shit, though. I felt the need to remind her she has never once not ever done the same for me. When I had need of a ride, the standard, the ONLY response was "Call your friends". I'm just storing up the good mojo on this for the next time she yells at me for anything.
Upside to spending time with her are the little gems she says every now and then.
"I LIKE Black Sabbath" (I spit my coffee out at this one)
"I want to try a Chik A Fil (that's how she said it, over and over and over) sandwich. But now I feel like I can't go, because it's bad. Like when I decided to become a citizen, but then I couldn't because George Bush was in office, and that would have been bad."
I'm glad she got her car back. Really, really glad. And I know who NOT to call the next time mine breaks down.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Forget it
Ok, let's just chalk up that other post to my sleep deprived self.
An update:
Tuesday date guy (aka likely still married guy) cancelled our date. I received a text stating that his boss needed him to finish something up.
Um, according to his profile, HE'S the boss. Hmmmm
Many follow up texts from him - at one point I responded - 'Shouldn't you be working?'
That stopped the texts for the night.
I woke up to several more. One of which said something about me being mad. I responded how I was amazed that after a week or so of only texts and emails how he could know my mood. I stated I was not mad, that things happen. More texts from him.
I'm still convinced he's still married. Have not rescheduled anything yet.
Haven't heard from Friday date to set a plan. I sent him an email this morning letting him know I'm excited, and mentioned a couple of bars that I think would be good to meet at. I hope he responds, but the way my week is going, I have the feeling he'll blow me off.
I'm back to expect the worst and (kinda) hope for the best.
Sadly - One glaring life lesson came out of last night.
I was super bummed, beyond bummed, teary actually. I reached out to a couple of people, and announced my cancelled plans on facebook.
Turns out I no longer have a person in my life who would drop what they were doing because I needed them. I miss that. Being honest - for most of the time I was friends with Laura, I had that with her. She was the one who would come running, often without being asked, to be there for me. I knew I would miss that, even though she hasn't been that for me in many years.
So, of my bunches and bunches of friends, last night I had no one. Ok, not true. RM (previously referred to here as Eldest StepSis) offered to come over and bring beer. Selfishly, she's not the one I wanted to cry to. So, I had one person.
So, here I sit. Kinda hopeful for Friday's date, kinda sure he's going to cancel or blow me off.
What was I thinking?
An update:
Tuesday date guy (aka likely still married guy) cancelled our date. I received a text stating that his boss needed him to finish something up.
Um, according to his profile, HE'S the boss. Hmmmm
Many follow up texts from him - at one point I responded - 'Shouldn't you be working?'
That stopped the texts for the night.
I woke up to several more. One of which said something about me being mad. I responded how I was amazed that after a week or so of only texts and emails how he could know my mood. I stated I was not mad, that things happen. More texts from him.
I'm still convinced he's still married. Have not rescheduled anything yet.
Haven't heard from Friday date to set a plan. I sent him an email this morning letting him know I'm excited, and mentioned a couple of bars that I think would be good to meet at. I hope he responds, but the way my week is going, I have the feeling he'll blow me off.
I'm back to expect the worst and (kinda) hope for the best.
Sadly - One glaring life lesson came out of last night.
I was super bummed, beyond bummed, teary actually. I reached out to a couple of people, and announced my cancelled plans on facebook.
Turns out I no longer have a person in my life who would drop what they were doing because I needed them. I miss that. Being honest - for most of the time I was friends with Laura, I had that with her. She was the one who would come running, often without being asked, to be there for me. I knew I would miss that, even though she hasn't been that for me in many years.
So, of my bunches and bunches of friends, last night I had no one. Ok, not true. RM (previously referred to here as Eldest StepSis) offered to come over and bring beer. Selfishly, she's not the one I wanted to cry to. So, I had one person.
So, here I sit. Kinda hopeful for Friday's date, kinda sure he's going to cancel or blow me off.
What was I thinking?
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Looking for l o v e
Wow. Time really does fly, especially in the summer time.
I'm back to having some troubles sleeping. I don't know why really. I think it is affecting my ability to put finger to keyboard and write something for you.
Let's see - what's new.
I may or may not have misbehaved quite a bit last weekend. Oh, I may have. But, you know some things should just be left alone.
So
I'm kind of on the market. I guess. As in, actively seeking a man. Like a long term husbandy kind of man. Sure, I may be crazy, but like I said, I'm not sleeping.
So
I rejoined this website I was on a few years ago. Things are going......okish. I've got one first meeting tonight, and I was excited about it. But then I did some google stalking (as all smart women should do before a first meeting), and I have a suspicion that he might be married. His profile says he's divorced. I've asked Shannon to also stalk, and see if she comes up with the same conclusion. Anyway - now the conundrum is not what do I wear, but how do I figure out if he is still married, without giving my stalking away? Stay tuned.
I was supposed to have another first meeting tomorrow night. I found myself having to talk myself in to going on that one, so I thought about it and decided to cancel. Wanting to keep on the right side of karma, I sent as lovely and nice an email as I could. I pretty much said that I was looking for a serious long term thing, and him being separated and not divorced did not put us on the same page. Points to me for not mentioning that he is two inches shorter than me, unemployed, and waaaaay too schmoopy from the outset. It was a win when I got a very nice response letting me know that he understood, and said if I change my mind, I can contact him.
I have another tentative first meeting scheduled for Friday. Now THIS one I am pretty hopeful about. Only a couple years older than me, very tall, very cute. We've had some nice online chats. During a chat he said he'd like to take me out. We settled on this Friday night for drinks. I bite my fingernails in anticipation of the solidifying of the plans. I really really hope this one happens. I have a good feeling about him. Of course, me being me, when he asked me if I wanted to go out, I said "Sure. Are you married or a serial killer?" His response was "Well, yes. I am a married serial killer who lives in my mom's basement" My response? "Perfect." See, he can roll.
So, here's hoping something awesome this way comes. I'm ready, I think, to let go of all of the misbehaving go nowhere things, and maybe be a grownup. Or at least, a lady.
Yeah, I can't read that last sentence without laughing either.
I'm back to having some troubles sleeping. I don't know why really. I think it is affecting my ability to put finger to keyboard and write something for you.
Let's see - what's new.
I may or may not have misbehaved quite a bit last weekend. Oh, I may have. But, you know some things should just be left alone.
So
I'm kind of on the market. I guess. As in, actively seeking a man. Like a long term husbandy kind of man. Sure, I may be crazy, but like I said, I'm not sleeping.
So
I rejoined this website I was on a few years ago. Things are going......okish. I've got one first meeting tonight, and I was excited about it. But then I did some google stalking (as all smart women should do before a first meeting), and I have a suspicion that he might be married. His profile says he's divorced. I've asked Shannon to also stalk, and see if she comes up with the same conclusion. Anyway - now the conundrum is not what do I wear, but how do I figure out if he is still married, without giving my stalking away? Stay tuned.
I was supposed to have another first meeting tomorrow night. I found myself having to talk myself in to going on that one, so I thought about it and decided to cancel. Wanting to keep on the right side of karma, I sent as lovely and nice an email as I could. I pretty much said that I was looking for a serious long term thing, and him being separated and not divorced did not put us on the same page. Points to me for not mentioning that he is two inches shorter than me, unemployed, and waaaaay too schmoopy from the outset. It was a win when I got a very nice response letting me know that he understood, and said if I change my mind, I can contact him.
I have another tentative first meeting scheduled for Friday. Now THIS one I am pretty hopeful about. Only a couple years older than me, very tall, very cute. We've had some nice online chats. During a chat he said he'd like to take me out. We settled on this Friday night for drinks. I bite my fingernails in anticipation of the solidifying of the plans. I really really hope this one happens. I have a good feeling about him. Of course, me being me, when he asked me if I wanted to go out, I said "Sure. Are you married or a serial killer?" His response was "Well, yes. I am a married serial killer who lives in my mom's basement" My response? "Perfect." See, he can roll.
So, here's hoping something awesome this way comes. I'm ready, I think, to let go of all of the misbehaving go nowhere things, and maybe be a grownup. Or at least, a lady.
Yeah, I can't read that last sentence without laughing either.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
I guess maybe I am.....
People often like to tell me that I am the busiest person they know.
Like I don't already know that.
Because I am one of the busiest people in the universe.
Part of that is because I have a job that I love that pays the bills, AND I have another job that I love that I do strictly out of love.
Last weekend was 75% about that job. Friday and Sunday I had the honor of working the first ever Square Roots Festival in Lincoln Square. Something something craft beers, something something local restaurants, something something wares and trinkets.....for me it was all about the music.
Sunday, I worked the merch. Ahem, for you non-musical folks, I looked after the artist merchandise. I met many lovely people.
Friday night, I was stage manager for one of our outdoor stages (we had four stages total, that's how we roll at the OTSFM). I had the pleasure of working with Garland Jeffries and his band, as well as the Hoyle Brothers.
Here's a picture of Garland and his band, from my vantage point:
The other 25% of my weekend? Rocking the F out at Mayhem Fest with two of my awesome friends. There was Anthrax, there was Motorhead, and there was SLAYER. We left before Slipknot.
So, I guess it's true - I am busier than anyone I know, but I am having one hell of a kick ass time.....
Like I don't already know that.
Because I am one of the busiest people in the universe.
Part of that is because I have a job that I love that pays the bills, AND I have another job that I love that I do strictly out of love.
Last weekend was 75% about that job. Friday and Sunday I had the honor of working the first ever Square Roots Festival in Lincoln Square. Something something craft beers, something something local restaurants, something something wares and trinkets.....for me it was all about the music.
Sunday, I worked the merch. Ahem, for you non-musical folks, I looked after the artist merchandise. I met many lovely people.
Friday night, I was stage manager for one of our outdoor stages (we had four stages total, that's how we roll at the OTSFM). I had the pleasure of working with Garland Jeffries and his band, as well as the Hoyle Brothers.
Here's a picture of Garland and his band, from my vantage point:
The other 25% of my weekend? Rocking the F out at Mayhem Fest with two of my awesome friends. There was Anthrax, there was Motorhead, and there was SLAYER. We left before Slipknot.
So, I guess it's true - I am busier than anyone I know, but I am having one hell of a kick ass time.....
Fridge Note:
Quick apology to all of you,
Sorry for being so far on the defense last week that I wound up on the offense.
So, for that I apologize
Thankfully some of you like me enough to call me out on my shenanigans.
Sorry for being so far on the defense last week that I wound up on the offense.
So, for that I apologize
Thankfully some of you like me enough to call me out on my shenanigans.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Thanking the Big Guy
**Pre post statement - I really couldn't care less your thoughts on God, so please, don't post them in the comments, m'kay? **
So, last night - I came very very close to being a gigantic moron.
Or, I WAS a gigantic moron last night, and missed very bad things by the skin of my teeth.
I was driving home from dinner with friends around 9:30ish. It was pouring rain - lots of thunder, lightning, wind, etc.
I decided I wanted to call my friend. Well, my phone was being stupid, so I spent a good amount of time trying to call my friend and not watching the road.
I looked up, and all of the cars in front of me were stopped and they were CLOSE.
I slammed on the brakes, hydro-planed, tensed up my whole body for the pending collision.
That never happened.
Somehow, I was able to stop my car mere inches from the car in front of me, and the car behind me was able to swerver off to the right to avoid hitting me.
What should have been a four car mash up was a big old scary nothing.
I have zero explanation for this other than divine intervention. For real.
I am equally ashamed and grateful. I can't believe I was so very careless.
I'm never touching my cell phone again when I'm driving. Never.
My entire upper body aches today, I'm guessing it's due to the mega-tensing up bracing I did.
So, stay smarter than me, and stay uninjured.
So, last night - I came very very close to being a gigantic moron.
Or, I WAS a gigantic moron last night, and missed very bad things by the skin of my teeth.
I was driving home from dinner with friends around 9:30ish. It was pouring rain - lots of thunder, lightning, wind, etc.
I decided I wanted to call my friend. Well, my phone was being stupid, so I spent a good amount of time trying to call my friend and not watching the road.
I looked up, and all of the cars in front of me were stopped and they were CLOSE.
I slammed on the brakes, hydro-planed, tensed up my whole body for the pending collision.
That never happened.
Somehow, I was able to stop my car mere inches from the car in front of me, and the car behind me was able to swerver off to the right to avoid hitting me.
What should have been a four car mash up was a big old scary nothing.
I have zero explanation for this other than divine intervention. For real.
I am equally ashamed and grateful. I can't believe I was so very careless.
I'm never touching my cell phone again when I'm driving. Never.
My entire upper body aches today, I'm guessing it's due to the mega-tensing up bracing I did.
So, stay smarter than me, and stay uninjured.
Fridge Note:
I appreciate all of your concern on the last post.
BUT
You all kinda missed the point.
And I feel, maybe, it was intentional?
Fat not a comfortable topic?
Anyway - thanks again for your concern. Message received.
BUT
You all kinda missed the point.
And I feel, maybe, it was intentional?
Fat not a comfortable topic?
Anyway - thanks again for your concern. Message received.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Just this once
I know that a while ago I stated on this here blog that I would not be using this medium as a way to talk about HAES and body positive views.
And I meant it.
I'm still not going to do that.
This blog is a mis-anthropic, no set topic, humor blog.
Or, the ramblings of a crazy angry me.
Anyway.
I'm just writing this post to vent, because this happened last night and it's still on my mind.
I was driving home from the train station to my house. I drive down a side street with many stop signs. One of the stop signs is a part of a four way stop, and the cross street is a major "busy" street.
I'm pretty aware at this intersection, because the cars on the busier cross street treat their stop sign as a suggestion rather than something they have to do.
Did I mention, I'm a pretty aggressive driver in general? Well, I am.....anyway.....
So, I pull to my stop sign as Car on the right is stopping and now going. SO, it's MY turn.
Second car on the right doesn't care, and he's going to go. Well, I don't give a shit, I'm already heading across the intersection, and I have the right of way, and I'm not stopping.
He inches up, I keep going, our game of chicken ends with me going (inches from his front bumper) and me, showing him the middle finger of my pretty new manicure.
He turns and follows me to the red light.
He gets in the non-lane next to me, and starts yelling.
I yell back.
We argue for a bit (Ok, I know this is not a good idea, he may have a weapon and I get that, but I was pissed).
All of my statements were profanity free and statements of fact.
He was running out of argument - so he went for my jugular:
"Don't be made because you a fat bitch. Don't be mad cuz you just fat."
My response:
"I'm mad because you are an asshole who doesn't know how to drive"
"Fatty fat bitch. Fat......"
He then rolls up his window and peals away with an extremely illegal right turn.
Um, I'm pretty sure he's patting himself on the back for "winning" that argument.
What bothers me is this:
The way strangers - either in a confrontation, or just because they feel like it - like to use the word FAT at me as an insult, a put down, something awful.
My head is not in the clouds, yes, I am fat - it's a statement of fact, much like I am blond, I am smart, I am adorable and well liked. I am fat is just a part of who I am.
I'm mad because he thought, as do many strangers, that calling me fat makes the whole thing an automatic win. They are proud that they said it.
I'm tired of it. I think what bothers the haters most of all is that I am not only fat, but fat and self-confident (90% of the time), fat and having a great time, fat and has lots of friends, fat and has an interesting fucking life. Apparently I can have none of these good things, because to them the only thing they see is F A T.
I spend a lot of time reminding the people in my life that they have Value - not only to me, but to others (so many uncountable others) and should therefore value themselves. This one stupid incident is going to make me work twice as hard to remind myself that I too have value.
So, dear readers - you may be tall, short, fat, thin, black, blue, blond, brunette, stupid, smart, shy, etc, but I value you.
Thank God my fingers aren't too damn fat for me to type with.
And I meant it.
I'm still not going to do that.
This blog is a mis-anthropic, no set topic, humor blog.
Or, the ramblings of a crazy angry me.
Anyway.
I'm just writing this post to vent, because this happened last night and it's still on my mind.
I was driving home from the train station to my house. I drive down a side street with many stop signs. One of the stop signs is a part of a four way stop, and the cross street is a major "busy" street.
I'm pretty aware at this intersection, because the cars on the busier cross street treat their stop sign as a suggestion rather than something they have to do.
Did I mention, I'm a pretty aggressive driver in general? Well, I am.....anyway.....
So, I pull to my stop sign as Car on the right is stopping and now going. SO, it's MY turn.
Second car on the right doesn't care, and he's going to go. Well, I don't give a shit, I'm already heading across the intersection, and I have the right of way, and I'm not stopping.
He inches up, I keep going, our game of chicken ends with me going (inches from his front bumper) and me, showing him the middle finger of my pretty new manicure.
He turns and follows me to the red light.
He gets in the non-lane next to me, and starts yelling.
I yell back.
We argue for a bit (Ok, I know this is not a good idea, he may have a weapon and I get that, but I was pissed).
All of my statements were profanity free and statements of fact.
He was running out of argument - so he went for my jugular:
"Don't be made because you a fat bitch. Don't be mad cuz you just fat."
My response:
"I'm mad because you are an asshole who doesn't know how to drive"
"Fatty fat bitch. Fat......"
He then rolls up his window and peals away with an extremely illegal right turn.
Um, I'm pretty sure he's patting himself on the back for "winning" that argument.
What bothers me is this:
The way strangers - either in a confrontation, or just because they feel like it - like to use the word FAT at me as an insult, a put down, something awful.
My head is not in the clouds, yes, I am fat - it's a statement of fact, much like I am blond, I am smart, I am adorable and well liked. I am fat is just a part of who I am.
I'm mad because he thought, as do many strangers, that calling me fat makes the whole thing an automatic win. They are proud that they said it.
I'm tired of it. I think what bothers the haters most of all is that I am not only fat, but fat and self-confident (90% of the time), fat and having a great time, fat and has lots of friends, fat and has an interesting fucking life. Apparently I can have none of these good things, because to them the only thing they see is F A T.
I spend a lot of time reminding the people in my life that they have Value - not only to me, but to others (so many uncountable others) and should therefore value themselves. This one stupid incident is going to make me work twice as hard to remind myself that I too have value.
So, dear readers - you may be tall, short, fat, thin, black, blue, blond, brunette, stupid, smart, shy, etc, but I value you.
Thank God my fingers aren't too damn fat for me to type with.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
VonBubbles
I woke up this morning.
The sun was breaking through some scattery purpley clouds.
My knees both hurt a little less.
I slept well, but still had weird dreams. But I slept well.
I heard three great songs on my way to the train station this morning.
I got to my job that I love, even after 4 years, 11 months and 29 days.
I had some yummy iced decaf.
My hair looks fabulous.
I'm thinking it's time to change my ways a little.
As in, I'm going to be more like her:
Monday, July 9, 2012
Not too much
I wish I had some wicked awesome stories for you from vacation, but I really don't.
It was hotter than whatever, even in Michigan, pretty much the whole time.
Wednesday we went to see Brave.
Thursday we had breakfast at Cracker Barrel.
Friday I sat in the house all day.
Saturday I sat in the house all day. Saturday night the massive heat finally broke. We were at the neighbors' house for dinner and fireworks. After that we went back to the house and had some more fireworks.
Sunday was a beautiful day. Breakfast on the deck, and a quick boat ride.
Then we came home.
That's pretty much it. Ok, not true.
There was:
I came in to work this morning and realized Wednesday is my 5th anniversary at this job. Sigh. I remember my first day like it was yesterday. I hope for 5 x 5 x 5 years more.....
It was hotter than whatever, even in Michigan, pretty much the whole time.
Wednesday we went to see Brave.
Thursday we had breakfast at Cracker Barrel.
Friday I sat in the house all day.
Saturday I sat in the house all day. Saturday night the massive heat finally broke. We were at the neighbors' house for dinner and fireworks. After that we went back to the house and had some more fireworks.
Sunday was a beautiful day. Breakfast on the deck, and a quick boat ride.
Then we came home.
That's pretty much it. Ok, not true.
There was:
- drinking
- eating
- playing games - I am very good at 7 Wonders!!
- drinking
- napping
- reading
- drinking
- sleeping late
- laughing
- and oh, did I mention drinking?
I came in to work this morning and realized Wednesday is my 5th anniversary at this job. Sigh. I remember my first day like it was yesterday. I hope for 5 x 5 x 5 years more.....
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