Today I feel like this song, Broken:

Between my knee, my car, my finances, and my heart.....this song has been on repeat in my head oh, all week now.

A sign?

Our last night in New York, we walked (pretty far) to dinner. I was walking with LB4, my super awesome rep from San Francisco. We were chatting, she has a beagle puppy named Cooper. I had told her about Charlie before, and she was making me laugh with awesome stories of Cooper's shenanigans. We were stopped at a red light at the corner of Central Park and something. LB4 grabbed my arm just as a little, tiny beagle puppy ran at us and jumped up at me. I looked at the owner and said "Can I pick him up?" she said yes, so I picked up the little ball of fluffy awesomeness. The little thing was all lovey on me, licking my face and making the same yelpy-whiny noises Charlie used to make. "What's his name?" I said, mid cuddle "Charlie" I damn near dropped the little guy. I teared up a little bit, kissed the little puppy head and put him down. I thanked the lady and we crossed the street. LB4 looked at me. "It's a sign" I didn't think much of it, but since that day, I've been yearning to pet every single dog that crosses my path, and I do, almost every day. Yesterday, I met Preston, a super sweet rescued greyhound. He loved me about as much as I loved him. To the point when it was time to part way, he just leaned on my legs and ignored his lady. It's time. It's past time, I think. Sure, thinking of my little perfect Charlie still can make me cry, but it's been three years, and I'm starting to think that if we don't act soon, we may never get another dog. I'm standing strong on our criteria: no puppies, male dog, rescue dog, hopefully mutt. Ok, truth be told, I really REALLY want a beagle or puggle or pug or bull dog, but I know getting a mutt is the best thing. Now, to convince VonSis and VonBroinLaw that we should do this. That's going to be the hard part.

Stupid is stupid

Saturday afternoon, I'm heading to my part time gig. It's way down in Lincoln Park, so I'm taking the El. The Brown line, to be specific. Normally, I park on the north side of the Rockwell stop, but the other day there wasn't any parking, so I headed over to the south side of the stop. I found a good spot, gathered my stuff and headed to the stop. Of course, right as I'm about to cross, the gates go down and the lights and bells start their thing. That's when I see Stupid Asshole (here after referred to as SA) in his stupid blue car. SA is on the other side of the crossing, but I notice him because he's in the wrong lane. As in the on-coming traffic lane. As in the lane that doesn't have a train gate. SA is thinking he's going to go around, beat the train. Shit. I look at him he looks at me I look at the train that's right there he looks straight ahead... I scream "DUDE!!!!" and throw my hands up in a very clearly STOP kind of way he decides to cross And gets hit by the El train. I would have been stunned except for the car bumper shrapnel that came flying under the el train at me and my legs. Thank God I was wearing jeans. I smell burningness. I see the car is not where I had been when it tried to cross, but on the other side of the road. I see the people on the train all going to that side to see what's up. I don't know if he's hurt or worse, or if anyone on the train is hurt. I'm kind of standing there, refusing to look down at my legs. I don't think I'm hurt, but I don't really want to know, so I'm not looking. All I'm thinking is 'I have to get to work' I start to walk back to my car, and I encounter a police officer. "Did you see what happened?" "Yes. Yes, I did" "Are you ok?" "Yes. Yes, I am. Some pieces of bumper came flying at my legs but.....I have to go to work." The cop asks me to go around to the other side, where the accident was. Ok, I'm not going anywhere anyway, as the trains are still held up. I get in my car and drive back around to the other side. Here, I can see that the driver - clearly not hurt - has run off, and left his car and his passenger behind. His car is 10 shades of messed up. The gate that he decided to go around ended up going through his back seat windows when the train spun the car 180. There's glass and car parts and burning stink everywhere. And people. There's lots of people. No one had been close by when the accident happened, thank God, because they might have been injured too. There are police and fire men, EMTs and reporters. I'm seeing all of this with the sparkly clarity of shell shock. I'm texting my boss. I'm going to be late. You are too. Trains aren't running. Car hit train. I saw the whole thing. I'm talking to the people, and I become The Girl That Saw the Whole Thing. The trains start moving, so I decide I'm going to get my stuff, and go to work. This is still all I'm thinking about. The cop who had first stopped me approached me again. He asked me for my statement. He said the passenger said some huge line of bull shit that made no sense. "Did that happen?" "No. No, this is what happened." I gave my statement. Now, I'm mad at SA for being such a SA. Really really mad. The cop thanks me for my statement, and now wants to address the bumper shrapnel that I'm pretending didn't happen. "Can you show me your legs?" I just sigh and lift up my jeans legs one at a time, expecting the worst. of all the gd days to not shave my gd legs.... Thankfully, there were no plastic shards sticking out of my legs, just a few scratches and scrapes. gd it, there are now some tears in my jeans, now I'm really mad!! The cops take some pictures of the scrapes and scratches, and thank me for my time. Nothing major on the injury front. And I go to work. Now, on to getting the sights/sounds/smells of the impact out of my brain. Think that might take some time. And for that, I'm really pissed. Stupid asshole.

The ABC's of me......

Acts strangely Behaves badly Comforts readily Divulges frequently Exclaims heartily Fawns guilelessly Gives selflessly Hugs whole-heartedly Interacts readily Jokes indecently Kisses softly Loves romantically Moves slowly Naps religiously Opines honestly Pines quietly Quiets rarely Remembers vividly Sings lovingly Trusts sparingly Understands, basically Vents wildly Works it occasionally eXplains briefly Yearns internally Zeros in pleasantly

Gentle reminder

*AHEM* It's October 1st. This is a gentle reminder There are a few people out there. four, I think Who have agreed/promised me a baked good featuring the aliens from Toy Story. Preferrably with the cute little alien mouth forming the "oooooh" as in "Oooooh, the claw!!!"

Better gets to bakin' people. You have 27 days to complete you mission - give or take.

I'll try to post pictures of what I get. Because, you know, there should be four different baked goods. Ok, maybe three. I just know one's from an artist, another from a Canadian, and yet another from 1/3 of the Tricycle of Awesome.

Anyone else want to give me some baked goods with the Toy Story Alien renderings on them?

P.S. - no fondant. Fondant is crap.

Anyone?

I need a name for my new snow white Persian cat......

What happens...

in Vegas stays in Vegas. Well, kittens, unless I'm there. Sooooo Today's tale is one about the wedding. But first, a little back story. The bride - Toni - is one of my favorite friends. Sure, I was John's friend first, but Toni will tell you that she has stolen me, and I now belong to her. So, Toni is pretty bad ass. Like WAY more bad ass than I am even! I'm pretty sure she could kick my ass, that kind of bad ass. Even though I'm about four inches taller than her. She's Chicago South Side Italian, if you know what I mean. I adore her. Ok. Enough back story. SO, the wedding. John and Toni, in all their popularity, had to change the venue for the wedding THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. They found out that their first location would only hold 20 people, no exceptions. Um, well, this doesn't work for the more than 20 people that showed up to see them happily wed. It took a while, but a new location, an accommodating location, was found. A flurry of texts and phone calls ensued. I was amused as I played my penny slots. Oh, boy. Here we go. I even had to call the usually very calm, cool, level-headed John back at one point. "What's up?" "We didn't hear back from you!" "Ok, well I got all of the texts....new place....blah blah blah...didn't realize I had to call back." "Well, ok. I can't keep up with who knows about the change and who doesn't." "It's fine. Do you need me to call people? Do you need anything else?" "No. Sorry. It's been a stressful day." Get to the new venue nice and early. It's hot. There's misters along the wall. Laura and I sit by the misters. I, like a queen, sit and wait for people to approach me. As it should be. Crowds and crowds of people, all over this little parkway. Some trashy, some not. Our group? Not trashy. The bride wore a lovely floral summer dress. The groom looked awesome. There was a hat, perhaps a fedora. Our turn! I go to enter the chapel. I stop. Huh - where to sit? John looks up, says "Well, Von, I think you're just going to have to stand in the middle!!" I opt for John's side. yada yada yada get to the vows. Time for John's vows and ring. The preacher laughs as Toni puts a blinking plastic ring on John's finger. "Okay....." he says. The blinking plastic rings were my idea. Bride and groom are getting tattoos instead of rings. Not ring tattoos, ala Pam and Tommy, but some kind of symbol that means something to only them. I think it's cool, and bad ass. John says "I DO!" really loudly and really happily. Toni's turn. On goes the blinking plastic ring. Preacher reads some vows, do you Toni blah blah blah..... and she nods Um, what?!?!? Is my bad ass friend going to cry?!?!? Preacher stands there - prods her for a verbal answer. "I do!" all squeaky, because she's crying. That's it - I lose it. Like lose it. I'm a blubbering romantic in general, but at the one wedding where I expect it to be no tears good time, I was blind-sided. I was, and am genuinely happy for these two.

Guess who's sick?

Yep, and I'm thinking it's more of a flu than a cold. But I'm being stubborn, and turning my achy shoulder on it. go.away.illness. Germy Germans. I'm blaming Oktoberfest for this new development. And yesterday I thought I just had a hangover. Huh. Shows what I know. Damn it. I'll post when my head is more clear. Right now, I'm just praying for this day to be over so I can go home and climb into bed. pass me a tissue.

...because a peanut is a legume.....

So, I'm pretty sure someone was trying to kill me earlier this week while I was in New York for work. That, or someone didn't take Meeting Planning 101. Ya see, I have food allergies. One of the cool ones. The conversations usually go like this. "Oh, I can't. It has nuts in it.:" "?" "There, right there, cashews." "Oh, so you've never had peanut butter!?!?!" "Um, I eat peanuts and peanut butter all the time. I have a tree nut allergy." "?" "Peanuts are not a nut. They are a legume. All other nuts are tree nuts. I'm allergic to tree nuts." And then......I become the food allergy dork. Apparently, I've never had the tree-nut-talk with either of our meeting's planners. Here's the menus: Mon breakfast: yogurt berries GRANOLA WITH NUTS Mon lunch: sandwiches fruit SALAD WITH WALNUTS Mon snack: wasabi peas and a GIGANTIC BOWL OF MIXED NUTS Mon dinner: pasta with butternut squash and PINE NUTS Tues breakfast: eggs bacon yogurt GRANOLA WITH NUTS Tues lunch: sandwiches SALAD WITH PECANS Tues snack: granola bars made in a factory with TREE NUTS Tues dinner........no nuts. I got lazy. I got comfortable. Dessert came. Ah! Creme brule.....I stuck my fork in, took a big bite....FUCKING ALMONDS! WHO PUTS ALMONDS IN CREME BRULE!?!?!? Now, my evening is ruined. I choke down a benedryl. Fuck. I've had some wine, so would rather not go the benedryl route, but I can feel itching and swelling starting. I drink a gallon of water. By the time we got back to the hotel to regroup to head out to a bar, I was growing a lovely collection of hives. Awesome. A shower and more benedryl for me, no going out for drinks with my co-workers. Meeting planning 101 - a quick email to all attendees to determine food allergies and dietary restrictions. I told them next time I'd like to plan the menu.

I'm baaaack

And super wicked mad busy. So, no recaps today Although I may or may not have had a CNN New York tour, which may or may not have included me trying out Larry King's set. And stalling in a hallway to catch a glimpse of Anderson Cooper (didn't see him, alas) I'm planning a few posts of the Vegas and New York variety. Patience mah precious.......

Because

A reminder

While our gracious hostess may be out of town, it should be noted that she has no need for automated Awesomeness Reminders.

Fridge Note

Dear You, I'm heading out of town for, like ever. Ok, not really. Friday Laura and I are heading to Vegas for John and Toni's wedding. On Sunday Laura will be flying home, but I'll be flying to New York for work. I won't be back home until late on Wednesday. This means - miss me, because you know you will. AND I've handed over the keys to the train wreck that is VFN to some folks you all already know. I'll see you on the flip side, if I don't win my millions in Vegas.

Bitchcyclists

I know this post isn't going to make me any friends, but here goes. I'm really annoyed, no pissed at the local cyclists. First, recently during yet another Critical Mass ride, I saw the riders ignoring two police cars that were trying to get through an intersection. Real smart guys - they had their lights and sirens on, meaning they had somewhere to get to. Then on Monday, as I step out to cross the street, in the crosswalk, where the little walker guy was lit up, meaning I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY, I very very very nearly got hit by a bike messenger. Asshole. And what did he do? Gave ME the finger and called me a name. Let me repeat, I had the right of way. Followed by the two utter assholes on Lawrence last night that insisted on riding side by hipster side, chatting, weaving in and out of my lane. Um, fuck off. This is rush hour traffic, and you don't seem to be paying any attention, so why should I?!? Fuck it. I'm over it. If the cyclists in Chicago want to be disinterested, and not follow any simple rules of the road, so be it. I can be disinterested too - in my big car, made of metal.

Football and Karma

Another thing I do not usually write about is sports. But, shit, after what happened today, I just have to write about this. Sooo, Chicago Bears......you got a gosh darn golden ticket handed to you today! Wow. Thank your lucky stars, and your referees! Detroit Lions, man, you were ROBBED. That last play was totally, 100%, a touch down! You won! But, you didn't. VonMom happened to be upstairs watching the second half of the game. Her response to that play? "Well, Von, you're right, that was a touch down, but I do not care because the Bears won! My boys won!" "Bad karma, VonMom, bad karma." However, The only reason it's ok is because of the totally missed call during the first half. The refs totally missed the face mask pull by a Detroit Lion. That's my opinion. I am again, just spitting out some words. But I will say, as a woman, that I'm really really happy with the new rule about not touching anyone above the shoulders. Makes it a personal foul or something. That's cool. That's a good rule. Let's just see if the Bears can do good things on their own going forward, without the help of messed up reps. Ok, rant over. *Ok, so on the news they explained that the receiver did not complete "the process" therefore no TD. Um, ok. To my eyes, and thousands of others, it was a TD*

Happy Friday, my merry minions, Happy Friday

**and thanks Jennifer for teaching me AGAIN how to post a video** :)

A slightly political rant

There are reasons why I do not talk politics. Not here, not in conversation, not on teh fb. I think people that use teh fb, specifically, to platform are kinda lame. I know, go write a blog. In my opinion, it's really not for the political soap boxing. *ahem* The other day, I had written how I was going to meet Mayor Daley. Then I wrote how cool it was to get to meet him the day he announced he's not running again. Pretty cool. No, not even - pretty monumental. Some people - without even knowing where I stand politically, or more importantly, my thoughts on the mayor - wrote stupid comments on my post. I need to point out here that many of the people who wrote or told me their opinions are NOT EVEN FROM CHICAGO. This means they do not know what the city was like more than 21 years ago. Well guess what - I do. I remember downtown as a place you didn't want to be caught dead in after 5:00, and never on weekends. I remember there was nothing green about this city - literally or ecologically. Sure, say what you want. But don't say it in/on my space. I'm a pretty smart cookie, and mostly fair in healthy debate. I can also admit that Mayor Daley is HUMAN and therefore has made mistakes - outsourced parking meters? Meigs Field? anyone? Bueller? BUT Again, I don't talk politics. People should really know that about me by now, and from this point on, God help the person who decides my space (blog/teh fb) is a good place to unleash. That being said, anyone who wants to meet for some beer and discuss/debate, I'm all in. But you better bring more than yesterday's headlines to back up your bull shit.

Continuing to NOT piss my life away

So, yes, I DID get up at 4:15am on Labor Day. Why you ask? Because the MDA needed me to answer phones for the Jerry Lewis telethon. So.I.did. Sil1x and I arrived at the hotel where the doings were going on about 5ish, I think. I was a vision, let me tell you - putting on makeup in the dark car on the highway. Awe.some. Sil1x and I got separated when we went in to the phones/studio thing. I thought I was making a smart move by putting myself in the back. Not.So.Much. During one segment I ended up on t.v. A LOT. Sigh - I do not want to know what a lot is. Oh, and did I mention that I had/have a wicked allergy/cold thing going on? That was going on during the telethon - like I said - a VISION. THEN They had this segment that involved Lourdes Duarte (local news lady extraordinaire) popping balloons - right.behind.me. Double awesome. Because, you know, I didn't have enough camera time already. Finally, we were asked to clear out to make room for a big batch of Lowe's employees. I leaped out of my seat and rejoined Sil1x. I had answered a total of three phone calls. I guess people don't give money to Jerry Lewis in the ass crack of the morning hours. Hung out to say good bye to Sil1x's bestie, who was running the thing - way to go SheaDog!! Sil1x and I ended up having awesome breakfast at Le Peep and picking up Starbucks and were home by 10am. I fought off sleep, but sleep won about 11am. Slept until 2ish. Went to bed early and was wide awake at 4am. It was worth it. A) SheaDog needed the help, and I dig her the most, so of course and B.) you know me, I'm the super volunteer and C.) good deed done for like, at least a month.

Weird verbal hangups of mine

Here are a couple of verbal hangups you likely do not know about me:

• I cannot properly pronounce these words: bull, bowl, pull, pole. It hurts my throat to say them.
• I always mis-say this word: vigilant. I ALWAYS say: viligant
• Over the past few years, I've lost the ability to say neighborhood like a normal person. I now say "neighbaaaahood"
• I've never been able to say the band name Fall Out Boy properly. It always comes out Faaaaaal Out Boy. This is unintentional, but it cannot be stopped.
• I've recently begun calling people I like "Pumpkin" both in person and in emails.
• I really like calling people "Pumpkin"
• When I casually speak German, my pronunciations are flawless. When called upon in class to read, I get so nervous it sometimes sounds like I'm in day eins of Deutsch eins.

Stupid Facebook

So, remember that post I wrote about the one that got away? The post that was all gushy and pour my heart outy? Well, guess who joined teh Facebook? Yep. SO, I waited about a month after I realized he had joined, and I sent him a friend request. **crickets** No accept. Worse DENIED How do I know? Well, his bestie recently joined, and I added him as a friend. (He accepted no problem, like a grown up) Then I went to onethatgotaways page to see what was up. The little tab was there "Add as friend?" UM NO, BECAUSE I TOTALLY ALREADY DID AND OBVIOUSLY HE DECLINED THAT FUCKER Me thinks someone is making too much out of nothing. *(not me, him!) It's just a way for us to keep in touch. Clearly, not in his life plan. Sigh. Perhaps I am just too awesome for him to handle. Yep, that must be it.

Honestly

I apologize if I offended anyone with my elitist/etc comment on my last post. It's kinda been bothering me for a day or so. So, like, sorry and stuff. For realz.

Music is every.thing.to.me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQHv-fhHq9Y Go to this link right now...... I'm OBSESSED. o b s e s s e d With the new 30 Seconds to Mars song, "Closer to the Edge" Like it's on repeat on my iPod. And I cannot stop listening to it. It gives me the chills and makes me cry, and makes me pissed that I didn't go see them last time they were here. It makes me wish I were younger than I am. Not that I wouldn't be jumping up and down like the kids in the video, because I would. I WILL next time they come through town. Trust me, go - go now to YouTube and watch the official video, it's about 6+minutes long, and watch all the way to the end, the dude who says the sentence that is the title of this post. He's got it. Down. That's how I feel about music. Musical snobs/elitists/whatevers, don't bother with your comments. To each their own. I think this band is wicked talented, and I don't give a shit what you think.

Stolen from BG (thanks BG!)

A big list of things. The highlighted ones are the things I've done: 1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink 2. Swam with wild dolphins 3. Climbed a mountain 4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive 5. Been inside the Great Pyramid 6. Held a tarantula 7. Taken a candlelit bath 8. Said I love you and meant it 9. Hugged a tree 10. Bungee jumped 11. Visited Paris 12. Watched a lightning storm at sea 13. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise 14. Seen the Northern Lights 15. Gone to a huge sports game 16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa 17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables 18. Touched an iceberg 19. Slept under the stars 20. Changed a baby's diaper 21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon 22. Watched a meteor shower 23. Gotten drunk on Champagne 24. Given more than you can afford to charity 25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope 26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment 27. Had a food fight 28. Bet on a winning horse 29. Asked out a stranger 30. Had a snow ball fight 31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can 32. Held a lamb 33. Seen a total eclipse 34. Ridden a roller coaster 35. Hit a home run 36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking 37. Adopted an accent for an entire day 38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment 39. Had two hard drives for your computer 40. Taken care of someone who was too drunk 41. Visited all 50 states 42. Had amazing friends 43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country 44. Watched wild whales 45. Stolen a sign 46. Backpacked in Europe 47. Taken a road trip 48. Gone rock climbing 49. Midnight walk on the beach 50. Gone sky diving 51. Visited Ireland 52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love 53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them 54. Visited Japan 55. Milked a cow 56. Alphabetized your CDs 57. Pretended to be a super hero 58. Sung karaoke 59. Lounged around in bed all day 60. Posed nude in front of strangers 61. Gone scuba diving 62. Kissed in the rain 63. Played in the mud 64. Played in the rain 65. Gone to a drive in theater 66. Visited the Great Wall of China 67. Started a business 68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken 69. Toured ancient sites 70. Taken a martial arts class 71. Played a computer game for more than 6 hours straight 72. Gotten married 73. Been in a movie 74. Crashed a party 75. Gotten divorced 76. Gone without food for 5 days 77. Made cookies from scratch 78. Won first prize in a costume contest 79. Ridden a gondola in Venice 80. Gotten a tattoo 81. Rafted the Snake River 82. Been on television news program as an "expert" 83. Got flowers for no reason 84. Performed on stage 85. Been to Las Vegas 86. Recorded music 87. Eaten shark 88. Had a one-night stand 89. Gone to Thailand 90. Bought a house 91. Been in a combat zone 92. Buried one/both of your parents 93. Been on a cruise ship 94. Spoken more than one language fluently 95. Performed in Rocky Horror 96. Raised children 97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour 98. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country 100. Picked up and moved to another city 101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge 102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking 103. Had plastic surgery 104. Survived an accident you probably shouldn't have survived 105. Wrote articles for a large publication 106. Lost over 100 pounds 107. Held someone when they were having a flashback 108. Piloted an airplane 109. Petted a stingray 110. Broken someone's heart 111. Helped an animal give birth 112. Won money on a t.v. game show 113. Broken a bone 114. Gone on an African photo safari 115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced 116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol 117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild 118. Ridden a horse 119. Had major surgery 120. Had a snake as a pet 121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon 122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours 123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states 124. Visited all 7 continents 125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days 126. Eaten kangaroo meat 127. Eaten sushi 128. Had your picture in the newspaper 129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about 130. Gone back to school 131. Parasailed 132. Petted a cockroach 133. Eaten fried green tomatoes 134. Read the Iliad 135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read 136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 137. Skipped all of your school reunions 138. Communicated with someone without sharing a spoken language 139. Been elected to public office 140. Written your own computer language 141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream 142. Had to put someone you love in hospice care 143. Built your own PC from parts 144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you 145. Had a booth at a street fair 146. Dyed your hair 147. Been a DJ 148. Shaved your head. 149. Caused a car accident 150. Saved someone's life 151. Changed your own oil 152. Changed your own brake pads 153. Made pizza from scratch 154. Stood atop the highest point in your home state 155. Gone swimming in a rock quarry 156. Gone on a trip for more than two days to an unfamiliar place and not eaten at a single chain restaurant 157. Grown your hair long 158. Made your own cheese 159. Re-established contact with an old flame many years later 160. Bought a new car and driven it until well past 150000 miles 161. Sewn a complete garment 162. Uttered a curse word in front of a clergy person 163. Blown your rent money at your favorite store 164. Seen your car being towed 165. Phoned in a vote on some reality TV show competition 166. Seriously considered living in a different country 167. Served in the armed forces 168. Been kicked out of a movie theater 169. Seen a classic film on the big screen 170. Eaten haggis 171. Eaten dim sum in a traditional setting 172. Prepared an entire Thanksgiving dinner 173. Gone swimming full clothed 174. Gone swimming not clothed at all 175. Driven across the country taking shifts so the trip only takes a few days 176. Explored a construction site in the dark 177. Ridden an elephant 178. Attended a Major League Baseball game 179. Attended an NFL game 180. Attended an NHL game 181. Attended an NBA game 182. Seen a US President live 183. Actually met a sitting US President 184. Auditioned for a reality TV show 185. Been hit in the face with a pie 186. Stood in line on the release date of a product 187. Worked aboard a fishing boat 188. Cut down a fully mature tree 189. Seen the Mona Lisa 190. Seen the Sistine Chapel 191. Eaten fugu 192. Paddled a canoe or kayak 193. Held the control stick of an aircraft in flight 194. Asked a librarian for help finding a book 195. Personally acquired the autograph of a person you admire 196. Locked your keys in your car in a strange city 197. Had to break into your own home 198. Seen a space shuttle launch 199. Attended a NASCAR race 200. Marched in a parade phew....long list!

The ABCs of Testament/Megadeth/Slayer Show

Acid washed jeans Boobs (on the men) Crimped hair Duuuuudes Earsplitting Flatulance Guttural screams Horns (if you don't know, don't ask) Incoherent mumblings in our direction while we looked for car Jesus (because, you know Dave Mustaine found him) Kicks, lots of them, in the pit Lasers MEGADETH!!! And, Mustaine. No waiting for the ladies' room Overloaded (in a good way) Pit!!!! Quite deaf, still today Rockin! Skullets Turned up to 11 Unbelievably L O U D Von was headbanging. For realz White trash Xactly what I needed Friday night! Years since I've done that Zildjians

It's just so......Metal

Tonight I'm going to see Slayer. And Megadeth And Testament with my go-go dancer friend. Tomorrow night I'm working Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's big show at Old Town. Yes, I am that cool, and yes, my life is that exciting.

And then....

This morning: I come out of my house about 10 minutes early. I have to run to the bank and the gas station. VonSis and VonBroinlaw are standing next to her car, which is parked directly behind VonCar. They are talking animatedly. Lots of hand waving. I say: "I cry when mommy and daddy fight" they start kissing I say: "I vomit when mommy and daddy are kissing" I get to my car um, shit The door is not quite closed. I say: "VonSis, don't go anywhere, looks like I didn't close the door all the way, the battery might be dead." I go to get in my car AND MY SHIT IS ALL OVER THE PLACE glasses, cassette tapes, directions, bags, notebooks, GOD DAMN IT, SOMEONE RIFLED THROUGH MY CAR I jump back like something bit me "SOMEONE WENT THROUGH MY CAR!!" VonBroinlaw leaps into action "What?!" VonSis starts digging around in my car. "You don't have anything in here anyway, right?" Right. I don't. I would never leave money or anything in it, hence why I don't lock it. But bloody hell, people, unlocked or not, it's not your fucking car!!! Thankfully, nothing was missing - what, cobag, you didn't want that Rush Roll the Bones cassette tape? No? But still. I feel kinda violated. It bothers me that something nasty was digging around and touching my stuff. Now, I get to call the police non-emergency line and fill them in. Because that sounds like fun.

Follow up

I drive a 2000 Honda CR-V. I bought it new in 2001. It has less than 49,000 miles on it. I just found out the repairs are going to be $1,300 Before you sound off and get all sexist on me, you should probably know that I worked in the automotive industry for 10 years, as a wholesale buyer. As THE wholesale buyer, as I purchased 75% of the product our 35 warehouses stocked. So, NO, I didn't get screwed. As a matter of fact, I made him go through not only every process that was run, BUT every part that was purchased for VonCar. Everything was necessary. Plus, we added on a transmission service to help the longevity of VonCar. I'm actually pretty lucky I took it in when I did. Plus, after 10 years of no problems, I consider this small potatoes. On a (totally related) side note: Anyone hiring part time? Looks like I need a part time job.

Quick note

Wow. A week without a post, and no one gave me a hard time about it? It's like you knew I was busy or something. OR You just don't give a shit. Either way. I'm back, but less frequently. Need to watch my ps & qs at the workplace. What, like you don't write posts at work? Mmm hmmmm. The last week has been pretty intense/amazing. I got to see many people I haven't seen for a long time - helllllo German class crush! I STILL loves you a lot! - and friends who have moved away, and friends who were internets but are now actuals. No, I can't give you a recap of the big bloggy meet up. Someone might kill me. What I CAN say is that I'm obsessed with Jennifer, Snag, MenD and Zombie. These people are HIlarious. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard, so long, or nearly spit out my beer due to laughing. The Lamblets? Absolutely precious. I tried to stuff Youngest Lamblet in my suitcase to take her home and live with me forever times, but Jennifer wasn't having it. Eldest Lamblet is super cool. I'm happy to be someone she knows. I made it my goal to make her giggle. Other children present were delightful, and silent, and cool. Who could ask for more. You get nothing else from the weekend. SORRY!! VonCar hated the going fast for long stretches of time, and has thrown a big enough hissy fit that it's now in the shop. Boo hiss, VonCar, I was just reveling in my freedom, and plan on doing some more long driving. As long as it does not involve highways/freeways/merging. (yes, still, shut up) I am, though, very very proud of myself for driving there. There WERE merging things going on. And a stretch of freeway action. Ok, granted, I got ON the freeway where it began, and got OFF the freeway where it ended, but I was ON the freeway, and driving. Yay me, I say.

Misc.

My eyes are better. Currently listening to Video Killed the Radio Star. I like doing the "oh-ohoh" parts. And bobbing my head from side to side. Week of excitement! Last night four hour board meeting. Not so awesome. Wed night dinner with German class friends, followed by drinks with friends in from Denver. Thursday a certain Canadian arrives in Chicago for some shenanigans. We'll be having some beers with Shannon and TheMarty. Friday MenD and I head off to parts unknown to spend some quality time with some other people we know. Sunday we'll head back to Chicago, and he'll head back to the North. I think. Who knows, that dude's always traveling. Ohh, and now on to "Rock the Casbah" (probably spelled it wrong, really don't care) At least it's an interesting radio day!

Various ramblings

Ever have one of those weekends where you are glad to get back to work? Yep, that was my weekend. Well, mostly my Sunday. My routines make me calm. Remind me that the world doesn't stop, even when you think it does. There's something wrong with my eyes. Both of them. I was around a cat yesterday, and four smokers in a smallish space. Truth be told my right eye swelled up. Badly. Went to my parents' house right after cat/smoke house, and freaked the hell out of both parents. It took a few minutes to convince them that no, I hadn't been in a fist fight. I had to tell VonMom at least twice to not get upset. She kept staring at my eye. After a couple of doses of Benadryl, they got better. However. (isn't there always a however?) they started itching and burning and swelling again last night. Pretty sure it's not pink eye - I've had that enough times in my life to know. Not sure what it is. Hope it goes away! I'm pretty sure the peach I'm eating right now is not ripe. Can an unripened peach kill me? Why oh why did they tell me to eat more fruit? Oh, and I'm slicing it with a knife. I'm afraid my teeth will break or something if I bite into it. Yes, I'm a little odd. Couple of people on my blog roll aren't posting again. C'mon, people, get on the ball. You act like it's hard to do or something. I know, you can write a haiku.

Who says I can't write a haiku?

1 Someone said I can't I say, someone, was not trying See someone, I did 2 A haiku, for you Today is Tuesday I see Tuesday, indeed be 3 Computer screen lit Before me, so mocking, evil Cannot ignore you your turn...... :)

Monday bleh

Well, today certainly is a Monday. I think I'm coming down with a cold or sinus thing. Work is crazy busy, but leaning more towards the crazy. Saturday I went to StepSis's house, her family lives in Round Lake Beach. They have a kick ass deck and pool, so it was pool/bbq fun time. Except for the fact that both my StepBro and StepBroInLaw were wearing WAAAAY too much cologne/body spray/whatever it was. Way way way too much. I ended up with a massive sinus headache that no amount of Tylenol could cure. That part of it sucked. Oh, turns out I suck at Rock Band. Huh. I told my 16 year old nephew that when I was his age we sat around and played real and actual instruments. I got a blank stare. I don't think he was impressed. I'm a little cranky and annoyed today. Can you tell?

Last night

My lovely sitting outside looking at pictures of friend's trip to Europe was brought to me by:

Um, can you say YUM?

I love Allagash, it's delicious.

I also love sitting outside at a bar, having a few drinks, good naturedly swatting away bugs. There's nothing quite like Chicago in the summertime.

WILD life

Y'all recall the fairly recent "racoon incident", as I like to call it? Well, here's what happened last night: Pulling up to my house last night. A little tipsy, and on the phone with Shannon. Me: "I gotta go!! There's two skunks right in front of my house!" click These two baby skunks (awesome, there's a big fat momma skunk somewhere too) look at me, give me the finger, and RUN UNDER MY CAR. THAT I'M SITTING IN. I call VonSis "Halp!!!!! Halp!!!!" "What?" "There's two skunks under my car! Oh my God! Are you home!?!?!" "I'm looking out the window at you. I don't see them" "That's because they are under my car! Halp!" "Put your car in reverse." I do. One skunk runs out and across the street. He sits just across the street, grinning and glaring at me. The other skunk? MIA. Fuck "Halp!" "Only one came out. I see it! Come up the front stairs!" "No! Halp!!!" I decide to risk it, and try to jump out of my car. My backpack strap gets stuck on my emergency brake, and I can't get out of the car!! I'm shaking and bouncing around, totally looks like I'm having a seizure. VonSis is watching this all from the safety of her second story window. Angry punk skunk is still looking at me from just barely across the street. He gives me the finger again. I get the bag loose, fly out of the car, walk quickly to the front door. Going "Eek! Help!Eek! HALP!Eek! Bleh!" the whole time. Get in the house. Look out the window. And the evil brat skunk? Back in front of my house. What is up with the Chicago area wildlife!?!?!?

More throwing $$ away

I'm thinking about getting a cleaning lady. For reals. But, Von, you ask, don't you live in like 418 square feet? Why, yes, reader, I do. And thanks for paying attention these last couple of years. No, I'm not that lazy, as some might think. It's more of a time thing. This past weekend I cleaned and scrubbed and dusted and scrubbed the hell out of my bathroom. This took time. The bathroom is now immaculate. And then I ran out of time. The living room crapet (not a typo. I hate the carpeting so much, it's now the crapet) is in need of vacuuming. Or wacumming - direct quote from old room-mates very German father: "Wonnie! Und you must wacuum!! Dis whooooole room! Wonnie! Must wacuum!!!" Ahem. The living room crapet is in dire need of a good solid vacuuming. I.ran.out.of.time. No kidding. So. I'm thinking of throwing yet more $$ away and hiring someone else to clean my place. Not weekly or anything, it'll be more of a once a month deep clean, with me doing the weekly maintenance. I like a clean neat house. Of course, the German in me will need to be there, at least the first couple of times, to make sure things are done right. This, then, will save me no time at all. But it'll be done right. Hey, don't judge.

Ouch

Man. No one can ever really hurt you as much as your friends can. Call it a life lesson.

And this is the concert I went to last Sunday:

He was totally on my "Concert Bucket List". Such a great show. One of the best times I've had this summer.

The big wedding

So, here's the rest of my awesome weekend last weekend. Saturday was VonBro(the elder)'s wedding. He married WW, who is a super awesome woman. From Hong Kong. This meant not your typical wedding, uh-uh, no way, not even close bub. The parts I didn't participate in: VonBro had to go to China Town to WW's house and perform feats of loyalty and strength to get to see his bride. I hear there was running, wasabi ice cubes, bribery - VB had a $1,000 bill that he offered to the bridesmaids, to no avail. The final offer was leaving the ladies the limo to take to the church. I hear it worked. Day after wedding dim sum (or however you spell it) the day after. I was somewhere else. I'll tell you where later. Whole roasted pig. Um, bleh. . I was second reader in the Catholic mass. It didn't help that for the three days leading up to the wedding the only practicing I did was "Love is patient! Love is kiiiindddd!" said in a loud, horrifying southern mans voice. God only knows where I got this idea in my head. But it made me laugh. First reader was eldest nephew, who has *ahem* an effeminate way about him. And oh-sweet-Jesus, he's an uptalker. His reading went something like this "A REEEEding from the Boook of Genissssssisss? And GOd? He said to Adaaaaaam?" Ok, at least I could not possibly do worse than he did. I did get reprimanded for not bowing or some shit before I went up to read. Um, really? As a lapsed Catholic who really does not believe in Mass, you're lucky I even knew where to go to do my reading. The church part was ok, but anytime the Catholics want to spend some $$ and get some a/c in the churches, that would be good. It wasn't too bad, but lining up for pictures was hot. We took many many many family pictures. This is a little rough, considering there are seven of us kids, five have spouses, four have kids, that's a LOT of people to corral. Best part of church, my poor skinny little VonDad made it through without fainting, so that's good. Most interesting part of church - I cried like a sissy pretty much the whole time. WTF. Either I was more tired than I thought, or I'm ready for a boyfriend or something. It was weird. I usually confine my crying to the privacy of my own home. Blubbering mess I was. Went from north side Chicago church to China Town recepti0n, which is south Loop, point being TOTALLY FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. VonSis and I hauled ass as we had some reception prep to do. Namely, the god-damned cupcake monstrosity. Long story short, there was a VonMom vision that involved miniature and regular sized cupcakes, one ginormous cupcake that VonSis and I were tasked with making happen. The making happen part involved a Styrofoam ball and tooth picks. We were supposed to make this orb look like a big pretty flower with mini cupcakes. Cupcakes are no strangers to gravity. Put a cupcake on, move on to the next one, blop, there goes the one you just put on. We were short on both time and cupcakes, so the situation just got worse and worse. VonSis and I were laughing to the point of crying. VonSis was also crying kinda because she did not want anyone to know that she had anything to do with this. "This is horrible" "hahhaaahahahaaa" wipes eyes "I hate this. I hate butter cream" "Hey! I watch Food Network Challenge!! If they can make a working roller coaster out of sugar and chocolate, we can make an orb of mini cupcakes look like a flower!!" "ahahaaaahahaaaa" holds sides, doubles over, nearly pees on self "Back to work!" Not going to lie, it was pretty bad. Ugly, even. It looked like a 1976 Tournament of Roses parade float on acid. But it was soooo funny to work on!! WW had no less than four dresses at the reception. She looked lovely. She had an American white wedding dress, a red and gold Chinese pants suit, a grey (gorgeous!!!!) American evening gown, and a red and gold super awesome Chinese dress. So very cool. Every time she left the room, I was excited to see what she was wearing when she came back. That part of it was very cool. The menu It was a gigantic Chinese menu. I'll try to remember all that we ate: Cold pork platter - I didn't eat this. I ate a little of the jelly fish garnish that was on it. Crab claw stuffed with crab and lobster - um, yes please!! So so so good Shark fin soup - I ate this. Even though Shannon called the consistency viscous Shrimp and scallops - so so so so good! Crispy skin chicken - good, but could have done without the head being on the platter Beef and Chinese vegetables - meh. Ok, not great Lobster with garlic - so so so so good. No one else really ate it at our table. Shannon and I went to town. Yin Yang fried rice - I was full, I didn't eat it Noodles with mushrooms - again, full, didn't eat it Mango and coconut flan type thing - full, didn't eat it Dessert - um, i hear it's hot bean soup, with beans that have soaked in sugar for a long time. bleh. no thanks and there's one or two other dishes I can't remember. A huge huge meal, and way better than I thought it was going to be! Dancing, cake cutting, etc etc. Me trying to get 16 year old nephew to drink with me. Didn't go so well. I tried. I'm the cool aunt. Cried some more during the first dance and cake cutting and such. Again, wtf? Was forced to the dance floor for the bouquet toss. Oh, hell no. Was the tallest girl in the group - Damn Asians!!! I lined them all up in front of me as a defensive tactic. All the sudden I hear "Go Von!" and I look over, there's VonMom and VonSis sitting with their fingers crossed. I daintily gave them the finger. Defense worked, no bouquet for me. Many Grey Goose vodka & tonics later, I was ready to go. Overall, a good time. I forget that sometimes it can be fun to be with my crazy, huge family.

But then

I was going to give you the VonBro wedding recap, but my work day turned to major scheize. So You'll have to wait another day. Spend your free time cursing really stupid people for me, would ya? Thanks

Back to the Brau Haus

Friday night found me hanging out at the BrauHaus. We were there to celebrate TheMarty's birthday. Funny thing, BrauHaus is the first place I met TheMarty. I was sooo much nicer that time!! Dinner was at 8:00, a little late for dinner, I thought, but that's ok. It gave me time to take a quick Friday afternoon nap. Got to the restaurant first - what a shock. Table was set for way more people than I had thought would be there. People trickled in, and by 8:45 we were ready to order. I had me some yummy Thuringer and some spaetzle. I guess a lot of people ordered that, from the looks of things. There was much drinking. I actually had planned to not drink, due to StepBro's wedding the next day, but when it became clear that the bill was going to be split evenly, I ordered a beer. Here's the thing. Generally, when I am with really good friends, OR if I am with a larger group and we are all drinking about the same, I don't mind splitting the bill. However When there's a dozen people I don't know and/or these people are all drinking liters upon liters upon liters of beer, and I'm having Sprite, how it is even possible to have the cajones to ask me to split the bill?? I wtf that in a big way. But It was TheMarty's birthday, so I shelled out quite a bit of cash for my pop and hot dogs. **I don't want to say how much, as TheMarty reads my blog** I kinda let it roll off me then, but I'm still a little miffed about it. I planned for the evening, I didn't go into it with $3 in my wallet and some lint. But still. A fun evening. I got to be catty/bitchy to one of Shannon's friends who deserved it. I tried to talk to one guy. Turns out I'm not allowed to talk to that guy. Um, ok. So Good restaurant, good food, I hope TheMarty had a nice time. Movin' on.

Going back to go forward

My weekend was so fantastic, that I think I can make a week's worth of posts about it. But. I have to start with my Friday afternoon. SO I had a summer day Friday, which is supposed to mean NO work. Out of the goodness of my little heart, I logged on mid-morning to get some things done for LB1 (Chicago boss) and LB2 (LA Boss). LB2 was on vacation, and she had something big going on, so I wanted to help out with that. Well, one thing led to another, and I started doing all kinds of things. I got annoyed with both myself and my co-workers. So, not only did I log out, but I left the house to get work out of my mind. After running some errands, I decided to stop by my last place of employment. Um What a hovel. They have moved three doors down from the last location that I worked in. The new space was tiny, with only one office, a closet of a lunch room, a small "conference room" and one bathroom. Ick. The conference room had my old desk in it, but now it was covered with ashes and loaded down with crap, and ashtrays (I mean, is it 1976? that people can smoke in the workplace?), and more crap. I walked around they very small warehouse, and noticed how bare the shelves were. Part numbers started getting my attention. It's been just over three years, but I can see what problems the have, and the dark hole they seem to be headed into. I went into the office to visit my old co-worker J. There was a memorial poem and mass card on the wall for our co-worker who had been murdered by her husband in the last year that I was with the company. I had (almost) forgotten about her, and her sad fate. There were also cards that J had kept after the death of her boyfriend, who was another co-worker and friend who had died suddenly while in traveling for work. This also happened in my last year at that job. I was reminded how sad we all were, losing two co-workers and friends within six months of each other. I was reminded how I myself used to smoke like a chimney - yes, sometimes at my desk - at that job. Especially when I worked 12 hour days in the summer and the winter. I was reminded that I was miserable and feeling trapped and knowing I was in no way living up to my best potential there. I stayed for about 45 minutes, in which a few people let me know that even now, my old boss P would love to have me back, and in fact says that every now and then. I let J know that by no means could that company afford me. Sure, that job let me wear shorts in the summer and sweatpants in the winter. True, it was a seven minute drive from my house. I do, though, miss the people there. When you work somewhere for 10 years with pretty much the same core people, you come to care about them. We weathered tragedies, our company being sold, then bought, then sold and bought again, successes, failures, crazy people, great people........I do miss them. These are the only good things I think of that place. I said my good byes and got in my car. I looked around the nasty dirty little industrial park that I called second home for 10 years, 4 months and a few days. I wondered how we ever ate out lunch, where did we go? Did we just order in? There's nothing over there! As I drove away, I called LB1, who was at home. "Hello?" "LB1?" "Yeah?" "I just have to thank you for hiring me away from that shit hole three years ago. Like really. Like thank you thank you thank you." "?" "I mean, I'm so much better than that place!" "?" Sometimes to know how much we've changed, we need to revisit where we had been.

Swell season - Into the mystic - a fantastic show

So, last night was hot. Super hot. Like sitting in the pavilion at Ravinia, just sitting, and sweat was just running down me.

But

My goodness. Swell Season. I adore them, have for a long time, but I got so much more than I was expecting.

Glen was very cutely mis-pronouncing Cicadas, he called them "Cicasias". He knew it was wrong, but he just ran with it.

They sang the above, which is one of my favorite songs ever.

At the end of the first part (pre-encore, I guess), Glen called out the ushers. He asked that they let the lawn-sitting folks come into the pavilion. He was pretty adamant about it. So, even though it was very likely a fire hazard, it happened. Now, we were pavilion folk, and even I was happy and impressed that that happened. What a great experience for those people. Good for him.

So, aside from the Ravinia usual suspects (= entitled, snobby, asshole, ill-behaved suburbanites) I had a lovely time.

** for those of you unfamiliar with Ravinia - it's an outdoor festival grounds in Highland Park, IL. They have a small pavilion with assigned seats, and a gigantic massive lawn for seating and listening. There are speakers everywhere, and rumor has it the pavilion is accoustically perfect. It's really beautiful, filled with trees and flowers and art and fountains. There are a couple high end restaurants, and a few food courts. Most people bring picnic dinners and wine. Lots and lots of wine. Google it - it's a beautiful place.

Folk and Roots Wrap up!

Ah, Folk and Roots, how I love thee. Like, a LOT. Like way more than pretty much anything else I do every summer. Things I hated about F&R:

• Only three friends visited me. Y'all are lame.
• PBR. Bleh. Even free, it's bleh.
• Rain is good, but not when it cancels the last band Sunday night!
• A little too hot. Like sweat under my boobs hot. Bleh.
• The stupid vol who dared to call me a bitch, but then ran away like a scared little school girl. Bitch, I've got your number. And please note that the volunteer coordinator heard you, and you're kinda in trouble. Stupid.
• The lingerers. Like the silly brunette: when your shift was over at 6:00, and you are standing around at 8:30, looking for someone to talk to, and no one wants to talk to you - GO HOME
• The GuitarDuo. Way too mellow for a festival.
• Double wide strollers. Hate you. Hate the people that buy them, and sometimes the children that are in them.
• On the same strain - drunk parents and wayward kids. Last I checked festival grounds do NOT equal free babysitting by perfect strangers.
• Receiving three pitchers of red wine that we thought/hoped was sangria. Alas, it wasn't.

Things I loved about F&R:

• Can I say pretty much everything else? Kinda want to. I really love this fest. I'll try to elaborate.
• The backstage magic. These people run a very large, awesome, tight ship. You'd think it was easy breezy to do this music fest thing, with the way they've got it DOWN.
• The appreciation. I'm not a appreciation-seeking-whore. I'm there because Old Town is my super happy place, and the fest is a part of that. No less than a handful of staff thanked me each night as I dragged my tired ass out of there.
• The spontaneous concert/jam session that happened backstage after the Sunday night show got cancelled due to lightning. I am so very very lucky to have been around for that. It just personifies, to me, what Old Town is all about.
• All of the people I worked with this year. (Except that whole "bitch" thing). I'm lucky to get the roles that I ask for, and it's easy to work hard for/with a bunch of folks that I consider friends. I want to buy drinks for TH, KO, DJ, CM, AB, SJ, JK. I'll have to put that on my to-do list.
• The t-shirts this year. Oh.my. You need to see this. I'll post a picture of it soon. Y'all are going to be jealous! (Except ZRM, because I got him one)
• Ok, even the rain on Sunday (before the lightning - shakes fist at lightning). It was cooling and kinda fun, for a while. Nothing like running around in the rain in the middle of summer.
• The mood and/or vibe. You just can't beat it.

How much you ask?

In an effort to have a good follow up to yesterday's blog, I asked VonHairdresser: "About how much of my hair are you cutting out?" She thought about it for a minute, continued sawing away. "It's about 1/3 to 1/2." "I'm sorry, what?!!?" "1/3 to 1/2. Of your hair. Gone. You asked a question, I answered it." There you have it. 1/3 to 1/2 of my hair. Gone. *lone tear....tracks down my cheek.....I miss my hair....*

The thinning....

No, not my body, much to VonMom's very vocal and unpleasant disappointment. The thinning of the hair happens tonight. And I can't wait. Here's the thing. I've got H A I R. Not super long, not even very thick, it's just a LOT of hair. I keep it well, it's my very best asset. It's blonde (expensively and falsely so) with rock n' roll dark brown (also falsely so) underneath (this is a recent change). It's longish - a little past my shoulders these days. It's wavy enough that people comment on it, and in these humid days, more so than not. AND IT'S FREAKIN' HOT See, I'm like a dog. No kidding - I have so much hair that my head can't breathe and I sometimes get sores. On.my.head. So, every summer my hairdresser thins the hell out of it. It's an ugly, ugly process. She takes thinning shears to my scalp and just cuts and cuts and cuts. It's kinda funny, in that the first few weeks if you were so inclined you could have me flip my head over and from the neck to about half way up you could see little lines of crew cut. There is a horrible crunching sound as she cuts and cuts and cuts, followed by masses and masses of hair falling all around me on the floor. This process has even gotten unsolicited comments from other salon goers. One woman actually yelled at me. She said "What are you doing?! Are you insane!? People would kill for hair like yours!" Ever since that cobag incident, we now do this at the last appointment of the day, when we are pretty much the only people left in the shop. This needs no audience. When I was younger, we used to have to wash our hair in a laundry tub. One summer, I told my parents that the water temperature actually went up between when it hits my head and when it rinses out. VonDad didn't believe me, so he followed me into the laundry room when I washed my hair. I had him feel the water as it came out of the hosething, and then feel it after it had run over my head. "Holy shit." he said, "There really is a difference." This is how hot my head gets. So, don't mind me as I count down the hours and minutes until thinning time.

Home, home again

I'm back. Those few days in Michigan were too few. I look forward to this trip every year. I took a moment this year and did the math. I've been to Shannon's mom's place in Michigan every year for the the 4th of July for the past seven years. While we forget how much we change over time, when you take a second to think about it, we really do. I'm fairly certain that that first summer I was invited was because I had called off my wedding in January of 2003, and no one, Shannon included, quite knew what to do with me. Take her to Michigan - I'm guessing that's what Shannon thought. It worked. It was exactly what I needed that year, and every year after. I headed up to the snowman room to find that this year SM (Shannon's mom, get it?) has hung very dark burgundy shades because she remembered that last year I was up early every day because it gets so bright in there in the mornings. Who remembers that stuff? Who bothers with anything I say? This year, day one, I slept until 11am. Why? Because there were delightful burgundy shades to block out the sun. The new boat is awesome, there are many convenient cup holders and these reclined things that make each bench a lounge chair. The company, as always, amazing. Shannon and TheMarty are so easy to be on vacation with. I want to read/sleep/sit/stand/ignore/snack whatever....they leave me to it. TheMarty won at Uno on night two. I told him to sleep with one eye open. I think he did. When I walked by their door at 4am headed to the bathroom, I had to let out an evil giggle *hehehe*, just because. I only wish we could have been there another day or two. Or five. Things accomplished on this year's trip: The Sunrise Sampler is really the best value at Cracker Barrel, or so Shannon tells us. Every time we go to Cracker Barrel. Toy Story 3 was even better the second time around. But blue slurpees immediately following Cracker Barrel breakfast is a baaaad idea. TheMarty and I have nearly nearly gotten Shannon to agree to go to Boston in October. Not sure if we're invited there yet, but we think we're going. And there's talk of us renting a RV to get there. Woo hoo!! The fronts of my legs are tan-ish. and a little burnt-ish. So is my scalp, and my ears. I came back on night three and clobbered them all at Uno. I did not have to sleep with one eye open. These are a peaceful people. I was also very honest with TheMarty about one of his friends. (see wedding recap post). I wanted him to know how I really felt, lest I be forced to hang out with this chick again. Not only did he take it really really well, he let me just vent and vent and vent until I was finished. I think they both got it. Ok, and yes, we talked about y'all, but only a little. Like "Hey, TheMarty, MenD's coming to town next month." and stuff like that. And a few other things. I can't tell you EVERYTHING. But I will tell you that's it's very likely Shannon, TheMarty and I are getting tricycle tattoos. Squee!!

Fridge note

The Tricycle of Awesome rides again, today at 4:00 sharp. This means: I'm heading to Michigan with my people for a good few days. This means: No computer. No Internet. No blog. This also means: Yes, we are TOTALLY going to talk about y'all when we're drunk sitting around playing games. Have a great long weekend. Don't go blowing any of your fingers off. See you on the flip side!

Im a gi ne

That's about how slow I can play "Imagine" on the guitar. Sigh. I LOVE guitar!!! This stupid song has a few quick tough chord changes, so that's why I'm playing it so very very slow right now, but I am playing it!! The wacko was back. This time she asked if "We could play the Madonna version?" of the song. Our teacher, a member of Old Town's Beatles ensemble said "Hell no." She's gotta go. For real. New problem in Guitar 2. So, these folks have been together for the staggering amount of time that is 18 weeks, and are, like, totally besties! And so not keen on interlopers (aka new people, aka me). I'm not having it. They need to realize this is not their private little group, people come and go at Old Town all the time. Some are warming up to me because let's face it, I'm awesome AND hilarious. Others? Not so much. I've figured it out with one of them, though. Apparently she had dubbed herself the "funny girl" of the class, and OF COURSE I'M A THREAT because I'm 10 x funnier than her without even trying. Ah, well, she will lose. Too bad.

I'm sorry but

No, I'm actually not. The situation: Got to my nasty urine-scented Metra station this morning, right around 7am, as usual. Today, there were six teenagers drinking beer and laying around in the parking lot. Literally. One of them was laying in the drive way. At 7am. God damn right I called the police. WTF. Not sure when Chicago became an open container city, or when 7am sounded like a good time to throw a party in a public parking lot. I actually tried to call 311 first. They then told me no, I needed to call 911. SO I did. I was merely giving them the heads up that not one city block away from the largest police stations in the city, there's a little drinky drinky party going on that they might want to check out. Everyone on the train seemed pretty incensed about it to. SO Get to work, post on teh fb that this happened. AND GOT BERATED FOR IT. Ok, now I finally understand that many many many people present totally false bull shit versions of themselves either on teh fb, or on their blogs (you know who you are) or both. Whatever. FINE You are SOOOOO much cooler than I could ever be!! Being consistently the same person is passe, I guess. BUT Don't go telling me that I'm old, or a fuddy duddy for calling the cops on these cobags. OR telling me that I was just like them. Yeah, so I drank when I was not 21, I fully and freely admit that. Did I do it at 7am, right out in the open? A block away from a police station? Um. No. No I didn't, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. I was a LOT smarter than that.

Is anything else watching this crap?

So. I planned to have, and did have, a mostly relaxing weekend. On Saturday I discovered a whole new show of awesome. It's called Billy the Exterminator. Here's how this happened. So, I was watching one of my favorite shows, Dirty Jobs (heeeey future ex-hubby Mike Rowe) and he went on a job with Billy (long before Billy got his own show). I then remembered that Billy HAS HIS OWN SHOW. So, as luck would have it, there was a Billy marathon going on. I could hardly pull myself away. I mean, his fam is so amazingly, proudly white trash, it was impossible not to fall in serious like with them. AND Billy is smart, like wicked smart. He knows lots and lots of stuff. About lots and lots of things. Sure, I don't need how to repel a gator info, but the stuff on how to keep the raccoons away were very helpful. Billy just needs a decent barber. And a dentist.