I'm Baaaaccccckkkkk

Hopefully for good! Got home, and the internet is being good to me today. Hopefully that will last. Best. Weekend. Ever. Shannon, TheMarty and I had a great weekend in MI. Good times. I have a photo or two that my very tired ass will upload for you later in the week. There are so many great quotes, and great moments, as there always is when in MI. A sampling: "I WILL eat Martian asparagus before I die." (OPB, in the car, on our way) "It's Ok. My toes are in the cool waters of Tahiti." (OPB, in the car on the way home) Followed by: "Yeah, well my ass is firmly planted in the Sahara."(Shannon, awesomely voicing her displeasure at the leather seats in the car. And, finally, one of my own: "Well, this blows fainting goats." I may or may not provide additional quotes. I didn't have my little notebook handy at every moment (though I should have, there were some classic lines), and there was quite a bit of drinking. God bless Freedom Juice. Have Shannon make you one or three sometime - it's masterful. Anyway. Weather was mostly awesome. Shannon and Marty picked me up at work at noon on Friday from work. TheMarty had requested that I stand on the curb, thumb extended, much like the hitchhiker I was. I so totally did. Got to MI no problems. Boat ride. Uno. Awesome. Saturday was a beautiful day. After some breakfast shinanigans at Cracker Barrel we went out on the lake. I had my first ride as a passenger on Shannon's wave rider thing. She's a good driver. I trusted her, literally, with my life. We ran into some nastiness in the form of choppy water and bad juju from a speed boat with a waterskier on back. I was SURE we were going to fall off, but I had the death grip and Shannon handled it, so no problems. The problem occured when we tried to dock the damn thing. We were in the right place, but no clue as to what to do once we got there. So, we waved our hands at neighbor Dave until he came out, laughing, to assist. His sage advice to us was: "Well, just keep going til you run out of gas, you'll drift to someone's house." That said he then helped us out of the water. Then more drinking and Phase 10. Sunday bad weather, bad movie. We went to see The Happening. To that I say Meh. Drinking, game playing, you get the drift by now. Monday, sadly, it was time to come home. TheMarty forced me to listen to some comedian, David somethingorother Cross maybe? I'm glad he did - David whatever is a funny funny guy. There may be more on this trip topic later this week. I'm exhausted, and it's back to work tomorrow. Ahhh - it's good to be back~!

An update

But let's not hold our breath. Landoverlord (aka VonBroinlaw) hinted at getting me my very own internet connection last night. At 8:30. While I was packing. I asked VonSis if it could be put off by, like, a day as I was busy at it was late. It has been put off. One would hope while I am in Michigan VBIL gets it all squared away. Have a great weekend. Come hell or high water next week there will be another Name that Tune. Nothing says Independence like Name that Tune.

Giving up for the week

Still no internet. About to send a nice yet stern email to my landpeople. I'm threatening them with an infiltration of one of my techie brothers to fix it. That Might get them to act. We'll see. I'm out of town this weekend with OPB and Shannon. Should have something to talk about next week. If. If I have internet. Meh.

Still Nada

I'm guessing I still don't have internet at home. I didn't check last night, because I was busy having awesome dinner at Feed with my most favorite cousin Jyl. A dinner at which I told her I have a blog. HI JYL. So, real quick - every day I walk over to get my free RedEye newspaper at work. Every day I have a little giggle. See, some smooth operator with an exacto knife or somethin' change the word "Free" on the side of the paper dispenser thingy to "I Pee" I don't know why this is funny every freaking day, but it is. Fingers crosses I'll have internet soon.

Oh, and regarding the Crosstown....

In case any of my out-of-town friends wanted to know: The Chicago Cubs S W E P T the Chicago White Sux over the weekend. SWEPT. They play each other again this weekend. I will be out of town. With a bunch of south siders. Fingers crossed the Cubbies will sweep again!

Still broken

HOme internets still broken. LOve job too much to blog at work. MenD has admitted to being the cause of the problem. Again, stay tuned. S I G H

Internet broken

My internet at home is broken. Will blog again when able. Stay Tuned..... GOing to email landlord Right NOw to gently suggest he fix the internets...... AAARRRRGGGGHHHH

God Bless Summer Fridays

No post you say? Expectations you say? I was going to give myself the day off after winning the pretigious MenD award, but fine. Ask and you shall receive.

Here's what I'm doing right now:

Because my man (Lou P!!!) is on my t.v. It's the Crosstown Classic. Series 1. Game 1 bitches. What else would I be doing at 2pm on a Friday afternoon?

And I think I just might paint my nails.

Yes, this pictures is just for the ladies. A salon you say? Oh, no grasshopper. This cabinet of OPI, Essie, Orly, Ulta fantasticness is in my house. Where mere humans keep stuff like aspirin and condoms, I keep about 50 + bottles of nailpolish. In some ways I am such a girl.

F*CK

Double play White Sux. End of the second inning tied at one.

Time to crack another beer.

I freakin' love summer Fridays.

Go Cubs Go.

Eh.

I am beginning to become one of those women who doesn't like other women. My teenage years into my twenties, I had pretty even numbers of male and female friends. I still have lots of female friends. I am just starting to not be able to stand other women. Stranger Danger women. Like the other night when Shannon and I went to the movies. I knew that given the movie we were seeing the theatre was bound to be full of women. I had hoped they'd be normal grown-up behaving women. Not the up-talking dipshits that called out what would happen next, or turn to their friend and say "Oh my God! Did you see that?!?!" Of course they did. They are sitting right next to you. Most of the 27th floor people that make me throw up in my mouth are women. Hate them. Yesterday I was feeling a little cranky, so decided to get a slice of pizza for lunch. I was in line and had two evil little bitches behind me. Again, up-talkers. Do they teach this bad habit in college now-a-days? Anyway, the silly little up-talkers were loudly discussing how the one had slammed some dude. She peppered the end of every sentence with "DoyaknowwhatImean?" Forcing her friend to acknowledge. "yeah" "um-hm""OhmyGod". They went on and on and on about this dude and his Facebook friends. It was all I could do not to trip them on my way out. Then, there's Curves. Aarrgh. Now, I love Curves. But, mine closed, and now I have to go to this other stupid one. I'm done being nice to these dumb bitches. A) They are mostly easily 20 years older than me B) I played nice and made pals with the ones at my old Curves, then they close it, so I'm just not going to bother at this one. Anyway. I have to see some of the same stupid women every time I go in there. They give me that half smile, then try to make eye contact. They shouldn't bother, I've got the avoidance thing down. But, there's this one lady and she just annoys the f*ck out of me. She really goes there to get her chatty catty bitch on, not to actually exercise. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. She will do about 1/2 of a machine and then start talking to the worker lady and sit there. Then, instead of doing the cardio station she'll stand there talking. She's also one of those women who, when she thinks she's said something smart or funny, she looks around to see if everyone else is reacting to her. I've just starting staring at her with a blatant look of disgust on my face. I'm trying to bait her into a confrontation. She stands there and complains how she's fat, and not getting anywhere, and I want to tell her all of the reasons why that is so. I have never been one of those women who says they don't like women, have more guy friends, blah, blah, blah. I think a lot of those chicks do that to try to show others that they are cool and edgy. Um, not so much. I'm also not saying that I will never make new female friends. The criteria has just changed. Like, NO up-talking. See, if you do that, it's not just that I will never be your friend, because I won't, but I might also staple your mouth shut.

Really Great Weekend.

Finally!! I had a great weekend. No sleep, like, at all, but a great weekend. Friday night I went to Pirate Wench's house. She has a movie night about once a month. I've never been able to make it before, so Friday was my first time. I got there right on time, and it ended up being me, PW, and three of her very funny friends. We had warmed brie with cherry chutney, quiche, veggies and good conversation. We went downstairs to start our fantastic film of the evening - "High School Musical". The things these chicks were saying!! I was laughing so much and so hard, I could barely catch my breath! About half way through the movie, PW said "Time for dessert" Um, what?? We paused the movie and PW brought us all Ho-Ho ice cream. You heard me - smooshed up ho-hos, frozen in vanilla ice cream, with hot fudge sauce. I wanted to stay there forever. The women were awesome, and I had a great time. I did make the mistake of laughing at my own jokes at least twice. I blame laughing so much the entire evening. I came home fairly early, and my sister and her husband were sitting in the yard. I went to join them for a while. It was all nice, and warm, and the chandelier and the white lights were all on, it was awesome. Saturday I had to be up at the ass-crack of dawn to pick up Siobhan to take her to VonParents' neighborhood garage sale. It's pretty cool. The entire neighborhood has garage sales on this one weekend every year. I think there was 48 houses this year. We ended up with a large group going around together. I'm super pissed that I didn't see my ex pull up and go into his parents' house. Laura saw him, but didn't tell me until it was too late. Damn it. Damn her. After a few hours and some bucks spent, I took Siobhan home. Saturday night Shannon and I went to see Sex and the City. Good movie, evil stupid crowd. Shannon didn't hear a lot of the mumblings around us, but there were a couple of gaggles of stupid chicks who talked a lot during the movie. I was complaining to Shannon about it afterwards, and she said "I didn't hear that, but I did hear to tell some people to shut up." Yeah, I did. I didn't pay good $$ for some dumb bitches to run commentary, and predict what happens next. Dude - It's Sex and the City, it ain't rocket science. Anyway, I really liked the movie, more that I thought I would. The only thing was I felt Jennifer Hudson's charecter was completely unnecessary. I like her, but I just feel she didn't really need to be there. After the movie we walked over to one of my favorite bars, one that we had frequented a lot not too long ago. We had *ahem* a few beers and good conversation. There were a couple of our famous other-people-turn-and-look laughes. Our friend Tim was working a private party upstairs at the bar, and he joined us a little after one. Then, there was some more beer, and some Jameson.......well, then I remember the bar closed around 2:30, and Shannon and I left aroudn 4:00 (it's good to know the guys that work there....) It was perfect. It was exactly what I needed. 5 hours of sleep later it was time to celebrate Father's Day. Great weekend, to the point where I don't even mind how tired I am.

Happy Father's Day (early)

Most of the time, I use this blog to bitch, vent, amuse. Today, shaking it up just a bit. Today I want to write about someone I am grateful for. This past Monday was my dad's birthday. He's 68 now. This year, I will be half his age. This will be the only time in our lives that this will happen. I am so incredibly grateful for my dad. Something most of you do not know. My dad is technically not my father. Not biologically. He's my step-dad, but to me, he's dad, father, everything. My dad is a master pool player. He runs a league or two, and is always being asked to play with other people. He even took the time to teach me how to play properly, so I wouldn't make an ass out of myself at the pool hall. My dad is father to seven incredibly different children. Each and every one of us will tell you that we are dad's favorite, and believe that with our whole heart. He's that good at making each one of us feel special. My dad is an engineer. Early in his life he wanted to be a teacher. Life took him in a different direction. He is smart, creative, and always learning. A typical dinner while we were growing up would involve dad saying "look it up in the dictionary", and we did, in the middle of dinner. He took pride in everything we learned, and I think he learned from us and still does. My dad is a jokester. During my pre-teen years VonSis and I were watching the horribly bad horror movie "The Stepfather". Unbeknownst to us, dad had caught a few scenes and was amused by the premise of the murderous step-father. During a really quiet, dark part of the movie dad came up behind us with a chainsaw and yelled "What are you two doing!?!?!?" It scared the shit out of us. He thought it was hilarious. He still does. Tell that story and he will grin and chuckle. He knows 400 jokes, and can deadpan a punchline like no one I know. My friends love my dad. They think he's cool. I realize that they are right. There's not a party or bbq that I throw that I don't invite my parents. My dad has opinions. Strong ones I'm sure. But he's raised us in the 'whatever doesn't kill ya makes you stronger' way. Every decision I make on my own. He supports and praises the good ones, and is there to pick me up and brush the dust off me after the not so good ones. He raised us and sent us on our way, to find our own path - even when that path is up-hill and covered in brambles. I don't remember exactly when I realized that my dad sees me as an adult. I'm tearing up just thinking about when I saw that our relationship had shifted. We have real and actual conversations. We debate sometimes. He will smile, yet defend his opinion. Even though he doesn't agree with mine, he's smiling because I have one, and it's well formed. We talk about the Cubs. Just last night he was working on a crossword puzzle. VonMom said "Ask Von, she knows a lot of things." Dad didn't at first, but then "What's this? What's that?" and I knew the answers. It was a small moment, but I was so happy because he asked me, confident that I 'know things'. My dad is one of my most favorite people. I keep trying to impress him, even though I know he needs no convincing that I'm pretty awesome. I think he knows he raised me right. Out of his seven kids, I'm the only one who smoked. When I quit, he was so proud. He still tells me how proud he is of that. It's a great motivator to stay quit. I'm also the only one with tattoos. I was terrified to show him them. I remember right after I got my first one (which I was hiding), a friend of mine got one and my dad found out. He said "NO child of mine living under my roof will ever have a tattoo!" while I was sitting there hiding my own still oozing first tattoo. When I finally showed him, he shrugged. He looked at one and said "I really like that one! That's cool!" Now, every time he sees it he says "Oh yeah, I like that one!" I was the problem child, I still might be. But I know he loves me. He tells me that he does, and he shows me that he does. I know deep down that he has always been my father, and I also happen to know that I am his favorite. :)

Looking for a new place?

Public Service Announcement: (ok, VonSis asked me to put this out there) Looking for a FANTASTIC apartment in Chicago? How does 11 foot ceilings sound? What about a private yard with deck? Two bedroom apartment will be available 8/1/08. Free heat. Free Wireless. Free laundry. (yeah, you heard me) Open floor plan, lots of room. Oh, and the best dog on earth lives in the building, you can borrow him. Did I mention I live in the building? Close to Jefferson Park (metra/cta) and expressways. Rent very reasonable. NO joke. Comment me if you're interested. Pass it on.

More people I don't like

I have a little bit of bad karma going on right now. I don't know why, I really don't. I just know that karma has been biting me in the ass during my work day more often than not. See, there's these people. They work on the 27th Floor of my building. Hence, I call them the 27th Floor people. Sometimes, they are also called the 12-year olds. The 27s are all about, well, 12 years old. The women are all blonde up-talkers, the boys are just that, boys. They say really lame things, and see-saw between sounding gay, and sounding fratish. It's gotten to the point where I just know them by sight. Plenty of mornings one of them gets on the elevator, and I just want to hit '27' for them, I am so sure I know where they are going. These people annoy the fack out of me. They also travel in packs. The other day I had another run in will a gaggle of them. I was bringing my lunch back to my office. I was waiting with 2 normal grown-up people, and 2 27s. One male, one female. They each had a large box from Jimmy John's. Whatever. We all continued to wait for the elevator. Then, out of NOWHERE arrived 6 more of them!! The girls were all 'Oh! What is that? What's in the boxes?' Ok, like they even ever eat food. They're all like a size 1.5, bleh. The girl with the box said 'Oh, you know, sammies (who SAYS that?!?), chips, and pickles' The others weren't really listening, probably distracted by something shiny, gave her a blank stare. One of them said 'Pickles?' At which point (I couldn't help it, at all) under my breath I said 'and pickles, and pickles, and pickles....' (OK, big Dane Cook before he went totally lame reference. Seriously funny shit) and I kinda laughed to myself. Now, they are even more afraid of me. The elevator comes. Are the boys decent, and let those of us who were waiting l o n g e r just have the elevator? Oh, noes. We ALL get on the same stupid elevator. One of the 27s said 'Oh, isn't this cozy? tee hee?' I said 'Yeah, Um, NO' nice and loud. We couldn't get to 27 fast enough. Me, I'm past 27. Hate them. Now, every time I'm on the elevator, there's at least one of them. I'm perfecting my 'don't even look at me' glare. Karma. I was able to avoid them most of the time for almost a year. Now, every time. I'm telling you - karma.

The Answers to the Questions

I am a little disappointed. I thought for sure these would get a few more guesses. I'd like to do a name that tune post about once a month, please let me know your thoughts, whether you all would like to try try again. Here are Friday's answers:

1. Second Hand News - Fleetwood Mac
2. Smoke on the Water - Deep Purple
3. Me & Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin
4. Diamonds and Pearls - Prince & the New Power Generation
5. Atomic Dog - George Clinton and the Parliment Funkadelic
6. Hot, Hot, Hot - The Cure
7. Tripping Billies - Dave Matthews Band
8. Champagne High - Sister Hazel
9. One - Metallica
10. The Right Stuff - New Kids on the Block (tee-hee)
11. All I Want - Toad the Wet Sprocket
12. Southern Cross - Crosby, Stills, and Nash
13. Peaches - The Presidents (y'all guessed this one)
14. Crazy Bitch - Buck Cherry (SERIOUSLY give it a listen, it's my favorite driving around/blasting the radio song. Very Shocking)
15. Chains of Love - Erasure
16. The Fields of Athenry - Irish folk song. don't know who sings it
17. Down - 311
18. The Tide is High - Blondie
19. Use your Love - The Outfield
20. Kiss Me Deadly - Lita Ford

Because they weren't all guessed, no valuable prizes. Maybe next time....if there is a next time. I sound ominous. I like ominous. This is what happens when I have no sleep.

Weekend Review

***chirp*****chirp**** These are crickets. This is my weekend. Why do crickets "chirp"? TheMarty? This is my question for today. Tomorrow, the answers to Friday's Name that Tune.

I will

I will post the Name that Tune answers on Tuesday, for any that don't get figured out. Have a great weekend!

Friday Fun - Name that Tune!

Happy Friday my dear readers. I have created a nice distraction for you. Below are 20 song lyrics. Some obscure, some not so. If all of them get answered properly, I will put your names in a hat and one of you will win valuable prizes. * Hey, let's not cheat. I actually pulled each and every one of these lyrics out of my brain. But, with my passionate devotion to all things music I will vouch for their accuracy. * As I am kind and nurturing (like a duck, right AG? :) ) I have no rules other than no cheating. If you feel you want to get all fancy and do title and artist, be my guest. Otherwise, title is ok. A little side bar - whoever gets #8 right I will marry. This is one of my most favorite songs ever, by my most favorite band to see live. Play on, players:

1. Won't you lay me down in the tall grass - and let me do my stuff
2. Frank Zappa and the mothers - were at the best place around
3. Busted flat in baton rouge - headin' for the trains - feeling nearly faded as my jeans
4. Which one of us is right - If we always fight - Why can't we just let love decide
5. Like the boys - When they're out there - walkin the streets - may compete
6. The third time I saw lightning strike - It hit me in bed
7. Remembering once - out on the beaches we wore - pineapple grass bracelets
8. Well now he'll be your thing that's new - yeah, whatever I have you can borrow
9. Trapped in myself - body my holding cell
10. See it in everything you do - even in your thoughts
11. And it won't matter now - whatever happens to me
12. Think about how many - times I have fallen - spirits are using me, larger voices callin'
13. Peaches come from a can - they were put there by a man - in a factory downtown
14. Take it off, the paper is your game - you jump in bed with fame
15. They used to talk about the weather - making plans together
16. By a lonely prison wall - I heard a young man calling - nothing matters Mary when you're free
17. You played a track from your record collection - It's your mix, congratulations
18. Every girl wants you to be her man - but I'll wait my dear 'til it's my turn
19. I ain't got many friends left to talk to - no one's around when I'm in trouble
20. I went to a party last Saturday night - I told you that story I'd be alright

Damn it! I can't get these stupid flowers to be numbers!! There's 20 of them, please give me the number when you give your answer.....sorry!

Good Luck!

Hell is a revolving door

I hate revolving doors. I go through about 800 every day. Ok, maybe 6, but it feels like 800. No two revolving doors are the same. Some are heavy, some sneakily light. The people going through them scare me too. The guy that has to get outside right now, with no concern for anyone else in their glassed in pie slice? He's often in the same revolving door as me. I almost have to go around twice, as I'm just not as fast as he is, and can't vault myself out like him. I also often have the old lady with the cane, or the traveler with the suitcase, or the person who refuses to push themselves. I stand there, I wait. I nearly had a standoff the other day with one lady who refused to share the responsiblity of making the door Revolve. She stood there. So I stood there. She looked over her shoulder, pleadingly. I gave her the 'oh, helllll nnoooo' look back. She somehow used her purse strap to nudge the door in the right direction. I hate revolving doors.

Weekend Update

May Fest. Ah May Fest. How I Liebe Dich. Friday started my summer hours at work. There's nothing shabby with getting home at 1 in the afternoon. I went home and after a while I took a cab over to the Land of May Fest. I spent some quality time at the DANK Haus with VonSis for a bit. I headed over with my parents and sister for dinner at the fest. I hung out with some people for a couple of hours having 2,3, maybe 5 HB Originals before my shift. I started working my kitchen shift a little early and a little buzzed. It's hard to work with people who don't know what they are serving. There is a difference between a Brat, Thuringer, and Leberkase. As a veteran of the fest, I knew exactly which drunken fools needed pretzels and land-jagers (a tasty, bigger slim jim type food product) people love me when I serve them carbs and meat. My feet and ankles did get pretty swollen by the end of the night. I was so tired I couldn't even shower when I got home, I fell into my bed smelling like sauer kraut, but I was pretty happy, and more than a little tipsy. Saturday dawned a little earlier than I would have liked. Around 8am-ish VonSis let herself into my place and woke me up with the question "What do you want from McD's?" Ah - hangover breakfast!! After my yummy sausage burritos I was kinda ready to start my day. I ended up at the fest a couple of hours early, to meet John and Toni and a couple of their friends. The crowd was enormous. I had to get my drink on, I knew it was going to be a tough night. I started pouring beers two hours earlier than I was supposed to. The thing is, the bar manager calls me his Rock Star. I pour faster and better than most of the other volunteers. Bar manager CJ loves me, and I appreciate that he needs me. I jumped right in and got into the swing of it. The lines got so bad that at one point I just stood in front of one tapper (the domestic) and said "Who wants domestic?" If the people standing in line were smart, they took the domestic. It was quicker, cheaper, and they didn't have to wait in line anymore. Trust me, they caught on really quick after that. They understood they could be picky and wait longer, or they could get their buzz on on domestic. I am also really good at slamming my own beer while pouring someone else's. By the time Shannon got there to help, I was pretty tipsy. She and I gave up pretty quick. There were way too many volunteers behind the bar. It was a too many cooks in the kitchen situation. You couldn't move, get to a keg, help anyone, so we got some beers and found TheMarty. While looking for TheMarty I got a better view of the crowd. Lots of hot men. God, I love summer! Strangely some random dude rubbed my arm. I have no idea why. I shot him the nasty eye and kept on moving. Sadly, no love connection for me this year. Side Bar: I heart TheMarty. He is super awesome. I think I laughed, really laughed most of the time we were hanging out at the fest. He, like Shannon, is one of those people I feel like I'm supposed to know forever, because it's so easy to be around him. So, beer in my hair, beer in my belly, Shannon and TheMarty left me to go home. I had to find SIL1X - she was 'around'. I had to find her and her Hubby in the masses. I was standing by the food tent and I'm starting to text her to find her. While I'm typing I hear "VON!" loud and clear. SIL1X has found me. Let me tell you - No one, I mean NO ONE can get the attention of this deafish person like SIL1X. She's a little, well, Loud. SIL1X, K and I found a cab. I had my first Mr. Sub ever - yum. We ate at their house. I went home and fought with my ankles. It went something like this: "Ankles, I know you are all swollen and pissed, but I need to take a shower" "Um, NO" "Ankles, I mean it. There's beer in my hair, and clean sheets on my bed, and I need to take a shower" "Too bad for you. NO" "C'mon" "Elevate us and give us ice and we will consider it" So, at 1am after bartering with my ankles, I showered. Best. Shower.Ever. Yes, I do have conversations with my own ankles. I also chat with the dog, the tv, the computer. What do you want? I live alone. Sunday started much the same as Saturday: "You want same thing from McDonald's as yesterday?" "grumble, cough, grumble, Yeah. don't forget the salsa this time, k?" and my hangover and I got out of bed. VonSis is the best hangover partner EVER.

Ugh

Weekend recap tomorrow. Too tired. Too achy to type.