Eins....zwei....

So, I have a computer. Got home, turned it on. No internet. Call LandPerson/VonSis "Where is that thing with the stuff on it for the wireless?" **yes, she totally knew what I was referring to** "Oh, yeah, so the internet is messed up." "Like how?" "Like my husband was in the computer closet and knocked shit over. Like your modem." GGGGGRRRRREEEEEAAAAATTTT And, this weekend, we are all working at the festival -MaiFest at Lincoln and Leland for those of you close by *cough*Jennifer*cough* so, it won't be fixed before Monday at the soonest. Again, I ask, fingers crossed. I know, this is getting old, but still. Have a great weekend!

Rat Bastard

Text 1: Call me. Now. Your computer is f*$ked. Text 2: Call me. Now. Even Microsoft can't fix it. Message: "CALL!ME!" Yeah, head's up dipshit - I don't use my cell phone at work. I get no signal 30 stories up anyway. So, RatBastard (formerly known as StepBrother E) has completely fried my computer. I had to run home, find all of the discs ever given to me for my computer, and run them over to his house. There was screaming and yelling, and sighing, and the like. It ended with me leaving and saying loudly "I don't care! Just f*&king fix it!" He had the stones to yell at me about how Vista sucks, and everything sucks, and yadda yadda yadda. Well, no one jumped up and offered to assist me when I was buying the damn thing, so yes, I went with what Best Buy is telling me. In my comments a statement was made that if someone's laptop was busted they would be screwed because they don't have the $$ for a new one. MAKE NO MISTAKE - If it really is broken, homeboy RatBastard is buying me a new one. He wouldn't want to create a family rift, would he? No. So, he'll be pulling out the credit card if that's the case. I don't want to think about it too much. So, on that note - must be short and sweet, as I really do hate blogging at work. Hope your day is better than mine.

Stupid me

So, I have no laptop again, due to my own stupidity. I love when people, family people, make me feel bad, so I do something to make THEM feel better, and I get screwed. "Von, I was hurt when you sent your laptop to Best Buy." "E, I'm sorry. It's running really slowly, would you take a look at it for me?" "Sure." So, I leave my laptop with E (stepbrother1) on Friday night. He ASSURES me that I will have it back during the weekend. It's Tuesday. No laptop. Sent E a scathing email this morning, accusing him of being worse that Best Buy. We'll see how this pans out.

Better

Thanks all for your kind words and concern. Things are getting better at the commune. We'll be spending some time this weekend fortifying our home environs. We're probably also going to meet some little guard doggies by way of German Shepard Rescue. Perhaps we'll have a new furry friend sooner than we had originally planned. There is the matter of getting the back fence repaired (stupid f*cker) before we can actually bring the guard-beast home, but it'll get done. Big strong heavy front doors for my sister are a first priority. Preferably ones that will break your f*cking foot or shoulder or whatever before it breaks. Other than that? Drinking, board games, sleeping, cleaning, all of the good stuff a long weekend usually brings. Thanks again for being so awesome. Have a great weekend, and I'll see you all on the flip side.

Barely sleeping

Last night I slept with the lights on. Like, ALL of them. The kitchen light, the living room light, and the bedroom light. I had the bathroom light on, but that felt excessive. This was my added security measure. I locked all of my windows - who needs a breeze? I also made sure (ok, 4 or 5 times) that my door club thing was as secure as it could be. And yes, I may have checked the back door deadbolt more than twice. I was able to fall asleep around 11, and I only woke up 3 maybe 4 times. The night before last, around 4:30 someone smashed/kicked/busted their way in to my sister's house. She's my landlord, she lives upstairs from me. The evil evil bastard smashed in her front door, ran up a flight of stairs and kicked in another door. This person was in her house. This person was also in our backyard, had smashed out our back fence - think big tall over 6 feet tall heavy wood fence - and may have tried to get into the building on the first floor. Thankfully, by the grace of God, my sister is fine. Sure, she's in shock and upset and angry and oh, yeah, did I mention in shock?, but she's alive and breathing and unharmed. I'm also fine - more or less, a little leaning to the less. I'm pissed. I'm pissed at myself that I didn't wake up - either from the noise or the instinctual fact that my sister was in trouble -. I didn't even wake up when sister/police/family were walking all over the building, up and down stairs, in and out. I didn't wake up to the text from her 'someone broke into my house'. I didn't wake up until she tapped on my door, about an hour and 1/2 after everything went to hell. I'm a shitty sister. I'm pissed at this horrible person. They're life is over. They will get caught, they will go to jail, and I will laugh and be please. After I breath a sigh of relief. I'm scared and sad and sick to my stomach. Not even a week ago, on a chilly rainy night, I was sitting in my adorable living room all cozy on my new couch, reading a book. I looked around and realized how much I love my place, the building, the area we live in. I felt safe. This person ruined that for me. I know that I'll get that feeling back, but it's going to take a while. I hate that as it got dark last night I got a tension headache and that I got all OCD about windows and locks and such. I hate that my electric bill is going to be higher for a while, until I can sleep without all of the lights on. I hate that some random person can do something so evil and stupid and violent. I can't even go into our back yard with out seeing how badly he smashed out (or in?) the fence. I'm going to be trite and say it: Why my sister? Why us? Why where I live?

Delayed reaction weekend in review

Drank: Italian Whites, Pinot Grigio, lemon drop shots, lambic, chocolate martinis ("you need to sip it before you pick it up!"), Monty Python Holy grAil, HoneyMoon. Yummmmm. Did: Secret stuff, quac...chiropractor appt., volunteered Roger McGuinn at OTSFM, bartended a quincenera (cheap-ass tippers), visited VonMom for about 10 minutes, hung out with John and Toni. Lost: My lunch nearly on the cab ride between bar and volunteering gig, an earring that I'm pretty sure is either in my dress or in my bathroom, a $20 somewhere dunno where, probably some brain cells, sleep. Gained: An honor of the most touching variety that I was shocked (shocked I say!) to be given, a voodoo doll (Thanks J&T!!!), that warm fuzzy feeling that I have the best friends anywhere, a hug from Chris who lives too far away, a slice of pie that I didn't quite give to my sister (whoops) I've been loving my weekends lately. They've been the best. Even though I'm not spending time with everyone that I would like to be spending time with, I have to say that the Friday night to Sunday night thing has been pretty amazing. I think I just need to find some balance. See, once Mondays hit then it's all down hill. No calls, no texts, no emails - I feel like my weekend people are back to their regularly scheduled lives, and that I'm not a part of that. Admittedly, once Wednesday hits, the communication blackout is usually over so that the plans can be set for the pending weekend. I guess I'm lonely on Mondays - long story short. Not a bad reason to find a boyfriend, someone to hangout with/call/text/chat with Monday through Thursday. Good thing I got that voodoo doll. Apparently he's (it's?) supposed to help me find a man. A rich man. Hm....gotta go find me a safety pin or a feather or whatever. Welcome to the week, my friends - I hope your weekend was as sunny/amazing/loving/fantastic as mine was!

For the Love of Zombie Rotten McDonald

Deir Peeples,

Helllllo!! Mah name is Zoe, and I am the Zombie that lives on Von's desk. Heir is a pitcure of me:

Nombrainznom...

Cuse me, got distracted.

I want to tel you that I lovz some tings a lot. I lovz:

KO - she maide me in her houze frum some yarn. I will NOT eat her brainz.

Von - she letss me liv on her desk and givs me friends and ztuff. I will prolly NOT eat her brainz eiver.

MOST OF ALLLLL I LOVZ OTHER ZOMBIES!!!

FOr essample:

I lovz the muvie "Night of the Living Dead". That Gore Romero got us down pat!

I also lovz the book "World War Z". Ok, Maxs Brooks, I may have to eat your brainz beecase you think you humans wins! Mwwwwahhh......

brainzbrainzbrainzzambrainobrainz

Damm! Sorry got discotracted again!

I wuuld be re-mis if I forgot "The Re-animator". Lovz Stuart Gordon!

Becuzz of Von, I has to like much musik. Of curse, I lovz The Zombies! C'mon "She's not there" and "Time of the Season"?!? I woold be very very hugree before I ate thoze brainz.

Lovz a looot that Rob Zombie. Nut onlee is he a qualitee film macker, he alzo rote a song about me. Yuu may have heared of it? "Living Dead Girl"? Besst song ever!! Pluzz he is drrrrty.

Buut I diegress.

I am really heare to tellz you how much Von and I lovz Zombie Rotten McDonald!http://empireofthesenseless.blogspot.com/ (alzo over der in the blog roll. Ther, stoopid, to your rite)

Von waz veri nervice when she started this bllogg. She thaught no one would readz it but then ZRM waz veri nise and mite have read it sometimez and made nise commentz that made her feelz much better. He didn't even knoe her at all then!

Then, thiz one time when Von waz saad about her dog, ZRM sent her some musik CDs and then she was not sad animore. Just out of the bloo! Like a nize persen would do! AND the musik CDs were very very good!

ZRM has veri fantastix tastes in musik!! Like no one elze!!

ZRM rites very good blogg postz that are funny and make sense and are good to read. They make me a smarterz zombie.

ZRM is nice and a frequent commentater over heier witch makez Von happi and that is ok with me. They are lik frendz and may even meat somedai!

SO pleeze, if you valuu your brainz, go visit Zombie Rotten McDonald and show him some lovz.

OTHERWIZE I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINZ!~!~!

brainznomnombrainznom.

Okey, got to go eat something ***brainz****

Thaankkk you for your tym.

Luvz,

ZoeZombie

We Love Zombie Rotten McDonald

A Starbucks Tale

Here is the full story about my run-in with Awesomeness over the weekend. If you are one of the people I called and screeched this at Saturday morning, sorry for the re-run. So, Saturday morning after my quack....I mean chiropractor appointment I went next door to the Starbucks. Since I was just running to the doc I hadn't really bothered getting all dolled up. I was wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt that says "Wicked Pissah" that I picked up in Boston last fall. The line for the coffee was looonnng. There seemed to be some sort of back up with the baristas. So, what did I do? OF course, I looked around for the hot guys. Oh, and there was one HOT guy. He was standing one person over from me. About 6'3", ripped, and h o t. Dude was looking around a little, but more or less kept his head down. So, I'm checking him out and I get the notion he looks familiar. 'Do I know him somehow?' I think. Hm. For some reason I looked at his shoes (I never do this, don't ask me why I did). He was wearing Yves Saint Laurent suede loafers. 'Ok, expensive shoes. Maybe I don't know him, but I know him, like he's famous or something.' Right around this time, the barista says "Did you order 2 lattes Z?" yet he kinda dropped off the "Z", so if you weren't standing right there, you weren't sure if you heard it. Hot guy says "Yes." Hot guy then looks at me and says "I like your tshirt" I say "Thanks!" waaaaay more brightly and quite a bit more high-pitched than my usual sultry vocals. "Here you go Z." That time, we ALL heard the Z. Hot guy picks up his coffees and walks out the door. Not a minute later, 2 or 3 guys blurt out "Holy SHit! That was Carlos Zambrano!" We all tear over to the windows - I think we all wanted to see what Big Z was driving. He wasn't driving, he walked away. Starbucks was immediately abuzz with our mutual brush with greatness. And me? Oh, yeah, I'm the gal he talked to. Me. All because of my silly tshirt. Sigh. I get my latte, and go skipping back to my car - still elated, still giddy. I walk past some couple and the guy says "Wicked Pissah, funny!" I ignore him, I mean, he's no Zambrano! I call my mother. Well, not true, I called my dad as he knows who Zambrano is, but VonMom answered the phone. After I get done telling her the story, she says "But Von, you were wearing a tshirt. How are you going to get him to marry you wearing that?" She missed the point I think. I'm still giddy. I think the coolest part was that no one bothered him, no one approached him. He was able to just go grab some coffee and be on his way. That's my brush with greatness, it made a great start to my weekend.

Your thoughts?

I've got a hankerin' to do a small, wee, one might even call it tiny stripe of fun color in my hair this summer. I'm thinking purple (fav) or blue (might be pretty). I'm thinking I'd like to do a small hardly noticeable horizontal stipe from ear to ear at the underside of my hair. So, a whole lot more understated than a vertical stripe or two or ten. SO. The problem is ChicagoBoss. Though I can find no where in our handbook where such an idea is taboo, CB strongly (and a little sternly) frowns upon this idea. This idea is gnawing at me like a rabid racoon and will not cease and desist. It's been about 6 months now. I've presented the arguement that one thing I have a lot of is hair, and I can pin up the aforementioned colorful stripe at a moment's notice should we have important visitors, or if I need to run an errand to a client, etc. CB is, well, highly doubtful. I would love to have some ideas as to how to convince CB and the rest of my boss-people that this is a good idea. Or if not a good idea, something they will let me do. Because they love me? Or maybe because they are fully behind backing my whim, as it will have zero effect on my performance and productivity. I lay it at your feet, my interfriends. Advise me please.

Well, yes and no

Yes, I know that I have a sneer semi-permanently attached to my face today. What of it? No, you do not smell liquor coming out of my pores. Yes, I showered at 12:30 am. Drunken showering is a new favorite past time. No, I didn't win. Yes, I had to do a shot. I was done in by the very drinking game I invented! **At 55 minutes past every hour, the person with the highest $$ in poker chips and the person with the lowest $$ in poker chips must do a shot of tequila. Viva Cinco de Mayo! I had the highest chips at 9:55. No, I do NOT think I am still in my 20s. Yes, everyone at the poker party is very attractive. No, I did not forget that I have a very long day today, including Deutsche klasse. Yes, I do think I may fall asleep on my desk at some point today. No, you may not write on my face with permanent marker when I do. Yes, I did stop at Daily on my way home. Because it's my Cheers and all. No, I did not imbibe at Daily. Yes, we did hum or sing snippets of "Poker Face" most of the night. No, the people I play poker with do not think Lady Gaga is attractive. Yes, I do think all of the above was a good idea for a Tuesday. Nope, you may not join me next week.

I wish

I wish every day was Sunday. I wish iTunes would give me back the songs that I lost. I wish dieting were easy. Easy as pie. Easy as cake. Mmmmm Cake. I wish I could go see a musical every week. I wish I had won MegaMillions. I wish I had a dog. I wish my ABC free episode player would work. I wish VonSis would take me to Frank's Diner in Kenosha, as Guy Fierri(sp) said I should go there. I wish no woman on God's green Earth would wear sandals or flip-flops before they got a pedicure. For pete's sake, ladies. Please. I wish people used only words they understand. For example, Disrespectful is NOT a synonym for Ignorant. I wish the man of my dreams would just come to my door and sweep me off my feet already. I wish someone would make me some chocolate chip cookies, and that I could eat them without shaking up my diet. I wish my hair were about 3-4 inches longer. I wish my dishes would wash themselves. No, I do not have a dishwasher. I wish I were a little bit cooler. I wish I had a fun streak of blue or purple in my hair. (Boss thinks this is a bad idea.) I wish my friends who are out of work would find jobs. I wish my friends who are sick will become well, and stay that way. I wish that the tourists I have to encounter on a regular basis would start paying attention to where they are going, and stop being so stupid. I wish every work week was four days long. I wish to have my job f o r e v e r. I wish I were going on a vacation sooner rather than later. (July? Really? That's a ways off) I wish something awesomely funny would happen, so I can share it here. I wish they would cancel The Hills. I mean, without LC, is there any show? Nay, nay I say. I wish all reality t.v. would go away. Ok, The Amazing Race, Diners DriveIns and Dives, and Man vs Food can stay. Get rid of the rest. I wish there was an unending bottle of wine in my kitchen at all times. I wish you all a great week.