So, I owed you some pictures.....

Picture #1: Yep - I know, I promised you this photo in May. This is my latest tattoo. It's the scorpio symbol, and the scorpio constellation. I love it, most people hate it. What can you. And no, it didn't hurt.

Picture #2: This is my cubey cube at work today. I put up the lights, LB "fixed" them, and then mailroom guy went bat-shit (pun intended) crazy with the fake spider web stuff. I LOVE it. I never want to take it down. I have to do a little limbo to get in and out of my cube, but it's awesome!!

Picture #3: This is a picture of my two zombies, made for me by my friend Krista. On the left, in blue is Zoe, she's been around for a while. On the right is Zeb, just got her last weekend. They live on my desk full time forever. I haven't yet learned how to make them, so for now I just throw money at Krista, and beg her to make me zombies.

Have a great fantastic wonderful weekend. I want to hear all about your shenanigans.

Again.

I just want to state AGAIN one of my main pet peeves. IF you are a doormat in real life, you do NOT get to pretend to be a bad ass in fake life. Define fake life? Well, thanks for asking!! Fake life = Blogs/tweets/facebook/etc. If you're mad about something and at someone in particular - Call them on the phone, or go visit them - tell them VIA SPOKEN WORD what they have done to piss you off, so it can be remedied like adults. Don't go all passive/aggressive and pretend to be a bad ass. Reminder, all you are doing is typing. In the relative safety of your home. In your jammies. Why is this a pet peeve of mine? Well, thanks for asking!! BECAUSE: What you see with me is what you get. I would never, WILL never write here or on facebook or anywhere else anything that I would not say aloud to the person who has offended me. I'm actually more likely to tell someone off and/or fix things than I am to post it here. I usually only post it here if I think it would amuse you all, my dearest readers. That being said - I expect the same from other people. I know, I expect a lot. But without lofty expectations, there would be no pet peeves, would there?

I adore them!

I'm going to take the entire Michigan Avenue Apple store behind the bleachers and totally make out with them!!! On Sunday, my beloved 4th generation iPod nano decided to stop working. Specifically, the click wheel no clicky-clicky. I make an appointment to bring sick little iPod to the Apple store this morning. Shiny happy nice people greeted me at the door, directed me to Genius bar and Mr. Awesome. Mr. Awesome ran some tests, did some stuff. Said: "Sooo. I think it cannot be repaired." and "Your warranty expired four days ago." at this point I got the cold sweat. Four days!!?!? C'mon!!! and then Mr. Awesome said: "There is no way I'm charging you for this. I mean, four days." Huh?What?Whozis? "I mean, there is no damage, and it barely just came off warranty, so I'm going to go ahead and get you a new one." Mmmmhmmmmm..... "No charge" No charge This never happens to me. Never never never. I'm so giddy. I have no iPod for a few days while I wait for the new one to arrive, but mine wasn't working anyway, so no big deal.

Do they know?!?!?

Turned on my radio first thing when I got in today. First song: In Your Eyes, Peter Gabriel Second song: Run, Collective Soul Third song: Steady, as She Goes, The Raconteurs Fourth song: Friday I'm in Love, the Cure Sixth song: Blister in the Sun, Violent Femmes (fifth song sucked, don't know what it was) It's like they KNOW it's my birthday, and are playing songs I love. It's going to be a good day.

People do the strangest things

In an OMG the Apocalypse can't come soon enough file: Today I was in line at Panera. There was a long line, so I was very close to the revolving door. For some random unknown reason some dumb chick decided to go counter-clockwise* through the revolving door. Hm. Um, no little push bar should have been a tip off. This in itself was not the big deal. The big deal was the 7 OTHER PEOPLE WHO THEN ALSO WENT THROUGH THE REVOLVING DOOR COUNTER-CLOCKWISE. Seriously?!?! WTF!?!?! Again, there is no push bar, and the door is squeaking in revolt. Are we really that sheep-like? Like 'I know this is wrong, but the six people before me did it, so even though it feels strangely unnatural, I'm just going to do this.' Equally scary? When I did my little smirk/chortle/head-shake, only one other person acknowledged that this was highly unusual behavior!!! In other strange news: A small group of my "peers" (yes, in quotes, I use it very loosely!!) elected me to a board of directors. Ahem. A Board of Directors. At one of Chicago's German Cultural Centers. Yep, get up off the floor. Sometimes people think of me as a grown up. That's not to say I didn't giggle like a school girl, steeple my fingers, and say "Excellent" when my name was read as a new member of the Board of.....you get the picture. If you read my comments much, you may have read that tomorrow is my birthday. This is true. Comments** make lovely gifts. :) * Correction!! Dumb chick went counter-counter clockwise, meaning the opposite of normal!! Thanks, Zombie, for pointing that out! ** Posts also make fantastic gifts!! Thanks again MenD!!

Whoops

I remember why I've been avoiding the Tuesday night poker game. There's this thing on Wednesdays that gets in the way. It's called work. I need a cheeseburger. Stat. And a pillow. And maybe some tylenol. *poker wasn't the only culprit. Stopping by the bar on my way home for 'one' might have contributed. That, and the two I had when I got home because I was mid-second wind.* And, oh yeah, I lost. Quickly.

Plenty of something

Yeah, so, I'm trying the internet dating thing. Ugh. It's time consuming. And annoying. And sometimes boring. And a whole lot of other things. Here's who I'm dealing with right now: S - AKA: SouthSideTruckMechanic HouseInUPGuy. He's a front runner. Funny conversations, decent amount of normal texts . Cute, not too cute. Has a job. And a car. Does not appear to have any chronic medical conditions*. B - AKA: BoyScoutLeaderButThat'sOKBecauseIFinditStrangelyEndearing. He has no last name. Meh on looks, high-ish voice. No job, but going back to college. Might be living with mother, but as a caretaker for her. A couple of decent conversations, a few IM chats. Does not text, but I'm learning to work around this. A - AKA: CreepyBuddistLivesWithMother. NO LONGER IN THE RUNNING. He blew it pretty darn quick. Way too many creepy texts about kissing me, giving me hickies (he's 40 for Pete's sake!). Straw that Nearly broke the back: "Happy Sweetest day to my super sweetie!" I ignored this one. Straw that DID break the back: "Good Morning baby" My response: "I don't like to be called baby, especially by someone I don't know. Game over. Good luck. Best advice: Never contact me again" A2 - AKA: ChristianALOTChristianbutWhattheHELL. Also no last name. We're emailing. Things aren't looking good. He says tattoos are a sin. We're debating that. Debate via email = "getting to know each other". V - AKA: AlienNumeroUno. He likes me. He likes me muy. Not going to happen, but haven't written the sayonara email just yet. Grainy pictures lead me to believe he might be cute. Besides, they don't always have to talk. K - AKA: MightbeaSerialKiller ButWhattheHellHeHasAJob. He's kinda fallen off the radar, but he's only mildly creepy and he has a job, seemingly a good one. M - AKA: ZOMGHesAPilot. Just started emailing him. Upside to him being a pilot - I might get to hang on to some of my precious alone time. Downside - he probably has a wife in Texas. I saw that Lifetime movie, I'm no dummy. Those are about it for now. Don't worry, I'll keep you updated. Plus, if anyone wants to send me a birthday gift (ie: one good man), I'm not against it. Stay tuned!! *deal breaker. This does not make me a bitch. This is baggage I carry that will probably never go away.

Hi there.

Two things. One, I heard "If you dont' know me by now" by Simply Red while I was driving home from school last night. Not only did I belt it out - fairly well, not going to lie - but I gots to wondering. What every happened to Simply Red? I mean, I think that dude has a good voice. I googled them. I wikied them. They "plan on breaking up" in 2010. WTF? Do they not know I am having a renaissance with them? Secondly. Internet dating is hard. And time consuming. And annoying. And frustrating. And a little bit scary. Oh, yes, my interfriendz, I DO plan on elaborating on that topic for your amusement. Let's just say there are a couple of guys in the running for my affection. Yes, they all have nick names so that I can keep them straight while amusing you all. So, consider that a teaser. A preview, if you will. Now, back to the grindz.

Weekend in pictures

My weekend, in pictures.

Friday night:

Some of the best pizza I have EVER had. Burt's Place in Morton Grove, as seen on No Reservation with Anthony Bourdain. It was delicious. The company was fantastic, as usual. With my tricycle of awesome counterparts (Shannon and TheMarty) we had great conversation, much laughter, a little bit of snark. It was a great evening.

Saturday:

Fall Fest at North Park Village. Believe it or not those pictures were taken inside the city limits of Chicago. Family time. Nothing horrible to report, so I guess that's good.

Saturday night:

Dinner with Laura and then off to see "Paranormal Activity" with Laura, SD, and JP. Ok, not going to lie, that movie scared the shit out of me. I will admit that I screamed the entire final three minutes of the movie. I also slunk way down in my chair and covered my face with my jacket more than a few time. The movie was fantastic, the scariest I've seen in years. The pain picture you see I took while we were driving home. It was a Sherwin Williams store, but from the angle we were to the store the neon said Pain and I thought that was interesting.

Sunday:

Book club. Our book club's name is Not Your Momma's Book Club. We're a fun mix of chicks. We have our meetings in bars, drink good beers (sometimes wines), eat carbs, chat, get snarky. Oh, yeah, sometimes we also talk about books.

Even though I had very little down time, and no time to finish my homework, paint my nails or watch my Netflix, it was a pretty perfect weekend.

Way TMI

Dear Ladies (who also use the 23rd floor bathroom), I think we need to clear up some misconceptions here. Get your heads on straight. Because, quite honestly, you all and your nasty is killing me. Some points to ponder:

• I don't care who told you what - your shit does stink
• On that note, "courtesy flush". If you don't know what that is, for the love of God, google it
• The Oust is there. Right there, where you're looking, USE IT
• Is there a good reason you shake your hands ALL OVER the floor before you reach the paper towel dispenser?
• I know you - yes, YOU - don't wash your hands all that often. That's just wrong on so many levels
• I probably will not tell you if you have spinach in your teeth. I don't like you, you don't bother to talk to me at any other point ever, plus I think it's funny
• If you happen to be the person who broke the toilet (it won't stop flushing ever) just call JP. How hard is it?
• I don't really like to talk when I'm doing my business, so please, don't ask me about my weekend, my day, the weather while I'm in the stall
• When you spray perfume all over like a teenager using Axe for the first time we all suffer. And there is no circulation in that bathroom. I don't like Happy, or Gio, or Glow, I don't want to wear/taste/have it permeate my person

Thanks very much,

A fed-up co-user of said facilities.

Yes please. Come to momma

Please tell me I'm not the only person on God's green Earth watching "Sons of Anarchy?" So much to love/salivate over/quote/covet about this show!!! First of all - the theme song: "the Dream we left behind" by Pedestrian. If you haven't heard this song, please go listen to it. It's classic rockyish awesomeness. Secondly - Charlie Hunnam (who plays Jax) OMFG - Hot. I'm completely indifferent to how old he is in real life or how old his character is, I'm going cougar on that ass. That fine fine fine ass. And ladies? Yes, there is at least one scene I know of that there's a nice shot of said ass. (Season two, episode one. You're welcome) Not to mention Katey Segal as his mother and Ron Perlman as his really bad step-father. Katey Katey Katey. I would absolutely not want to meet her in a dark alley! Her character, Gemma, is the baddest of bad ass mothers (or should that be mothas?) I've ever seen on t.v. She could kick my ass in a second, shoot me with one of the three guns she carries, and not break a sweat or displace a single awesomely highlighted hair on her head. Ron Perlman - sure, you're thinking Beast, or Hellboy, I was too. But once you catch sight of him being a supreme bad ass and having *ahem* relations with more than a few MC hangers on you'll know him as Clay - President of SAMCRO. SAMCRO - for those who don't know (and why don't you know!?) is Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club Redwood Original. The bikers are all awesome. It's kind of like watching the seven dwarfs - on some really bad crack. I also should mention a couple of other guys who are on the show these days. The current "bad guys" or worse guys I guess, are Adam Arkin and Henry Rollins. Yes, THAT Henry Rollins. Ooops. I have to go wipe the saliva off my keyboard. Take this as a public service announcement! GO watch "Sons of Anarchy" on FX. It's on Tuesdays at 9pm my time. You won't be disappointed. You can thank me by buying me my very own SAMCRO sweatshirt. A must have on every Christmas wish list this year!

I tried, oh well

I've tried to be lighter/brighter/happier/chippier (more chipper?) of late. Well, guess what? Someone I thought I cared about took a big massive piss in my Cheerios, and I feel the need to vent about it. I've got this friend. Correction - Laura (of longestbestestfriendness) has this friend. His name is Mike. Laura's friendship with Mike goes back back back - 20 years. Which is the exact same amount of time I've been friends with Laura. Laura met Mike while on a camping trip with Girl Scouts. Mike's Boy Scout troop/pack/whatever was staying at the same camp. Mike fell immediately in teenaged loooove with Laura. Mike pursued Laura, Laura pursued everyone (anyone) else for years. Yours truly (hate to admit it, but it matters) dated Mike a couple of times over the course of a few years. Laura and Mike finally date. Break up. Date. Break up. Date......you get the idea. LauraMikeVon were friends. Good friends, even best friends. Mike shat on Laura, I picked up the pieces. Laura shat on Mike, I picked up the pieces. You see where this is going? I always liked Mike. Not liked but liked. I rooted for him. I was sure, very sure, that he was "the One" for Laura, which is saying a lot. Ok. On or about 1997 (this is important too) Mike and Laura were doing their are they/aren't they dance. We were all in our *ahem* early 20s. It was summer. I was not about to stay home, like, ever. Mike was working in Door County being chefy or something. Some random Saturday night: ring ring Laura: "Hello" Me: "Hey. Want to go to a party?" Laura: "Sure." Laura and I go to a party. There's this guy there. His name is Mark. I know him, but meh, not a huge fan. Over the next 12 years or so: Laura dumps Mike. Marries Mark. Have a child. Separate. Mike has recently become my "friend" on facebook. Mike makes snide remark on my status update how I should be helping Laura pack/move over the weekend. Mike doesn't really keep up with me in any way shape or form, so has no idea that a) Laura does not want my help b) I talk to Laura about her stuff every day, I am very supportive, and her best shoulder to cry on c) that I had family I haven't seen in 12 years in town this weekend, and could not help Laura because VonMom would have killed me dead, and Laura understands that better than almost anyone. I send Mike an evil email, basically telling him I'm done with him, yet I want to know what I ever did to him. Mike sends scathing reply in which he says EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT BECAUSE I TOOK LAURA TO A PARTY IN 1997. What did I do? Well, of course I forwarded both my and Mike's emails to Laura. I figured she'd want to know why I had deleted him on fb and blocked him. Plus, I think she needs to know that she is in NO WAY responsible for her own actions, clearly I am the puppet master, and she is a mere toy in my vast game of world domination!!! I'm sure she'll feel really good about that! This is what happens when I'm nicest to people. I get shat on. I get blamed and pummeled and berated beyond belief. Of course this is bothering me. A lot. But I've moved past the want to cry phase and on to the want to destroy phase. I like this phase. It's productive. I also blame facebook. People who are such major pansies in real life can spout off whatever b.s. they like, because all they have to do is sit and typey typey and 'wow! I'm a big bad ass!' If this exchange had taken place in person? I guarantee there would have been a lot more swearing on my part, and a lot of "um, yeah, um, yeah, f off and stuff" on his part. Plus too, if this had been a verbal altercation, I would not have had to suffer through his horrible grammar and spelling. I'm pretty sure he never graduated high school. yes, I know, it's a rant. But I had to get it off my chest. I will now be taking donations so I can go to Boston for a long weekend and get away from it all. Sorry for the rant, better days/posts/prose are a'comin.

Stuck in my brainz

How many hops Would a hipster hop If a hipster could hip hop? (I made that up. It's been stuck in my brain for a couple of days. It's been begging to be written somewhere. That somewhere is here.)