Fridge note

The Tricycle of Awesome rides again, today at 4:00 sharp. This means: I'm heading to Michigan with my people for a good few days. This means: No computer. No Internet. No blog. This also means: Yes, we are TOTALLY going to talk about y'all when we're drunk sitting around playing games. Have a great long weekend. Don't go blowing any of your fingers off. See you on the flip side!

Im a gi ne

That's about how slow I can play "Imagine" on the guitar. Sigh. I LOVE guitar!!! This stupid song has a few quick tough chord changes, so that's why I'm playing it so very very slow right now, but I am playing it!! The wacko was back. This time she asked if "We could play the Madonna version?" of the song. Our teacher, a member of Old Town's Beatles ensemble said "Hell no." She's gotta go. For real. New problem in Guitar 2. So, these folks have been together for the staggering amount of time that is 18 weeks, and are, like, totally besties! And so not keen on interlopers (aka new people, aka me). I'm not having it. They need to realize this is not their private little group, people come and go at Old Town all the time. Some are warming up to me because let's face it, I'm awesome AND hilarious. Others? Not so much. I've figured it out with one of them, though. Apparently she had dubbed herself the "funny girl" of the class, and OF COURSE I'M A THREAT because I'm 10 x funnier than her without even trying. Ah, well, she will lose. Too bad.

I'm sorry but

No, I'm actually not. The situation: Got to my nasty urine-scented Metra station this morning, right around 7am, as usual. Today, there were six teenagers drinking beer and laying around in the parking lot. Literally. One of them was laying in the drive way. At 7am. God damn right I called the police. WTF. Not sure when Chicago became an open container city, or when 7am sounded like a good time to throw a party in a public parking lot. I actually tried to call 311 first. They then told me no, I needed to call 911. SO I did. I was merely giving them the heads up that not one city block away from the largest police stations in the city, there's a little drinky drinky party going on that they might want to check out. Everyone on the train seemed pretty incensed about it to. SO Get to work, post on teh fb that this happened. AND GOT BERATED FOR IT. Ok, now I finally understand that many many many people present totally false bull shit versions of themselves either on teh fb, or on their blogs (you know who you are) or both. Whatever. FINE You are SOOOOO much cooler than I could ever be!! Being consistently the same person is passe, I guess. BUT Don't go telling me that I'm old, or a fuddy duddy for calling the cops on these cobags. OR telling me that I was just like them. Yeah, so I drank when I was not 21, I fully and freely admit that. Did I do it at 7am, right out in the open? A block away from a police station? Um. No. No I didn't, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. I was a LOT smarter than that.

Is anything else watching this crap?

So. I planned to have, and did have, a mostly relaxing weekend. On Saturday I discovered a whole new show of awesome. It's called Billy the Exterminator. Here's how this happened. So, I was watching one of my favorite shows, Dirty Jobs (heeeey future ex-hubby Mike Rowe) and he went on a job with Billy (long before Billy got his own show). I then remembered that Billy HAS HIS OWN SHOW. So, as luck would have it, there was a Billy marathon going on. I could hardly pull myself away. I mean, his fam is so amazingly, proudly white trash, it was impossible not to fall in serious like with them. AND Billy is smart, like wicked smart. He knows lots and lots of stuff. About lots and lots of things. Sure, I don't need how to repel a gator info, but the stuff on how to keep the raccoons away were very helpful. Billy just needs a decent barber. And a dentist.

Friday Fun Fridgenote

Dear BlogRoll: (aka, "Friends, Lovers, and those I cuddle with) I want to know. Which are you? Are you: A Friend? A lover? Or one I cuddle with? And/Or Which one would you like to be? a little frivolity on a Friday never hurt anyone ;)

Stupid wacko

**First off, I know I said I was on hiatus, but a) I had to write a VonMom bday post and 2) I have to tell you all this story!!** So, last night was the first class of guitar 2. On the first night of every session, all guitar classes meet in the concert hall for some announcements and then you all get split into your classes and off you go. Here's what happened last night, night one of my Guitar 2. Of course, I was early. Like early early. I was the first person in the concert hall. I sat my happy ass down and vegged out. Slowly, people start to come in. While there was still only a handful of us, I hear the following exchange behind me. WhackJob: You know, I believe all guitars have souls. Mine is second hand, so it has a very old soul. NormalDude: Ok. WhackJob: Picks too. Picks have souls. NormalDude: Ok. WJ: I've been playing forever. Never had a lesson, but I'm going to take like intermediate and stuff. V(in her mind): Mmm hmmm. Good luck with that. WhackJOb. **at this point, I text the above guitar/soul exchange to a few friends** 8:00. Everyone's in the hall. I see WJ approach Jimmy T, overlord of the guitar instructors. He asks her to play a few chords. WJ CANNOT STRUM. She gets 3 of the 7 chords close-ish. Not right, but close-ish. Her strumming is horrifying. JT: Ok. Ok, let's try Guitar 1. WJ: No, I'm totally intermediate JT: 1 rep? WJ: shakes over confident head no JT: Ok, I guess you can try Guitar 2. Of fucking course. My class. WJ wasted so much of our class time, and was so very clearly in the wrong class, that it was a huge joke. As we were learning our first tune of the night "Walls" by Tom Petty, which was to be a refresher and to teach two new chords, WJ opined "We suck! Where's the harmony!" Um, what? Some where about the middle of "Country Roads" WJ: "Um, can you find me a nice version of Ave Maria?" Teacher: "No. We don't really teach that here." WJ: "Beyonce does a nice version of that song" wasn't aware Beyonce had taken up acoustic guitar. I've decided to turn her into a drinking game. The half dozen people sitting by me are in. Every time she raises her hand, we drink. Sure, I'll either get a DUI or need to take a cab every week, but it's only 8 weeks, right? That, or I might have to kill her. With her soulful second hand guitar.

Happy Birthday to VonMom

She has a green thumb, like a REALLY green thumb. I don't like plants. She can't carry a tune, and likes to make up her own words to songs. I know more song lyrics than I know anything else, and carry a tune quite nicely. She doesn't like it when I draw smiley faces on her hands. I like to draw smiley faces on her hands. She thinks I'm a smart ass. I think, 'huh, wonder where I got THAT from'. She hates tattoos. Thinks they might be a roadblock to my future as President of the United States. I love my tattoos, am planning on getting another one soon, and was pretty sure that her being not an American citizen might put more of a damper on my future as President of the United States. She thinks (deep down) that I'm smart enough to be President of the United States. She raised me with a "whatever doesn't kill her will make her stronger" mentality. I love that she did. I'm so hugely independent, and that's all her. She and VonDad have the cutest banter you've ever heard. It's like two news anchors that have been working together for, oh, about 25 years or so. She hates that my eyes "crinkle up and disappear" when someone is taking a picture of me. She doesn't realize that hers do the same thing. Deep deep down, she thinks I'm funny, even when she says "You are NOT funny!" I think I'm funny. My friends adore her. I'm pretty sure some of them like her more than me. She may have nearly fainted when her daughters got their ears pierced, but Oh My God, if you wrongfully fire her child from her crappy part time job in high school she will EAT YOU FOR BREAKFAST. She probably thinks that I got some bad habits from her: smoking (well, I'm over that one), t.v. watching, chatting, chocolate eating. What I also got was strength, honesty, drive, and determination. In those I'm proud to say that I'm her daughter. Happy happy birthday Mom. You're the coolest. Love you!

Crappy poster lately.

I don't really want to take a haitus, but it seems like that may be happening. Things at work have been crazy, busy, and crazybusy. My evenings? Even more so. Here's this week: Last night: Ticket counting from MayFest. I left at 9:40 (almost 4 hours of counting) and they were not finished. Tonight: GUITAR 2 STARTS!!!! Woo to the hoo Tomorrow night: VonMom's birthday. I'm trying to crash their dinner plans. Thursday: More time spending with VonParents Friday: Girls night with Toni Saturday night: Volunteering at Old Town Sunday: Something I cannot remember. Now, tomorrow being VonMom's big day, I will be posting a post to her. Beyond that? I will try. and try and try. But I make no promises.

VonForNow

is having such a shit day at work, she can't even talk about it. Nor can she blog.

Interns and book clubs

1. My intern is back at work. Here's why I love her:

• She works her ASS off, all summer for me and LB1.
• She has a great attitude
• She's smart. And driven.
• She's got a great work ethic, for a 20 year old, sure, but there are a lot of people I know that can learn a thing or two from her.
• She really does go to Starbucks whenever we want! Sometimes every day!
• She's adorable

Here's why I don't:

• She's adorable
• Like, all 90 lbs of her
• And 5'0" of her
• Standing next to her makes me feel like....um...... like
• Like Ursula to her Ariel
• Like Snuffulopogus to her Elmo

All kidding aside, I'm sooooo glad she's back!

2. Not Your Momma's Book Club (why, yes, I DID name it, thanks for asking!) had our "On the Road" Jack Kerouac meeting in my awesome yard on Saturday. 3.5 bottles of wine and 5 hours worth of meeting. We're a good club. Really good. Like new people want in to NYMBC all the time. We're letting two new members in this month. I don't think they know about the blindfolds and paddles that come with the first meeting, but whatever.

Not so sure about this new book - "The Help", but in an effort of democracy, I'll read it. Majority rule and all that. I have to get a copy, LB1 is checking to see if she has it to lend to me. Otherwise I'll be hitting up half priced books.com or whatever it's called.

Happy Monday, my shiny happy people, happy Monday.

I got your bandwagon right here

Psst - Hey, hey you Um, so THE BLACKHAWKS WON THE STANLEY CUP LAST NIGHT. SO The rest of the NHL can SUCK IT. That is all. Back about your day. ***return of the snark***

Happy Birthday

Today is my dad's birthday. It's a big one. If you remind him of that, he'll shrug, and say "Eh" in a non-committal way. See, my dad is the guy that they wrote the greeting card about - Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. Who's my dad? My dad is the greatest man I know. From my earliest memories, he's this guy: The one who bandaged up my busted big toe when I was three after I dropped a glass bottle on it. Also the one who picked me up from a snow drift in the blizzard of '79 when I fell off the sled. And took me to the circus for my birthday. To this guy in my grade school years: The guy who made a super cool erosion science project with wood, duct tape and soup cans. The guy who drove 4 or 5 girl scouts to camp every month or so in his very new Cadillac, and stopped on the way for french fries for all, as long as we didn't tell our leader. And gave me lopsided pigtails when he tried to do my hair. The the one in my high school years: The guy who said "Man, Von, you make me so mad, but I LOVE YOU". The funny guy who, when friend would call on the phone and say "Is Von there?" he'd respond with "Why, yes she is, thanks for asking" and hang up on them. and also the guy who: Hung my and Laura's bras from the ceiling fan when we forgot to take them upstairs with us, he then turned on the fan, in the living room, in front of the picture window. Then along the way: He began to see me as a person, an adult, not as a child. Probably long before I thought of myself that way. He smirks at me in a way that says 'I know. I know what you're thinking. It's pretty funny, but I"m thinking the same thing too.' He loves my mom the way she deserves to be loved. They are the cutest couple I know. Watching them together is like watching a goofy loving sitcom. He reminds me that I'm smart. He loves me in a way that makes me think he loves me the most. Of all seven of his kids. Which is quite a trick. He thinks I'm funny. Really funny. And tells me so. Though I don't let him read VFN, I'm sure he'd be a fan if he did. He's always been supportive of me writing. Happy Happy birthday to my dad - the greatest dad, the greatest person I know. Love ya!

Announcing:

Tomorrow's post will be schmoopy, not snarky, so for those wanting the snark, please come back another day. Thanks!

Viel Spass!

Best things about MaiFest:

• The happy happy fun loving people.
• The delicious food
• The very chilly Hofbrau Original
• My german flag dress and the many complete strangers who took pictures of me in it
• Hot hot men
• The $$ made for DANK

Worst things about MaiFest:

• The happy happy fun loving people who don't know when they've had enough
• Popped polo shirt collars
• The monsoon that was Saturday night
• The Hawks game that stole our thunder Friday night
• The very chilly Hofbrau Original in my shoes. And my hair. And my clothes.
• Hot hot men being cobags
• That horrible song "I don't want her you can have her she's too fat for me" I fucking hate that song
• The fact that all German/Polka bands think "Country Roads" by John Denver should be played again, and again, and again.......all weekend long
• The fact that when I was finally finished working for the weekend, and only had about four sips of beer that they wanted me to go right back to work in the kitchen. Um, no. I left. Everyone else got to stand around and drink, but not me apparently
• Aching feet, back, neck, etc......
• The Creepy McCreeperstein who told me my name isn't actually my name, my name is Nicki. When I said "No, my sister's name is Nicki" he told me her last name. CREEPY. Neither she nor I actually know this guy. HOT guy, but totally creepy!!

Ein, zwei, zuffa!!

Tis the season, again. It's MayFest weekend. Who's the best bier pourer at MayFest? Faster than lightning, not spilling a drop, lotsa foamy or not so foamy, I can do it all. All while wearing my German flag themed dress. Yep, I rock. The five shifts I was assigned attest to that. Wish me luck. I hope to have some good stories after the weekend. These festivals are always prime for people watching.

Lookie there

Hey! Someone's posting again!!

Also

I'll be moving on to new topics. I've given all I can on the wedding recap. Plus, I don't want to piss anyone off (TheMarty / Shannon) if I write too much snark about their friends. Suffice to say You just can't like all people all the time. Even when a slew of people you do like are telling you how much they like a specific someone. Um, sorry, that particular someone was 11 shades of lame, and I would never, could never be friends with them. Among others with their annoying habits and sundry of things for me to dislike/make fun of/abhor. *ahem* Moving on.

Clearly

So, yeah, no post this weekend. Ask me if I have internet at home ? Nope. I do not. NO internet, no blog posts. Funny how that works. Hopefully I will have the issue resolved by Friday of this week.