Fun at the Dentist

Oh, but I wish I was kidding. So, I had to get a mouth guard. Because, you see, I clench my teeth at night, thus causing some damage. Who, me? Clenching my teeth, much like my fists, even while I sleep? Anyway. Went to the dentist to pick up my new $175 piece of plastic. We spent some time practicing the art of shoving in the thing and yanking it off. shoving and yanking, shoving and yanking, yep - insert dirty joke here..... Dentist: Do you have a dog? **giggle from Basia, dental assistant** Me: No. Well, not right now, I want one, so I think we'll get one soon but..... -thinking we're making conversation or something- D: Do NOT get a dog within the next month! -as he's holding my expensive piece of plastic up in the air - M: ? **giggles from Basia** D: Basia? What number mouth guard are you on? B: Number three!! Don't throw them in the washing machine.... D: No dogs! B: No dogs! D: So. Over the next month or so, you will wake up in the middle of the night, yank this thing out and throw it all over the place. The floor, the closet, behind the bed, under the night stand, trust me. You WILL wake up and throw it around. Dogs like to eat them when they find them lying around. Me: *Scoff* That's not going to happen to me! Look how hard it is to yank out! D: Uh huh - sure Von. Go, be free. Let me know how it goes. I leave. I scoff. I go to bed that night. Mouth guard very snugly in place. I wake up about 5:30 am, head to the bathroom. Sleepy. On my way back to bed, I realize that it's not in my face! Ah!! Get back to my room, see costlyplastic thing on my nightstand. Sometime during the night, I took yanked it out, and placed it lovingly on my nightstand. No clue. No recollection. None whatsoever. I'm on night four of this stupid thing. Lasted until 3am with it last night. **Fucking side note: This fucking post does not read right, because fucking blogger keeps changing how I want it to read!! So, fuck you blogger, thanks for fucking up my post. Sorry, reader(s), that it reads really shittily, but blogger thinks this is how it should read. fucking fuck fuck***

An easy one, I think

So, it's Friday. Time for a little fun. Name one song that no matter where you are, no matter what kind of mood you are in, what you are thinking about, it all goes away when you hear it? It brings you immediately to a place, an event, a season, a person? Backstory will earn you a delightful kiss on the cheek from your hostess. Just had one of these (thanks to the iPod currently being on shuffle). The song came on and I started grinning and teared up a little, and sang along in my head. Today, for me, that song was "I can't stop loving you" from the Balance album by Van Halen (or, if you are so inclined, Van Hagar). Happy Friday, my merry minions. Go out and do something awesome this weekend.

Fun with words

When VonMom and I are getting along, I can fully admit, she is FUNNY. Sure, it's a little oddball funny, but funny nonetheless. I know VonSis and I wit-spar, improving our own brand of funny, but the genesis is truly my mother. A text exchange between VonMom and VonSis. VM: Knut is dead VS: Yes, we were kinda keeping that from you VM: You buy me tshirts with dead things on them, and expect me to wear them. VS: I will buy you a tshirt with X and Y (two people that are the bane of VonSis' and kinda my existance) on it. VM: I like the way you think. Evil. Her humor is evil. A text I received from VonMom, yesterday: I got a new Cooling light! Yay! I call her on the phone, after 20 minutes of trying to figure out what a cooling light is. Something for her indoor plants? Some sort of kitchen appliance? A fridge bulb replacement? I had no clue. VM: What? V: Um, so yeah, what is a Cooling light? VM: ? V: cooling light, as in your text, I got a new cooling light today yay!? VM: hahahahahahahaaaaa I'm so funny! hahahahahaaaaa V:? VM: Cooking Light! The magazine! I got a new one today. V: Oh. *chuckle* VM: hahahahahaaa V: ha ha ha ha ...... VM: Ok bye. Also, being the children of an English-as-a-second-language, things come out that we cannot pronounce. I have always known mine: The words: Bull, bowl, pull, pole hurt me to say. Like physical pain in the back of my throat. So I just do not say them. Ever. I know my limits. VonSis is a little different. Her unsayables keep popping up like spring flowers - something new all the time. Her first (and best) is Sonoma - as in Williams Sonoma. So NO ma. Or, as VonSis says, sinimaaa. I like to buy her things from there and then ask where I got it. Good fun for me. This weekend, I told VonSis that I had learned the tab/bass line to "Sugar Pie Honey Bunch". She said "Oh, so you are a real muzzishhhhhan." I stared. VonSis cannot pronounce Musician. At all. She tried and tried again. Not to happen. Her brain has also decided that Knut (may his cute little polar butt rest in animal heaven) is a panda bear. Why, yes, I do find random shit like this funny. I do I do I do. Now, put the bull in a bowl and shove that pole up the........

Hazy and blurry

I'd love to tell you all about my weekend, but it's a little fuzzy. Been on a bender. Which I've renamed to a tear. I like tear better. So, I'm on a tear. No end in sight, either. I kinda like this current tear, I've been pretty f-ing funny. Or so I seem to recall. I can tell you I: - was asked if I made out with M (by M himself) on Friday night. He then said "Because it could happen". - then turned the brightest shade of red I've been in a long time. I have a big crush on M. - drank: Blue Moon, Guiness, Harp, Harp Shandy, Green Line (by Goose Island SO GOOD), Jameson, BBK, Bell's something yummy, some other shot, Guiness Black Lager and some other stuff* - was instructed not to return to work until I made out with someone. I returned to work today, but did not make out with someone. Alas. - invited myself to a wedding. Totally going. April 2nd. I could use a date, but that would probably be even more tacky than inviting myself in the first place. - have been hung-over every day since Thursday. - believe that the hair 'o the dog is the best remedy. - found out there is a lesbian karaoke bar practically across the street from DANK. - didn't go to said lesbian karaoke bar, it was already 2am when it was discussed. - spent too much $$ on comic trades this weekend. - can admit I was not 100% sober when I went to the comic book store. - made up my new band name, with the help of VonSis - Musical Panda. - went to guitar class with a hangover. - learned Little Lion Man at class (kinda not really) and relished getting to sing the word "fucked". - cried like a little girl when I found out Knut had died. - blamed my hang over for the stupid crying. - did say to myself at some point "This is good shit for the blog on Monday!" *When I go on a Tear, I go ON A TEAR

Sorry cats and kitten, so super busy.

So, life is crazy busy, and not in very many good ways. I give you this video, by my number one band to see live.

Nerdy McNerdinstein

I had been invited by one of my fave friends to an event Saturday night. I kept it on my radar, because it did sound like fun, but I didn't 100% commit until Saturday itself. So, I went. To Dark Tower comics, for an event put on by my friend's group, Comic Book Queers. So, me and a bunch of gay men, one other straight gal (or hag, whatevs) chatted, drank, snacked and talked comics. I know nothing letmerepeat NOTHING about comics. I was there to support my pal, SR. But this group was so super fun and into comics and knowledgeable, I couldn't help but get excited. I talked to the workerbee of the store a lot about what I like to read. He got all animated and walked me all around the store. I found myself taking out my notebook from my purse and...... writing down titles For future reference. Two "trades" were thrust into my hands with very strong urges to look them over. One trade was delivered unto me for winning round 2 of Comic Book Squeers. Ok ok ok ok ok So, I left there with three trades - The Unwritten, Sweet Tooth, Doom Patrol, and a plump list of other things to buy in the future: Buffy the Vampire Slayer IZombie* Locke and Key (by one son of one Stephen King) Pax Romana and The Walking Dead (of course) Got home, settled in, doing some laundry. And I pick up The Unwritten. And I devour it. And I crave trade 2. Ah, hell, this could get expensive. So, as I see some of my cool points flying out the window, I fully admit to jumping on the colorful, sexy, dirty and slightly bent world of comic books. *yes, my favorite Zombie, I sought out something awesome and undead and thought of you!

Friday fuuuuuuuucc um, fun day....

So, I'm crabby today. And a really silly thing started it all. See, in our work fridge (one of like four on the floor, by the way), I always put my lean cuisines in the same place. Same place for nearly two years now, same stupid place. I keep mine in the door of the freezer. Just like I keep my other stuff in the door of the fridge, on the top shelf thingy. So, this morning. I come in, go to put my frozen lunch in it's place. I had gone out to lunch yesterday, so the last frozen I had was on Wednesday. I knew I had to replenish my stock, but hey, it's Friday, so I just brought one. AND THE WHOLE DOOR WAS FULL of someone else's frozen dinners. Um, what? One day and you take over "my" space? And I know how these other people are. They bring in a bunch of frozen stuff and then never eat it. It sits there for three or four months. So I just whipped my frozen meal at the back of the freezer. I was pissed. So long story behind today's question: What seemingly little thing, behavior of others, etc just gets your blood to boiling?

40 days is a loooong time

Because I am someone's God-mother, I sometimes have to do things I would normally not do. Like go to church (ok, I've successfully avoided that for the 11 years of precious God-daughter's life, but I know it's coming). And answer questions about Catholicism (haha!! I bite my tongue a lot). And follow Lent. (for the most part). So That means as of today, I've given up the following for 40 days. Bagels (which I eat EVERY DAY) Burgers (don't eat those that often, but still) and Bad-mouthing strangers AND I'm not one of those Catholics who believe you get Sundays off, or that you can have what you've given up on Holy Thursday. This is on until the Monday after Easter. Ok, I'll likely get a bagel on Easter Sunday while the family is at church, but that's still up in the air. Like I said, it's going to be a looooong 40 days. And you thought I was cranky before.

In too deep

Dear Phil, You know I love you, but I just can't take this. Because You can't hurry love, you just have to wait. And Just say the word...oh....sususudieo Because Tonight, tonight tonight, wooohooo And I can't stoooop loving you.....no I won't stop loving you.... Even though you're f-ing retiring. I mean, aren't there supposed to be two hearts, living in just one mind? Against all Odds, Von

FrIdAy!!!

What time is it? Friday Funday TIME!!!!! Here's your query: You're stuck on a desert island. You can have ONE blogger there with you. Who?* and WHY? I'm still thinking about my answer....... *and it does not have to be me.....

Some clarification

Nope, it's not a political post, but more about how ignorant people post incorrect info on teh fb in their vitriolic rants. So. I feel the need to clarify. 1. Mayon Daley is STILL MAYOR until May 15. This means Rahm Emanuel takes office MAY 16. As in RAHM EMANUEL IS NOT YET MAYOR. Which means: When you write 'Why isn't Mayor Emanuel visiting the injured cop in the hospital?!?!? Asshole!!!! Doesn't care about the city or the police!!!' UM - Why would he? As he is quoted as saying: He's not going to park his car in front of Daley's. So, who should be visiting the cop who's in the hospital? DALEY. 2. Jody Weis had a CONTRACT as Chicago Police Superintendent that expired yesterday, 3/1/11. Which means that his job was actually completed and over and finished and ended on 3/1/11. When you write: 'Man! Look at Weis! He doesn't even have to give two weeks notice! Asshole!!!! Doesn't care about the city or the police!!!' Um, you are also an ignorant asshole. Lemme 'splain - a contract has a start date and an end date, which means that is the date that he is finished with the responsibilities of said contract. And guess what? We HAVE an interim Superintendent - Terry Hilliard, former Superintendent, called by da Mayor and asked to fill in for the two months until Mayor Emanuel puts someone else in the top cop slot. And from what I remember (and this will get all the feisty cop people all up my ass, but whatever) Hilliard was well liked and did a good job. So, nothing to bitch about!!! Nothing to see here people!! Moving on!!!! Also stuck in my craw this week: People who get off on being the first with new information. For the record - Yes, I did love @mayoremanuel on Twitter. It was awesome and hilarious and creative and all that good stuff. No, I do not care who wrote it. I would have been perfectly fine never knowing who did. But hey! Now we do! ANNNNDDD I still do not care. I don't a) live in Evanston b) go to Columbia c) give two shits who he is ***notice, I'm not even going to bother naming him here*** The only good part about knowing who he is is that the allegedly assholey, uncaring, callous, Mayor-elect, the actual Rahm Emanuel is still going to *gasp* keep his promise of donating $5,000 to the tweeter's charity of choice.