I can't even. Bleh.

"Why do you need a flashlight" (garage door going up) "Because I need to see if I can see it" (garage door up, light on) "You don't need that flashlight" "Why?" "I see it. Right there." "What? Whe Oh my God." *silence for a nanosecond* "Is it dead?" "I think the nose is twitching. That's RIGHT mother f*$ker! You shoulda never come in MAH garage!" "Yeah, the nose is twitching. I think." "What do we do?" "You stand there. If it moves, watch where it goes. I can't open the stupid packaging around the flashlight." "You know I am going to barf, right?" "What? I can't open this stupid plastic!!" "I SAID you know I am going to barf, right?" "Why?" "It's so big. Go in my house and get scissors." "If the tenants come out, pretend you are doing nothing. Just standing there like an idiot because you like the snow or something." "I hate you." (I stare at thing in garage. Convinced it's not only twitching it's nose, but somehow growing. Not like it isn't the size of a house cat already. Waiting for her with the stupid flashlight. Still not sure what we are doing with the flashlight. I really am going to throw up. Or run. But I don't run and there is snow on the ground.) *Oh.No. The tenants are coming out of their apartment* "Close my front door!" "Ha ha!" "Um, the tenants" "Go in the garage." "I don't want to. It may not be dead." "Whatever, it's at least sick. Go in the garage." "That's right! Die! Serves you right mother f&*ker!!" Sigh "It's dead." *flashlight plays over the long, fat dead thing* Out comes the cell phone. She's taking pictures. "What are you doing?" "Taking pictures." "Why? Don't you have to call the city or something?" snap. snap. "They don't care. I'm calling my father-in-law." Snap. Snap. "Seriously?! How many pictures do you need?" "What? So?" "Just call someone to get rid of it. Oh my God. It's so big." Thus ended the life of the rat that thought it was a good idea to take up residence in our garage, and possibly made a foray into our basement. I think perhaps maybe I saw it in the basement on New Year's Day, but didn't mention it thinking I was crazy. He let his presence be known on Saturday, when he scared VonSis half to death as she tried to get to her car in the garage. Wanna guess who was doing all of the swearing and was going to blow chunks in the above conversation? Two guesses, first one doesn't count.....

Road Haus

I have this strange affection for the movie "Road House". I didn't really realize I had a thing for this little bit o' cinema until my just ended long vacation. I found that every time "Road House" was on, I would leave it on. I even know some of the lines. Dalton? Patrick Swayze? One would think, right? With the 12 pack abs and rockin' mullet, every girl's dream. No, there's two dudes in that movie that make me put my remote down. A) Drrrrty Ollllld and-did-I-mention DIRTY Sam Elliot? Oh.My.God. When he rolls up on his Harley in his skinny black jeans with his messy salt and pepper do - yep. I believe his character's name is Wade, or something equally dangerous and sexxxay. If he didn't die, we'd totally have a sequel, all about me and him fighting bad guys in our own bar (probably called the Quadruple Fours) and riding off into the sunset on the back of his mrrrrw Harley. B) The blind singer guy. You know the one, he had like one hit single - Jeff Healy - that's his name. See he's cool and sexy because he's a musician, doubly cool because he's a blind musician, and he knows Dalton, and Wade, so he must be bad ass in his own way. He's sexy in an I-want-to-take-care-of-him way. Plus, in the movie he has a hot girlfriend, so that makes my impressionable female mind think 'Well, he MUST be hot, if she's with him'. Best scenery? Dalton's barn loft/apartment. I'd kill for that. It's $100 a month, and twice the size of my place. Best line? "C'mon chicken dick!" Ok, one of the basic cable channels blocked it out, but another didn't - gotta love inconsistencies!! I also love Red, the auto parts guy, Emmet, well, hell, I love all of the bit players that are old and missing teeth. I love them in an I'd really like to sit around a fire bit and have a few beers with these guys kind of way. Road House - 4 stars!! Admittedly one of the t.v. highlights of my long vacation!!

P.S.

Happy New Year. Love y'all.

RIP DVD player

Due to the untimely and badly timed death of my DVD player, I find I have time to write. This is a distraction to the fact that my three new Netflix came today, and I was looking forward to watching them. Oh, hello 2009, I had almost forgotten that you had arrived. See, due to my lengthy vacation from work, I don't really know what day it is. Maybe the 2nd? That sounds about right. So, how about some renovations, nope that's not the right word. Resignations? Nah, not quite right. Oh, yeah, RESOLUTIONS. Ok, I am going back to my fat meetins'. I need to get myself together, that'll be the first resolution, and probably the first broken. The new diet starts Monday. Next, those people from 2008 that should be forever forgotten are. I said goodbye to you in my head on New Year's Eve. Good riddance. I hope to resolve myself to get back to blogging more regularly, like I did in the beginning. I'll work at this one. I'm also leaving Christmas where it lies - behind me. The good gifts: Gigantic blue topaz ring (perfect!),Cute Creatures Crochet book, docking station, Jersey Boys ticket, and the fuchsia glitter Madonna (as in mother of God, not chic from Detroit) bank - however this was a blatant regift, as in "Here, Aunt Von, I'm giving you this because Jyl isn't here, so you can have it" (I kid you not. See why I am done with Christmas??) The bad gifts (that will be free on Craig's list in a day or so): ugly scarf/gloves, book three of some series I haven't read books one or two of, cheap ass candles, jelly, cheap ass wallet. Next year I will be providing my family with a list prior to my birthday with gift ideas. I will ask that they not stray from this list. It's not going to be ideas, it's going to be concrete things I want. People, please stop giving me things you think I NEED. Give me things I WANT. Things I have no business buying for myself, that's the whole point of the child-like Christmas glee I try to have every year. Every year? Sorely disappointed. Best gift this year? My Nintendo DS. That I bought. For myself. I did decide that this is the year that I am getting back on the dating horse. Dearest reader, let's all forget about that little (I stress LITTLE) bump in the road from last September, ok? Things look pretty favorable on that front. More favorable than in a long long time. While out having Fun Tuesday with Shannon, I met a guy who told me three times how cute I am, and that he will be taking me out to dinner. He didn't so much ask for my number as much as demanded it. And he got it, for his confidence alone. Looks wise not what I'm looking for, but his confidence is intriguing......we shall see when/if he calls. If call, then I agree to a date. Today while chekcing my email, another decent prospect asked for my phone number. And he got it. Hedging my bets? Damn straight. So now I expect two phone numbers that I do not know to show up on my cell phone in the near future. Not to mention the dude in my German class that I wouldn't mind setting up a private study group with. I'm out of ideas for tonight. Off to Best Buy in the morning, need to purchase deceased DVD player's next of kin.

Snippets

A couple of snippets from last night: 1. One cannot give someone the finger while wearing mittens. The person who should be offended sees this as waving, and will wave back, thus infuriating you futher. If one must give the finger, take off the mitten, so the message is not miscommunicated. 2. I CAN park in the garage while VonBroinlaw is parked in there. I can, I can, I can. Yeah me. 3. Chris made me spit out my pop at dinner last night. We were sitting at the table, having just finished our crappy holiday dinner. Laura was out warming her car, and Lizzie was playing with her toys. For no reason whatsoever, Chris looked at me and said "How bout I take that ski and shove it up your ass and walk around the restaurant with you like that?!?". She.was.sober. I love Chris. I missed her a lot. A lot. 4. We were nearly thrown out of Joe's Crab Shack last night. Chris decided to fill my purse with whatever she could find on the table. There was sugar, sweetandlow, crab crackers, napkins (used), pens. We were standing up practically wrestling. I think Laura was torn between laughing and trying to get us to stop. Lizzie? She was trying to help her mom fill my purse with crap. Yep, Chris and I are great role models for her!

Mr Freeze is winning

I can handle the snow. To a point. If it snows, and hangs around for a day or two, that's cool. This 6 snow storms in 6 days, followed by the coldest temperatures in two years? That's a problem. I even cancelled plans yesterday, because I was so freakin' cold I couldn't stand the thought of going back outside. Sigh. So, I know I've been lax with this here blog. Mea culpa. A quick weekend in review. Friday I didn't go to work. I had hit the wall. I'm in that mode right now where I have a lot of plans, I say yes to, well, everything. I got tired. And, of course, we had Another snow storm on Friday. So, I stayed home from work on Friday. It was everything I needed it to be. I wrapped all of the presents (once I remembered what was for who), I watched three movies. I finished reading Twilight. I ended up cancelling my plans Friday night too, I was too comfortable in my cozy little apartment. It was exactly what I needed. Saturday Laura and I went to dinner, and then to the Daily. She had never been there, and was curious. We picked a good night to go because pretty much everyone I know there was there, both staff and customers. I had this tasty little beer called Skull Splitter. I highly, highly recommend this beer. It's from Scotland. It's 8.9% people - what more do you need? Go get you some, you won't be disappointed. Sunday I headed to Montgomery IL for breakfast with the godmother. My godmother is awesome. I get the feeling she feels about me the same way I feel about my goddaughter. Mimi is one of my dad's best friends from forever. When I became Catholic in third grade, Mimi became my godmother. Anyway, she lives out in the middle of nowhere, and we go to her house every year for breakfast right before Christmas. It was a great time. Her granddaughter showed up and joined us for breakfast, which was nice. The only problem was it was so so so cold yesterday. When my parents picked me up at 8am, it was -6 with a -30 windchill. That's why VonSis and I ended up cancelling our plans last night. We just couldn't get ourselves to go back outside. I swear it took me about an hour to warm up after I got home from breakfast. Today isn't much better. I got up and got myself by just not thinking about it too much. I have noticed a happy thing this holiday season - I've heard more and more people saying "Merry Christmas" more than the standard lame "Happy Holidays". Every time someone says "Merry Christmas" to me, I respond, enthusiastically, in kind. I think it just sounds better, I don't know. I will try, really try, to blog again this week, but it may not happen. It's just an incredibly busy time right now. Hopefully I will have something entertaining to share after Christmas. Wishing you all and all of your families and friends a very Merry Christmas, or a Happy Hanukkah, or a happy last week in December, whatever you'll be celebrating this week.

Auntie Mame

I didn't hate it. I'm not going to lie, I was a little unsure at first, but the company that I kept last night made it a hilarious round of good time. My favorite line? "I'm ya SPONGE!" I'm going to use that. A lot. (If you haven't seen this movie, rent it. NOW. If only for that line, it's worth it) Sigh. Right now? Looks like we're livin' in a snow globe. I do love working on the 30th floor downtown! Not really looking forward to heading home. Not just a major snow storm, but cold as hell. COLD. H A T E W I N T E R. I know, I know. Weekend review and all of that. No time, my friends, no time. Tonight, you say? Um, well, I would, except that I am going to dinner with my friend Toni, and following that up with a movie..... What movie, you quander? Well, um, let's just say we're going to be lecherous cougars leering at some fine young vampire meat..... I know. I know. Let the harassing and haranguing begin..... (p.s. I know quander may not be a word, but I liked it, so I left it in)