WWW

Winter Weather Warnings make me cranky. No blog right now. Maybe later. Too cranky. Feet frozen. Hair staticy and messed up. Nose red. Clothes damp. Anyone want to spirit me away to like, say, Florida for the weekend? I'll buy the first round of umbrella drinks!!

I just have to say

I just have to say that I love the word: Circumvent Ok, back to your day. Thanks for stopping by.

Since I can't actually mail them....I give you these.....

Dear Blank, Thank you for the scarf and gloves. The colors are so ugly, I think a blind person would find them offensive. P.S. Polyester makes me itch. Dear You, Thanks for that thing that I might use, like, once. Sure, you can borrow it whenever you want. I know it's really for you anyway. Dear M, Thanks for the pile of junk you pulled out of some $0.99 bin last year on 12/26. Nothing says Happy Birthday Jesus like a travel manicure kit and a book light. I know, you dig quantity. To whom it may concern, Thanks for the jewelry I might have considered wearing (but would probably have decided against) 20 years ago. I wanted to return it, but a) I don't shop where you bought it and b) I know you will be looking for me to wear it the next time I see you. Damn you. I didn't know you disliked me so much. Dear Self, Thanks so much for the Nintendo DS. My "brain age" has greatly improved! Thank you also for the Neal Gaiman books! Thanks for the lovely OPI nailpolishes! You really know what I like. Thank GOd for you! And thank God for credit cards!

Von phones it in

So I wrote this post earlier today, and was like 'Meh. It's ok. Not great, but it will suffice.' I saved it, didn't post it. I revisted the post to publish it, and realized it's pretty bad. Ok, it's lame and well, Lame. So, instead, I give you this, my phoned in week in review via google images: I hope you have a rat-free weekend, filled with Road House caliber fun.

I can't even. Bleh.

"Why do you need a flashlight" (garage door going up) "Because I need to see if I can see it" (garage door up, light on) "You don't need that flashlight" "Why?" "I see it. Right there." "What? Whe Oh my God." *silence for a nanosecond* "Is it dead?" "I think the nose is twitching. That's RIGHT mother f*$ker! You shoulda never come in MAH garage!" "Yeah, the nose is twitching. I think." "What do we do?" "You stand there. If it moves, watch where it goes. I can't open the stupid packaging around the flashlight." "You know I am going to barf, right?" "What? I can't open this stupid plastic!!" "I SAID you know I am going to barf, right?" "Why?" "It's so big. Go in my house and get scissors." "If the tenants come out, pretend you are doing nothing. Just standing there like an idiot because you like the snow or something." "I hate you." (I stare at thing in garage. Convinced it's not only twitching it's nose, but somehow growing. Not like it isn't the size of a house cat already. Waiting for her with the stupid flashlight. Still not sure what we are doing with the flashlight. I really am going to throw up. Or run. But I don't run and there is snow on the ground.) *Oh.No. The tenants are coming out of their apartment* "Close my front door!" "Ha ha!" "Um, the tenants" "Go in the garage." "I don't want to. It may not be dead." "Whatever, it's at least sick. Go in the garage." "That's right! Die! Serves you right mother f&*ker!!" Sigh "It's dead." *flashlight plays over the long, fat dead thing* Out comes the cell phone. She's taking pictures. "What are you doing?" "Taking pictures." "Why? Don't you have to call the city or something?" snap. snap. "They don't care. I'm calling my father-in-law." Snap. Snap. "Seriously?! How many pictures do you need?" "What? So?" "Just call someone to get rid of it. Oh my God. It's so big." Thus ended the life of the rat that thought it was a good idea to take up residence in our garage, and possibly made a foray into our basement. I think perhaps maybe I saw it in the basement on New Year's Day, but didn't mention it thinking I was crazy. He let his presence be known on Saturday, when he scared VonSis half to death as she tried to get to her car in the garage. Wanna guess who was doing all of the swearing and was going to blow chunks in the above conversation? Two guesses, first one doesn't count.....

Road Haus

I have this strange affection for the movie "Road House". I didn't really realize I had a thing for this little bit o' cinema until my just ended long vacation. I found that every time "Road House" was on, I would leave it on. I even know some of the lines. Dalton? Patrick Swayze? One would think, right? With the 12 pack abs and rockin' mullet, every girl's dream. No, there's two dudes in that movie that make me put my remote down. A) Drrrrty Ollllld and-did-I-mention DIRTY Sam Elliot? Oh.My.God. When he rolls up on his Harley in his skinny black jeans with his messy salt and pepper do - yep. I believe his character's name is Wade, or something equally dangerous and sexxxay. If he didn't die, we'd totally have a sequel, all about me and him fighting bad guys in our own bar (probably called the Quadruple Fours) and riding off into the sunset on the back of his mrrrrw Harley. B) The blind singer guy. You know the one, he had like one hit single - Jeff Healy - that's his name. See he's cool and sexy because he's a musician, doubly cool because he's a blind musician, and he knows Dalton, and Wade, so he must be bad ass in his own way. He's sexy in an I-want-to-take-care-of-him way. Plus, in the movie he has a hot girlfriend, so that makes my impressionable female mind think 'Well, he MUST be hot, if she's with him'. Best scenery? Dalton's barn loft/apartment. I'd kill for that. It's $100 a month, and twice the size of my place. Best line? "C'mon chicken dick!" Ok, one of the basic cable channels blocked it out, but another didn't - gotta love inconsistencies!! I also love Red, the auto parts guy, Emmet, well, hell, I love all of the bit players that are old and missing teeth. I love them in an I'd really like to sit around a fire bit and have a few beers with these guys kind of way. Road House - 4 stars!! Admittedly one of the t.v. highlights of my long vacation!!

P.S.

Happy New Year. Love y'all.