Reason # 467

Why do I love SIL1X so much? Let me count the ways...... but here's reason # 467: Got a text message from her on Friday: 'can you stop by on your way home from work? I have something for you.' my response: 'sorry, I'm already at Old Town. ooooh what have you got for me?' her response: 'Fun Dip' See, not only does she read my blog, she gets me candy just because I said I want candy in my blog.

Awww, kids

Had the iPod on shuffle today while doing some chores, and suddenly a Fall Out Boy song came on. I don't remember which song it was, but it reminded me of a story. It's Chicago. Pretty much everyone between the ages of 25 and 35 has a Fall Out Boy story. Don't worry. I'm not going to the the I know them thing. I don't know them, nor do I care. But. I do have a story about me and them. Many many years ago I was at a show for my friends' band. It was at this place where it was a mexican taco counter in the front, and a bar in the back that let bands play. It was called Big Horse Lounge. AWESOME. Anyway. It was winter. Bitter-ass cold. It hadn't been snowing when I got there, but as my friends' were packing up their gear, it was really coming down. One of those horrible storms that pretty much had the city all tied up. Big Horse is somewhere more in the city. I don't remember what neighborhood, but it was a pretty busy area. I was standing outside the bar having a cigarette waiting for my friends. A car pulled up and this dude jumped out and walked right up to me. "Hi!" "Hiiiii" (that's me, being uncertain and trying to be standoffish) This dude had to be a teenager, and I pegged him for being suburban right out of the gate. "Hey, so my band has gotten a show at -------- Bar, and we need a bunch of people there. If we get a lot of people there, then maybe we'll get another show there..." He kinda went on and on and on. He was preaching to the choir. I know of which bar he spoke, I'd been there many times. I even knew how they operated. I knew that it's a big(ish) deal to play there, and all of the rest....... ".....so I'm going to hang some flyers in there and here's a flyer you can have." "? Oh, yeah. Sure. Ok." But something about the kid struck me. He was so excited and eager and into it. In that moment that was the most important thing in his life. He had driven in from somewhere (again, suburbia) in a big storm to get these flyers out and talk to some music fans. He was freezing (too cool to button his coat, hat more stylish than warm, you know, teendress) but was approaching anyone he could and grinning while asking if he could hang some flyers. He went right up to some scary looking people and started chatting them up. He had it. IT. On his way back to his car, he stopped by me again. "So you should come. We're pretty good. Well, we don't suck. It's something new. You'll like it. You should come to the show." "Um, yeah, ok maybe." I really didn't know how to read this kid, so I wasn't my usual warm sunshiny self. After he hopped back in his car and drove off down the street to the next "live music here" dive bar, I watched him go. I admit, I forgot all about the show, and didn't go. I've thought about him over the years, whenever I go see friends' bands in the winters. Flash forward a bunch of years...... I'm working at the Teen Center. My kids like to bring me new music all the time. They give me this new CD "From Under the Cork Tree". At first, I was meh. Then I gave it another listen. Witty. Lyrics and song titles? Witty. Songs. Ok, not half bad - and I would clean my house to it. I keep it in rotation (this is before iPods, people) Slowly we as a people started hearing more about this it band, Fall Out Boy. Hm, ok, I have their CD not bad. Local boys make good? Ok. I didn't see them or pay any attention as I was not 15, nor a cougar, so I didn't care much what they looked like. Then they blew the hell up. You couldn't turn around without seeing that Pete Wentz turd everywhere. Finally there was some thing somewhere that showed the whole band. I did a double/triple/quadruple take. Patrick Stump. The kid, outside Big Horse. Holy Shit. He still had it. Quite a bit of IT. But the glimmer of glee seemed to be replaced by the you think you know, but you really don't have a clue half-smirk, which was a little sad.

I had to

I just had to.

I want it! (times 2)

Seen on CTA bus last night on my way home: Guy wearing a button that says "It's OK to say Merry Christmas to me!" Yep, I want it. Seen in Ogilivie train station last night on my way home: Old-boys-club type 60+ dude with very expensive suit and coat eating a Fun Dip, grinning like a school boy and I even heard a little "yummmm". Yep, I want Fun Dip. AND I wanted to give old dude a big hug. My commute? Not so boring when I'm paying attention to those around me.

I am.....

You're Ulysses! by James Joyce Most people are convinced that you don't make any sense, but compared to what else you could say, what you're saying now makes tons of sense. What people do understand about you is your vulgarity, which has convinced people that you are at once brilliant and repugnant. Meanwhile you are content to wander around aimlessly, taking in the sights and sounds of the city. What you see is vast, almost limitless, and brings you additional fame. When no one is looking, you dream of being a Greek folk hero **There you have it - I am brilliant and repugnant. *** And thanks, everyone, for the fun little quiz!!

Me thinks I'm being referred to

"When I prayed that day, and what I have continued to meditate on since, is the hope that we don't lose the ability to make contact, to ask for love, to ask for healing, to ask for someone to be with us lest we grow so comfortable with alone we forget what together feels like and how powerful touch can be." I stole (borrowed, I prefer borrowed) the above quote from my eldest step-sister's blog. I keep an eye on her blog, though I don't think she knows it. Also, the J5 do NOT read my blog. As far as I know. I don't talk about it, I've never mentioned it. How can I write about them if they know about it? So I pilfered the above from her blog to share here with you all. I feel that she is talking about me. I may have mentioned (in error, I should have never mentioned it!) that I had teared up a little while watching the Macy's parade. C'mon people! Who doesn't?! and not to mention the fact that I had pms and was kinda emotional that day anyway?? I think that too many people in my family and even some of my close friends feel that something is going on with me. IT ISN'T. Nothing, as in No Thing. By my own design, I am busy really freakin' busy. Intentional or not, it's a fact. Therefore I don't have time to decorate. I do have time to send out cards (which I did), wash my holiday sheets and comforter and throw those on the bed (which I did, and yes, I'm sleeping with Santa bitches), I will make time to shop. What is not happening is me sitting around wallowing and keening and curling up like that Cymbalta commercial. Trust me, I know how powerful touch can be, but the kind I'm looking for is NOT the kind that can be supplied by family, ya know what I mean?! And What is wrong with growing comfortable with what alone feels like? I am fine with alone. I like alone. Being the youngest twice over (youngest between VonSis and I, and also youngest between the J5 and VonSis and I) I had a LOT of not alone time the first 25 years of my life. For the past number of years I've been down-right gleeful to have my little apartment to come home to A L O N E. I like to eat cereal for dinner, ice cream before bed. I like to blast my stereo - one day ManOWar, the next Yanni, and not have to answer to anyone. I LIKE ALONE. Ultimately, yes, I see myself married and hence Not Alone, but looking at the now and at the near future, I don't have a problem with the comfort of alone. And it really bothers me that someone else does, on my behalf.

And not....

You know what I am not thankful for? Waking up at 3:30 am to drive VonSis to train station then going home thinking 'Oh no problem I will fall right back to sleep' only to not fall back asleep until 5:30 then having to get up at 6:15 to go to work. Not thankful for that, not at all. Yes, I know above is run-on sentence but oh did I mention I don't do caffeine, so I'll just have to suck up the tired and write run on sentences?!?!?