To compromise

So, I'm not thin. I'm not now, nor ever have I ever been thin.* This is a fact, something I've never tried to hide, here on the blog or anywhere else. Most people in my life love and accept me for who I am. Others........don't. So, to keep the peace, I promised VonMom I would go see a nutritionist. (Or in VonMom speak, nutritionalist) So, I saw one last night. During a snow storm. Not close to my house. Had to leave work early to get there. But.I.Went. Poor, poor nutritionist. Didn't know what hit her. I'm fully confident she went home and drank a few (likely calorie laden) drinks after our meeting. I was......myself. Before she could get to her spiel, I had to ask if she is a registered dietician. She is. Ok, not getting up and walking out yet. Mid-spiel, I said. "Please. Please stop reading from your script. I am me. This is me. I want you and I to have a conversation. You need to know about me before you can tell me what are some tips that are likely to work best for me." Well, she stopped reading from her script. We talked. She went all deer-in-the-headlights when I said: "You should probably know that I promote fat acceptance, am dabbling in fat activism, and am about to read Healthy at Every Size. You should read Healthy at Every Size too." and "You should also know that I tweet, and blog, and will most likely write about this is some form of social media in the very near future." This is the point where we started to compromise. She agreed to look into HAES, and I agreed to eat oatmeal two days a week. She agreed to put away the rubber food and the this-is-what-a-pound-of-fat looks like props, and I agreed to go to the gym on Sundays. I can work with compromise. Seeing that I am.....vocal......100% of the time, and I was also defensive and (admittedly a little on the offense) honest and......vocal.....during the meeting, she gets props for keeping me there the full hour. She may be a little afraid of me. This is fine, I will not lose sleep over this. If our compromises work and I become a healthier me, then that's ok by me. If they do not, at least I can say 'well, I gave it the ole college try' and continue living my life. A life that I love, and I feel is very complete, and interesting, and waaaay better than a lot of other people's lives. I wanted to state, here and now, that I've given a lot of thought to sharing this with you. Also, thought has gone into my new acceptance/activism and whether or not it will affect this blog. I've decided it will not. Much like politics, there are many many many out there who are doing a very good job blogging about these topics, and I'm going to leave it to them. I stand by my original idea/theme - which is to not have a theme. Or, to just continue to be the misanthropic ranter you know me to be. This post is simply the same as every other post I write - based on something that is on my mind right now, that I think I can witty-up a little and entertain you for a few moments. *I am of the pleasingly plump / charmingly chubby variety of life.

Let me remind you

Once, again: VFN is not about politics. I don't write about politics because, well, I just don't. There are enough bloggers that do, and do it very well, so I don't need to. That's their thing, and that's awesome, and I learn a lot from them. BUT I will tell (warn?) y'all that due to a sinus headache (that I still have now, day 3) I ended up cancelling my plans and curled up on the couch pretty much all afternoon and evening Saturday, and a good part of Sunday evening too. And I was watching ONLY news. CNN, MSNBC, and for some giggles, Fox (ok, the last was about 30 seconds, before I felt the bile well up in my throat and I had to turn it off). So, one might say, and one might be correct, that I have not only opinions (strong ones) but also the facts and knowledge to back them up regarding the tragedies in Arizona on Saturday. That being said, God help the headline spewers who think they can hold a conversation with me on this topic. I hope certain people/politicians can spell culpable, and define it. And that's all I'm going to say about that......

My new blog thing:

Going to try this out, see how it goes. New!!! HERE!!! For 2011!!!! Friday Fun Day!!!! Which means..... I ask a question, you answer it. And this will entertain me. Friday Fun Day #1 Question: What do you think I look like? And for those of you who already know......do I look like what you thought I would look like before you met me? Unfortunately, this leaves Shannon and TheMarty out of the game for this week, because I'm sure they never mulled over what I looked like before they met me.......Maybe they could write what do they wish I look like? HA hahahaaaaa... Have at it, mah frenz.....and make me proud.

and finally

I'd love to tell you that my New Years Eve was filled with drinking, drugs, and wild abandon.* But I'd be lying. After searching out and trying on my super awesome scandelous black dress (think corseted top with eye-hooks, and red polka-dotted mesh under skirt) and determining that it.still.fits (go me!) I started thinking about how I wanted to spend my last night of 2010. cue the dramatic music And I stopped thinking about it. I've come to believe that the people who go out out on NYE are either younger than me or coupled up. Sure, I could have gone to DANK and drank and whooped it up with a bunch of people I get along ok with, and polka-ed with a bigger bunch of total strangers. I've done this in years past. It was fun. I've had fun there. But, ultimately, I didn't think that was the best place for me. Options, I had many. I opted for very close to home without being actually home. The daytime hours were LOVELY. I visited with Sil1x, her kids, and her bestie (love her!) for a couple of hours. While Sil1x was trying to coax me to spend a few more hours with them, I had to move on. Went and spent a couple of hours with Chris and precious God-daughter. Because when it comes down to it, precious God-daughter is The most important person to me. Has been for the last 10 years and 356 days. Again, while I wanted to stay with her for much longer, I had to move on. My hangover from the night before (see below) required, nay, demanded that I go home and nap for a few hours before going out time. I took a 2 1/2 hour nap. I'm very, very good at napping. First stop of the evening, VonStepBro1's house. He of the 8million course Asian wedding dinner. He throws good parties. He makes really really good drinks. Bits and pieces of my extra-ordinarily large immediate family were there. VonOtherBrother and his girlfriend **I make smelly face here. I don't like her. Not ONE BIT**, VonStepSis1 and husband and son **I remind you who her kid is - the 24 year old who acted like a baby when he opened his gift**, VonStepSis2 and husband, new sister-in-law's brother, the family accountant **no, I'm not kidding. but he brought cup cakes, so it was ok I guess** and some random friends of the hosts. Good time. I drank a little and watched t.v. VonSis and the LandOverlord were in NYC, so I was watching the Times Square crowd to see if they were there. I love wasting time. Midnight - drink Champagne, throw some confetti, tell people I love/like them very much. 12:15 head over to hang out with some friends from high school. They are twins. One of them is married with kids and lives 9 houses down from me. Had a few beers, had even more laughs, was home in bed about 3:45am. It was a good night. I didn't feel lonely. So that was a good thing. There you have the recaps. I may or may not at some point tell you alllll about my first Umphrey's McGee show. But you might have to sign a confidentiality agreement first. *The drinking, drugs, and wild abandon night was on 12/30. When I went to see Umphrey's McGee for the first time. FUCK, they were face-meltingly AWESOME. At least, from what I can remember.....

Recap #2

Warning: This post contains a filthy little secret. I share because I love. You may mock me, but know that I am who I am. Christmas day. Of course, I didn't sleep hardly at all. Had spent the night at VonParents', as I do every year. I slept in VonSis's room, because it has the bigger bed, and some actual heat. Alas, VonRoom has a small bed and no heat. Sob, the story of my childhood. VonMom forgot to put sheets on the bed, and I had no clue where to find any, so I slept on the mattress pad. Not awesome. She had also just laid the pillow cases on the pillows, likely was planning to get back to that task at some later time (maybe after she found and put on the sheets?), so I just left them off. Bare bed, bare pillows. The only person who had it worse than me was baby Jesus in his straw manger. We went to breakfast at some crappy place. Couldn't go to the regular place, nooooo, because VonSis had said this place was good. It wasn't, not by a long shot. Eating soap might have been better. Spent some quality alone time (aka taking a loooong shower to rid myself of the cigarette smell I was sure was just everywhere. Because it was. Blech. I have become that kind of ex-smoker). Headed to Chris' to spend the day with God-daughter. Had an AMAZING time. Watched "Despicable Me" which GD had gotten as a gift. Played some games. Ate some food. And had our gift exchange. Chris really pulled one over on me. She and GD kept handing me envelopes.....pictures, pictures, calendar, gift certificate. I think we're done. Ok! Chris stands up and pulls another envelope out of her back pocket. "Oh, yeah. Here." and hands it to me. I open it. And inside is a ticket for a very good seat to the NKOTBSB concert! I tackle Chris. Like for real. Like we went flying, so did the couch, so did a bunch of things. Laughing laughin laughing "I told you she would like it" Chris said to Victor (her boyfriend and GD's dad) Oh yeah, I'm going to NKOTBSB. And I really don't care that you know that I am. I may be revealing my age (somewhat), but that's my youth, specifically, my teenage years. That's who I liked. Along with The Cure, Morrissey, The Cult, The Church, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Depeche Mode, Metallica...... Catch my drift, while I was mostly cool in the music department, I was still into New Kids. So Chris and I will go, and scream and sing along and have visions of Donnie Wahlberg professing his love for me (or just an offer to make the tour bus rock), and it'll be awesome. And that's how Christmas day went....... These recaps keep rolling, step by step, ooooh baby, gonna get to you girrrrlllll.......

Recap #1

Ever have one of those day/nights that you just cannot get drunk, no matter how very hard you try? That was my Christmas Eve. I drank, and drank, and drank some more. I didn't eat very much, as is my new practice around VonMom. (I don't want to hear her comments on my eating habits) And still, I remained sober. Well, way too sober for that occassion. Blissfully tanked is how I get through my Christmas Eves. Christmas Eve 2009 was one of the best on record, when I lost abou 45 minutes of the night. Anyway. Sober me was trying to be all nice and festive. Then time to open presents happened. Hm. I actually got a couple of presents. This is new. And they were good presents. This is even newer. But then the person I had in the grab-bag opened my present. I thought I was in the clear, as I had purchased off his Amazon list. Now, I too have an Amazon wish list. And I know it's my responsibility to keep that list updated, as I know people go to it for gift ideas. If I get something off the list, I take it off. Easy peasy. Apparently eldest nephew is not hip to the concept of list updating. And was a total child about it. He's 24, by the way. He made a mini-scene upon opening gift. Which would have been bad enough. But he kept at it. I told him I didn't feel badly because I got it off of his list. He said he felt bad because he didn't update his list. I said, well, that's on you. Because it is. And I didn't and do not feel bad about it. He was still complaining about it as they were packing up to go home, hours later. GROW UP. On the flip side - next youngest nephew loved loved loved his gift from me, the awesome aunt. Over the summer he told me how when he runs and trains (he plays varsity baseball at his high school) he falls down because his shoes are old. I filed this info away. And I bought him new shoes. Here in Chicago, we call them gym shoes (regardless of if you wear them in a gym). You may call them sneakers. Whatevs. They were Nike running shoes, and they cost me a pretty penny. But he deserved them. He's a good kid all the way around. I love picking on him, and that he takes it so well. As he looked at the largish (he's a size 13) wrapped box in front of him, he looked at me and said: "It's from you, Aunt Von" "Yup. What do you think it is?" "$0.50 taped to the bottom of an empty box?" (he can dish it out as well as he can take it) "Open it and see" And then he loved them. And tried them on. And they fit. I even got a follow up email thanking me for the shoes. He said he also got new basketball shoes, which will be his every day shoes, but he's planning on wearing the ones I gave him for training and running. (which is why I bought them) The best gift I received that evening was a Dalek key chain. And when you turn it over, it's a bottle opener. I love this gift the best because VonBrother#2 bought it for me. A) he never has bought me a Christmas gift before 2) he bought it after I mentioned how much I'd love something like that when he told me he was going to a Dr. Who convention the day after Thanksgiving. And he remembered I said that. That is the best gift giving there is. Not at all the dollar amount, more of the thought behind it. It was interesting (though I guess it was supposed to be endearing?) when VonMom told me to "Go to bed, so Santa can come." I translated it to "Go to bed, I have nothing further to say to you today, and don't you need some beauty sleep? Those bags under your eyes aren't getting you a boyfriend." And this was just Christmas Eve.... So much more to tell you.......

Merry Happy

I had been thinking all week about how I wanted to write today's post. Did I just want to write Fridge Note: Merry Christmas Bitches? Did I want to get sappy Auld Lang Syne-ish? Did I want to quote lyrics from the Sister Hazel Christmas album? Then last night happened, and to me, retelling that story is the best gift I can give you. By now you all know that VonDad is my most favorite human being ever. And VonMom can be difficult. So last night I was at VonParents' house. We had some chicken soup (awww. because I've been sick). We were talking for a bit. VonMom: "I have this song I want you to hear!!" Me: "Ok. NO!!! I want to hear MY song. Really really really loud!" VM: "Ok, after you hear my song...." Me: "NOOOO!!!! MY SONG RIGHT NOW!!!" Of course, I lost. VM is now in the dining room, trying to get her CD to play. She's got a shiny new CD player hooked up to her stereo system from 1976 (not kidding, it's really from 1976). Her stereo system kicks major ass. The whole house shakes when you get that thing cranking. VM: "!!!! How do I make this work! This fucking thing won't work! BOB!!!" ***ahhhh, the holidays***** Finally, she gets "her song" to play. It's some song called "Christmas in Chicago", from the Yule show put on by the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. Meh. Trite and trilly. Song over. Me: "Play my song N O W!!!!!" (Probably should fill you in right about here.....my favorite Christmas song is "Do They Know it's Christmas". We used to sing in in choir, I had the Boy George solo. Also, my dad used to play it really loudly on Christmas day to wake VonSis and me up. Soooo the memories make it my favorite. VonParents own this song on vinyl.) VonDad gets up, goes into the dining room, and finds the record. VonDad: "You're lucky we still have this." Me: "No, mister, you're lucky you still have this!!" .......dunn....dunn.....dunn...duun.....(I can't really do the intro to that song justice, but y'all know what it sounds like) The house is shaking. VonMom and I are dancing and singing around the dining room and front room. VonDad is sitting in the kitchen, laughing, watching the whole mess. I grab a stuffed elephant off the piano and start dancing around with it. Singing at the top of my lungs. VonDad is laughing and shaking his head. VonMom is singing and kinda dancing while also taking dead leaves off of her plants. Me: "Get in here mister!" Didn't think he would, but he did. Sure, he didn't sing or dance, but he bopped his head, it's more than I expected. While this was happening, my brain whispered to me: 'Remember this. Soak it all in. It's going to be one of your favorite holiday memories of all time. Just you and your parents, dancing around like fools.' .....and in our world.....of plenty.....we can spread a smile of joy.....throw your arms around the world......at Christmas time!!!...... Merry Happy to you.....my friends. No matter where you are, or what you celebrate, you'll be in my thoughts.