Me quoting me

Yep, I said it.
Here are some of the things I said over the weekend.*
'Cause it might be entertaining.

• I think J is married. Or dead. These are the only two logical explanations.
• No, I did not have company last night. That was your tennant. Go, tennant, go.
• Why, yes, I did throw away the Color Me Badd and the Debbie Gibson.
• You can shower at my house, and sleep in my bed. I promise not to touch you.
• It took me over five hours and three industrial garbage bags.
• I need you to come downstairs and bring a killing thing with you.
• If I can't shit, you can't sit.
• Oh, my, you look so incredibly.......gay. Or Polish. Or both.
• .....spins a web, from his hand, Man that's cool Spider Man!.....
• I think, you know, like a spring. But not just a spring, a cool spring, with stuff in or around it.
• Thank you for not making me smack your heads together.
• Ain't no party like an A Team party. Which one am I again?
• So I'm just supposed to rinse the still moving legs down the drain?!
• and then, you know, I got those unsolicited dick pics......
• How nice of him. Want to come play barbies?

See? Now it's like you were right there with me.
And yes, I was sober the entire weekend. No, no new meds, just no time to drink.



*In completely random order

borrowing Fuck you Friday

So, I'm going to go ahead and borrow Fuck you Friday from the Zombie.
I don't think he'll mind.
And if he does, I apologize.

Today's target of the Fuck you Friday are the couple 'o dudes in my life who find more fun in flirting via text and email and IM than in actually hanging out in person.  Flirting is fun and all, but I want MORE.

Head Games by Foreigner just popped up on the iPod - a sign? I think so!

Saluting you with a kiss to my middle finger E, A, and J.
You're almost out of chances. 

Because, you know, I'm vulnerable and prone to making bad decisions......

Awesome people are awesome

Against all wishes, time does indeed soldier on.
I guess I'll have to move along with it.
Back to work this week. Some days are more difficult than others, but the busy distraction is definitely good for me.

So, there was this non-Von-birthday thing last Friday night.
I had every intention of cancelling it, but VonMom argued against it, and to be honest, VonMom pretty much gets whatever she wants these days.

I went ahead with it.  I sent an email to all those invited and said hey, let's all meet and have a drink to my dad instead.

I had a friend pick me up an hour early, just so I could get there and have a drink and settle in to the evening.  Upon arrival, ran into two of my Old Town friends who were early for the get together.  An area was secured and we got to drinking.  My first drink was a perfect Rob Roy on the rocks with a twist - Dad's drink. It was super yucky, but I drank it.  A steady stream of people I love started showing up.  An even steadier stream of beer found it's way down my throat.  A few shots decided to join the party. "To Bob!" "Yes! To Bob!" slam slam slam.

This awesome person showed up with her awesome hubbs. She said "So, a friend of mine is coming." My response "the more the merrier" and all that business.
Not long after, she said "My friend is here", so I turned around and there was this guy. I fully admit that I almost started crying to see him there, but the case of New Glarus beer he had brought me put the smile right back on my face.  I made my way around the bar, and realized that a good third of the place was my friends and family. Not to mention the dear dear friend of mine who was bar tending that night.  As I was talking to some people, another great friend showed up. There was hugging and happy bdaying and condolencing. yes, I totally know I made that word up, so shut up.

Wow, three of my favorite bloggy friends, all in one place! Four if you count Grizzled, and I totally do.  I don't really feel I had enough time or sobriety to spend with them, but the fact that they were there is so special to me.

Sure, I got wasted, and sure, I told some people some secrets I probably should not have, but I'm hiding behind my family's statement that I am 'vulnerable and prone to making bad decisions' right now.  I DO remember telling the entire bar that I got me some the night before. Why, yes, reader, you totally read that right - I got me some on my birthday. But that's a post for another day. Or, you can ask Jennifer, Z, or Brando, since I'm sure I told them the story more than once at the bar!

I received this email from eldest VonSis* the next day: 'It made me smile to see you hugging and telling every single one of your friends that you loved them last night. And I know it wasn't the booze or the cupcakes talking, you actually meant it. You told them all. That's great.'
She's right. I did hug and tell everyone that came out that night that I loved them - because I do.  I don't think (aside from our parents) we tell each other that enough.  As you all well know, my friends are incredibly important to me, and I do love them. Each and every one.
Sure, I may be vulnerable and prone to making bad decisions** right now, but I'm also living the John Mayer "Say what you need to say" mantra right now.
I hope that I continue to be honest with my feelings with everyone for a while, and that it's not just a knee-jerk reaction to losing my Dad. We'll see.  I could use a little softening around the edges.

*Officially dropping the Step sib moniker from the J5.  They're my family, and I'm going to try to keep them that way, so from now on, they'll all just be VonSis and VonBro. There are five of them, and one actual VonSis, so I'll try to be pretty clear about who's who.

**Whoever makes me a tshirt, button, wall hanging that says this phrase will be my new best friend forever.  If tshirt, I'm a 3x. I like 'em big.

See that twinkly smile?

Here they are, VonMom and VonDad.
See the twinkle? That's where I get it from.
This was just taken on October 2nd. At my sister's birthday party.
Such a great day - he was happy and smily and having lots of laughs.

No regrets, Dad, you and I? We loved each other well.

Fridge note:

Dear -

• Fish
• MenD
• BG
• K-Unit
• Pinko
• AK
• Smut
• B4
• Thunder
• Mikey

Please email me your mailing address. My email is vonnie1027@hotmail.com

Thanks.

Thank you so much for the flowers. I'm touched, and grateful to know you all

Everything to me

This week, I had been planning to write a letter to myself, for my birthday.
But of course, life got in the way, and yesterday was the worst day of my life.
My dad died yesterday so suddenly that I'm still reeling, and in shock. So instead of sleeping or getting ready for tomorrow (which promises to be another awful day), I'm going to write him a letter.

Dear Dad,
Thank you for choosing to be my dad. With five kids already, you didn't blink an eye when you took on the tornado that was me and my sister.  Thank you for loving my mother so fiercely and completely for as long as I can remember.  Thank you for telling me to "look it up in the dictionary", because today my spelling, vocabulary and grammar are enviable.  Thank you for telling me to "not piss my life away", because that is the reason my life is so full and awesome as it is.  Thank you for loving me enough to see past the tattoos, the weird hair colors and clothes, the cranky and snarky that is me and love me every day anyway.

Thank you for handing me the unfinished crossword puzzle last Thursday with the little grin on your face, when you said "Can you help me finish it?".  Thank you for asking my opinion on everything from baseball to cars to politics.  Thank you for teaching me how to put air in the tires, check the oil, and jiggle the wires until it works again.

I loved that our phone calls always started with "Hi Dad it's me!" "Hello me! What's up?" and ended with a chuckle and an "Ok honey, you take care."  I loved to make you laugh, and tried to do it every time I saw you.  I loved your laugh, and the twinkle in your eyes, like you and I were the only ones in on the best joke ever.

You taught me just about everything I know, and I think my love of music and desire to play music comes entirely from you.  I'll never forget the day you came into my room when I was blasting a new CD over and over. I expected you to tell me to turn it down. Instead, you asked who I was listening to, stayed for a minutes, said "I really like this" and walked out.  I was so happy that you were so hip!

Though hugging you was so hard for me since you had become so little over the last few years, they were always good long hugs, with a bristly peck on my cheek to follow. I know you know that that was way better than the nights that I just yelled down the stairs to you "BYE DAD!" "Bye honey!"

Thank you for being so very honest with every question I've ever asked you. I think you were shocked more than once by the questions, but you always gave them thought, and answered honestly.
Thank you for having an opinion on the things I was smart enough to ask your opinions.  Especially on the most important thing I ever went through on my own.
On the same note - thank you for letting me live my life as I saw fit.  You really gave me wings to fly and I think you really dug watching me soar. You never meddled, I always felt like I was on this great ride, and you and Mom were watching happily from the ground, keeping an eye on me, but letting me have the loops and thrills along the way.

I love that you have always loved my friends, all of them.  Though you admitted that they are a huge, diverse and sometimes motley crowd, you took pains to remember who was who, and I think you genuinely liked to be in their company, as much as they liked to be in yours. I was so proud to have "the cool Dad". I'll never forget the day you said to me "You're just like me, Vonnie. Can't leave the house without running into someone you know! Between the two of us, we probably know everyone!"

I think the universe got it right when it put our family together.  There couldn't possibly be any other man who could have been my Dad.  A perfect fit, even though it didn't happen the usual way.  I am so grateful that there is not a moment of my life that I don't remember you in.  I feel that the time I've had with you is just not enough, but 100 years wouldn't be enough. 

May angels lead you in, Dad - a wonderful Dad, husband, grandpa, engineer, pool player, tenor, musician, magician, jokester, gin rummy winner, silly dude.  May angels lead you in.