Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Everybody was kung fu fightin'

I got in a fight today On the bus. Ah, public transportation. So, every day I get on the bus at the train station to get to the new office. There are quite a few people that take the same bus as I do, every day. A few of these people are gigantic assholes. There's really no other way to describe them. Here's what happened: We were sitting on the bus, still at the station, waiting to head out. Another #120 bus comes around from somewhere behind us in the line with maybe 3 people on it and heads out on the route. This dude starts yelling at the bus driver. "Where is that bus going!?! Why are they going first!?!? Why isn't anyone on that bus?!?! What time do you leave?!?!?" Well, this last question got an answer from the bus driver: "Sir, I leave at 7:48." (It was 7:45) This did not calm the dude down. He kept yelling and berating the driver, and making empty threats about his brother, who works for the CTA, and blah blah blah. He had a little peanut gallery, specifically this trashy women who is also another regular on this bus. She starts nodding, and saying stupid things as well. By this time, the bus is packed and we are on our way. Need to mention here that the dude was sitting down ranting and raving. Standing directly in front of him was an elderly woman. Standing.In.Front.Of.Him. Did he offer her his seat? Oh, hell no. Anyway. The bus driver politely tried to explain things to the irate dude, to no avail. The dude kept interrupting with more rant and drivel. At one point, the bus driver said: "Sir. I leave when I am supposed to leave. I don't know what else to tell you..." At which point the pinhead said "I can't hear you. It's like you're not even speaking English." I was sitting nearby, stewing at all of this crap. Finally (you knew it was coming, if you've ever read this blog, even once, you knew it was coming) I got mad. (my comments in bold - as they should be) "Enough. I've had enough. Stop talking." "Um. What?" "Take a cab. Walk. Plan your day better. Leave earlier. I'm tired of you. Stop talking." "What?" "Every day. You do this every day, and I'm tired of it. I'm sick of hearing you." "No one wants to hear your opinion." (this is one of my favorite statements he made) "REALLY!? Because why, then, do I have to hear yours?!?" (Yep, I'm pissed) "Bu bu bu my brother works for the CTA!" "Great. Do us all a favor - ask him to drive you to work." This went on and on for a while. Trashy-lady just sat there tsking and making faces at me. He and I argued until we got to their stop. At one point, after I said "It's not his fault. Leave the driver alone." I heard behind me "Yeah! Leave him alone!" and it wasn't just one person either. So, dude and trashy and a whole bunch of others get ready to get off at their stop. Trashy says: "F&#K you bi&$H!" and practically runs off the bus. Before she can exit the bus, I say: "Really?" I mean - really? I'm firing off valid points left and right without ANY profanity - and this is her witty retort?! Oh, no, she didn't. But she did. She is now invisible to me. I mean, if that's the best she's got, she's no longer on my radar. She's like those puffy white things that dandelions turn into - they're there, and they bother you a little, but you blow on them and they go away. Once the angry mob was off the bus, the woman next to me said "Are they really always like that?" As I'm about to respond, another rider says "Yes. They're really bad. It's annoying." "I'm bad?" I say "No, no. Them. You're right - they do this all the time." "Hey, in this day and age, I think we're all lucky to have jobs, and shouldn't be complaining about how we get there." (I can be calm and sane sometimes) The rest of the ride was uneventful. I stood up the block before my stop and went to the front. I was pretty much the last person on the bus. "Thanks for having my back." said the bus driver. "Oh! Of course! He was wrong, and you don't deserve that." "Well, thanks." The best part of the whole thing? I get to see them again. Tomorrow. And Friday. And Monday. And Tuesday......... (evil laugh, wringing of evil hands.....)

8 comments:

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

you would make a good zombie....

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

you know how in a zombie movie, at some point the guy who's been a HUGE asshole gets his brain chomped, usually while he's being an asshole?

That.

Von said...

Thanks ZRM - I think so too!
P.S. - your surprise is on it's way.

fish said...

Where was the Karate chop? I was hoping for the Karate chop.

dishe is precisely my point.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

HI-KEEBA!!!

Pinko Punko said...

Vonpants, you got some awesome lines in- trust me, when you get the "f*ck you, b***h" that is a gigantic win, basically that is the last gasp before the unconditional surrender. If she says a word to you again, give her the "Wev, dandelion. I'm a stiff breeze and you are about to be dispersed." THEN KARATE CHOP!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Those cats were fast as lightning...

WTG, Von!
~

Mendacious D said...

If I had to explain to people why Von is so awesome, this would pretty much sum it up. That, and going drinking.

Way to go!