Wednesday, November 14, 2012

So, Goodbye for now

I've thought about this a lot. 
I didn't sleep much last night, weighing the pros and cons, making a list, all of the things a person is supposed to do before making a decision.

Here is the end of this blog.

I almost wish I hadn't named it to include my name, because in a way, it feels like the end of me.

But I know that it's not.

I had the best intentions.  Ok, maybe not the best, but pretty good ones.  I wanted to write, to practice writing, to become a part of something.

I know this was a blog about nothing.  I know it was an angry rant, most times. 
Please know - while it was me, all of me, I'm not always that person.  I enhanced some tales for entertainment value, stretched the truth to get the laugh. 
I have feelings - I get hurt.  I have super happy silly days and some not so much. 

I am sorry this past year has been pretty crappy over here.  I've written a few posts that were more for me, to get my feelings out of my head and onto something I can go back and re-read - I've always had a bad memory.

I hope to still be around, I'm going back to just commenting.  I think I'm better at that anyway.  Turns out I can't do this. 

So, I'm sorry to everyone for everything.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

To all of you

Even I thought I'd have written something sooner than now.

I am shocked and embarrassed to see how many days into November it is, and not a word from me.

Ideas have come and gone and been developed and discarded.

I'm afraid for this blogging thing. 

I'm afraid that I can't keep it up, and for no good solid reasons.

I'm afraid that my "community" is also flailing a little too.

I never realized before how much I actually (real life) like you people, until now - until I think that I'm losing you. Most of you. Some of you.

I've come to miss the actual emails and phone calls and texts and visits and developing friendships that used to happen.

I miss the catty chats on teh FB that I would have with some of you ladies, usually riling me up to start something with other ladies we don't like very much.

I hadn't really appreciated what I had here, until my Dad passed away.  That day, the third person I called (of all of the many many people in my life) was one of you.  And through her, this community rallied around me and showed me so much love and compassion and kindness - so much more than I probably even deserved. 

Up to that day, I thought I was a small time jester in a very large, much smarter court.

So today - no snark, no bitchiness, none of that -

I miss you - all of you.  I hold on to my friends as tightly as I can, because I feel if someone is in my life, they are valuable to me and I need to hang on to them, because they add to my value.  I feel I am losing this community, and I really don't want that.

So help me hold on somehow.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012


Good days and bad days.
Long days and short days.
Meh days, blah days, and just one of those days days.
Brilliant days and rainy days.
Quiet days and raucous days.
Full days and half days.
Holidays and birthdays.
Some days and those days.
Musical days and reflective days.
Stressful days and silly days.
Save for a rainy day days and expensive days.
Family days and friend days.
Work days and Sundays.
365 of these, all of these.
Each one of them less than, missing something, a little less bright.

I miss you, Dad, every day.

Friday, October 12, 2012

A break

I want to be honest with you all, so I'll just lay it out here.

I'm having a really hard time with October - and that's why I haven't been around.
I don't think you want to hear about my melancholy, my wanting October to both speed up and get the fuck over, and to slow down, because I do not want 10/23 to come.

I can not believe it has been nearly a year since my Dad passed away.

I don't want to write about it or him, not yet.

So, I just do not write at all.

It's not that I don't have other things to say - I do, sometimes - it's just that I don't really feel like it.

Things are just, you know, fine.  Like FINE in a fucked up insecure neurotic and emotional kind of fine. 

Work - fine
Dating life - meh, fine
Family - fine
Other work - fine

See - you don't even want me to write right now.

So, unless something super magical or inspiring, or God forbid really awful happens, I'm taking October off.  

I'm sorry, I never wanted to be this kind of blogger, but that's how it is right now.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Mini catch up

Headed to Connecticut last week for a big work meeting. 

American Airlines?  You and I are FINISHED. 
Flight out of O'Hare on Wednesday morning at 6:40.  Everyone gets on the plane, all things are stowed and all people are seated.
And the plane breaks or something.
Everyone, off the plane.

I get on the phone with my company's travel service, who are always so awesome. 
"Sure, Von, we will get you on the next flight!! It leave in 20 minutes and you have to go about 3,000 miles across the airport to get there! Have a nice day!"
Not her fault - she didn't know I was in heels and lugging massive barely carry on-ables. 
I get to the gate (barely), give up my luggage, and throw myself into the last seat on the plane. 
Of course, I caused upheaval in CT.  My pickup car had to be rescheduled, but no one knew which flight I was on, so ooops.
I arrived in CT about two hours past when I was supposed to.  Ooops.

Heading home, not much different - almost worse.  Our meetings ended earlier than expected on Friday, so we headed to the airports two hours earlier than we had planned.  I decided to see if I could change my 8:40 pm flight home.  I waited in line for about an hour, and finally put on my best face and headed to the counter.
"8:40? That flight was cancelled....."
best face gone.....
"But this is good because I can put you on any other flight I want."
Of course, there was a flight leaving in about 30 minutes.
I get to the gate (barely), give up my luggage (again) and throw myself into the last seat on the plane (hello, old friend).
Only to sit on the runway for about an hour.

The Big Work Meetings were actually pretty good, for me.  I'm going to have a new position with new responsibilities and a new team and a new boss as of 11/1.  This means I get to keep my job here (YAY) and learn things and work on my career growth.  This is a very good thing.  There's not much I love more than my jobs.

I'd love to tell you more, but it'll have to wait.  Lots of secrecy and such.

Other than that -
I am super pissed about things on the home front. 
I am still kinda dating a couple of dudes. 
I'm tired.  Very tired.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Best feeling ever!


I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted.
I'd apologize for that, but no.  I haven't had anything decent to write about, and I didn't want to bore you.
I didn't realize, however, that it had been almost a month.
For that, I suck.



For those of you who have read this blog from the beginning, you know that I have "the one that got away", and sometimes I write posts about him.  And I sigh and I tear up and I pine.
So, for this story, let's call him GA (GotAway, got it?!?)

Yesterday, I went to my new super fun bar where I play fantasy football.  For no reason at all I decided to look super cute.  Jeans that fit, no saggy butt, a very cute Bears tshirt (vneck, cleavage), did my hair - I looked kinda adorable.
I was very early, I wanted to get a good seat for the game.  I was sitting by myself playing with my phone when a couple walked in.  They stopped right in front of where I was sitting, and had their backs to me. 
"Hi, GA. Hi DirtyWhoreWhoStoleHimFromMe"  calm as all get out.
They turn around - "Oh! HI Von!"
They asked if they could sit by us, I had to say no, I was saving seats for fellow fantasy players.

Admittedly - at first I FREAKED OUT.  I was so irate they were there.  I started drinking a lot more quickly than I had planned.  I texted everyone I could think of who would understand the importance of the crisis of GA AND his lady being there.

My FF friends showed up and I decided just to let it all go and have a good time with the people I was there with.  GA and LF (lady friend, I guess. I can think of other things that start with L and F, but I digress)  were sitting far enough away, yet within my line of sight so I could keep an eye on them.   Looked like I wasn't the only one who was pounding the drinks.....

By the middle of the first quarter, GA started hugging me everytime he was near me.  I expected sparks and stars, and got neither. 
Around the middle of the second quarter, GA asked me if I was staying for the whole game.  I gave him the blank stare - of course I was staying.  He asked me to do a shot with him in honor of our friend who had passed away, and also for VonDad.  I agreed to that.

Half time rolls around, and I have to go in the other room to play our FF league game of Bozo buckets.  Good times.  I walk back over to the other side, and there's four shots of Jaeger lined up on the bar.  Four? I wonder? 
GA tells me to go get "my friend"
"Um.....(I look around) Which one?"  Not being a bitch, here, just really have no clue who he's referring to...
Light bulb goes off, I go get Pete, my 24 year old league Commish. 
He comes and does the shot.  LF gets mad because GA does not clink his shot glass against hers, so she refuses to drink it......mmm hmmm, that happened.
So, LF orders two more shots.  Apparently "my friend" is off the hook for GA's flub, and now the three of us are going to do another shot.
OK FINE.  GA makes sure to clink glasses with LF, while keeping his other hand around my back.
I say thanks and move off to my people.  I can tell LF is getting drunk, and I know better than to hang around that hot mess too long.....

Third quarter, and I am showing some of the FF folks my most recent tattoo.  GA walks over and looks at it too.  He says "I still have mine"
His?  MY INITIALS, above a broken heart, quite large, on his arm.  I'm SURE that LF likes seeing that when they get naked together.......
This should have sent some sort of flutter across my heart place.
GA walks away.

The room gets very bright.  A choir of angels starts singing.  I have the greatest moment of clarity in my life.
The 14 years of what ifs and pining and love songs and unrequited whatever? All B.S.!!!
The fantasy, turns out, is leaps and bounds better than the reality!!!
He's......used up.  And.....not that attractive anymore - I don't see Dennis Quaid in him AT ALL anymore!  He looks pretty unhappy. 
A 14 year weight lifted off my heart,then my shoulders, then my brain!!

I realized in that moment that the years I had with him - the intense ones of black leather jackets, a 69 Mustang, the letters and love songs and fighting and making up and midnights showing up at my house and me sneaking out to meet him and lying in the grass looking at the stars and knowing I loved him and he loved me the best that he knew how - those were his best years.  And I had them. 
What/who he is now?  I don't want that.  And I certainly do not NEED that.

I started smiling.  Making jokes with complete strangers.  Have a great time.
Middle to end of the fourth quarter, I noticed LF was shooting death stares my way.  GA and LF seemed to be bickering.  Uh oh - I knew this was not going to bode well for me.
Bears win!! I hang around about 10 minutes more. 
More death stares from LF.
This is my cue.
I say good bye to my FF friends, and promise to see them next time.  I say good bye to GA.  So much more meaning behing my "Good bye!!"  He hugs me (900th time of the day) and reminds me to say good bye to LF.
I lean over and say "Good bye, LF"
She responds: "Im gonna move to Alllllasha."
"Imma mooove to Allasha so you two canbetogether....."
I laugh - my real, genuine, I feel it in my bones laugh "Ok, LF. See you."
GA hugs me AGAIN (this is not shocking to you, at this point I'm sure."
I smile at him.
I grab my things.
I go home.
I fall asleep smiling, and guess what?
I wake up this morning, smiling. 
I'm smiling so much, I look like I have the best secret in the world. 
And who's smiling back? EVERYONE.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Tumbling around in my brain

I went away for the long weekend. Again.  Went to Michigan with the Tricycle.  For those of you that are new, the Tricycle of Awesome are Shannon, TheMarty and I.

It was a perfectly quiet, lazy, calm relaxing few days.  I even got to dog-sit their delightful pups Sophie and Schatzie for a few hours. 

I read a lot, drank some, played 7 Wonders a lot (Best.Game.Ever.), slept a lot.
The three of us have this very familial thing that means we do not have to talk every second, or entertain, or be entertained.
"Should we go to Cracker Barrel tomorrow?"
"Are we going to watch the new Doctor Who tonight?"

I spent some time reflecting on my year so far.  I've decided that 2012 has been better than 2011, in leaps and bounds.  The gaping hole from losing my dad is still there, but it reminds me to do better, be better, behave better.

I've let L go (2011's lapse in judgement), and have tried to be open and kind and above board with 2012's dating-ness.  I've decided to let one of my dudes go. I let him know as nicely as I could, I feel my karma is fully intact.  I'm also learning to deal with "dating" someone who is busier than I am.  While I always thought it was what I wanted, I'm finding it pretty difficult to do.  So, if it works out or doesn't, I've learned there is such a thing as too busy, and I need to make some adjustments if I really want a real relationship.

I've decided to return to a project that has been on my mind for some time.  And, I'm doing something about it to make sure that I do it.  I got myself a motivator/coach of sorts.  Someone I care about and trust 100%.  She's already given me homework, and while I didn't quite get to my goal yesterday, I think I can today, and that's the important part.*

I am incredibly happy with both of my jobs.  I thought about whether I have a Career right now, and if I should, etc.  I don't know if my day job defines Career, but I am VERY good at what I do, and because of that, I am proud of myself.  I also am proud of myself for taking my life-long love of all things music and with some patience I have gotten myself my second job.  I was embarrassed, for a while, that it took me over five years to go from brand new volunteer to concert staff.  Why? Who decided the time line on that? Who was I letting down by not getting hired sooner, or somewhere else?  I've let all of that down crap go, and can now just be happy that I am where I am at Old Town, and that I got there myself. 

I want to make some sort of home improvement.  I have been in my apartment for almost 13 years now, and I need some freshening up.  I have zero dollars, so maybe I'll just re-organize my kitchen?  I am starting a list of little projects I can do.

I'd like to take a little long weekend to visit some of my family in MI.  I haven't seen many of them in years, and it could be fun.  It could also be stressful and weird, but who knows.  I'd like to do this alone - take the Amtrack and figure out who to see when (not all of my relatives get along with each other).  Pretty sure VonMom and VonSis don't think that I'll actually go, or, if they do think I'll go, I think they're wondering why I'd want to.
I love my family, all of them, regardless of their connection to me.  That being said, I'd like to spend some time with some people who are actually related to me by blood.  I don't really see how I can be faulted for that. 

*Yes, this is intentionally vague.  All will be revealed in good time. It may be a loooong time from now, but eventually.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Well, because I WAS

Ah, lyrics.
".....the revolution was a lie....."

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

My forever man

I have always always always loved Dennis Quaid.  I kinda think the reason I still think about my college boyfriend (The One that got away) is because he looked a lot like Dennis Quaid, back in the day.  I'm totally going to watch that new Vegas show, simply because it's starring - Dennis Quaid.  As a sheriff. Yummy.

Sigh. Dennis. Quaid.

So, today I give you this video.  Because:
1.  It has Dennis Quaid, at his hottest.
2. Bonnie Raitt seduces him, with a song and her mad guitar skills.
3. I dream of seducing Dennis Quaid with my mad guitar skills.
4. I dream of having mad guitar skills, like the Queen, Bonnie Raitt.

Monday, August 27, 2012

All the things

My life, and all of its parts, seems very out of my hands these days.

Setting a date? Sure, why not, but let them text me.

Work stuff? Sure, I have thoughts and hopes, but no one is talking about the changes with me.

Home stuff? LOL.

Family stuff?  See home stuff, multiple by raging bitch, add crazy and blend.....

To be in control of ONE THING ANY THING SOME.....THING

I joined a new fantasy football league.  And this one, this one had a live draft.  No sitting in front of my computer in my pjs, taking my time, having the program take out other players picks......NO I had to put a bra on, head out in the rain and do all of the things by myself.
With eight people I do not know, and only one (The Commissioner) that I do know.

Well, me being me, I made pals with the other two women at the draft, and we helped each other out.  OK - They helped ME.  See, there was this rule that if someone picked a player that was already drafted, that person got a "loud, strongly worded warning".  If a second person picked that same player, they got "a warm shot of bar tequila".  Needless to say, none of us ladies had to deal with that.

So, without further whatever, here's my FF live drafted team, named, Electric Pandas:
Philip Rivers
Ryan Fitzpatrick
LeSean McCoy
Ryan Mathews
Roddy White
Miles Austin
DeSean Jackson
Rob Gronkowski
Brandon Pettigrew
Robbie Gould (had to take one Bear)
Green Bay defense and special teams
and on my bench:
Josh Freeman
Christian Ponder
Willis McGahee
James Starks
DeAngelo Williams
Austin Collie

I'm already working on getting rid of the last three on my bench, as well as Christian Ponder.

Wish me luck, my friends.....

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Politics again!

Looky here!
Another "post" about politics!!

So, that Todd Akins guy is a co-bag.

See - I can write about politics too!!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Ask her

In 1959, a mother of four was living in post-war Berlin, Germany.  Her older children had moved across the planet - two to Canada and one to the United States, taking her first grandchildren with them.

This woman - brave, strong, broke and with a young daughter - found a way to get herself and her child to the United States.  That journey itself has never been discussed much, beyond the fact that the nine year old daughter was both fascinated and afraid of the small rickety prop plane that brought her here.

This woman and her daughter came to the United States legally, with sacrifice and scrapped together money.  Some treasured family heirlooms were sold, had to be, in order to get the two of them to their new home.

The woman knew some English, the daughter none at all.  The woman set up a tailoring shop and found a little apartment for herself and her daughter.  The daughter started to learn English from watching television.  Once school started the little girl took her brave little non-English speaking self to school and LEARNED.  She learned English, and beyond that, developed a keenly Chicago accent.

The woman worked hard, and so did the little girl.  The little girl grew up, learned slang and curse words, and learned and learned and learned.  She learned her way all the way to a degree from Northwestern University.

The woman grew older, as did the little girl, who had two little girls of her own.  She taught them to love learning, to appreciate living this life in this country, even though she remained a German citizen.  Eventually, the woman passed away, and the little girl started teaching her daughters about some of their German history.

The little girl now grown woman is only recently considering becoming a US citizen. She can take her time with this, because when she was nine, her mother did all of the things legally and properly.  She is a Bears fan, a community leader, and one of the most Chicago-y people.

The mother of four? My Oma.  The nine year old immigrant? My Mother.  You want to talk about immigration reform, and deals for people who came here illegally?  TALK TO HER.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

I've got NOTHING

Getting all sweaty, here's a video!

Sigh.  Two things I love most of all.

I should watch this every day.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Smoochy Smooch Face

On the bus ride to the train yesterday, I was listening to music and in an off-kilter state of tired&melancholy.

So, nothing new.

I like to look out the window* on the bus ride, it's a part of my heading home/switching gears routine. 

For some reason, yesterday there was quite a bit of kissing going on in downtown Chicago.  Quite a bit, indeed.   I saw a couple of meh ones, a creepy one or two, and a few really lovely romantic ones.  One delightful couple was beyond sigh-worthy.  They were waiting for the light to change, and laughing about something.  She wrapped her arm around his waist, he put his hand on her face and kissed her.  It was movie like, and sigh worthy.  Romantic silly headed me totally sighed.

The light changed, the bus went on, and as I got on the train, I pretty much forgot all about the kissing people of downtown.

I took some Tylenol PM before bed (ya know by now I've been having trouble sleeping lately) and let myself drift off.  I rarely remember dreams that occur while in my deep Tylenol sleep.  This morning, though, the memory of a dream kept nudging at the edge of my brain.  I ignored it, it was just a dream and nothing worth remembering.

Sitting at work not 20 minutes ago, listening to my iPod, I heard a song that reminds me of the one that got away.  All of the sudden BAM there it was - the dream from last night.  The one that got away and I were somewhere (irrelevant) and there were other people there (who cares) and we were laughing.  He pulled me in for a kiss and I smiled and we kissed the kiss of the ages.........dream fades out.

While it was a great and lovely dream, I have to admit - I HATE having dreams about him.  They happen less frequently now than in the past, but when they do happen, it sticks with me for days and days.

I'm thinking I just need one of those head-spinning, heart-stopping kisses.  And soon.

*When first typed, I typed 'winder'.  Guessin' my hill-billy side was tryin' to get the better of me.

Monday, August 6, 2012

All VonMom, all the time

Spent a LOT of time with VonMom this weekend.
For the first time ever in her life, she had to take her car in for repairs by herself.

Now, even though she has NEVER helped me out in this situation, I ended up driving her for a day.
Met her at the repair place, drove her to pick up dinner, drove her home.
Saturday morning - drove past the diner to pick her up and take her to the diner, drove her home.
About an hour later - took her back to repair place to pick up her car.

I'm still a shit, though.  I felt the need to remind her she has never once not ever done the same for me.  When I had need of a ride, the standard, the ONLY response was "Call your friends".  I'm just storing up the good mojo on this for the next time she yells at me for anything.

Upside to spending time with her are the little gems she says every now and then.
"I LIKE Black Sabbath" (I spit my coffee out at this one)

"I want to try a Chik A Fil (that's how she said it, over and over and over) sandwich.  But now I feel like I can't go, because it's bad.  Like when I decided to become a citizen, but then I couldn't because George Bush was in office, and that would have been bad."

I'm glad she got her car back.  Really, really glad.  And I know who NOT to call the next time mine breaks down.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Forget it

Ok, let's just chalk up that other post to my sleep deprived self.
An update:
Tuesday date guy (aka likely still married guy) cancelled our date.  I received a text stating that his boss needed him to finish something up.
Um, according to his profile, HE'S the boss.  Hmmmm
Many follow up texts from him - at one point I responded - 'Shouldn't you be working?'
That stopped the texts for the night.
I woke up to several more.  One of which said something about me being mad.  I responded how I was amazed that after a week or so of only texts and emails how he could know my mood.  I stated I was not mad, that things happen.  More texts from him.
I'm still convinced he's still married.  Have not rescheduled anything yet. 

Haven't heard from Friday date to set a plan.  I sent him an email this morning letting him know I'm excited, and mentioned a couple of bars that I think would be good to meet at.  I hope he responds, but the way my week is going, I have the feeling he'll blow me off.

I'm back to expect the worst and (kinda) hope for the best. 

Sadly - One glaring life lesson came out of last night. 

I was super bummed, beyond bummed, teary actually.  I reached out to a couple of people, and announced my cancelled plans on facebook. 
Turns out I no longer have a person in my life who would drop what they were doing because I needed them.  I miss that.  Being honest - for most of the time I was friends with Laura, I had that with her.  She was the one who would come running, often without being asked, to be there for me.  I knew I would miss that, even though she hasn't been that for me in many years.

So, of my bunches and bunches of friends, last night I had no one.  Ok, not true.  RM (previously referred to here as Eldest StepSis) offered to come over and bring beer.  Selfishly, she's not the one I wanted to cry to.  So, I had one person.  

So, here I sit.  Kinda hopeful for Friday's date, kinda sure he's going to cancel or blow me off.
What was I thinking?

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Looking for l o v e

Wow. Time really does fly, especially in the summer time.

I'm back to having some troubles sleeping.  I don't know why really.  I think it is affecting my ability to put finger to keyboard and write something for you.

Let's see - what's new.

I may or may not have misbehaved quite a bit last weekend.  Oh, I may have.  But, you know some things should just be left alone.


I'm kind of on the market.  I guess.  As in, actively seeking a man.  Like a long term husbandy kind of man.  Sure, I may be crazy, but like I said, I'm not sleeping.


I rejoined this website I was on a few years ago.  Things are going......okish.  I've got one first meeting tonight, and I was excited about it.  But then I did some google stalking (as all smart women should do before a first meeting), and I have a suspicion that he might be married.  His profile says he's divorced.  I've asked Shannon to also stalk, and see if she comes up with the same conclusion.  Anyway - now the conundrum is not what do I wear, but how do I figure out if he is still married, without giving my stalking away?  Stay tuned.

I was supposed to have another first meeting tomorrow night.  I found myself having to talk myself in to going on that one, so I thought about it and decided to cancel.  Wanting to keep on the right side of karma, I sent as lovely and nice an email as I could.  I pretty much said that I was looking for a serious long term thing, and him being separated and not divorced did not put us on the same page.  Points to me for not mentioning that he is two inches shorter than me, unemployed, and waaaaay too schmoopy from the outset.  It was a win when I got a very nice response letting me know that he understood, and said if I change my mind, I can contact him.

I have another tentative first meeting scheduled for Friday.  Now THIS one I am pretty hopeful about.  Only a couple years older than me, very tall, very cute. We've had some nice online chats.  During a chat he said he'd like to take me out.  We settled on this Friday night for drinks.  I bite my fingernails in anticipation of the solidifying of the plans.  I really really hope this one happens.  I have a good feeling about him.  Of course, me being me, when he asked me if I wanted to go out, I said "Sure.  Are you married or a serial killer?"  His response was "Well, yes. I am a married serial killer who lives in my mom's basement"  My response? "Perfect."  See, he can roll.

So, here's hoping something awesome this way comes.  I'm ready, I think, to let go of all of the misbehaving go nowhere things, and maybe be a grownup.  Or at least, a lady.

Yeah, I can't read that last sentence without laughing either.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I guess maybe I am.....

People often like to tell me that I am the busiest person they know.
Like I don't already know that.
Because I am one of the busiest people in the universe.

Part of that is because I have a job that I love that pays the bills, AND I have another job that I love that I do strictly out of love.

Last weekend was 75% about that job.  Friday and Sunday I had the honor of working the first ever Square Roots Festival in Lincoln Square.  Something something craft beers, something something local restaurants, something something wares and trinkets.....for me it was all about the music. 

Sunday, I worked the merch.  Ahem, for you non-musical folks, I looked after the artist merchandise.  I met many lovely people.

Friday night, I was stage manager for one of our outdoor stages (we had four stages total, that's how we roll at the OTSFM).  I had the pleasure of working with Garland Jeffries and his band, as well as the Hoyle Brothers. 

Here's a picture of Garland and his band, from my vantage point:

The other 25% of my weekend? Rocking the F out at Mayhem Fest with two of my awesome friends.  There was Anthrax, there was Motorhead, and there was SLAYER.  We left before Slipknot.  

So, I guess it's true - I am busier than anyone I know, but I am having one hell of a kick ass time.....

Fridge Note:

Quick apology to all of you,

Sorry for being so far on the defense last week that I wound up on the offense.

So, for that I apologize

Thankfully some of you like me enough to call me out on my shenanigans.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Thanking the Big Guy

**Pre post statement - I really couldn't care less your thoughts on God, so please, don't post them in the comments, m'kay? **

So, last night - I came very very close to being a gigantic moron.
Or, I WAS a gigantic moron last night, and missed very bad things by the skin of my teeth.

I was driving home from dinner with friends around 9:30ish.  It was pouring rain - lots of thunder, lightning, wind, etc.
I decided I wanted to call my friend.  Well, my phone was being stupid, so I spent a good amount of time trying to call my friend and not watching the road.

I looked up, and all of the cars in front of me were stopped and they were CLOSE.
I slammed on the brakes, hydro-planed, tensed up my whole body for the pending collision.

That never happened.

Somehow, I was able to stop my car mere inches from the car in front of me, and the car behind me was able to swerver off to the right to avoid hitting me.

What should have been a four car mash up was a big old scary nothing.

I have zero explanation for this other than divine intervention.  For real.

I am equally ashamed and grateful.  I can't believe I was so very careless.

I'm never touching my cell phone again when I'm driving.  Never.

My entire upper body aches today, I'm guessing it's due to the mega-tensing up bracing I did.

So, stay smarter than me, and stay uninjured.

Fridge Note:

I appreciate all of your concern on the last post.
You all kinda missed the point.
And I feel, maybe, it was intentional?

Fat not a comfortable topic?

Anyway - thanks again for your concern.  Message received.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Just this once

I know that a while ago I stated on this here blog that I would not be using this medium as a way to talk about  HAES and body positive views.
And I meant it.
I'm still not going to do that. 
This blog is a mis-anthropic, no set topic, humor blog.
Or, the ramblings of a crazy angry me.


I'm just writing this post to vent, because this happened last night and it's still on my mind.

I was driving home from the train station to my house.  I drive down a side street with many stop signs.  One of the stop signs is a part of a four way stop, and the cross street is a major "busy" street.
I'm pretty aware at this intersection, because the cars on the busier cross street treat their stop sign as a suggestion rather than something they have to do.

Did I mention, I'm a pretty aggressive driver in general? Well, I am.....anyway.....

So, I pull to my stop sign as Car on the right is stopping and now going. SO, it's MY turn.
Second car on the right doesn't care, and he's going to go.  Well, I don't give a shit, I'm already heading across the intersection, and I have the right of way, and I'm not stopping.
He inches up, I keep going, our game of chicken ends with me going (inches from his front bumper) and me, showing him the middle finger of my pretty new manicure.

He turns and follows me to the red light.
He gets in the non-lane next to me, and starts yelling.
I yell back.
We argue for a bit (Ok, I know this is not a good idea, he may have a weapon and I get that, but I was pissed).
All of my statements were profanity free and statements of fact.
He was running out of argument - so he went for my jugular:
"Don't be made because you a fat bitch. Don't be mad cuz you just fat."
My response:
"I'm mad because you are an asshole who doesn't know how to drive"
"Fatty fat bitch. Fat......"
He then rolls up his window and peals away with an extremely illegal right turn.

Um, I'm pretty sure he's patting himself on the back for "winning" that argument.

What bothers me is this:
The way strangers - either in a confrontation, or just because they feel like it - like to use the word FAT at me as an insult, a put down, something awful.
My head is not in the clouds, yes, I am fat - it's a statement of fact, much like I am blond, I am smart, I am adorable and well liked.  I am fat is just a part of who I am.

I'm mad because he thought, as do many strangers, that calling me fat makes the whole thing an automatic win.  They are proud that they said it.

I'm tired of it.  I think what bothers the haters most of all is that I am not only fat, but fat and self-confident (90% of the time), fat and having a great time, fat and has lots of friends, fat and has an interesting fucking life.  Apparently I can have none of these good things, because to them the only thing they see is F A T.

I spend a lot of time reminding the people in my life that they have Value - not only to me, but to others (so many uncountable others) and should therefore value themselves.  This one stupid incident is going to make me work twice as hard to remind myself that I too have value.

So, dear readers - you may be tall, short, fat, thin, black, blue, blond, brunette, stupid, smart, shy, etc, but I value you.
Thank God my fingers aren't too damn fat for me to type with.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012


I woke up this morning.
The sun was breaking through some scattery purpley clouds.
My knees both hurt a little less.
I slept well, but still had weird dreams.  But I slept well.
I heard three great songs on my way to the train station this morning.
I got to my job that I love, even after 4 years, 11 months and 29 days.
I had some yummy iced decaf.
My hair looks fabulous.

I'm thinking it's time to change my ways a little.
As in, I'm going to be more like her:

Monday, July 9, 2012

Not too much

I wish I had some wicked awesome stories for you from vacation, but I really don't.

It was hotter than whatever, even in Michigan, pretty much the whole time.

Wednesday we went to see Brave.
Thursday we had breakfast at Cracker Barrel.
Friday I sat in the house all day.
Saturday I sat in the house all day.  Saturday night the massive heat finally broke.  We were at the neighbors' house for dinner and fireworks.  After that we went back to the house and had some more fireworks.
Sunday was a beautiful day.  Breakfast on the deck, and a quick boat ride.
Then we came home.

That's pretty much it.  Ok, not true.
There was:
  • drinking
  • eating
  • playing games - I am very good at 7 Wonders!!
  • drinking
  • napping
  • reading
  • drinking
  • sleeping late
  • laughing
  • and oh, did I mention drinking?
I am very well rested, and very well recharged.

I came in to work this morning and realized Wednesday is my 5th anniversary at this job.  Sigh.  I remember my first day like it was yesterday.  I hope for 5 x 5 x 5 years more.....

Monday, July 2, 2012

Happy happy

Time sure got away from me, sorry for the delay.

And that's enough of that........
If anyone wants to make me a tshirt that says: Full of Misery (on the front) and Obviously Extreme Jealousy (on the back) in a very cool way, I'd be forever grateful and will wear it just about every day, since every one who knows and actually loves me knows what a complete bunch of b.s. those two statements are.


So, I had another fantastic and amazing weekend.  I'm still pretty happy just because of it.

Friday night I went to see Tesla and the Scorpions at Northerly Island.  I'd never been there, and it did not disappoint as far as venues go.  The sound was great, it doesn't hold that many, so even our "cheap seats" were good.  I went w K, we go to a lot of concerts together. Telsa was awesome, they played all of the good stuff, closing with Little Susie, which is K's favorite song.  The Scorpions were really amazing, considering their kinda advanced years.  The weather was starting to get a little scary, the wind picked up, it got chilly, and then the lightning started.......but the actual rain held off until after the last chord of "Rock you like a Hurricane".  Like Mother Nature was giving mad props to the Scorps, and let them finish.  My aching knees only got us so far, and I ordered up an Uber car for us.  It took less than ten minutes to arrive, and we got home super quick in air conditioned lincoln town car luxury.

Saturday was breakfast with VonMom.  Which, you know I have grown to enjoy.  VonSis came along this time, and somehow that made VonMom a little weird and kinda cranky.  No matter. 
Saturday evening I hopped on the ole Metra train and headed out to visit with Brando and TLB.  Well, kinda forgot that that is the train that goes to Ravinia.  Saturday night was Sarah McLaughlin, and the train was PACKED with granola lesbians.  Not the best of times, but well worth the misery to hang out with two of my favorite people.  I attempted to bribe Libby into friendship with coloring books - not sure if it worked.  Brought along some cherry and raspberry lambics to bribe Brando and TLB and those did work.  We had a lovely time with some fantastic food.  The train home was less crunchy, and I was grateful for that.

Sunday VonMom and I had lunch with my God-mother.  I dig her the most.  She's awesome, and had been one of VonDad's best friends since they were kids. She thinks I'm cool.  She loves all of my stories.  We went to Baker's Square (forgive me, not MY choice) where I ran in to two different people that I take the train with every day.  Kinda funny, didn't know Baker's Square was the big Metra Meet up locale.

Now, I have to work a grand total of 1 1/2 days, and then the tricycle of awesome rides for Michigan.  Ahhhh, my annual rest and recuperation week.  We won't be back until sometime on Sunday.  So, you won't be hearing from me.  There is no internet where we are going, and I'm ok with that.

So, have a wonderful holiday, kiss your babies, appreciate your friends, and I'll be back next week.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The weight of it all

VonDad was not much one for giving me advice.  Oh, I'm very sure he had his opinions on everything a lot of things in my life, but he pretty much kept them to himself.
I would have to ask repeatedly, sometimes beg for some sage words.

Except for once, that I remember.
And it was not long before he passed away.

VonParents and I were having dinner, our typical every other Thursday thing.  I was going on and on and on how LM was not responding to me, saying one thing then not doing it, listing off the last four or five times that I had contacted her with no response or return call from her when VonDad interupted me (something else he never did)
"Look, Von...." and he steepled his fingers and bounced them off each other, as he often did when he was thinking something through
"How much longer are you going to let this go on?"
"She's a shitty friend. This is obvious.  Sure, you've been mean and bitchy and whatever, but you've apologized for it.  What more can you do?"
"I, um,'s a long time and...."
"Yes, it's been a long time. But how long has it been since this has been a two person friendship? A very long time. You're upset. You don't need to be.  Clearly, she's not who we thought she was, she's not a good friend, and you shouldn't waste any more of you time on that."
***tears (on my part)***
VonDad moves around to sit closer to me, puts his hand on mine
"You deserve better than that.  You deserve better than her.  I think it's time you let this go.  She's not worth it, hasn't been for a long time."

And that was the end of the conversation.  What VonDad was telling me was to let go of the person who I thought would be my forever best friend.  The one person who knew me better than all others, and the person who would be my memory when we grew old. 
I didn't listen to VonDad, then.

Time passed, VonDad passed, more time passed.

This past weekend, I was thinking about VonDad, and all of the things he taught me.  I realized that while I fought it, he was almost always right.  At least he knew what was right for me. 

So, I let it go. LM and all that we had been and all that we could have been no longer exist for me.  This comes from a deep deep pain of knowing that someone just does not care after 22 + years.  Sure, I made mistakes, and was awful sometimes, but when called out on it, I apologized and offered to try to be better.  I was never given that chance.  I own all of the blame that led to a weakening and tearing of things.  However, I am not the only one at fault - LM is no saint either.  From the little things to the big, she knows what she is also guilty of.  And she is 100% at fault for throwing the friendship away like it was garbage.

So, instead of hating or disliking or whatever, I have cut her and all of those tied to her out of my life.  No facebook, no emails no nothing.  All reminders have been stored away, to be thrown out at a later date ( not up to the task right now).  I don't even have the energy to spend on negativity on the topic.
After this blog post, she just does not exist.

Now, unfortunately, because we had been friends for so long, our lives might still cross paths, as many of my friends are also her friends.  I come to peace with the fact that at our mothers' wakes we will see each other - in my opinion, our parents aren't to blame for what happened.  I was devasted when her Dad died.  There are other wakes and maybe weddings and baby showers and occasions that she may attend (or not, her life seems to be something else entirely now), but I know how to be a grown up.  That, and I'll just treat her like the stranger she has become.

Sure, I have lots and lots of friends.  I meet new people all of the time, and I'm quick to form bonds with many of them.  I even have a very best friend, who has been for a long, long time.  Shannon knows all of the ins and outs of crazy ole me, and I think she's in it for the long haul.  I also have Chris, more family than friend, I adore her. She's given me precious God-daughter - the closest thing I'll ever have to my own child. I tell these two that I love them all the time, because I do, and I would not survive this life without them.  Between Shannon and Chris, I'd be just fine, but I'm also so lucky to have many more people who I know would be there for me, because they are there for me now, through this.  They don't judge, they just comfort, and that's more than enough.  You all know who you are, right?

I will not lie, though, this is going to be painful for a while.  There is no one who has that much history, that much inside knowledge of me and what I've been through.  Some of the worst experiences of my life LM helped me through - and some of the best. 

But it's time I start listening to VonDad's advice - so long fought for and so thoughtfully given.

So, goodbye, LM - you no longer exist.  I hope you also know this means you are no longer welcome on this blog.  Go read something else, m'kay?

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The return of the transparency project

I've been getting more and more of a short fuse lately about all of the:
  • Intentionally cryptic
  • Intentionally vague (Vaguebooking)
  • First world problems whines
  • Passive/aggressive to the nth degree
  • Self obssessed small minded
Facebook status updates.

So, instead of ruining "friendships" and having people drop me in their rage, I'm fighting back with the Return of the Transparency Project.

It's really boring as fuck all*

So, each day I will be posting the most mundane details I can think of at 6:45 am.

Here's part of it:
I am wearing pants and an orange shirt.  My eyes itch.  My mood is fair to middlin' (yesterday)

Today I let teh FB know that I had a dream about zombies; that I am wearing a black dress to kinda hide the fact that my nail polish is black this week; and that my headband has a big metal flower on it.

Is this going to drive people crazy? God, I hope so.
Is this going to make people be a little more aware of the piles of crap that they themselves are posting? GOD I HOPE SO.

* = "fuck all" is my new favorite swear term.  I'm still working out the kinks, but I'm totally going to make it a thing

Friday, June 8, 2012


Here's my Dad. 
I don't think I was there when this was taken, and I don't know when it was taken.
I know that he was in his yard, probably enjoying a hot dog and some fries with any number of his kids and grandkids.
I know he was happy when it was taken.

I love this picture.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

The reason

I won't be blogging much in June.

There's a good reason.

This Saturday, the 9th is (would have been? Was?) my Dad's birthday.  He would have been 72.
Next Sunday - my first Father's Day without my Dad.
Saturday the 23rd - My Mom's birthday, her first without my Dad.

I can barely get out of bed in the morning, much less write anything entertaining.

That whole "time makes it better" thing? Bull shit.

So I think it best to spare you my misery and just not post.  I'll be around, commenting here and there.
But I don't really feel like writing a bunch of posts about him.

I am SO glad that last year for Father's day, I did write a post about/for my Dad. I also posted it on teh FB, so he was able to read it. 
I remember I asked him if he read it.  I gave me a little half smile, and there was a questioning look in his eyes.  He said "Yep. I read it. Very nice, Von."
I wonder if he was trying to tell me something.  I feel now like he knew that I knew that something wasn't quite right, even then, in June.

So just do me a favor - that person that you love most above all others? Tell them so.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

But then....

So, y'all read why I'd want to move away.
I felt that way for the better part of a week.  Then, this happened.

5/25: I met Brando and TLB for dinner and drinks.  It was a lovely evening - warm enough to sit outside (with the heaters on) and spend some time.  We had a great time.  I drove home that night thinking about how I really like those two, and I hope that we can become better friends and spend more time together.  Me being me, I had even told them that I'd like to hang out more often, and that I meant it.  They agreed.
5/26: I went to the movies with John and Toni.  John's parents joined us (a surprise to me) and I gave them great big hugs.  As I watched the previews and looked over at these people, I realized that John and Toni are more family than friends, and I wouldn't be the same without them.
5/26: I worked a show at Old Town.  It was an interesting show, something I'd likely not see anywhere else.
5/27: I went to Mars Cheese Castle with delightful God-daughter and her mom.  It was 90+ degrees out, the car had no a/c, and yet we had such a fun time.  Picking on God-daughter, making silly jokes about nothing.  I gave them both big sweaty hugs good bye and told them I loved them.  I thanked C a million times for taking me to the Cheese Castle.  She looked at me like I was crazy.  She thinks that when I need or want something, it's just on her to take care of it.
5/27: I went to a BBQ at T&C's house.  T is someone I have known for years, but we have just recently started hanging out more.  I really only know T&C, and not any of their friends.  Their friends are very interesting and nice.  Always willing to talk to the person (me) that didn't know anyone.  I was included in many conversations, and it was nice that a handful of the people that I had met once before remembered me. 

I left there realizing that there are millions of interesting people out in the world, and yes, even some in Chicago that I have yet to meet.  There are also quite a few people that, while I have broken ground on a friendship, I have not put enough time or effort in to them.  I need to work on that.

5/28: Another hot day, and a few plans in the hopper.  I cancelled all my plans. I was exhausted and my house was a mess. 
While I sat on my couch in the a/c that day, I let my mind wander over the past few days.

I had spent some time with some amazing people.  People who I care a lot about.  People who I could care a lot about.  Some new, some old, some family, some little more than acquaintances, but overall - it was the people that made the weekend, not the things I was doing.

So, if I stay here longer than I think I will, it will be the people that keep me here.

And I'm actually ok with that.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

My ramble about moving away.....someday

By no means am I too stupid or too romantic to think that if I moved away (say, to Denver) that my life would change forever for the good.  I would not immediately find a husband, a great job, get out of debt, get healthier.
I know these things.

About seven years ago, I considered a move.  A big one.  I was offered a job in Florida, not long after I called off my wedding.  My parents were delighted, VonDad most of all. He offered to buy me a computer and a plane ticket home every Christmas.  Pretty sure VonMom had visions of me exercising on the beach, eating only fruits, veggies, and fresh seafood.  Either way, they were pretty pumped.  I was too. A little scared, but pretty much set on my course.
Then, VonDad got sick.  It wasn't much, not life-threatening, and I realized that this big move I had planned would take me away from here, from my family forever.  That I was making a permanent change.
I didn't sleep for weeks, and finally I called the wonderful man who had offered me the job.  I explained my position, and ultimately turned down the job.  He was so gracious about the whole thing.  He even told me that he respected me for thinking things all the way through.

I put my wanderlust and all thoughts of moving away on a shelf.

Then, VonDad passed away.

Not long after, VonMom said that she knows deep down that someday I will leave, and it will be permanent.  I told her she's probably right.  It's a known fact that I stayed here for my dad, and really no one else.

Again, I don't have stars in my eyes.  If I give it any serious thought, I get all nervous and my stomach gets all clenchy.

Then, I went to Denver, for the second time.

I know that I would be riding the coat tails of all of the things that C has already done.  His friends would become my friends, and for a while at least - his social life would be my social life.

I also know (for a fact), that I would look completely different than I do now.  I'd have purple or blue or pink hair (all of it, not just streaks that I can hide).  I'd have at least a dozen more tattoos.  I'd wear all of the fun rocker grrrl jewelry I own.  I'd get to wear my pink tights, and fun dresses.
I know all of these things because I could practically taste them when I was there. 

I've always known that I stifle all of the creative things I want to do with my appearance here.  There are very few people here who get it (who get ME, actually), that would understand that that is how I truly feel I should look, that is how I'd be most comfortable in my own skin.  My family and (many if not most of my) friends would look at me like I lost my marbles.  Certain members of my family would yell at me, and try to shame me back down to "normal".

I know that this is no one's fault by mine.  I made choices and decisions along the way in life that have brought me to where I am now.  To have the job I have, I do have to follow certain standards of dress, and this does include my hair color.  I choose to keep my tattoos coverable (for now), because I expect to get a certain level of employment, and I do feel that people are unfairly judged by things like number of earrings and tattoos in general. 
Knowing that I did this to myself, knowing that I have to stay like this for a long while still, this does not make the itch go away.  My first tattoo was 20 years ago now.  I have not, and likely never will, lose the desire to get more.  I have the next three already planned out.  I just have not had the time nor the money to go get them done.

Don't worry, dear reader - I am clearly not going anywhere any time soon.  I refuse to move away from here until I have my stupid debts paid down - if not completely then at least significantly.  I also will not move without some cash in the bank.  I'd rather not go without a job lined up.

Oh, and that's the major current hang up - believe it or not, I LOVE both of my jobs.  I really do.  My day job feels like it was made just for me, and I am so proud of all I have built up at it.  Plus, I work for the most amazing company I am likely to ever work for, and I would never throw that away.  My other job I campaigned and prayed and hoped for for longer than I care to admit.  And I have only had that job for about a year.  There is no way that I am ready to walk away from it.  I may find something similar to it, or something else in music, but I will never have these wonderful people again.

I'm not making excuses.  I'm just laying it out there, like I always do, for your reading pleasure.

I'd love to go. Someday. I don't see myself in Chicago in 10 years.  My four most likely towns are: Denver, Portland, Seattle, Boston.  These aren't in any order, and strangely I have never been to Portland or Seattle, I just have a feeling.

But, for now, dear readers, you're stuck with me.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

A.D. (after Denver)

There isn't a whole lot to say about the fourth day in Denver.
We went up up up another mountain to Golden, to see Buffalo Bill's grave.
C took the scary windy way, and I got a little sick.
The end.

Ok, now I have a whole post to write about how I felt when I got home.  How I felt for almost a whole week.
For the second time in my life, I gave some very serious thought to moving away from Chicago.

------------------------to be continued-------------------------

Friday, May 25, 2012

Denver, Day 3

I woke up around 8. Then 9. Then 10.
I waited until 10:15, then hearing nothing, I went upstairs to see what C was up to.
He was up to.....sleeping.
So, I did what any good house guest would do, I jumped on him.
"Get up! Get up! Get up! Entertain me!"
He tried to throw me off, but this was not happening.

"What are we doing today?!?!"
"GF had an idea - she said we should go see the Stanley Hotel. You know, the haunted one, from The Shining."
"Yes! We should!  Is she coming with us?"
"Nooooo. She's still messed up about screwing up with you last night, and she's going to need all day to gear up to see you again later at the BBQ."

We decided to go to this hot dog joint - Uber Sausage for breakfast.  I had my first ever bison dog - it was amazing.  C had some sort of bratwurst thing.  They had homemade chips with 12 different seasoning salts you can top them with.  So delicious.

Headed up to Estes Park.  It was a lovely drive the whole way, and we did some more catching up.  I got a classy farmer's tan on my right arm.  Up up up we go, and we're there!!
Big spooky hotel.
With a haunted tour that starts in 5 minutes.
We hustle off to buy our tickets and join the group.  Our tour guide was a nerd, but a cute one, and we were excited.
"C! Let's play Ghost Hunters!"
"The whole tour?"
It was a 90 minute tour that started out a little more history than scary.  Then things changed.
On the landing of the grand staircase, I felt a creepy chill across the back of my neck and right shoulder.  A moment later the guide stated that there is no air conditioning in any common areas of the hotel.  Aaaaaand it was hot and muggy that day.  I didn't mention it to C.

On the fourth floor (the most haunted floor), we stopped as a group by a door. The guide asked for a volunteer to stand against the door.  Once in a while, when someone does that, there will be a knocking from the other side of the door.  He opened the door to show us that there was a wall behind the door that went almost to the floor - not enough room for someone to be standing on the other side to knock.  Whatever.  We rolled our eyes.  The group moved on, and I told C to stand against the door....
"bang bang bang!" and C was flying off the door.  I, of course, decided he was me, that he had knocked on the door.  He swore up and down that he didn't.  I still did not believe him.
A little later on the tour, we were in a long hallway and all of the sudden, C whips his head around to look behind him.  He almost spins around in a circle.  He investigates the bottom of his shirt.  I ignore him.  Not a minute later, the guide tells the story how the hallway is known for the ghosts of children running around and tugging on people's pants and shirts.  C swears this happened too.
I don't know whether or not to believe him, but it was fun either way.
After the tour we were wandering around outside, and C found a statue of a bear, laying on it's back.  This is when C straddled the bear and said "Take my picture!"  I did.  Ahhh, C, the same as always.
We mortified a couple of people with this, so we decided it was time to go.  On the way back to the car, we spotted an eagle.  I looooove birds of prey of all kinds, so I just kinda stood there, watching this gigantic thing soaring around. 

Headed back to Denver, to go to a BBQ at one of C's friend's houses.  GF is there waiting for us.  To her credit, she was (mostly) sober, and seemingly contrite.  We ended up having a blast there.  We watched the eclipse, saw some cobag staple band fliers to his head.  I counted rainbow hair colors and tattoos.  I stood next to an incredibly tall marijuana plant.  Turns out all of the people at the BBQ were in bands.  I was surprised at how well they all got along.  Not something I think I'd see here at home.  I was handed a sticker with the greatest witty band name I've ever heard on it - The Cattle Axe (say it out loud, I'll wait) - which is going on my car.
We decided to go back to C's house to have some drinks.  GF was also coming. 
Back when C called to tell me he was getting divorced, I had sent him a flask filled with the best Scotch I own - Jura single malt 16 year.  He had saved it for when we could drink it together.  He brought out that flask, a bottle of Colorado Whiskey, and some beers.  C, GF and I sat around eating really bad Denver pizza, drinking and chatting.  It was the perfect evening, actually.  Also found out that evening that GF is looking for a job, and hopes to go out of state, likely NC or ME.  NOW I think she is ok! If this "relationship" has an end date, I can deal with it a while longer.......

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Denver Day 2

Then, things got a little ugly.....

C had to go to work on Saturday. This, I knew.  It was agreed that I would do whatever I wanted until he got home from work.  Which could include staying at the house and relaxing.
Since we got home around 3am, and since I drank A LOT, I decided to sleep in.
11:30, I wake up to C's ex wife SuperBitch standing over me.  Backstory - the whole reason I went to Denver was to check on C, because his wife, SuperBitch cheated on him.  They are stuck kinda sharing the house until they can sell it in November.  I hate SuperBitch for what she did to C. SuperBitch teaches piano out of the house on Saturdays.
"Um. Von? I need to know what you are going to do today. My classes end about 2:45, and I'm going to need you out of the house after that. I don't want you in the house when no one is here...."
"SuperBitch? If I wanted your shit, I'd guy buy it at Walmart and Claire's and Hot Topic.....I wouldn't bother to steal it from you...."
"I, um....:"
"Let me text C, see what's up."
I text C, he immediately calls me, then immediately calls her. I decide I don't want to deal with the drama, so I jump in the shower.  While I'm drying off, there's a knock at the door:
"**sniff sniff** Von? Can I talk to you for a minute?**blows nose**
"Well, I'm naked,but whatever...."
"No! NO, just come upstairs when you have a second...."
Grumble,sigh, fuck me....
I get dressed and head upstairs.  Pounding headache, hunger pangs and all....

For the next HOUR, SB tries to convince me that she never cheated on C.  That he was terrorizing her.  All lies and b.s.  She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
I'll save you the details. Suffice to say, I let down the nice shield, and gave her the business.  Some of my better statements:
"You really don't know how hard it is for me to not climb over this table and beat the shit out of you, do you?"
"Friends? We were never friends. I don't do friends who are unbelievable sluts"
"Please, SB, give me a reason to hit you"
"You are a heinous bitch. The worst part is, everyone knows what you did, yet you still continue to lie about it.  This makes you pathetic."
After an hour of this, I told her I was going to go for a walk and to get something to eat. I made her promise she'd be there when I got back.  Ok, well, it went more like this "God help you if you lock me out, and C has to leave work early to come let me in...."
I went for a walk. I found Taco Bell (God loves me!!!).  I checked my phone.  C had called 9 times.  I called him back.  Apparently he had visions of me pinning SB to the floor by the throat and punching her in the face repeatedly.  I assured him that this did not happen, and would fill him in on everything later.
Got back to the house, SB was there, just standing in the middle of the living room.  I walked past her and went down to the basement.  She followed me down and said
"Well, I guess I will never see you or talk to you again..." more tears
She left, I slept.

Saturday evening was a whole lot of plans.  First C and I went to get something to eat, and to catch up.  I told him all of my business, he judged me, forgave me, and we moved on. 
Went to a nicer bar/restaurant for his friend's 30th birthday party.  Of course, she thought I was hilarious and awesome, and offered to take me out on Monday.  LOVED HER.
Of course, she is NOT the girl C is dating now.

Off to meet C's girlfriend.  Drama part two coming up!! Can you just feel it?!?
We went to this amazing venue called The Gothic Theater to see a band that C knows.  - They're called Nautilus, check them out -
C finds GF and walks up to her.  GF is HAMMERED and wants to make out with C.  Did I mention, GF is hammered?  She's slurring and trying to say Hi, but it's not happening.
I go to the bathroom and have a little talk with myself.  It went like this:
'Von. Calm down. You are 10 years older than this little shit.  You already had a lengthy fight with SB today.  Time to try to be nice again, m'kay?'

I walk over to the bar, where GF is leaning with her friend.  I smile and offer to buy them beers.
GF spins around to look at me, glares at me, says "Who ARE you?!?" and kinda falls over.  Her friend looks at me all 'I'm sorry!' and waves me off.
Yep. Fuck it. I'm finished.

I walk back over to C.  He says "So?"
"Well, the BAND was great!!"
"What does that mean?"
"GF, she's wasted, I'm not down.  Baaaaad first impression."
C immediately get pissed at me, says "What, she can't get drunk?"
I say fuck it, and go sit down.  I didn't figure that was the time or the place to tell him about the "beer incident"
Apparently, GF's friend decided to tell him.  He asked me why I didn't tell him.  I ignored him and drank myself silly.
Drama drama drama, GF is coherent enough to know that she messed up with me, big time.  There's tears (Von makes people cry out of state too!!), and C putting her in someone's car and sending her home.  He's now not mad at me at all, and kinda embarrassed.  We watch another band - Black Lamb look them up too - and leave.
We then went over to the bar he works at, Bender's, and I'm obsessed with that place.  The people are awesome, it's huge, and I'm pretty sure if I lived there I'd be at Bender's just about every night.
Evening saved.
1:30ish, head home, time for bed........

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Denver - Day 1

I had such an amazing fantastic drama-filled time in Colorado, I'm making it a mini-series of blog posts.

Day 1

Got to Denver no problems.  It's hot as Hades, and I'm a little nervous as no actual "plan" was made on where C was going to pick me up.  I headed out to the American arrivals area (I only had to ask one person for directions) and waited.
Up pulled C - all speeding and slamming on the brakes and grinning.
There was a gigantic long hug, and then we were off.
C had to go back to work for the afternoon, so we agreed he'd drop me off downtown.

He dropped me off near 16th Street Mall.  I wandered around looking for something to eat, and ultimately ended up at the Hard Rock Cafe - don't judge, they had air conditioning and inside seating available.  I ordered up a very large beverage and some snacks and then another very large beverage or two.

After I was full and tipsy, I headed back out.  I found this free shuttle bus thingy that takes you all up and down 16th Street. I rode it's full length twice, and made note of some places I wanted to go.  I lept off at the Money Museum, giddy with the notion that they would give me some $$.  No such luck.  Wandered around some more, found the Aveda Institute.  While I was getting a manicure, I mulled over the idea of getting a burgundy stripe in my hair.  Decided I didn't have time that day, but would return on Saturday to do it.


C called and asked me to meet him "Up the Capital" and gave me some vague cross streets. 
I only had to ask two people how to get there.  I guess "Up the Capital" means up the very steep hill to the Actual Capital. 

We headed over to his band mate's house to load up for the show that night.  I walk in to this lovely house only to be met by the largest dog I have ever seen in my life - Dakota, the super sized Great Dane.  Dakota was busy eating a cow or something when we walked in, so he ignored me.  Only later, after he sized me up and figured out what a sucker I am for canines, did we make friends.  And by make friends I mean Dakota thought it would be awesome to sit on my lap.  I couldn't breathe for a while there, but it was ok.

We headed up to Fort Collins in the Band Van - I felt  Anyway, sitting in the band van, having some beers, getting to know C's band.  Awesome.

Get to Ft Collins, have my first ever Five Guys burger.  Um, yes, please - I will have to find the nearest FG in Chicago.  Go back over to Road 34 Bike Shop - This is a bicycle shop / deli / bar / music venue - I shit you not. 
Anyway, head back over there, see C's band play.  They were pretty good, considering the piss-poor sound tech and that it was the drummer's first show with them.  Beers were DIRT cheap, I mean dirt cheap.  Got my drink on, then got stuck at the bar until the very end.  C and I were a little annoyed we had to stay that late, so we sent each other text messages mocking not only the closing band, but also the other bar patrons.  Oh, we were standing next to each other while we were texting!
Headed back to Denver, finally got to C's house around 3:30 am.

I could already tell, this was going to be one kick ass weekend......

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Uh oh


Or, as I've begun calling it, NATOggedon.  Remember Snowmaggedon Chicagoans? This is like that, but longer and more annoying.

My train? Packed.  Wicked packed. Wussy suburbanites who can't sit their precious asses in traffic have started infiltrating my mode of transportation.  OH AND on Monday there are all these horrendous rules for the trains - no backpacks, no bottles of water, no food, no bag bigger than this x this, no breathing, no talking, no nothing at all!

My walking around downtown land? Awful - trust fund baby "protesters" with their $500 designer pre-torn up jeans, iPhones, Bulgari watches and look-at-me-I'm-bad-ass faux-hawks aplenty.  I'd really like to ask just one of them if they can fully explain to me what they are protesting, but I don't have the time or bail money......

My office building?  Still the least secure building in the entire downtown area.  Their idea of "enhanced safety measures" include laminated badges that a 2nd grader with some free time can duplicate (no photo, no bar code, nothing), a thin nylon thing that prevents you from going up a flight of stairs, a security dude outside "walking the perimeter" (which translates to ogling chicks).  Yep, I feel so safe now!! And from who? Protesters? Terrorists? Not quite sure on that one.

The lazy people at work, the ones who beg for a snow day the second the flurries start, have begun their campaigns to work from home Friday and Monday.  Mmm hmmm  - I am SO sure that you will be actually working! In the safety of your living room, with your kids climbing all over you, your t.v. on, etc.  You're right! You are totally trying this b.s. for your own well-being!

Everyone who does not live in the Chicagoland area - please stop asking me about NATO.  I don't have an inside track on it, I am not an expert on any NATO related topic, and honestly I could care less.

Oh, and guess what!?!?!?  Y'all know how incredibly smart I am, right?
Yours truly is FLYING OUT OF CHICAGO ON FRIDAY AND BACK IN ON MONDAY. Yep, that was the brightest decision I've made all year!!! O'Hare airport, in the middle of NATO traveling traffic.  Lucky me.  At least that should make for some interesting blogging next week......

Friday, May 11, 2012

Good deed

My good deeds do not come cheap.
I try to be kind to strangers, but typically when I do, something bites me in the ass.
So, I've kinda stopped doing it.

Unless something like today happens.

This morning on the train, there was this woman sitting in the seat in front of me.  She's very pretty, put together, quiet.  I usually do not pay her any mind.
Today, though, she started having major allergy issues.  Sneezing, coughing, etc.
I said "God bless you", but tried to ignore the rest.
So, all of this was happening as we are getting close to the station, so the aisle was full of people.  I noticed this dude kept looking over at the sneezing lady.  Finally she gave him the look of death and put up her hands like "What!?!?!?"
He quickly looked away and turned red.
She sighed.
I tapped her on the shoulder and gave her a brand new packet of tissues.
She tried to take one and give them back to me, I told her to keep them.

She thanked me a bunch of times before getting off the train.

Silently, I thanked her in my head for providing this morning's amusement.