Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Happy

I had been thinking all week about how I wanted to write today's post. Did I just want to write Fridge Note: Merry Christmas Bitches? Did I want to get sappy Auld Lang Syne-ish? Did I want to quote lyrics from the Sister Hazel Christmas album? Then last night happened, and to me, retelling that story is the best gift I can give you. By now you all know that VonDad is my most favorite human being ever. And VonMom can be difficult. So last night I was at VonParents' house. We had some chicken soup (awww. because I've been sick). We were talking for a bit. VonMom: "I have this song I want you to hear!!" Me: "Ok. NO!!! I want to hear MY song. Really really really loud!" VM: "Ok, after you hear my song...." Me: "NOOOO!!!! MY SONG RIGHT NOW!!!" Of course, I lost. VM is now in the dining room, trying to get her CD to play. She's got a shiny new CD player hooked up to her stereo system from 1976 (not kidding, it's really from 1976). Her stereo system kicks major ass. The whole house shakes when you get that thing cranking. VM: "!!!! How do I make this work! This fucking thing won't work! BOB!!!" ***ahhhh, the holidays***** Finally, she gets "her song" to play. It's some song called "Christmas in Chicago", from the Yule show put on by the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. Meh. Trite and trilly. Song over. Me: "Play my song N O W!!!!!" (Probably should fill you in right about here.....my favorite Christmas song is "Do They Know it's Christmas". We used to sing in in choir, I had the Boy George solo. Also, my dad used to play it really loudly on Christmas day to wake VonSis and me up. Soooo the memories make it my favorite. VonParents own this song on vinyl.) VonDad gets up, goes into the dining room, and finds the record. VonDad: "You're lucky we still have this." Me: "No, mister, you're lucky you still have this!!" .......dunn....dunn.....dunn...duun.....(I can't really do the intro to that song justice, but y'all know what it sounds like) The house is shaking. VonMom and I are dancing and singing around the dining room and front room. VonDad is sitting in the kitchen, laughing, watching the whole mess. I grab a stuffed elephant off the piano and start dancing around with it. Singing at the top of my lungs. VonDad is laughing and shaking his head. VonMom is singing and kinda dancing while also taking dead leaves off of her plants. Me: "Get in here mister!" Didn't think he would, but he did. Sure, he didn't sing or dance, but he bopped his head, it's more than I expected. While this was happening, my brain whispered to me: 'Remember this. Soak it all in. It's going to be one of your favorite holiday memories of all time. Just you and your parents, dancing around like fools.' .....and in our world.....of plenty.....we can spread a smile of joy.....throw your arms around the world......at Christmas time!!!...... Merry Happy to you.....my friends. No matter where you are, or what you celebrate, you'll be in my thoughts.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Hating the hoarders

The other night, I was on the phone with Sil1x. As is usually the case, we ended up talking about at least a dozen different topics. One that we landed on was that show, "Hoarders." I have never, ever watched "Hoarders". Sure, it's gross, and they find dead animals, and there's some b.s. therapy and some crying, and a nasty-assed yard sale - "HI!!! This table was under 54 pounds of garbage!! Wanna buy it for $10?", and I guess all of that can be entertaining to some people. Not to me. But not for the reasons you'd think. Here's my thing. I get mad (jealous?) at the people for one simple, silly reason. Those bastards have HOUSES. AND THEY MESS THEM UP AND MAKE THEM UNLIVABLE. Um, yeah. Let me remind the reader, I live in Chicago. This means that my apartment is so small, I have to choose one thing every day to throw away. I mean, if I let it go a week, I'd probably be a borderline hoarder. Closets? I have ONE. So for me it's more like one new article of clothing in? Six old ones must be given away. Immediately, like same day. None of this building a bag to donate, NO ROOM for that. The only place I do not feel cluttered is my fridge. Because it's huge and new and pretty. I could jam more and more cheese, produce, beer, whipped cream all the time. And I can KEEP things. Like condiments. I have some. I don't have to throw those away. Sad thing is, I don't cook. Freezer full of Lean Cuisine's and caramel Drumstiks, fridge full of cheese, salsa, milk and beer. Just writing this post makes me want to make a list of what I should go through, clean out, throw away today. There may be something under my bed that lies there mocking me. Back to my point. I want a house. I want a house more than I want anything, more than I've ever wanted anything. And I know this is NOT going to happen if I choose to continue to live in my major metropolitan city. At best, I'll get a condo. Which will just mean what? Maybe another closet, but likely not much more space? And yet there's Mabel, or Billy Bob, or BettySue on Hoarders with these old, big, once lovely HOUSES. Real houses, with yards, and stairs, and stuff. And they fucked it up. And it'll probably have to be torn down. Or if not, the cameras will go away and the asshole will go back to hoarding more crap all over again. Much better to watch "Married to Rock", I told Sil1x. There's nothing at all to get mad at that show about!!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Here they are!

These mah kidz.
Vince, Erica, Andrew, Angela.

Monday, December 20, 2010

My kids

I get attached to people very, very easily. Sure, I'm a venom-spewing, people-hating misanthrope most of the time, but when I like people, I really like them. So, there's my kids. I've written about them here before, but it's been a while, so humor me. Plus, I'm on cold meds, so humor me more. My kids. Ok, not really kids anymore. The youngest is 22. They can drink. They plan on drinking tonight, when I see them. Tonight.When.I.See.Them. See, I had let my kids go. Or so I thought. It's been over three years since I stopped working at the Teen Center. While I don't miss the place, I always miss what good we were doing there. I'm proud of my seven years there, even though some days were the hardest days of my life. But my kids made that job easy. There is a core four of them, and an extended pile of about a dozen or more all together. I saw the core four last year. Probably around Christmas. We agreed we'd see each other over the summer. Didn't happen. So, I let them go. They are all my friends on teh fb now, so I just figured I'd keep up with them there, and that would be enough for me. They are growing up, they have lives, and more important things to do than to catch up with me. Then, one day early November, I got an email from one of them. He wanted us all to get together at Thanksgiving. We made plans - that I eventually and unfortunately had to break. They sent more emails. December 20th was agreed on, and even my kid who now lives in Los Angeles would be able to go. Today is December 20th. These kids have family and friends to see, and they are all coming downtown to have dinner with me. We'll eat and *sigh* drink and be very merry. We have years and years of memories to recall, and they have loads and loads of new stories for me, with their college lives, and real lives and all. And I will smile like I haven't smiled in a while. And I will hug them all, because even the boys (men?) let me hug them. And I will tear up a little on my train home. Because I know, now, that no matter how old my kids get, and however far they travel, and whatever they end up doing, I will always occupy a little corner in their brains, a part of their good memories from their high school days. Because I am theirs' and they are mine. Hopefully for many many years to come.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Fridge Note:

I'm sick. Like porcupine in my throat sick. I hate sore throats, they can lead to other bad things. So, I have nothing witty nor bitchy to say. Who wants to bring me a venti vanilla roobois tea latte? This seems to be the only thing that helps me...... boo hiss, I say.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Gack

Words I don't like at this time of year: Wintery Mix Feels Like Measurable Snowfall Wind Chill Is-it-cold-enough-for-you-? Sleet Ok, sleet is a very cool word, just when it happens not in Chicago.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

MAN!

Wow. That last post was sooo much better in my head. Sorry about that lords and ladies. I'll try better next time. F*ck me for trying to write a decent post while I'm pretty busy at work. On a totally unrelated note: Welcoming Consider the Source to my blogroll. Because, you see, he's HIlarious, and an all around good guy.

By perspective

For no reason in particular, I've had a few conversations with women I went to high school with, and still am friends with. The topic of popularity came up each time. I find it really hard to define popularity in our school, as it was a Catholic, all girls school. So, not the norm, I think. Interestingly enough, I had not one, not two, but four different thoughts on who the popular girls were. My hairdresser went so far as to point to herself and say "We were". I gave her a blank stare. "Well, we were the athletes." Um, no - athletes did not equal popular at a smallish all girls school. I had to tell her no, they weren't. Also, that no one I had talked to about it had named her group as the popular ones. There was one group that was mentioned that back in high school I might have deemed popular simply based on a few criteria - they were cool, they were beautiful, they were fashion forward, and they had the hottest boyfriend. But in hind-sight, they weren't actually popular. I think the best answer I got was the simplest. Chris looked at me, paused, and said "Well, we were. You and I." I was about to correct her, but then I paused. We then discussed that even though she was all skater girl, and I was all black converse high tops and new wave music, and we were in plays and no we didn't play sports, and yes we got into trouble - lots and lots and lots of trouble we got along with just about everyone. The one thing that made Chris' statement true is that we knew and were friends with everyone. I mean everyone. And if I didn't like someone, Chris might and vice versa. So that being said, we really did know EVERYONE in our class. And the classes above and below us. The main point is who cares? Who cares now? Does this affect any of us in any way shape or form? Does the fact that I field and deny many friend requests on teh fb on a regular basis make me any more of a person? Probably because I don't care now, and I never cared then is why I was popular. I have no idea why I even wrote about this - it was just on my mind. Sorry for the rant.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Aftermath and carnage

So I guess whatever happens at the cookie party stays at the cookie party. Wow. Those ladies can drink. And party. Here's some of the numbers of the party: About 20ish - number of ladies that attended 10 - bottles of wine consumed 1.5 - bottles of vodka consumed 14ish - beers consumed 6 - two liters of raspberry ginger ale used as mixer 22orsoish - lbs of food consumed. 21orsoish - lbs of said food that was cheese related 1millionty - dozens of cookies brought, redistributed and left with 18ish - ornaments swapped 1 - very intoxicated friend. But that's cool. We've all been there 0 - pictures taken by me. By the time I realized I could take pictures with my phone, it was too late. Nothing but carnage and aftermath 0 - male friends who showed up in drag. Maybe next year. I tried to get Shannon to sleep on my couch, but then it got all snowy and she said "no I has to go snow snow snow blah blah blah" It took me two days to clean up and recover. Good.Times.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

You get a post today because tomorrow I'm outy 5000. I'm having my kinda-annual Cookie and Ornament swap. Also known as: Let's us ladies sit around eating carbs, drinking too much, and being snarky bitches. Tomorrow, 6:30 to whenever. I love my party. Generally. This year it has outgrown my 418 square feet, and has been moved upstairs to VonSis's place. This means tonight and tomorrow I get to lug food/drinks/cookies/decorations upstairs and set up a space that isn't mine. I have at least three friends coming who have never been to my place. This means I'll have to schlep downstairs to show them my place. This means, I have two locations to clean pre and post party. VonSis upsides:
  • Dishwasher
  • Space. Lots and lots of space. As in: we can do drinks in this room, cookies in this room, food in this room.
  • Decor. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm sure she's been decorating.
  • Did I mention space? She's got lots of it.

VonSis downsides:

  • I fear VonBroInLaw/Landoverlord will show up and not leave. And there's nothing I can do about it, as it's his house.
  • Not very cozy. Maybe I'll just sit on different people's laps, make it cozier.
  • Not my space, so I'll be a little nervous.
  • Stairs.

My knees have been getting better lately, and I'm down to seeing AwesomeKneeDoc once every three weeks now. But damn, I'm still no good at stairs.

I am going to try try I said, to take some photos of the shin-dig, as I know some of you like to say "pictures or it didn't happen".

And you'd all be invited, except that it's ladies only. And I just now realized that most of my readership is men. Huh. Who wants to wear a skirt and some lipstick and show up anyway?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Fridge Note:

No one I know completed NaPoBloMo this year. Way to go, mah individualz!! Love ya, V

I've got nothin'

I don't want to write about what I thought I wanted to write about. I wrote a whole post, and then deleted it. Then I stared at my screen for about five minutes, waiting for some inspiration. None came. I'm stumped. See what happens when it snows?!?!?!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Was that supposed to be a long weekend?

And people wonder why I am tired. Here's a recap of what should have been a restful long weekend. Thursday: Up early. Watch the parade on t.v. Turn on the wrong channel, get confused as to why this sucks. Why isn't there any singers and dancers and Broadway numbers? Oh, I'm on the wrong channel. I'm an ass. 12:30 head over to eldest step-sister. Bite tongue (repeat/repeat/repeat) tweet all of the things I cannot say out loud. Overload twitter with all of the things I cannot say out loud. Get in fight with he-thinks-his-shit-doesn't-stink elder step-bro. 4:00 head over to Chris' aka home of delightful God-child. Eat, drink, hug and kiss delightful God-child again and again and again...... Head home at 10:30. Fall asleep on couch like the old lady I'm turning into. Friday: Up at dawn (ok, 8ish). Head to dad's favorite diner to meet VonParents for breakfast. Recap of Thanksgiving, I get snarky, I get shot down. blah blah. Go to VonParents' house for some stuff. 11am: home and time to decorate. 11am - 4:30pm decorate non-stop. OhmyGod I have a lot of crap. Holy shit, I have a million ornaments. This is dumb. I can't keep doing this all by myself. Lug seven rubbermaids back down to storage. Curse them. Wish Christmas was more than a month away, because a month seems like a very short amount of time for all of this gosh darn work I had to do. 6:00 Meet John and Toni for dinner at das BrauHaus. Beer. German food. Time with two of my most favorite people ever. Awesome. 9:00. Home. Cannot move. All joints have locked up from overdoing of the manual labor all day. Fall asleep in chair, sitting up, for two hours. 11:30 Debate continuing to sleep in chair all night long, to avoid getting up. 11:35 Decide my crappy decorations might start a fire, so I might as well get up and unplug them, then I might as well go to bed. ouch. Saturday: Guitar class. Felt picked on. Not so happy this week. Pinky actually starts to bleed due to f-ing up some chord changes. Reconsider my musical calling. Recommit to musical calling. Music is pain. Run errands. Dollar store, grocery store, pharmacy, bank. Begin work on holiday cards. 9:00: OH MY GOD I CANNOT SIT IN THIS HOUSE ANYMORE NO MATTER HOW CUTE IT IS. Run out the door to meet Jessica and her bf and parents for a drink. Or three. Or four. Get home a little later than I expected. Sunday: Stroz brings breakfast. I'm pissed, as I have to put a bra on, which was not part of my plan for the day. Entertain Stroz. 11:35: Start being mean to Stroz so he'll leave. I have a plan for the day, and this is no longer part of it! 11:37 - 3:00ish: bake. bake. bake. Bake some more. Oh, and do laundry and take out trash while all this baking is going on. 3:01ish. Tell myself I'm an awesome baker. Because I am. 3:30: Out the door to Jon and Teresa's with some cookies. Hang out til half time of the Bears game. Half time (I no longer know what actual time it is): run to VonParents' with cookies. How long is halftime? This is as much time as I'm allowed to visit. She's that die-hard. 1st minute of third quarter of Bears game: Drive home. Shit, I have 1/2 of my holiday cards to write out! 9:00 cards done, yet strewn all over living room floor. Fall asleep to the news. 9:55: Damn it. I have to do that 'get into the actual bed and set the actual alarm thing' So, how well rested are you?

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Grateful is Great

Turning off the bitch, and turning on the schmoop: This year, my list is long. Some things are the same, some things are new, and some have dropped off. Most currently, I'm grateful that my Metra stop is also an El stop. Thus getting me home when many many people were stuck on the Metra for over an hour Monday night due to weather. I'm grateful for my job. I more than love it. I'm treated better than I've ever been treated in my working life. I have fun every day. I work for and with some of the brightest, nicest, best people in the world. I'm grateful for Old Town. I've met some of the most interesting people there. Plus, I'm beginning to actually consider myself a musician, a life long goal of mine. I realized on Saturday (smack dab in the middle of butchering "Imagine") that my happiest moments, my best me, is when I'm sitting in guitar class. Not only am I actually improving, but my singing voice has gotten even more awesome. I'm grateful for my apartment. It's my warm, cozy little sanctuary where I can let everything go, and just be. I'm not there as often as I'd like, but when I am there I feel safe and like I can recharge. And, truthfully, I'm grateful that my sister is my landlord. When she's in a good mood. I love when she'll just come downstairs and hang out with me. Even if we're just watching tv together. I'm so glad I decided to move in there, and she's the main reason I have no desire to leave. I'm grateful for this grande decaf non-fat cinnamon dolce with whip that I'm chugging down right now. Sipping. I mean sipping. Yum. I'm grateful for my family. Those that I know, and those that I don't. I'm grateful to teh fb for helping me to better know those that I don't. I love that I can tell my little (ok, she's 26 now, but to me, she's little J) cousin Pinz (ok, her real name is Lindsay Jaye, but I call her little J or Pinz. Little J because her mom stole my middle name, spelled it differently and gave it to her. So I'm big J, she's little J, and that's enough of this parenthesis) any way, I can tell Pinz that I love her, and she tells me the same. Just because we're family. I love the family that is wholly mine, and mine via a step. My family is nothing if not unique. And that uniqueness makes us interesting, entertaining, and fun. I'm so so so grateful for my friends. Stealing from a cool chick I know, friends are the family you choose. That couldn't be more true.
  • Laura, though we're going through some bumps right now, is still my number 1 go to whenever something happens, good or bad. I love that she just knows who everyone is, because she's been there for almost 22 years.
  • Shannon is my friend that I should have known my whole life, and plan to know until the end of time. She's that which was missing and I didn't even know it. First to pick me up when I'm down, there's nothing we wouldn't do for each other.
  • And now, by extension TheMarty. Same deal. He's more of a brother than a friend. He's the person I want to talk to for hours and hours and hours about Phil Collins' merits and a sundry of other topics.
  • Chris is the light to my dark, and the only person who has ever been my roommate, and the only person I could imagine being my roommate. She's given me the greatest gift I've ever gotten - my god-daughter Lizzie. Chris is my Thanksgiving hostess with the mostest who gives the best hugs.
  • SIL1X is one of my favorite friends. She's my go to for Olive Garden indulging, or Scene It playing, or just sitting around chatting having a blast. She's so easy to be friends with. The moment I met her I knew that she and I were going to be good friends. She gives me confidence and makes me feel good about myself. She's another one on the short list when I need advice.
  • Jessica has come strong out of the gate of awesome, and I feel so lucky to have her as a friend. She's honest, caring and an all around good human all of the time.
  • The Boston 5. I have never, never, never been in such a situation where I've met 5 of the best people in the world. And they like me! They really like me!! When I crave going to Boston, it's really to the 5 of you that I want to travel. I know that you're my friends, and that makes me all smiley.
  • Everyone else. I'm one of the lucky ones in that I have the very best people around me.

I'm also grateful for you, my reading audience (all two of you). My blog roll. My friends. Those of you that I've met - Jennifer, ZRM, MenD, Snag, Chuckles, Brando, TLB - you people are now my friends, and you're stuck with me!! :) All kidding aside - I feel like some of you know, or at least get, me better than people I've known for years. The support and honesty you give to me is such a gift. You pick me up, way up, when I'm down. I feel I can be totally honest with you here, and that you won't mock me. Ok, you'll mock me, but in a nice good-natured way. Please always be yourselves, and let me know how you feel. Even when we don't agree, we'll still be friends. K-Unit, B4, Mikey, Fish, and the rest of you motley crew - you mean the world to me. It's my privilege to get to know you, and call you friends.

I'm grateful that I have awesome hair. Because I do. And an awesome wit and good comedic timing.

I'm grateful that I can spell and use grammar properly. Clearly, this is a honed skill that not many people have.

And now that the snark has crept its way back into the post, I'll end it here.

Know that I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, wishing you a very Happy Thanksgiving, and being thankful for you.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Change is a sucky thing

The more things change, the more they change. I remember my first Christmas Eve morning that I didn't live at home. I woke up and started crying because things were changing, and even though (at the time) I thought they were changing for the better, they were indeed changing. I wanted to be in my old bed, in my parents house, not in my room in my apartment. The bf (at the time) was there, and tried to comfort me and told me that every Christmas from then on would be him and me, and that would be all happy happy and wonderful. And I (at the time) believed him. Here I am, a number of years later, and things are changing again, and not for the better, again. Every year for the past 21 years, I have spent Christmas day with Laura's family. Her mom would make this fantastic meal, and it was my tradition. Sure, there were little changes over the years, people would come and go, but there was always dinner at Laura's parents' house. My favorite memory is one from the years that Laura was married. Laura had to do double duty, so the plan was for her to eat dinner at her parents' house, then head over to her (at the time) hubby's family for dessert and then come back. I stayed at her parents' house. It was just me and Laura's parents. I went in to the living room. Her dad followed. We chatted for a few minutes. He fell asleep, her mom came in to the room, we chatted for a few minutes. She fell asleep. I fell asleep. It's being that comfortable with people that makes them family too. I just found out last night that Laura's mom is not cooking this year. These days, Laura lives pretty far away now. These days, Laura is pregnant, and will be very very pregnant on Christmas. Plus Laura's son will be with his dad. So, no Christmas day for me. Sure, I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready for it to be now. And I've got no Plan B. I really don't think I'll be staying at my parents' house all day. I spend the night there Christmas Eve (our tradition. Well, tradition and I'm traditionally pretty sloppy drunk and can't drive home) and we have Christmas morning and go out to breakfast. That's about all the time I can take with them. I know that it would be very very bad for me to just sit at home by myself. Are pizza joints even open on Christmas day? I have to come up with something, and fast. Just thinking about it makes me all sick and sad. I know, I knew change it was a comin'. It doesn't mean I have to just take it in the gut and smile about it. This post brought to you by the phrases "at the time" and "these days"

Friday, November 19, 2010

Shamless

I met the most, let me clarify THE MOST important person in my gigantic company today. He shook my hand. I "nicetomeetyou"d it was pretty awesome. Ahem. I tell you this because I am sitting here, at my desk at work way way way overdressed. I'm talking black dress, sweater, tights, real shoes, necklace, watch and earrings. Full face of makeup. Hair managed. On a Friday. I didn't do this for the big guy (solely). I did this out of my mad time management skillz. Tonight immediately following work I have an event for the Germans that keep me on their Board. I sometimes use this space to record (for me, not really for you) what I'm doing when I'm super busy. Sooo I'm going to do that for this weekend: Tonight: Lincoln Square Chamber of Commerce Holiday Dinner Tomorrow: Knee doc (really hope I'm coming to the end of these visits), guitar class, meet friends to go to Navy Pier for dinner and "HP 7 part 1" at IMAX. Sunday: Book Club at 4:00. John's band show at 8:00. I'm a little on the fence about that, but it's a Double Door show, which is huge. Also, I haven't seen the band in a while, so I'll likely go. This schedule is why I had a list of eight things to do at home last night. A list that I added to, and got through except for one item. I rock. I hope your weekend is fantastic, and maybe a little more restful than mine. Unless you are one of the two trolls that I'm sure are lurking. I hope your weekend sucks as much as you do. I'm sure it will, since you are morons with nothing of substance or value to do.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A warning

Keep an eye out for trolls.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Hating the Holiday Haters

Say that ten times fast. I'm back, and angry as ever. Today's topic? The Holiday Lite. Aka WLIT, aka 93.9 on your Chicago radio dial. VonSis and I have (generally) vastly different musical tastes. Except when it comes to one thing. Christmas music. Specifically, when 93.9 WLIT "turns on the Holiday Lite" and switches over to 24/7 Christmas music. In recent years, the lucky day has been November 1st. Not so this year. So, every day from 11/1 onward, there's me and VonSis each checking 93.9 every time we got in our cars to check. Awww. Nothing. Friday night, I'm in Michigan with Shannon, drinking some beers, playing some games. I get a phone call from VonSis. There's things and stuff going on at home that compel me to answer the call. "Hello?" "IT'S ON!!" "What?" "The Holiday Lite! It's on!!!" So, since yesterday I've been listening to nothing but Christmas songs. For me, it's not truly the Season until I hear "Do They Know It's Christmas". It's a long sappy story, but that's my Season kick off song. Yes, I have Noelly tunes on at work. Right. Now. People can mock, bitch, piss and moan on teh FB as much as they want. Um....turn the damn channel, bitches. Yesterday, I was driving home from some errands, and was sitting at a red light. Well, "Last Christmas" by George Michael was on, so I started rocking out with my bad self in my car. Swaying, yell/singing, the whole nine. Across from me two women started mocking me. I gave them the double finger. Don't mock when I've got my Holiday Rock Out going on. I may be festive, but I will still cut you. ho ho hooooooo

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I am a total asshole

I don't always think about things before I vent them all here. One of the things I don't think about is who is reading my blog. I will just say that I added to the sadnesses of someone who doesn't deserve that. I'm so so so sorry. I'm really not the heartless bitch that I put out here. I'm taking the rest of the week off. I need at least that.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Politics

Y'all know I don't go there, like ever. But, what the living hell is Wisconsin doing, electing a former member of the Real World cast? And, what the flying frig is Illinois doing!?!?!? One step forward 9 bagillion steps back. I feel really queasy about the as-yet-undecided Governor's race. Let me remind you - the one guy HATES WOMEN, LOVES THE GLASS CEILING AND LOVES PRO-LIFE SOOOOO MUCH THAT THE MOST RADICAL PRO-LIFE GROUPS BACK HIM. He could win. He could represent me out there in the wider world. I'm totally going to get my EU passport. Like now. Y'all can come visit me when you need asylum. And now I'm finished talking about politics. Gives me a bigger headache than the returns did last night.

Monday, November 1, 2010

A Hallmark moment

You know what I dig more than birthday gifts? The cards that come with the gifts. The things that say what people want to say, and yet don't say. We're supposed to be all cool calm and collected all the time. In my world, we are also supposed to be bitchy and on the offense more often than not. So This year, in honor of my softer side, the one that used to love writing cards and letters, I'm starting a new tradition. I bought a card for someone else. I bought it on my birthday, and will be giving it to her next time I see her. The card itself is humorous, but I intend to write in it what an awesome, delightful, grounded, normal, fun and important part of my life she's been over the past year, and that I hope she'll be in my life a long time. I'm excited to do this every year, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I will admit, I do also love the shiny and colorful balloons that come with cards and gifts, and the cards that are hand made and huge and have a tall boy PRB attached to them.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Can't stand.

I was going to write a warm/fuzzy about you all, and my birthday and gratitude and all that. But, it'll have to wait. So Some dumb bitch named MAURA KELLY (I capitalize to remember, because I have to remember) over at Marie Claire wrote an "article". Not sure if it would be called an article, or an op/ed piece. To me, it's just crap. She wrote about her abject horror at the show "Mike and Molly", which, in her opinion, is a show about morbidly obese people doing things. Um. She actually says she cannot watch the show, because she can't see morbidly obese people not only making out, but doing anything. She did admit to having some "plump" friends, so that makes her NOT A SIZEIST. My guess? Her plump friends are about sizes 6 or 8. So, the normal people of the world rose up, and as we do now, wrote about a thousand (actual, not a made up number) comments - most calling for her to get fired etc. She printed an "apology". NOT AN APOLOGY when you say "yes, but" a bunch of times, and offer weight loss advice. You, MAURA KELLY, are not a registered nurse, or dietician, or um.....anything. We fatties are fat, NOT STUPID. The magazine itself - MARIE CLAIRE - has yet to issue an apology, or statement, or retraction, or whatever. HEY MARIE CLAIRE, YOU PUBLISHED THAT SHIT - YOU ARE EQUALLY CULPABLE. At the very least, they need to fire that ignorant, hateful bitch. At best, they need to give me her email/address/phone number. I would love to give her a piece of my fat mind, and then break some fat fingers on her smug, skinny, likely fugly face. It's people like her that make my life about a million times more difficult than it needs to be. So, using my bloggy for something good here - I'm calling for a boycott of Marie Claire - until they print an apology and fire Maura Kelly.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Not going to do it, wouldn't be prudent....

I was thinking about doing NaPoBloMo this time around. Then I thought - What, am I stupid? I don't blog for others, I blog for me. I would not be challenging myself, I'd be doing it because other people were doing it and when have I ever done something just people other people were doing it?* ** So, I'm not going to do it. I know what would happen, I'd come out strong out of the gate, loose steam, and start cat-vacuuming. Y'all deserve better than that. I've been informed that Zoe and Zeb (Zombies that unlive on my desk) may want to write a post soon. Well, Halloween is coming up, and they don't ask for much, so I might have to let one or the other of them go for it. *hey, grammar police, that's and intentional run-on sentence ** Ok, so I started smoking because the cool kids were doing it, but that was a loooong time ago.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Can I graduate?

A vote was taken. Damn. 5 votes we play "Champagne Supernova" 4 votes we play "I've Just Seen a Face". Damn! TeacherMan "Can I ask why you don't want to play Champagne Supernova?" No one said anything, so of course, I HAD TO "Well, I hate Oasis so much that it hurts me in my heart place to have to play that song. And sing it. It physically pains me." TeacherMan "Wow. Ok. So, you don't like that song, or you don't like the band?" "Well, the band. They suck. Make my ears bleed. I'm just saying." Hot guy who had voted for CS over IJSAF originally: "Can we play the Beatles tune faster? Can we try that?" We pick it up to about 80% of actual speed. AND it went well. Better than that, we sounded good. Song over. Hotguy "I'd like to change my vote." We have a new winner!! "I've Just Seen a Face" now has five votes! It's a full moon, and I'm sleep deprived so, of course, I say "Remind me to buy you a beer." Hotguy leans over, winks and nods. Yes please. About 15 minutes later we're on stage at Old Town, belting out the Beatles at 80% speed. And I was smiling. And playing with the group, hitting all of the chord changes. For that reason, I consider myself graduated. On to Guitar 2 I go. On the way out, I ran into the biggest Oasis fan in our class. "Hey, I'm sorry about the song." "It's ok, both songs were good choices." "I'll see you next week." Today was a pretty good day. falling.....oh yes I'm falling.....and she keeps calling.....me back again......

Friday, October 22, 2010

This full moon has got me so tightly by the throat Michael Hutchence would be jealous. I'm practically foaming at the mouth here. Teh FB is a huge contributor to my moonrage. Man, people say some of the dumbest shit on there. I'd like to ban these types of status updates: weather, unborn children, health of self or children, things like "staying in bed with my love today!" um, and facebooking, asshole. I'm sure your love just loves that. Also in my craw - bad drivers. Really bad ones. I got in a kinda scary road rage thing with an Audi full of cobags last night. They did that karma foul of when we all pulled over to let an ambulance by, he pulled ahead into the empty space. Me being me, I rolled down my window and said "You KNOW you're a fucking douchebag, right?" I had to say it two or three times, just to make sure he heard me. He did, so did his fellow cobags in the car. He sat in the middle of the street at one point, just foot on the brakes. I sat right on his bumper and flashed my brights enough to upset just about any epileptic. Not looking forward to dinner with VonParents next week. I have a thing about not wanting to eat out with VonMom like ever, for fear she's going to call me out in public for what or how much I'm eating. Not going to be fun for me. I'm hoping to drive myself, so I can escape should I need to. And of course, we have to go to dinner at 5:00. No, they aren't 80, more like 60 and 70, but they don't always act as young as they should. My iPod showed me the Linkin Park/JayZ album cover for a Kelly Clarkson song. Hm. That probably should not happen. iPod is also asking to be thrown out the window because it keeps throwing out Christmas songs when it's on shuffle. And I don't have that many Christmas songs on it!! Yes, iPod, I know the stores are already ho-ho-hoing, but you don't really need to go there yet, mkay? Politicians. I know, IT'S A BIG ELECTION YEAR blah blah blah. I just want to watch my shows with out hearing how much so and so sucks. Guess what? You all suck. I really hate that we only have two choices for Governor. Um, let's see A) The incompetent that's in there now who is useless and dumb or B) the millionaire who doesn't pay taxes, is a Republican, is super ultra Pro-Life, and doesn't believe in equal pay/benefits for women. Awesome. Maybe I'll move to Canada. I hear Vancouver is nice. Soooo, if you're wondering where I've been lately, super bitch Evil Von, well, look no further. I'm back with my lovely misanthropic self. Happy Fucking Friday.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Just a reminder.....

Shannon, MenD and Jennifer...... and anyone else that wants in on my superduper good graces You have ONE WEEK to provide baked good featuring the aliens from Toy Story, preferrably with their cute little green mouths forming the "oooooh" as in "Ooooooh, the claw!" Shannon might get a pass until MI get away that's coming up. I'm thinking she can make me my requested (ok, demanded, I demanded it) birthday meal while we're in Michigan. but the rest of you...... gets to bakin'

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Mish mosh

What's on my desk, that probably shouldn't be:
  • Two crocheted Zombies, Zoe and Zeb.
  • One Zombie Surfer key chain.
  • One Donnie Wahlberg NKOTB world tour doll.
  • Two Hello Kitty figures.
  • One elephant mini squirt gun
  • One alien in a space ship top
  • One bottle MAC Fix+ mist

Yes, I do think I'm a grown up.

My computer is fixed. For the low low price of $100. Well, it was actually going to be $60, but they offered to install a new (and WORKING!) Norton anti-virus, so that was $40 more. Eldest StepBro wrote "I'm insulted" on my fb. I wrote back " You don't get to be". I didn't even know he was back from wedding#2 in Hong Kong, so whatever.

I am not pleased with my gd shuffle feature today. Kinda hate everything it's spitting at me today. Except the Muppet Show theme song, because that's AWESOME

I've finally done it, I cut my nails on my left hand only, leaving the right hand loooong. Know why? That's right, little troopers, because that's what guitar players do. And I'm a guitar player!

Speaking of guitar. Graduation is this Saturday. We're either playing "I've just seen a face" or "Champagne Supernova". I HATE Oasis, so I really don't want to so probably won't be practicing that one, and keeping my fingers crossed that we'll play the Beatles instead. One can only hope.

My knee is about 68% better. As in I can almost walk down a flight of stairs without looking like a 90 year old.

And that's what you get for today, a bunch of things rolling around in my head.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Crazy busy

Friday night, I volunteered at the 10pm Patty Loveless show at Old Town. Normally, I would NEVER work a late show, but man, I just love her. So, I worked it. I was not disappointed, she sang all of my favorites: "Blame it on Your Heart", "Here I Am", etc. And as the coolest place ever did not let me down. I was out in the foyer or office for a lot of the show because I was head vol. Bummed to be hearing but not seeing Patty Loveless was tempered by the fact that I kept running into MeShell Ndgeocello. Like a lot. Like we got to the point of laughing about it. MeShell was in for two shows and Old Town on Saturday and was pretty much just hanging out there. Awesome. So, needless to say, I got to bed really really late on Friday. Or early Saturday. Saturday: Leave at 8am for knee doc appointment. Knee doc stuff. Massage/heat/electro-shock therapy*/ultrasound therapy Grab a quick breakfast. Drop off laptop for repair. Guitar class. Head to Lakeview to watch Nebraska v Texas game. To VonParents to drop off borrowed chairs. Pick up dinner. Home, a little over 12 hours after I left. Was hoping for a nice QUIET night at home,with much sleeping. Didn't happen due to very very loud very very inconsiderate neighbors. They were in our yard, not their yard, until very very late. IT was loud and horrible and evil and now I hate them. *I'm supposed to say it's "muscle stim", but I prefer electro-shock therapy. That's what it feels like, and it sounds soooo much cooler.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Also broken?

Laptop. Was downloading the new version of iTunes, and computer froze up. iTunes icon disappeared. All songs are still on the computer, but I can't get to them. I tried to re-download iTunes upgrade, no such luck. Awesome. what.next.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Today I feel like this song, Broken:

Between my knee, my car, my finances, and my heart.....this song has been on repeat in my head oh, all week now.

Friday, October 8, 2010

A sign?

Our last night in New York, we walked (pretty far) to dinner. I was walking with LB4, my super awesome rep from San Francisco. We were chatting, she has a beagle puppy named Cooper. I had told her about Charlie before, and she was making me laugh with awesome stories of Cooper's shenanigans. We were stopped at a red light at the corner of Central Park and something. LB4 grabbed my arm just as a little, tiny beagle puppy ran at us and jumped up at me. I looked at the owner and said "Can I pick him up?" she said yes, so I picked up the little ball of fluffy awesomeness. The little thing was all lovey on me, licking my face and making the same yelpy-whiny noises Charlie used to make. "What's his name?" I said, mid cuddle "Charlie" I damn near dropped the little guy. I teared up a little bit, kissed the little puppy head and put him down. I thanked the lady and we crossed the street. LB4 looked at me. "It's a sign" I didn't think much of it, but since that day, I've been yearning to pet every single dog that crosses my path, and I do, almost every day. Yesterday, I met Preston, a super sweet rescued greyhound. He loved me about as much as I loved him. To the point when it was time to part way, he just leaned on my legs and ignored his lady. It's time. It's past time, I think. Sure, thinking of my little perfect Charlie still can make me cry, but it's been three years, and I'm starting to think that if we don't act soon, we may never get another dog. I'm standing strong on our criteria: no puppies, male dog, rescue dog, hopefully mutt. Ok, truth be told, I really REALLY want a beagle or puggle or pug or bull dog, but I know getting a mutt is the best thing. Now, to convince VonSis and VonBroinLaw that we should do this. That's going to be the hard part.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Stupid is stupid

Saturday afternoon, I'm heading to my part time gig. It's way down in Lincoln Park, so I'm taking the El. The Brown line, to be specific. Normally, I park on the north side of the Rockwell stop, but the other day there wasn't any parking, so I headed over to the south side of the stop. I found a good spot, gathered my stuff and headed to the stop. Of course, right as I'm about to cross, the gates go down and the lights and bells start their thing. That's when I see Stupid Asshole (here after referred to as SA) in his stupid blue car. SA is on the other side of the crossing, but I notice him because he's in the wrong lane. As in the on-coming traffic lane. As in the lane that doesn't have a train gate. SA is thinking he's going to go around, beat the train. Shit. I look at him he looks at me I look at the train that's right there he looks straight ahead... I scream "DUDE!!!!" and throw my hands up in a very clearly STOP kind of way he decides to cross And gets hit by the El train. I would have been stunned except for the car bumper shrapnel that came flying under the el train at me and my legs. Thank God I was wearing jeans. I smell burningness. I see the car is not where I had been when it tried to cross, but on the other side of the road. I see the people on the train all going to that side to see what's up. I don't know if he's hurt or worse, or if anyone on the train is hurt. I'm kind of standing there, refusing to look down at my legs. I don't think I'm hurt, but I don't really want to know, so I'm not looking. All I'm thinking is 'I have to get to work' I start to walk back to my car, and I encounter a police officer. "Did you see what happened?" "Yes. Yes, I did" "Are you ok?" "Yes. Yes, I am. Some pieces of bumper came flying at my legs but.....I have to go to work." The cop asks me to go around to the other side, where the accident was. Ok, I'm not going anywhere anyway, as the trains are still held up. I get in my car and drive back around to the other side. Here, I can see that the driver - clearly not hurt - has run off, and left his car and his passenger behind. His car is 10 shades of messed up. The gate that he decided to go around ended up going through his back seat windows when the train spun the car 180. There's glass and car parts and burning stink everywhere. And people. There's lots of people. No one had been close by when the accident happened, thank God, because they might have been injured too. There are police and fire men, EMTs and reporters. I'm seeing all of this with the sparkly clarity of shell shock. I'm texting my boss. I'm going to be late. You are too. Trains aren't running. Car hit train. I saw the whole thing. I'm talking to the people, and I become The Girl That Saw the Whole Thing. The trains start moving, so I decide I'm going to get my stuff, and go to work. This is still all I'm thinking about. The cop who had first stopped me approached me again. He asked me for my statement. He said the passenger said some huge line of bull shit that made no sense. "Did that happen?" "No. No, this is what happened." I gave my statement. Now, I'm mad at SA for being such a SA. Really really mad. The cop thanks me for my statement, and now wants to address the bumper shrapnel that I'm pretending didn't happen. "Can you show me your legs?" I just sigh and lift up my jeans legs one at a time, expecting the worst. of all the gd days to not shave my gd legs.... Thankfully, there were no plastic shards sticking out of my legs, just a few scratches and scrapes. gd it, there are now some tears in my jeans, now I'm really mad!! The cops take some pictures of the scrapes and scratches, and thank me for my time. Nothing major on the injury front. And I go to work. Now, on to getting the sights/sounds/smells of the impact out of my brain. Think that might take some time. And for that, I'm really pissed. Stupid asshole.

Monday, October 4, 2010

The ABC's of me......

Acts strangely Behaves badly Comforts readily Divulges frequently Exclaims heartily Fawns guilelessly Gives selflessly Hugs whole-heartedly Interacts readily Jokes indecently Kisses softly Loves romantically Moves slowly Naps religiously Opines honestly Pines quietly Quiets rarely Remembers vividly Sings lovingly Trusts sparingly Understands, basically Vents wildly Works it occasionally eXplains briefly Yearns internally Zeros in pleasantly

Friday, October 1, 2010

Gentle reminder

*AHEM* It's October 1st. This is a gentle reminder There are a few people out there. four, I think Who have agreed/promised me a baked good featuring the aliens from Toy Story. Preferrably with the cute little alien mouth forming the "oooooh" as in "Oooooh, the claw!!!"

Better gets to bakin' people. You have 27 days to complete you mission - give or take.

I'll try to post pictures of what I get. Because, you know, there should be four different baked goods. Ok, maybe three. I just know one's from an artist, another from a Canadian, and yet another from 1/3 of the Tricycle of Awesome.

Anyone else want to give me some baked goods with the Toy Story Alien renderings on them?

P.S. - no fondant. Fondant is crap.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Anyone?

I need a name for my new snow white Persian cat......

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

What happens...

in Vegas stays in Vegas. Well, kittens, unless I'm there. Sooooo Today's tale is one about the wedding. But first, a little back story. The bride - Toni - is one of my favorite friends. Sure, I was John's friend first, but Toni will tell you that she has stolen me, and I now belong to her. So, Toni is pretty bad ass. Like WAY more bad ass than I am even! I'm pretty sure she could kick my ass, that kind of bad ass. Even though I'm about four inches taller than her. She's Chicago South Side Italian, if you know what I mean. I adore her. Ok. Enough back story. SO, the wedding. John and Toni, in all their popularity, had to change the venue for the wedding THE DAY OF THE WEDDING. They found out that their first location would only hold 20 people, no exceptions. Um, well, this doesn't work for the more than 20 people that showed up to see them happily wed. It took a while, but a new location, an accommodating location, was found. A flurry of texts and phone calls ensued. I was amused as I played my penny slots. Oh, boy. Here we go. I even had to call the usually very calm, cool, level-headed John back at one point. "What's up?" "We didn't hear back from you!" "Ok, well I got all of the texts....new place....blah blah blah...didn't realize I had to call back." "Well, ok. I can't keep up with who knows about the change and who doesn't." "It's fine. Do you need me to call people? Do you need anything else?" "No. Sorry. It's been a stressful day." Get to the new venue nice and early. It's hot. There's misters along the wall. Laura and I sit by the misters. I, like a queen, sit and wait for people to approach me. As it should be. Crowds and crowds of people, all over this little parkway. Some trashy, some not. Our group? Not trashy. The bride wore a lovely floral summer dress. The groom looked awesome. There was a hat, perhaps a fedora. Our turn! I go to enter the chapel. I stop. Huh - where to sit? John looks up, says "Well, Von, I think you're just going to have to stand in the middle!!" I opt for John's side. yada yada yada get to the vows. Time for John's vows and ring. The preacher laughs as Toni puts a blinking plastic ring on John's finger. "Okay....." he says. The blinking plastic rings were my idea. Bride and groom are getting tattoos instead of rings. Not ring tattoos, ala Pam and Tommy, but some kind of symbol that means something to only them. I think it's cool, and bad ass. John says "I DO!" really loudly and really happily. Toni's turn. On goes the blinking plastic ring. Preacher reads some vows, do you Toni blah blah blah..... and she nods Um, what?!?!? Is my bad ass friend going to cry?!?!? Preacher stands there - prods her for a verbal answer. "I do!" all squeaky, because she's crying. That's it - I lose it. Like lose it. I'm a blubbering romantic in general, but at the one wedding where I expect it to be no tears good time, I was blind-sided. I was, and am genuinely happy for these two.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Guess who's sick?

Yep, and I'm thinking it's more of a flu than a cold. But I'm being stubborn, and turning my achy shoulder on it. go.away.illness. Germy Germans. I'm blaming Oktoberfest for this new development. And yesterday I thought I just had a hangover. Huh. Shows what I know. Damn it. I'll post when my head is more clear. Right now, I'm just praying for this day to be over so I can go home and climb into bed. pass me a tissue.

Friday, September 24, 2010

...because a peanut is a legume.....

So, I'm pretty sure someone was trying to kill me earlier this week while I was in New York for work. That, or someone didn't take Meeting Planning 101. Ya see, I have food allergies. One of the cool ones. The conversations usually go like this. "Oh, I can't. It has nuts in it.:" "?" "There, right there, cashews." "Oh, so you've never had peanut butter!?!?!" "Um, I eat peanuts and peanut butter all the time. I have a tree nut allergy." "?" "Peanuts are not a nut. They are a legume. All other nuts are tree nuts. I'm allergic to tree nuts." And then......I become the food allergy dork. Apparently, I've never had the tree-nut-talk with either of our meeting's planners. Here's the menus: Mon breakfast: yogurt berries GRANOLA WITH NUTS Mon lunch: sandwiches fruit SALAD WITH WALNUTS Mon snack: wasabi peas and a GIGANTIC BOWL OF MIXED NUTS Mon dinner: pasta with butternut squash and PINE NUTS Tues breakfast: eggs bacon yogurt GRANOLA WITH NUTS Tues lunch: sandwiches SALAD WITH PECANS Tues snack: granola bars made in a factory with TREE NUTS Tues dinner........no nuts. I got lazy. I got comfortable. Dessert came. Ah! Creme brule.....I stuck my fork in, took a big bite....FUCKING ALMONDS! WHO PUTS ALMONDS IN CREME BRULE!?!?!? Now, my evening is ruined. I choke down a benedryl. Fuck. I've had some wine, so would rather not go the benedryl route, but I can feel itching and swelling starting. I drink a gallon of water. By the time we got back to the hotel to regroup to head out to a bar, I was growing a lovely collection of hives. Awesome. A shower and more benedryl for me, no going out for drinks with my co-workers. Meeting planning 101 - a quick email to all attendees to determine food allergies and dietary restrictions. I told them next time I'd like to plan the menu.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I'm baaaack

And super wicked mad busy. So, no recaps today Although I may or may not have had a CNN New York tour, which may or may not have included me trying out Larry King's set. And stalling in a hallway to catch a glimpse of Anderson Cooper (didn't see him, alas) I'm planning a few posts of the Vegas and New York variety. Patience mah precious.......

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Friday, September 17, 2010

A reminder

While our gracious hostess may be out of town, it should be noted that she has no need for automated Awesomeness Reminders.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Fridge Note

Dear You, I'm heading out of town for, like ever. Ok, not really. Friday Laura and I are heading to Vegas for John and Toni's wedding. On Sunday Laura will be flying home, but I'll be flying to New York for work. I won't be back home until late on Wednesday. This means - miss me, because you know you will. AND I've handed over the keys to the train wreck that is VFN to some folks you all already know. I'll see you on the flip side, if I don't win my millions in Vegas.

Bitchcyclists

I know this post isn't going to make me any friends, but here goes. I'm really annoyed, no pissed at the local cyclists. First, recently during yet another Critical Mass ride, I saw the riders ignoring two police cars that were trying to get through an intersection. Real smart guys - they had their lights and sirens on, meaning they had somewhere to get to. Then on Monday, as I step out to cross the street, in the crosswalk, where the little walker guy was lit up, meaning I HAD THE RIGHT OF WAY, I very very very nearly got hit by a bike messenger. Asshole. And what did he do? Gave ME the finger and called me a name. Let me repeat, I had the right of way. Followed by the two utter assholes on Lawrence last night that insisted on riding side by hipster side, chatting, weaving in and out of my lane. Um, fuck off. This is rush hour traffic, and you don't seem to be paying any attention, so why should I?!? Fuck it. I'm over it. If the cyclists in Chicago want to be disinterested, and not follow any simple rules of the road, so be it. I can be disinterested too - in my big car, made of metal.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Football and Karma

Another thing I do not usually write about is sports. But, shit, after what happened today, I just have to write about this. Sooo, Chicago Bears......you got a gosh darn golden ticket handed to you today! Wow. Thank your lucky stars, and your referees! Detroit Lions, man, you were ROBBED. That last play was totally, 100%, a touch down! You won! But, you didn't. VonMom happened to be upstairs watching the second half of the game. Her response to that play? "Well, Von, you're right, that was a touch down, but I do not care because the Bears won! My boys won!" "Bad karma, VonMom, bad karma." However, The only reason it's ok is because of the totally missed call during the first half. The refs totally missed the face mask pull by a Detroit Lion. That's my opinion. I am again, just spitting out some words. But I will say, as a woman, that I'm really really happy with the new rule about not touching anyone above the shoulders. Makes it a personal foul or something. That's cool. That's a good rule. Let's just see if the Bears can do good things on their own going forward, without the help of messed up reps. Ok, rant over. *Ok, so on the news they explained that the receiver did not complete "the process" therefore no TD. Um, ok. To my eyes, and thousands of others, it was a TD*

Friday, September 10, 2010

Happy Friday, my merry minions, Happy Friday

**and thanks Jennifer for teaching me AGAIN how to post a video** :)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

A slightly political rant

There are reasons why I do not talk politics. Not here, not in conversation, not on teh fb. I think people that use teh fb, specifically, to platform are kinda lame. I know, go write a blog. In my opinion, it's really not for the political soap boxing. *ahem* The other day, I had written how I was going to meet Mayor Daley. Then I wrote how cool it was to get to meet him the day he announced he's not running again. Pretty cool. No, not even - pretty monumental. Some people - without even knowing where I stand politically, or more importantly, my thoughts on the mayor - wrote stupid comments on my post. I need to point out here that many of the people who wrote or told me their opinions are NOT EVEN FROM CHICAGO. This means they do not know what the city was like more than 21 years ago. Well guess what - I do. I remember downtown as a place you didn't want to be caught dead in after 5:00, and never on weekends. I remember there was nothing green about this city - literally or ecologically. Sure, say what you want. But don't say it in/on my space. I'm a pretty smart cookie, and mostly fair in healthy debate. I can also admit that Mayor Daley is HUMAN and therefore has made mistakes - outsourced parking meters? Meigs Field? anyone? Bueller? BUT Again, I don't talk politics. People should really know that about me by now, and from this point on, God help the person who decides my space (blog/teh fb) is a good place to unleash. That being said, anyone who wants to meet for some beer and discuss/debate, I'm all in. But you better bring more than yesterday's headlines to back up your bull shit.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Continuing to NOT piss my life away

So, yes, I DID get up at 4:15am on Labor Day. Why you ask? Because the MDA needed me to answer phones for the Jerry Lewis telethon. So.I.did. Sil1x and I arrived at the hotel where the doings were going on about 5ish, I think. I was a vision, let me tell you - putting on makeup in the dark car on the highway. Awe.some. Sil1x and I got separated when we went in to the phones/studio thing. I thought I was making a smart move by putting myself in the back. Not.So.Much. During one segment I ended up on t.v. A LOT. Sigh - I do not want to know what a lot is. Oh, and did I mention that I had/have a wicked allergy/cold thing going on? That was going on during the telethon - like I said - a VISION. THEN They had this segment that involved Lourdes Duarte (local news lady extraordinaire) popping balloons - right.behind.me. Double awesome. Because, you know, I didn't have enough camera time already. Finally, we were asked to clear out to make room for a big batch of Lowe's employees. I leaped out of my seat and rejoined Sil1x. I had answered a total of three phone calls. I guess people don't give money to Jerry Lewis in the ass crack of the morning hours. Hung out to say good bye to Sil1x's bestie, who was running the thing - way to go SheaDog!! Sil1x and I ended up having awesome breakfast at Le Peep and picking up Starbucks and were home by 10am. I fought off sleep, but sleep won about 11am. Slept until 2ish. Went to bed early and was wide awake at 4am. It was worth it. A) SheaDog needed the help, and I dig her the most, so of course and B.) you know me, I'm the super volunteer and C.) good deed done for like, at least a month.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Weird verbal hangups of mine

Here are a couple of verbal hangups you likely do not know about me:
  • I cannot properly pronounce these words: bull, bowl, pull, pole. It hurts my throat to say them.
  • I always mis-say this word: vigilant. I ALWAYS say: viligant
  • Over the past few years, I've lost the ability to say neighborhood like a normal person. I now say "neighbaaaahood"
  • I've never been able to say the band name Fall Out Boy properly. It always comes out Faaaaaal Out Boy. This is unintentional, but it cannot be stopped.
  • I've recently begun calling people I like "Pumpkin" both in person and in emails.
  • I really like calling people "Pumpkin"
  • When I casually speak German, my pronunciations are flawless. When called upon in class to read, I get so nervous it sometimes sounds like I'm in day eins of Deutsch eins.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Stupid Facebook

So, remember that post I wrote about the one that got away? The post that was all gushy and pour my heart outy? Well, guess who joined teh Facebook? Yep. SO, I waited about a month after I realized he had joined, and I sent him a friend request. **crickets** No accept. Worse DENIED How do I know? Well, his bestie recently joined, and I added him as a friend. (He accepted no problem, like a grown up) Then I went to onethatgotaways page to see what was up. The little tab was there "Add as friend?" UM NO, BECAUSE I TOTALLY ALREADY DID AND OBVIOUSLY HE DECLINED THAT FUCKER Me thinks someone is making too much out of nothing. *(not me, him!) It's just a way for us to keep in touch. Clearly, not in his life plan. Sigh. Perhaps I am just too awesome for him to handle. Yep, that must be it.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Honestly

I apologize if I offended anyone with my elitist/etc comment on my last post. It's kinda been bothering me for a day or so. So, like, sorry and stuff. For realz.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Music is every.thing.to.me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQHv-fhHq9Y Go to this link right now...... I'm OBSESSED. o b s e s s e d With the new 30 Seconds to Mars song, "Closer to the Edge" Like it's on repeat on my iPod. And I cannot stop listening to it. It gives me the chills and makes me cry, and makes me pissed that I didn't go see them last time they were here. It makes me wish I were younger than I am. Not that I wouldn't be jumping up and down like the kids in the video, because I would. I WILL next time they come through town. Trust me, go - go now to YouTube and watch the official video, it's about 6+minutes long, and watch all the way to the end, the dude who says the sentence that is the title of this post. He's got it. Down. That's how I feel about music. Musical snobs/elitists/whatevers, don't bother with your comments. To each their own. I think this band is wicked talented, and I don't give a shit what you think.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Stolen from BG (thanks BG!)

A big list of things. The highlighted ones are the things I've done: 1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink 2. Swam with wild dolphins 3. Climbed a mountain 4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive 5. Been inside the Great Pyramid 6. Held a tarantula 7. Taken a candlelit bath 8. Said I love you and meant it 9. Hugged a tree 10. Bungee jumped 11. Visited Paris 12. Watched a lightning storm at sea 13. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise 14. Seen the Northern Lights 15. Gone to a huge sports game 16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa 17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables 18. Touched an iceberg 19. Slept under the stars 20. Changed a baby's diaper 21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon 22. Watched a meteor shower 23. Gotten drunk on Champagne 24. Given more than you can afford to charity 25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope 26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment 27. Had a food fight 28. Bet on a winning horse 29. Asked out a stranger 30. Had a snow ball fight 31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can 32. Held a lamb 33. Seen a total eclipse 34. Ridden a roller coaster 35. Hit a home run 36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking 37. Adopted an accent for an entire day 38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment 39. Had two hard drives for your computer 40. Taken care of someone who was too drunk 41. Visited all 50 states 42. Had amazing friends 43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country 44. Watched wild whales 45. Stolen a sign 46. Backpacked in Europe 47. Taken a road trip 48. Gone rock climbing 49. Midnight walk on the beach 50. Gone sky diving 51. Visited Ireland 52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love 53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them 54. Visited Japan 55. Milked a cow 56. Alphabetized your CDs 57. Pretended to be a super hero 58. Sung karaoke 59. Lounged around in bed all day 60. Posed nude in front of strangers 61. Gone scuba diving 62. Kissed in the rain 63. Played in the mud 64. Played in the rain 65. Gone to a drive in theater 66. Visited the Great Wall of China 67. Started a business 68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken 69. Toured ancient sites 70. Taken a martial arts class 71. Played a computer game for more than 6 hours straight 72. Gotten married 73. Been in a movie 74. Crashed a party 75. Gotten divorced 76. Gone without food for 5 days 77. Made cookies from scratch 78. Won first prize in a costume contest 79. Ridden a gondola in Venice 80. Gotten a tattoo 81. Rafted the Snake River 82. Been on television news program as an "expert" 83. Got flowers for no reason 84. Performed on stage 85. Been to Las Vegas 86. Recorded music 87. Eaten shark 88. Had a one-night stand 89. Gone to Thailand 90. Bought a house 91. Been in a combat zone 92. Buried one/both of your parents 93. Been on a cruise ship 94. Spoken more than one language fluently 95. Performed in Rocky Horror 96. Raised children 97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour 98. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country 100. Picked up and moved to another city 101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge 102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking 103. Had plastic surgery 104. Survived an accident you probably shouldn't have survived 105. Wrote articles for a large publication 106. Lost over 100 pounds 107. Held someone when they were having a flashback 108. Piloted an airplane 109. Petted a stingray 110. Broken someone's heart 111. Helped an animal give birth 112. Won money on a t.v. game show 113. Broken a bone 114. Gone on an African photo safari 115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced 116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol 117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild 118. Ridden a horse 119. Had major surgery 120. Had a snake as a pet 121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon 122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours 123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states 124. Visited all 7 continents 125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days 126. Eaten kangaroo meat 127. Eaten sushi 128. Had your picture in the newspaper 129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about 130. Gone back to school 131. Parasailed 132. Petted a cockroach 133. Eaten fried green tomatoes 134. Read the Iliad 135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read 136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 137. Skipped all of your school reunions 138. Communicated with someone without sharing a spoken language 139. Been elected to public office 140. Written your own computer language 141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream 142. Had to put someone you love in hospice care 143. Built your own PC from parts 144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you 145. Had a booth at a street fair 146. Dyed your hair 147. Been a DJ 148. Shaved your head. 149. Caused a car accident 150. Saved someone's life 151. Changed your own oil 152. Changed your own brake pads 153. Made pizza from scratch 154. Stood atop the highest point in your home state 155. Gone swimming in a rock quarry 156. Gone on a trip for more than two days to an unfamiliar place and not eaten at a single chain restaurant 157. Grown your hair long 158. Made your own cheese 159. Re-established contact with an old flame many years later 160. Bought a new car and driven it until well past 150000 miles 161. Sewn a complete garment 162. Uttered a curse word in front of a clergy person 163. Blown your rent money at your favorite store 164. Seen your car being towed 165. Phoned in a vote on some reality TV show competition 166. Seriously considered living in a different country 167. Served in the armed forces 168. Been kicked out of a movie theater 169. Seen a classic film on the big screen 170. Eaten haggis 171. Eaten dim sum in a traditional setting 172. Prepared an entire Thanksgiving dinner 173. Gone swimming full clothed 174. Gone swimming not clothed at all 175. Driven across the country taking shifts so the trip only takes a few days 176. Explored a construction site in the dark 177. Ridden an elephant 178. Attended a Major League Baseball game 179. Attended an NFL game 180. Attended an NHL game 181. Attended an NBA game 182. Seen a US President live 183. Actually met a sitting US President 184. Auditioned for a reality TV show 185. Been hit in the face with a pie 186. Stood in line on the release date of a product 187. Worked aboard a fishing boat 188. Cut down a fully mature tree 189. Seen the Mona Lisa 190. Seen the Sistine Chapel 191. Eaten fugu 192. Paddled a canoe or kayak 193. Held the control stick of an aircraft in flight 194. Asked a librarian for help finding a book 195. Personally acquired the autograph of a person you admire 196. Locked your keys in your car in a strange city 197. Had to break into your own home 198. Seen a space shuttle launch 199. Attended a NASCAR race 200. Marched in a parade phew....long list!

Monday, August 23, 2010

The ABCs of Testament/Megadeth/Slayer Show

Acid washed jeans Boobs (on the men) Crimped hair Duuuuudes Earsplitting Flatulance Guttural screams Horns (if you don't know, don't ask) Incoherent mumblings in our direction while we looked for car Jesus (because, you know Dave Mustaine found him) Kicks, lots of them, in the pit Lasers MEGADETH!!! And, Mustaine. No waiting for the ladies' room Overloaded (in a good way) Pit!!!! Quite deaf, still today Rockin! Skullets Turned up to 11 Unbelievably L O U D Von was headbanging. For realz White trash Xactly what I needed Friday night! Years since I've done that Zildjians

Friday, August 20, 2010

It's just so......Metal

Tonight I'm going to see Slayer. And Megadeth And Testament with my go-go dancer friend. Tomorrow night I'm working Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's big show at Old Town. Yes, I am that cool, and yes, my life is that exciting.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

And then....

This morning: I come out of my house about 10 minutes early. I have to run to the bank and the gas station. VonSis and VonBroinlaw are standing next to her car, which is parked directly behind VonCar. They are talking animatedly. Lots of hand waving. I say: "I cry when mommy and daddy fight" they start kissing I say: "I vomit when mommy and daddy are kissing" I get to my car um, shit The door is not quite closed. I say: "VonSis, don't go anywhere, looks like I didn't close the door all the way, the battery might be dead." I go to get in my car AND MY SHIT IS ALL OVER THE PLACE glasses, cassette tapes, directions, bags, notebooks, GOD DAMN IT, SOMEONE RIFLED THROUGH MY CAR I jump back like something bit me "SOMEONE WENT THROUGH MY CAR!!" VonBroinlaw leaps into action "What?!" VonSis starts digging around in my car. "You don't have anything in here anyway, right?" Right. I don't. I would never leave money or anything in it, hence why I don't lock it. But bloody hell, people, unlocked or not, it's not your fucking car!!! Thankfully, nothing was missing - what, cobag, you didn't want that Rush Roll the Bones cassette tape? No? But still. I feel kinda violated. It bothers me that something nasty was digging around and touching my stuff. Now, I get to call the police non-emergency line and fill them in. Because that sounds like fun.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Follow up

I drive a 2000 Honda CR-V. I bought it new in 2001. It has less than 49,000 miles on it. I just found out the repairs are going to be $1,300 Before you sound off and get all sexist on me, you should probably know that I worked in the automotive industry for 10 years, as a wholesale buyer. As THE wholesale buyer, as I purchased 75% of the product our 35 warehouses stocked. So, NO, I didn't get screwed. As a matter of fact, I made him go through not only every process that was run, BUT every part that was purchased for VonCar. Everything was necessary. Plus, we added on a transmission service to help the longevity of VonCar. I'm actually pretty lucky I took it in when I did. Plus, after 10 years of no problems, I consider this small potatoes. On a (totally related) side note: Anyone hiring part time? Looks like I need a part time job.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Quick note

Wow. A week without a post, and no one gave me a hard time about it? It's like you knew I was busy or something. OR You just don't give a shit. Either way. I'm back, but less frequently. Need to watch my ps & qs at the workplace. What, like you don't write posts at work? Mmm hmmmm. The last week has been pretty intense/amazing. I got to see many people I haven't seen for a long time - helllllo German class crush! I STILL loves you a lot! - and friends who have moved away, and friends who were internets but are now actuals. No, I can't give you a recap of the big bloggy meet up. Someone might kill me. What I CAN say is that I'm obsessed with Jennifer, Snag, MenD and Zombie. These people are HIlarious. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard, so long, or nearly spit out my beer due to laughing. The Lamblets? Absolutely precious. I tried to stuff Youngest Lamblet in my suitcase to take her home and live with me forever times, but Jennifer wasn't having it. Eldest Lamblet is super cool. I'm happy to be someone she knows. I made it my goal to make her giggle. Other children present were delightful, and silent, and cool. Who could ask for more. You get nothing else from the weekend. SORRY!! VonCar hated the going fast for long stretches of time, and has thrown a big enough hissy fit that it's now in the shop. Boo hiss, VonCar, I was just reveling in my freedom, and plan on doing some more long driving. As long as it does not involve highways/freeways/merging. (yes, still, shut up) I am, though, very very proud of myself for driving there. There WERE merging things going on. And a stretch of freeway action. Ok, granted, I got ON the freeway where it began, and got OFF the freeway where it ended, but I was ON the freeway, and driving. Yay me, I say.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Misc.

My eyes are better. Currently listening to Video Killed the Radio Star. I like doing the "oh-ohoh" parts. And bobbing my head from side to side. Week of excitement! Last night four hour board meeting. Not so awesome. Wed night dinner with German class friends, followed by drinks with friends in from Denver. Thursday a certain Canadian arrives in Chicago for some shenanigans. We'll be having some beers with Shannon and TheMarty. Friday MenD and I head off to parts unknown to spend some quality time with some other people we know. Sunday we'll head back to Chicago, and he'll head back to the North. I think. Who knows, that dude's always traveling. Ohh, and now on to "Rock the Casbah" (probably spelled it wrong, really don't care) At least it's an interesting radio day!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Various ramblings

Ever have one of those weekends where you are glad to get back to work? Yep, that was my weekend. Well, mostly my Sunday. My routines make me calm. Remind me that the world doesn't stop, even when you think it does. There's something wrong with my eyes. Both of them. I was around a cat yesterday, and four smokers in a smallish space. Truth be told my right eye swelled up. Badly. Went to my parents' house right after cat/smoke house, and freaked the hell out of both parents. It took a few minutes to convince them that no, I hadn't been in a fist fight. I had to tell VonMom at least twice to not get upset. She kept staring at my eye. After a couple of doses of Benadryl, they got better. However. (isn't there always a however?) they started itching and burning and swelling again last night. Pretty sure it's not pink eye - I've had that enough times in my life to know. Not sure what it is. Hope it goes away! I'm pretty sure the peach I'm eating right now is not ripe. Can an unripened peach kill me? Why oh why did they tell me to eat more fruit? Oh, and I'm slicing it with a knife. I'm afraid my teeth will break or something if I bite into it. Yes, I'm a little odd. Couple of people on my blog roll aren't posting again. C'mon, people, get on the ball. You act like it's hard to do or something. I know, you can write a haiku.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Who says I can't write a haiku?

1 Someone said I can't I say, someone, was not trying See someone, I did 2 A haiku, for you Today is Tuesday I see Tuesday, indeed be 3 Computer screen lit Before me, so mocking, evil Cannot ignore you your turn...... :)

Monday, August 2, 2010

Monday bleh

Well, today certainly is a Monday. I think I'm coming down with a cold or sinus thing. Work is crazy busy, but leaning more towards the crazy. Saturday I went to StepSis's house, her family lives in Round Lake Beach. They have a kick ass deck and pool, so it was pool/bbq fun time. Except for the fact that both my StepBro and StepBroInLaw were wearing WAAAAY too much cologne/body spray/whatever it was. Way way way too much. I ended up with a massive sinus headache that no amount of Tylenol could cure. That part of it sucked. Oh, turns out I suck at Rock Band. Huh. I told my 16 year old nephew that when I was his age we sat around and played real and actual instruments. I got a blank stare. I don't think he was impressed. I'm a little cranky and annoyed today. Can you tell?

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Last night

My lovely sitting outside looking at pictures of friend's trip to Europe was brought to me by:

Um, can you say YUM?

I love Allagash, it's delicious.

I also love sitting outside at a bar, having a few drinks, good naturedly swatting away bugs. There's nothing quite like Chicago in the summertime.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

WILD life

Y'all recall the fairly recent "racoon incident", as I like to call it? Well, here's what happened last night: Pulling up to my house last night. A little tipsy, and on the phone with Shannon. Me: "I gotta go!! There's two skunks right in front of my house!" click These two baby skunks (awesome, there's a big fat momma skunk somewhere too) look at me, give me the finger, and RUN UNDER MY CAR. THAT I'M SITTING IN. I call VonSis "Halp!!!!! Halp!!!!" "What?" "There's two skunks under my car! Oh my God! Are you home!?!?!" "I'm looking out the window at you. I don't see them" "That's because they are under my car! Halp!" "Put your car in reverse." I do. One skunk runs out and across the street. He sits just across the street, grinning and glaring at me. The other skunk? MIA. Fuck "Halp!" "Only one came out. I see it! Come up the front stairs!" "No! Halp!!!" I decide to risk it, and try to jump out of my car. My backpack strap gets stuck on my emergency brake, and I can't get out of the car!! I'm shaking and bouncing around, totally looks like I'm having a seizure. VonSis is watching this all from the safety of her second story window. Angry punk skunk is still looking at me from just barely across the street. He gives me the finger again. I get the bag loose, fly out of the car, walk quickly to the front door. Going "Eek! Help!Eek! HALP!Eek! Bleh!" the whole time. Get in the house. Look out the window. And the evil brat skunk? Back in front of my house. What is up with the Chicago area wildlife!?!?!?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

More throwing $$ away

I'm thinking about getting a cleaning lady. For reals. But, Von, you ask, don't you live in like 418 square feet? Why, yes, reader, I do. And thanks for paying attention these last couple of years. No, I'm not that lazy, as some might think. It's more of a time thing. This past weekend I cleaned and scrubbed and dusted and scrubbed the hell out of my bathroom. This took time. The bathroom is now immaculate. And then I ran out of time. The living room crapet (not a typo. I hate the carpeting so much, it's now the crapet) is in need of vacuuming. Or wacumming - direct quote from old room-mates very German father: "Wonnie! Und you must wacuum!! Dis whooooole room! Wonnie! Must wacuum!!!" Ahem. The living room crapet is in dire need of a good solid vacuuming. I.ran.out.of.time. No kidding. So. I'm thinking of throwing yet more $$ away and hiring someone else to clean my place. Not weekly or anything, it'll be more of a once a month deep clean, with me doing the weekly maintenance. I like a clean neat house. Of course, the German in me will need to be there, at least the first couple of times, to make sure things are done right. This, then, will save me no time at all. But it'll be done right. Hey, don't judge.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Ouch

Man. No one can ever really hurt you as much as your friends can. Call it a life lesson.

And this is the concert I went to last Sunday:

He was totally on my "Concert Bucket List". Such a great show. One of the best times I've had this summer.

Friday, July 23, 2010

The big wedding

So, here's the rest of my awesome weekend last weekend. Saturday was VonBro(the elder)'s wedding. He married WW, who is a super awesome woman. From Hong Kong. This meant not your typical wedding, uh-uh, no way, not even close bub. The parts I didn't participate in: VonBro had to go to China Town to WW's house and perform feats of loyalty and strength to get to see his bride. I hear there was running, wasabi ice cubes, bribery - VB had a $1,000 bill that he offered to the bridesmaids, to no avail. The final offer was leaving the ladies the limo to take to the church. I hear it worked. Day after wedding dim sum (or however you spell it) the day after. I was somewhere else. I'll tell you where later. Whole roasted pig. Um, bleh. . I was second reader in the Catholic mass. It didn't help that for the three days leading up to the wedding the only practicing I did was "Love is patient! Love is kiiiindddd!" said in a loud, horrifying southern mans voice. God only knows where I got this idea in my head. But it made me laugh. First reader was eldest nephew, who has *ahem* an effeminate way about him. And oh-sweet-Jesus, he's an uptalker. His reading went something like this "A REEEEding from the Boook of Genissssssisss? And GOd? He said to Adaaaaaam?" Ok, at least I could not possibly do worse than he did. I did get reprimanded for not bowing or some shit before I went up to read. Um, really? As a lapsed Catholic who really does not believe in Mass, you're lucky I even knew where to go to do my reading. The church part was ok, but anytime the Catholics want to spend some $$ and get some a/c in the churches, that would be good. It wasn't too bad, but lining up for pictures was hot. We took many many many family pictures. This is a little rough, considering there are seven of us kids, five have spouses, four have kids, that's a LOT of people to corral. Best part of church, my poor skinny little VonDad made it through without fainting, so that's good. Most interesting part of church - I cried like a sissy pretty much the whole time. WTF. Either I was more tired than I thought, or I'm ready for a boyfriend or something. It was weird. I usually confine my crying to the privacy of my own home. Blubbering mess I was. Went from north side Chicago church to China Town recepti0n, which is south Loop, point being TOTALLY FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. VonSis and I hauled ass as we had some reception prep to do. Namely, the god-damned cupcake monstrosity. Long story short, there was a VonMom vision that involved miniature and regular sized cupcakes, one ginormous cupcake that VonSis and I were tasked with making happen. The making happen part involved a Styrofoam ball and tooth picks. We were supposed to make this orb look like a big pretty flower with mini cupcakes. Cupcakes are no strangers to gravity. Put a cupcake on, move on to the next one, blop, there goes the one you just put on. We were short on both time and cupcakes, so the situation just got worse and worse. VonSis and I were laughing to the point of crying. VonSis was also crying kinda because she did not want anyone to know that she had anything to do with this. "This is horrible" "hahhaaahahahaaa" wipes eyes "I hate this. I hate butter cream" "Hey! I watch Food Network Challenge!! If they can make a working roller coaster out of sugar and chocolate, we can make an orb of mini cupcakes look like a flower!!" "ahahaaaahahaaaa" holds sides, doubles over, nearly pees on self "Back to work!" Not going to lie, it was pretty bad. Ugly, even. It looked like a 1976 Tournament of Roses parade float on acid. But it was soooo funny to work on!! WW had no less than four dresses at the reception. She looked lovely. She had an American white wedding dress, a red and gold Chinese pants suit, a grey (gorgeous!!!!) American evening gown, and a red and gold super awesome Chinese dress. So very cool. Every time she left the room, I was excited to see what she was wearing when she came back. That part of it was very cool. The menu It was a gigantic Chinese menu. I'll try to remember all that we ate: Cold pork platter - I didn't eat this. I ate a little of the jelly fish garnish that was on it. Crab claw stuffed with crab and lobster - um, yes please!! So so so good Shark fin soup - I ate this. Even though Shannon called the consistency viscous Shrimp and scallops - so so so so good! Crispy skin chicken - good, but could have done without the head being on the platter Beef and Chinese vegetables - meh. Ok, not great Lobster with garlic - so so so so good. No one else really ate it at our table. Shannon and I went to town. Yin Yang fried rice - I was full, I didn't eat it Noodles with mushrooms - again, full, didn't eat it Mango and coconut flan type thing - full, didn't eat it Dessert - um, i hear it's hot bean soup, with beans that have soaked in sugar for a long time. bleh. no thanks and there's one or two other dishes I can't remember. A huge huge meal, and way better than I thought it was going to be! Dancing, cake cutting, etc etc. Me trying to get 16 year old nephew to drink with me. Didn't go so well. I tried. I'm the cool aunt. Cried some more during the first dance and cake cutting and such. Again, wtf? Was forced to the dance floor for the bouquet toss. Oh, hell no. Was the tallest girl in the group - Damn Asians!!! I lined them all up in front of me as a defensive tactic. All the sudden I hear "Go Von!" and I look over, there's VonMom and VonSis sitting with their fingers crossed. I daintily gave them the finger. Defense worked, no bouquet for me. Many Grey Goose vodka & tonics later, I was ready to go. Overall, a good time. I forget that sometimes it can be fun to be with my crazy, huge family.