Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Tumbling around in my brain

I went away for the long weekend. Again.  Went to Michigan with the Tricycle.  For those of you that are new, the Tricycle of Awesome are Shannon, TheMarty and I.

It was a perfectly quiet, lazy, calm relaxing few days.  I even got to dog-sit their delightful pups Sophie and Schatzie for a few hours. 

I read a lot, drank some, played 7 Wonders a lot (Best.Game.Ever.), slept a lot.
The three of us have this very familial thing that means we do not have to talk every second, or entertain, or be entertained.
"Should we go to Cracker Barrel tomorrow?"
"Are we going to watch the new Doctor Who tonight?"

I spent some time reflecting on my year so far.  I've decided that 2012 has been better than 2011, in leaps and bounds.  The gaping hole from losing my dad is still there, but it reminds me to do better, be better, behave better.

I've let L go (2011's lapse in judgement), and have tried to be open and kind and above board with 2012's dating-ness.  I've decided to let one of my dudes go. I let him know as nicely as I could, I feel my karma is fully intact.  I'm also learning to deal with "dating" someone who is busier than I am.  While I always thought it was what I wanted, I'm finding it pretty difficult to do.  So, if it works out or doesn't, I've learned there is such a thing as too busy, and I need to make some adjustments if I really want a real relationship.

I've decided to return to a project that has been on my mind for some time.  And, I'm doing something about it to make sure that I do it.  I got myself a motivator/coach of sorts.  Someone I care about and trust 100%.  She's already given me homework, and while I didn't quite get to my goal yesterday, I think I can today, and that's the important part.*

I am incredibly happy with both of my jobs.  I thought about whether I have a Career right now, and if I should, etc.  I don't know if my day job defines Career, but I am VERY good at what I do, and because of that, I am proud of myself.  I also am proud of myself for taking my life-long love of all things music and with some patience I have gotten myself my second job.  I was embarrassed, for a while, that it took me over five years to go from brand new volunteer to concert staff.  Why? Who decided the time line on that? Who was I letting down by not getting hired sooner, or somewhere else?  I've let all of that down crap go, and can now just be happy that I am where I am at Old Town, and that I got there myself. 

I want to make some sort of home improvement.  I have been in my apartment for almost 13 years now, and I need some freshening up.  I have zero dollars, so maybe I'll just re-organize my kitchen?  I am starting a list of little projects I can do.

I'd like to take a little long weekend to visit some of my family in MI.  I haven't seen many of them in years, and it could be fun.  It could also be stressful and weird, but who knows.  I'd like to do this alone - take the Amtrack and figure out who to see when (not all of my relatives get along with each other).  Pretty sure VonMom and VonSis don't think that I'll actually go, or, if they do think I'll go, I think they're wondering why I'd want to.
I love my family, all of them, regardless of their connection to me.  That being said, I'd like to spend some time with some people who are actually related to me by blood.  I don't really see how I can be faulted for that. 

*Yes, this is intentionally vague.  All will be revealed in good time. It may be a loooong time from now, but eventually.