Even I thought I'd have written something sooner than now.
I am shocked and embarrassed to see how many days into November it is, and not a word from me.
Ideas have come and gone and been developed and discarded.
I'm afraid for this blogging thing.
I'm afraid that I can't keep it up, and for no good solid reasons.
I'm afraid that my "community" is also flailing a little too.
I never realized before how much I actually (real life) like you people, until now - until I think that I'm losing you. Most of you. Some of you.
I've come to miss the actual emails and phone calls and texts and visits and developing friendships that used to happen.
I miss the catty chats on teh FB that I would have with some of you ladies, usually riling me up to start something with other ladies we don't like very much.
I hadn't really appreciated what I had here, until my Dad passed away. That day, the third person I called (of all of the many many people in my life) was one of you. And through her, this community rallied around me and showed me so much love and compassion and kindness - so much more than I probably even deserved.
Up to that day, I thought I was a small time jester in a very large, much smarter court.
So today - no snark, no bitchiness, none of that -
I miss you - all of you. I hold on to my friends as tightly as I can, because I feel if someone is in my life, they are valuable to me and I need to hang on to them, because they add to my value. I feel I am losing this community, and I really don't want that.
So help me hold on somehow.