Monday, November 30, 2009

Me thinks I'm being referred to

"When I prayed that day, and what I have continued to meditate on since, is the hope that we don't lose the ability to make contact, to ask for love, to ask for healing, to ask for someone to be with us lest we grow so comfortable with alone we forget what together feels like and how powerful touch can be." I stole (borrowed, I prefer borrowed) the above quote from my eldest step-sister's blog. I keep an eye on her blog, though I don't think she knows it. Also, the J5 do NOT read my blog. As far as I know. I don't talk about it, I've never mentioned it. How can I write about them if they know about it? So I pilfered the above from her blog to share here with you all. I feel that she is talking about me. I may have mentioned (in error, I should have never mentioned it!) that I had teared up a little while watching the Macy's parade. C'mon people! Who doesn't?! and not to mention the fact that I had pms and was kinda emotional that day anyway?? I think that too many people in my family and even some of my close friends feel that something is going on with me. IT ISN'T. Nothing, as in No Thing. By my own design, I am busy really freakin' busy. Intentional or not, it's a fact. Therefore I don't have time to decorate. I do have time to send out cards (which I did), wash my holiday sheets and comforter and throw those on the bed (which I did, and yes, I'm sleeping with Santa bitches), I will make time to shop. What is not happening is me sitting around wallowing and keening and curling up like that Cymbalta commercial. Trust me, I know how powerful touch can be, but the kind I'm looking for is NOT the kind that can be supplied by family, ya know what I mean?! And What is wrong with growing comfortable with what alone feels like? I am fine with alone. I like alone. Being the youngest twice over (youngest between VonSis and I, and also youngest between the J5 and VonSis and I) I had a LOT of not alone time the first 25 years of my life. For the past number of years I've been down-right gleeful to have my little apartment to come home to A L O N E. I like to eat cereal for dinner, ice cream before bed. I like to blast my stereo - one day ManOWar, the next Yanni, and not have to answer to anyone. I LIKE ALONE. Ultimately, yes, I see myself married and hence Not Alone, but looking at the now and at the near future, I don't have a problem with the comfort of alone. And it really bothers me that someone else does, on my behalf.


Jennifer said...

Sing it, sista! Von, I hear you on the alone part. I love my alone time... When I was young (and the youngest of 5), I was often on my own due to the fact that I was not old enough to be out, but was old enough to be alone... I pouted and then one of my sister's said, "You're going to spend a lot of time alone in life, you may as well figure out how to entertain yourself."

Well, I learned... I probably enjoy alone too much since I don't like to suffer fools. Enjoy your time... you'll be glad you had it when you finally find someone worthy of your Vonness.

And... may Santa bring you that touch that may not be supplied by family... may he bring you lots of it... so much that you scream out that you want to be left alone! :)

Jennifer said...

Excuse the errant apostrophe above... I believe it was merely looking for a little touch that the word is not capable of giving...

Von said...

LOL Jennifer! LoL!!

Brando said...

There's a reason why people meditate by themselves. Enjoy that alone time.

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