Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Hating the hoarders

The other night, I was on the phone with Sil1x. As is usually the case, we ended up talking about at least a dozen different topics. One that we landed on was that show, "Hoarders." I have never, ever watched "Hoarders". Sure, it's gross, and they find dead animals, and there's some b.s. therapy and some crying, and a nasty-assed yard sale - "HI!!! This table was under 54 pounds of garbage!! Wanna buy it for $10?", and I guess all of that can be entertaining to some people. Not to me. But not for the reasons you'd think. Here's my thing. I get mad (jealous?) at the people for one simple, silly reason. Those bastards have HOUSES. AND THEY MESS THEM UP AND MAKE THEM UNLIVABLE. Um, yeah. Let me remind the reader, I live in Chicago. This means that my apartment is so small, I have to choose one thing every day to throw away. I mean, if I let it go a week, I'd probably be a borderline hoarder. Closets? I have ONE. So for me it's more like one new article of clothing in? Six old ones must be given away. Immediately, like same day. None of this building a bag to donate, NO ROOM for that. The only place I do not feel cluttered is my fridge. Because it's huge and new and pretty. I could jam more and more cheese, produce, beer, whipped cream all the time. And I can KEEP things. Like condiments. I have some. I don't have to throw those away. Sad thing is, I don't cook. Freezer full of Lean Cuisine's and caramel Drumstiks, fridge full of cheese, salsa, milk and beer. Just writing this post makes me want to make a list of what I should go through, clean out, throw away today. There may be something under my bed that lies there mocking me. Back to my point. I want a house. I want a house more than I want anything, more than I've ever wanted anything. And I know this is NOT going to happen if I choose to continue to live in my major metropolitan city. At best, I'll get a condo. Which will just mean what? Maybe another closet, but likely not much more space? And yet there's Mabel, or Billy Bob, or BettySue on Hoarders with these old, big, once lovely HOUSES. Real houses, with yards, and stairs, and stuff. And they fucked it up. And it'll probably have to be torn down. Or if not, the cameras will go away and the asshole will go back to hoarding more crap all over again. Much better to watch "Married to Rock", I told Sil1x. There's nothing at all to get mad at that show about!!


fish said...

I want a house.

I can tell you that there are a large number of days every year that I would happily give you mine for free. Houses are a never ending battle against entropy. One that I am rapidly losing.

Jennifer said...

One of Grizzled's cousins deals with these types of cases. The people are sick... end of story. They can't help what they're doing at that point, much like any other far-gone addict.

Ironically, I had more storage room in the 2-flat I lived in in the city. Yes, I have a house, but the storage sucks and we have to be as ruthless as we can be... which isn't always as ruthless as we should be.

I hope Santa brings you a house, Von! I hope Santa brings me a new house. :)

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Come on, Von.

You KNOW another closet would be awesome.

(I lived in Manhattan for two decades...and not in a house!)

Von said...

Well, when I sat on the big guy's knee the other day, I did ask for more closets. I should have asked for a house!!
I'mmmmmm.....not so sure he was Santa though.....

Jennifer said...

Was the big guy in the closet??

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

This means that my apartment is so small, I have to choose one thing every day to throw away.

This is why I give booze for Christmas!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Bastard throws out booze?

He is dead to me.