Wednesday, June 8, 2011

People I want to beat with my crutch

A mish mash of sorts, just to clear my head.

So, my intern started this week.  A nice girl, a very quiet girl. A girl who over-stated (by a city mile, people) her computer skillz/knowledge.  It's going to be a looooong 10 weeks.
People, please, tell your children - they aren't doing anyone any good by lying on their resume.  I'm going to have to develop the patience of a saint. Today, I just want to beat her with my crutch.

It's 96 here in Chicago. I will not complain about this.  I hate snow, and ice, and winter and blizzards.  I can tolerate 80 at 7am. I work in a/c. I live in a/c. I have cold water, and movie theaters, and frozen fruit. I also have cold beer. Cold New Glarus beer.  The people that are complaining about the heat? I want to beat them with my crutch.  Seriously - if you hate the weather here all the time? Then get the fuck out. We don't want your kind anyway.

The people that do not let me sit on a bench, on the train, or on the bus? I want to beat them with my crutch.

The guy who is causing me stress regarding home improvement 2011 I want to beat with my crutch. This story is still developing -stay tuned.

The "wildings" or "flash mobs" who are attacking people in the neighborhood that I work in.  A) Not cool beating people up for the fuck of it B) Not cool tarnishing the term "flash mob".  I still want to do a flash mob - a fun one, involving dancing or singing or some such thing - and now that'll be all messed up thanks to them.  I want to beat them with my crutch, soundly, for every person they've beat up in recent days/weeks.

The stars of Hangover II I want to beat with my crutch, and I haven't even seen it.  I have no desire to see it. Over Kill.

The makers of Plants vs Zombies I want to beat with my crutch. And the zombies  in the game that I cannot defeat in level 5-3. Love to hate you, PvsZ.

Aaaand scene.
I feel better now.

11 comments:

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Those mob incidents are pretty damn troubling. Apparently, similar events have taken place in Manhattan's West Village, but I haven't seen anything like them.

Maybe you need a special "whomping" crutch for extra ass-kicking OOMPH.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

you want to beat zombies with your crutch?

(quietly going out the way he came in)

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

you want to beat zombies with your crutch?

That costs extra!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

It's hot and humid and August-like here in Columbus.

DO NOT WANT!

One of the few joys here vs. the East Coast (where I was born and raised) is the relatively longer fall and spring seasons.

Spring got sprung way too soon this year. I blame Al Gore's fat house.
~

mikey said...

See?

If you had The Jackal's crutch you could do so much more than just whack people with it...

Jennifer said...

The lamblets made it all the way through Plants vs. Zombies. I want to beat them with your crutch.

I don't mind the heat... but the humidity does make me cranky at times. You may beat me with your crutch. :)

Von said...

update:
Plants vs Zombies TOTALLY RESET ITSELF ON MY CRAPPY ASS PHONE.
I now have to start all the fuck over again.
Verizon, and my shitty phone? Getting a beating with my crutch.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

PvZ is a hate-filed game.

A.Weiner said...

Did someone mention beating people with my crotch?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Can I request that you beat Andrew Breitbart with your crutch?


Tell you what. If you break your crutch, I will buy you a new one so you can continue beating him.

Von said...

Ahhhahaaaaa
Awesome. A. Weiner, just awesome.
Sooo not too soon.

Z - done.