Monday, October 17, 2011

Update on the un-dateable

Yesterday I had to quit both free dating web sites.
I had been thinking about it anyway, but then this happened:
I received not one, but TWO emails containing pictures of stranger men's penises.
And NO, I didn't ask for them.
I had been emailing with one man who seemed nice enough, and out of the blue - BAM - dick pic.
I thought, ok WTF and stopped emailing with him.  Then I reported him to the site.
Logged off there, went over to the other site, same thing happens!
I sat back and did some intro-spection -
'Am I the kind of woman that attracts this? What did I do to make this happen? Who in the hell does this?! What kind of reaction are the expecting to get from that!?!?!!?'
As I got more and more irate, I just went and disabled both accounts.
Before I disabled them, I did email two other non-dick pic sending men I had been having normal chatting emails with. I gave them my phone number so they could call or text me instead.
I doubt I'll hear from either one of them.
You get what you pay for, I guess, and these sites were both free.

I did have to laugh when my new train friend B said "Well, were you disgusted by the pictures, or more.........disappointed?"


So, here I remain - Vonbyherselfforfuckingever.

I'm blaming L for my current state of being.  I was totally and completely fine being alone before he got himself involved with me and then dropped off the face of the planet.
Now, I'm wanting something I hadn't wanted for a while, and confused and hurt as to why I just can't have it.

70 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Wiener-mail.

It's the new big thing!
~

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry, but I had to chuckle at "stranger men's penises". :) It made me wonder if they hadn't been strange, would it have been ok... :)

Am I the kind of woman that attracts this? What did I do to make this happen? Who in the hell does this?! What kind of reaction are the expecting to get from that!?!?!!?

Von- if you're online, you get it...end of story. It has to do with them, and not you. I'll chat with you sometime about some of the fun stuff I've had emailed to me. BG could do the same. It's just a fact of online life... and unless you had a tag line that said, "I WANT PHOTOS OF STRANGERS' PENISES!!!", do not assume you did anything to warrant it.

Go on living your fabulous life and being your fabulous self and who knows what will happen. I know it sounds so frickin' cliche, but most of the wonderful things that have happened to me, happened when I wasn't looking, trying, angling, whatever.

Also- we need to get a date set for alien cake wonderfulness! I know you've got a lot on your plate, as do I, but let's make it happen this year. OK?!?! I promise, he won't have a penis!! But I'd give him one if you wanted me to. :)

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Ah, the internet... You'll meet someone interesting by being involved. You do a lot of interesting things, someone decent will show up.

Another Kiwi said...

Sorry to hear that Von. Men have a high proportion of arsewipery as a subset of the total population. Many of them are on the internet.
You do have to keep looking, I guess.
I think your interests will get you meeting some of the good ones.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

As a corollary to the comment from your train friend, I would say the odds are good the pictures weren't even their own personal penises.

mikey said...

Oh, wow.

Now you're just destroying my faith in the basic penis ownership question.

Eventually, I suppose you discover at some point that we're all well and truly through the penis looking glass....

Smut Clyde said...

stranger men's penises

Stranger than whose?
See me struggling with the temptation to link to disturbing images from Japanese horror movies.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

...or New Zealand porn.

onepretentiousbastard.com said...

You know, you could try and curate a whole new Von experience: Strange Dude's Dicks. Just uploaded penis pics and see if anyone can id them...or maybe rate them.

Lauren said...

"Thank you for this picture of your junk. As stated in the fine print waaaaay down at the bottom of my profile, any and all wang images will be uploaded to my tumblr account with your name and contact info.

"I am also considering an I Can Haz Cheezburger-type spinoff site, in which readers can add captions to the unsolicited penises that make their way into my email inbox. Your dick might someday be internet famous!"

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Your dick might someday be internet famous!"

That might backfire.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

penis looking glass.

so THAT'S how it got all smudged!

alternate joke: Yes, with the guys who sent Von piccys, a magnifying glass is beneficial.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Just uploaded penis pics and see if anyone can id them...or maybe rate them.

Rate This Dick's Dick!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Also, photoshop items next to them. Like thimbles that are twice as large, snapping turtles, that kind of thing.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

O yea, I got LOTS of good ideas....

Unless you don't like them. In which case they are all Smut Clyde's ideas.

Smut Clyde said...

ZRM has so many good ideas, he should START A BLOG.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

What's a blog?

Jennifer said...

penis looking glass.

I read this as "penis looking glans"... it's been a long, hard day, but I won't send any photos. :)

Jennifer said...

"unsolicited penises"

My mind is reeling at all of the probabilities... including those inconvenient times when penises pop up in your inbox.

I'm leaving now!

Jennifer said...

I think ZRM attempting to deliver an unsolicited stone head is a little out of line due to the thrust of this post.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I wish I knew what Jennifer meant by that.

Jennifer said...

You know it's been a long day when lame dick jokes are the high point.

Jennifer said...

Just wait until fish shows up with his fish-links! And bimler shows up with unsolicited wood...cuts.

fish links sounds too much like fruit loops. Wouldn't that be a nasty cereal!?

Jennifer said...

I don't have to lamblet chauffeur for another 20 minutes... I could leave Von many unsolicited comments.

Jennifer said...

Why is it the minute you go there, you can't go there? Hmmm. So much for a semi-organic Zardoz...

Jennifer said...

When is Von leaving town again?

Jennifer said...

Do any of us have keys to the Vonblog?

Jennifer said...

It could be time for moist spider panties!

Jennifer said...

I can't even believe I can now type moist spider panties and not even really cringe. I almost cringe more at not cringing.

Jennifer said...

ZRM!?!?

Jennifer said...

I need a beverage.

Oh wait, I'm on carpool duty.

Scratch the beverage.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I need a beverage.

Oh wait, I'm on carpool duty.

I'll have hers.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

ZRM!?!?

sheesh, relax. Some of us had to drive home.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

JENNIFER!?!?!?!?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Jennifer's beverage doesn't have enough tequila in it.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Thunder's beverage has too much laptop in it.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Bimler's beverage is walking.


....I'll let him keep that one.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I forget. Does a Zardoz cheer Von up or irritate her?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Von, why don't you just go ahead and pretend those last couple of series are all mixed up, so it seems less like Jennifer and I are just shouting at ourselves.

Jennifer said...

I was trying to comment while carpooling, but couldn't get the wv to show up! Probably a blessing.

I think Von likes the random Zardoz, or mini-Zardozini, but then after a week of random penile interjections, maybe nawt...

Jennifer said...

I'm pooped. It was a long-ass day and I'm hauling my emotionally exhausted and morally bankrupt cookies to bed... but remind me tomorrow to tell you about how Grizzled got to walk into a men's room blasted with poo. At least my day did not contain that lovely tidbit.

OK, I'm off to read... my eyelids...

Ha! wv is waste. Grizzled can relate.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Grizzled got to walk into a men's room blasted with poo.

I am curious how Grizzled got blasted with poo.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I iz exhausted too. But I have some space plans to knock into shape for tomorrow, I have already put the guy of two times.

So it's Mountain Dew and laptop time!

Smut Clyde said...

those inconvenient times when penises pop up in your inbox.

I'm just going to shake my head sadly and move on.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

I am also considering an I Can Haz Cheezburger-type spinoff site, in which readers can add captions to the unsolicited penises that make their way into my email inbox.

LOLCocks?

Jennifer said...

In the craziness of the Zardoz false start, I forgot to ask... would you like your blog posse to track down L and kick his ass? We will! We'll at least give him a stern talking to and tell him to think about what he's done.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

"False start"?

Jennifer said...

I thought that'd get your attention.

I look forward to seeing full blown Zardozia when I return from bat duty.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I guess I'm pretty predictable, huh?

Von said...

I LOVE a good Zardoz, even a Zardozini is awesome.
You guys are the best.
I'm leaving town Friday - Monday.
Who wants the keys?
I was going to write a post, but I may just not, and let you animals roam free, like this is Ohio....
(too soon?)

zombie rotten mcdonald said...


I look forward to seeing full blown Zardozia when I return from bat duty.


ooo, Jennifer's gonna be disappointed.

Jennifer said...

No, not disappointed... more relieved that we didn't piss Von off. :)

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

NOTHING is more cheering than coming back to your blog to find a rambling, weird-ass Zardoz in full bloom! NOTHING!!

Well, except for that one time Snag got all weird. But then, I did break his Romantics CDs.

Mendacious D said...

Y'know, I could probably arrange for the TOTALLY ANONYMOUS Cob Logger account to be associated with this fine, fine blog.

Temporarily, of course.

If there's any Céline Dion, blame fish. I have far worse things up my sleeve. That aren't dick pics.

I should also add that online dating sucks, as evidenced by my several years of serial failure.

But a friend of mine met his fiancée online, and the series of events that led up to myself and the Better Half getting together were nothing short of completely accidental.

We all muddle through.

Mandos said...

So wait, I don't understand. Do we start the Zardozery right now?

Mandos said...

Being from several hours in the future, I realize that I now have an advantage in that department.

Mandos said...

Of course, y'all are asleep. I can predict for you that the sun will come up in your morning, you past people.

Jennifer said...

So wait, I don't understand. Do we start the Zardozery right now?

Oh Mandos...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Of course, y'all are asleep. I can predict for you that the sun will come up in your morning, you past people.

Here in the Middle of the World, it is cloudy, windy, rainy and cold. No sun to be seen.

MANDOS, WRONG AGAIN.

Jennifer said...

Ha! You're right! NO SUN!!!

Mandos said...

Just because you didn't see the sun, doesn't mean it didn't rise.

DEEP.

Mandos said...

I gotta a short deadline offa long pier.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Jennifer said I was right, Mandos.

YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.

Smut Clyde said...

Error 26: Type mismatch in function call.
YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID

Mandos said...

Literally!

Mandos said...

*BOOP*

Mandos said...

Hee hee I booped.

fish said...

I have far worse things up my sleeve. That aren't dick pics.

That aren't pics anyway.

fish said...

I think Von just needs better websites to try dating from. Here are a few suggestions:

http://www.conservativedatingsite.com/
(find that conservative dreamboat)

http://www.boohiccup.com/clown_dating.html
(clown love, no not redundant with the one above)

www.vampiresocial.com/Cannibal
(cannibal dating, warning: often a site for one night stands)

www.vampirepassions.com/
(vampire site, kinda sucks)

pounced.org/
(furry site, Smut approved)

fish said...

Is undateable like the the Unforgiven? 'Cuz that would make you totally badass.