I want

• Romance
• Flowers
• Love songs
• Candy
• Good scotch
• Great sex
• Marriage

So, basically everything I don't have right now.

Well, there goes that

There is one thing I hate over and above all other things.

Being blown off.

Let me define "blown off": We have plans. There is a specific day and rough estimate of time and location is set.  There is a plan.  That day and time come and go, no word from the other person. No word at all.

There is a reason for this - watch me go all psychology on your asses.
When I was little and my parents divorced, I was too young to know that my biological father was a total and complete piece of shit.  So I would sit in our big front window every weekend and wait for bio father to show up.  Sometimes, he did. Most times, he didn't. Then, he stopped coming all together.

So, whenever someone (ANYONE) blows me off, I become the little girl waiting in the big picture window, looking at every car that passed, wondering if that's the one that's going to stop and pick me up to spend time with me.


I've been this way my whole life.  The easiest way to hurt me is to blow me off.
It tells me that I have no value to you - that whatever you are doing or not doing, I'm not even a thought in your mind.  Especially now in this day and age, when you can so easily send a text. Even if it's a lie, or two words - you can text and say "not coming".  Then I won't fall asleep on the couch, waiting and wondering.  Then, I won't feel like I have no value.  Then I won't be staring out the window.

Junior blew me off last night.  So this is a two steps back kind of day.  Confidence shaken, value devalued.

Hope he knows he no longer exists in my universe.

A hole in my bitch armor....

Sigh.
I could use a little lovin' today.

Oh, yeah...

I KNEW there was something I wanted to write about. It just took me a while to remember what it was.
NO IT'S NOT WHITNEY FUCKING HOUSTON!! (see my twitter feed for my thoughts on her)

It's....THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND POLITICS!!

I know, I'm totally breaking my own rules here, but I just need to vent.
So
Yesterday I had to go to Mass for the second time in four weeks.  Yes, it did damn near kill me.  But this time was just so much worse that I could have imagined.
Yesterday was Sil1x's third and final child's Baptism, so of course, I had to go.  Sil1x, knowing my disdain for Mass and my busy schedule said I could just skip it and show up to the party, but I wasn't raised that way, so off to Mass I trudged. 
Found one of Sil1x's friends that I love, sat with her. 
Mass is Mass is Mass, we were having a contest to see just how many mints we could eat before Mass was over.
Mass goes as Mass goes - Reading, reading, singing, reading.....sermon....WAIT WHAT!?!?!
"Today's sermon is a recording by our holy and blah blah blah Cardinal George"
The recording starts, as expected, with a fervent plea for $$.  I half expected it to say "We accept all major credit cards! Vital organs! This shit ain't free people!!"
And then.....
The recording started going on and on and on how bad our President is, what a bad bad man, contreception is the devil's work etc etc etc....
I very nearly exploded in church. I was almost speaking in tongues, and not the holy kind.
WTF, church!?!?!?
I already have a million and one reasons why I don't go to Mass, and now, you do this??

Catholic Church has always been the textbook definition of an Old Boys' Club (maybe the original OBC?), but now - it's even worse than that - it's clearly Republican.

I'm done. Done done done.  Until another family member passes away, you won't be seeing my sinning, pro-choice, good hearted, strong willed ass in church.

**and off this soap box I jump**

Vonfessions Friday

Why, yes, I DO think I'm cool enough to replace pretty much as much as I can with "von".

Happy Friday.

Here's some confessions for you. You may laugh, you may cringe, you may remain unmoved.  It's all the same to me.

• When I first got a car, I wanted the blue plastic dolphin thing hanging from my rear view mirror. Instead, I had a mini disco ball.  Now, I have a devil made out of string. His name is Henry.
• I nap. As much as possible. Recently, I have been known to nap on a week night from 6 -8 ish, and go to bed around 10.
• I know for a fact that I burn my candle at both ends.  This has a great deal to do with two things VonDad said before he passed - 1) Don't piss your life away. check  2) Von has a pretty cool and interesting life, all of those things she does. check (#2 was said to VonMom just a few days before he died. It's likely the last thing he said about me. I can find comfort in that)
• I love love songs.  More than any other kind of song.  Ice cold bitch on the outside, smooshy romantic inside my earbuds.
• I cannot pronounce the word neighborhood properly.  And this is only in the past few years.  This is important in Chicago, because upon meeting anyone new, the first question is always "What neighborhood do you live in?"  I pronounce it Nay BAA hood.  I have not been able to correct this. I try.
• I choose to pronounce two words cutely, because it sounds cute, and therefor makes the words better and me cuter.  The words are buttons and mittens.  I very clearly state but-tons and mit-tens.
• I pass gas every morning when I get out of bed. Every morning.  This may be one reason why I don't let my "friends" spend the night.
• I'm in love with someone. Someone who is pretty much unattainable.  Hence I continue to make bad decisions in the man department, because I'm trying to forget him.  It doesn't work.
• I've had a song written for me (with no lyrics....I was pissed) and there exists a not small tattoo on someone's arm with my initials over a broken heart.
• I have an entire medicine cabinet full of nail polish. It's almost an investment, at this point.
• I will never EVER never start a post with this "In which....:" it's like nails on a fucking chalk board to me. Freddy Krueger nails on a fucking chalk board. 
• I have an irrational fear of lions, and a very rational fear of raccoons.  Both are out to get me. Only me.  The rest of you are totally safe.  It's so bad I cannot go to the zoo. I just know the lions will know I'm there and bust out and eat me.

New Favorite Song, two ways.

Totally breaking a sweat AND totally cat vacuuming.
But, if I don't share things like this with y'all, it's like it doesn't matter.
So, this is the song I'm learning in guitar class. AND it's my new favorite song.
So, I give you the original (recorded at my happy place, the Old Town School), and because of my non-ending love for all things Michael Stipe, I give you his version with those asshats from Coldplay.  I will forgive Michael Stipe anything.

Such a great song. I'm excited and honored to play it.....enjoy.....

Lyrically, so much going on. Sigh. I love this song.....

My opinion

I was really looking forward to mocking Madonna.
I had thought that she would screech her way through some random crap while showing off her weirdly shaped chicken arms.

Man, was I wrong.

I actually dug her performance, a lot.  Sure, I kinda hate LMFAO and those two chicks, and CeeLo is meh.  But I thought that Madonna was kickin'.

I was a little put off, at first, with the partial lip syncing, until she started to throw down on the dance moves.  I can't even stand up in heels, and she was all over the place.
And, her scary chicken arms were all covered up.

I still think she's a stone cold bitch for the way she treats the general public - remember the flower incident? - but the show was what it was supposed to be, entertaining.

Plus, I think she looked downright giddy to be there. Nice to see something can still shake her ice queen veneer.