How very.....

Since I don't go to Mass anymore, I decided to run out to the grocery store early Easter morning to buy the stuff I was supposed to bring to brunch. 
I didn't break a sweat - I was in charge of bread, rolls, and orange pop.

I was overtly nice to all of the little worker bees at the store - I was sure that some of them had religion, and yet by circumstance or necessity - there they were, working on Easter.

Well.

Got to the register, and as I'm waiting for my turn - a ruckus starts one checkout lane over:
"I don't BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT! I mean! Really! I have to go to GOD DAMNED MASS  in an hour!"
Apparently - this fine God-fearing Christian was super pissed at all of the world because he could not purchase his Ernest and Gallo, box o wine, and Old Style at 9am on a Sunday.  He was told (very politely) that he could come back later to make the purchase, but state law is state law.

"BUT I'M HAVING GOD DAMNED EASTER AT MY HOUSE!!! I have to go to Mass at 10:30!!! What the hell!! This is unbelievable!!"

Rant rave roar

I checked out, gave some $$ to the charity listed at the register, and smiled at and thanked my cashier.

Walking out to my car, I was smiling and shaking my head -

So, who is the "better person" here?  The heathen (me) who has sworn off Mass for good, but still believes in the basics of do unto others and such; OR the Mass going Church loving drunk who felt good about berating the entire grocery store before his precious Mass?

Von - 1  Mass - 0

Friday ramble

I've got 10 minutes to spare before lunch, so what the hell.

Here's some random rambles for a Friday:

• This morning BZ and I had a dance party at the train stop. For real. The song was "Where is the Love" by the Black Eyed Peas.  Typically, I do not like the BEPs, but I do like this song. Enough to dance to it at 7am in public.  And it makes me luv BZ all the more.
• It's Good Friday. "Von, what did you give up for Lent?"  Great question, readers.  The answer to that would be sex.
• Currently listening to a 55 song playlist created the other night.  It's called Goodbye. It's for me to get past a 23 year thing that just needs to go the hell away.  I need to refind my value, and clearly, to RS, I have none.  Song on right now? "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson
• Bestie Shannon is doing really well here, working for the man.  I have no doubt that she will get hired permanently once her 90 days is up.  We IM pretty much all the time.  We're going out to lunch today.
• "Von, what are you doing for Easter?" Well, not going to Mass (see post I wrote about that nonsense).  I will be sleeping in, then wandering upstairs to VonSis's for eating some foods and stuff. First Easter without VonDad.  Not loving this year of firsts.  I will be bringing bread items, as that's what spinsters do.
• I will be distributing mass quantities of New Glarus beer this weekend.  I want it out of my kitchen.  I have PLENTY of my own, and don't really need cases all over my kitchen.  Because there are cases all over my kitchen.
• I am a VERY generous friend (see above bullet point)
• Three minutes until lunch time.  Damn, I either type slow (HA) or think slow.  I'm going with think slow.
• I have every intention of spending a LOT of time in Milwaukee this summer - so Z, we need to talk, yes?
• I promise to be back next week bringing the snark and the love in equal parts.

Happy Weekend

And poof!!

.......just like that, I turned in to a girl.
I woke up this morning with all the longing and self-loathing of Bridget Jones (the first movie).

Trust me, the thoughts in my head are not pretty right now.  For example, they keep telling me I am not pretty.

So, I'm just going to spare you the whining.

Tomorrow night I head to the "south side" aka Bridgeport neighborhood.  The tricycle of awesome will ride before we head out Saturday with many many people - I think there are 16 of us - to New Glarus Wisconsin for a long weekend.  What's there? BEER.  Really good beer, that they do not sell anywhere in Illinois.
We're even renting a minivan. (miniVON?)  No, silly, not for carpooling - for hauling home MORE BEER.

I need this little trip right now.  I need to clear my head, and remind myself that I have value.

Promise to be back on the flip side, with less whining and pining and more fun.

Pissing me off

My head is kinda getting ready to explode.

The back story:

Y'all know I work part time at a music school/concert venue.  There are a couple of hundred people that work and volunteer there.  I am on the concert staff, which puts me in regular contact with a small portion of these employees and volunteers.
There are many "buckets" of people at Old Town - teachers, concert staff, admin staff (with many sub-groups), store staff, desk staff, etc.

Sadly - the desk staff lost one of their own to colon cancer at the devastatingly young age of 31.  She had fought the fight for something like five years.

I fully and honestly admit - I did not know her.  I knew of her.  I know that many of the people at Old Town that I consider friends did know her and were close to her and are grieving.  I have privately contacted most of them to give my condolences and let them know I am thinking of them, in their time of loss.

NOW, what's pissing me off.

So, I'm pretty good at being aware of things, and I consider myself very smart.  Old Town is my favorite thing, so I make a point to know what is what over there.
That being said, I can pretty confidently state the following:
There is a surprising number of people that am glomming on to the grief train who either didn't know her at all, or barely knew her, or never even crossed paths with her.
They are posting things on facebook, and they practically live blogged the memorial service that was held at Old Town.
I cannot imagine why they are doing this.
If they were actually impacted by this horrible thing, then they should do something like, I don't know, maybe donate to colon cancer research, or to the film that is in the works about this young woman?

I hate to say it, but to me it feels like they themselves need some kind of attention, or need to be in the middle of things because it's affecting the Old Town community.  Honestly - not caring for the right reasons.

I was very sad when I heard the news - sad for my friends who lost a friend so young. I was also reminded of the young people I have lost in my life, and there have been far too many of those.  But I posted nothing on facebook.  I did not go to the memorial at Old Town (though open to the public, I didn't feel right about going). 

And I sure as hell will not be acknowledging any of these phony people on this topic.

May angels lead you in B.

Update

I think it's only fair to give you the basics.
So, about two weeks ago, VonMom got sick.
VonMom NEVER gets sick.
So, she got pretty bad and after a week she went to the doctor.
VONMOM NEVER EVER GOES TO THE DOCTOR.
I'd venture a guess she hasn't been to a doctor since she had me, so, you know a while ago.

Of course, many many tests were done.
VonMom prepared for the worst.
Um, yeah.
She's healthier than I am pretty much. No nothing. No cancer, no high blood pressure, no cholesterol issues. Nothing. Minorly elevated blood sugar (of no concern), minorly "off" thyroid (of no concern).
The upside is she's about 2 weeks smoke free.
And she's learned that not all doctors just hand out death sentences.
VonMom is the queen of conspiracy theories.

Now we continue to check in on her, as she's still getting over the initial bronchitis nasty thing she's been fighting.
And we get back to what we call "our new normal".
Which is us, without VonDad.
Back to the diner tomorrow morning, then off to put gas in her car and buy dog food.  All before guitar class.

Looks like I'll have more time to get on her nerves.

So, thanks friends, for all of your kind words.

Serious McSerious pants

So, had some issues this weekend that I'm choosing not to delve into.
But.
I'd like to write a post about something a little more serious, just because it's on my mind.

Over the weekend, I unexpectedly spent the better part of a day alone in the house I grew up in.  At first, I was intrigued and guiltily skulked around opening drawers and cabinets.
I went up to my old room and looked around. It's very clearly my old room, as there are still some belongings of mine there. Some silly (cabbage patch dolls?) some painfully important (the materials purchased for the wedding dress I never got made), but still, my stuff. 
I went into VonSis's old room, and dug a little. Meh, not as much there.

Back downstairs I went to the main floor.  I sat in the living room - still only used on Christmas Eve.  I sat on the couch and had a good cry over VonDad.  It was such a crushing feeling of loss, like it was yesterday.  I ended up talking to him for a good long while. No, he didn't answer me.

Roxie (VonMom's dog) persuaded me to go outside with her for a while.  I don't think she's a fan of crying.  We went out into the massive and glorious yard of my youth.  Giggle. Ok, not just my youth.  I went over to the exact area that my old boyfriend and I used to lie in the middle of the night just talking and smoking cigarettes, sometimes fighting, mostly not, him terrified that my 130 lb Alaskan Malamute Kodi would come outside and join us at any moment.  Me, I was terrified of my parents coming out to find us there. It was the perfect spot, as they were none the wiser.
I walked back over to the patio, at the little cement square that shouldn't be there but is because I had to had to had to have a basketball hoop in junior high.

I went back inside and sat down in the kitchen.

It was there that it hit me - one day (and I so hope it's a long way off) my siblings and I are going to have to go through that house room by room, memory by memory and sell / give away / box up everything in it.  Someday, another family will live there - or worse - someone will tear it down because they are more interested in the large lot of land just sitting there in Chicago.
I moved in to that house when I was 5.  I consider it where my life actually began.  And the sneaking thought behind all of this was that someday, I'm going to lose VonMom too.  We've really barely just begun appreciating each other, and really liking spending time together.

Someday, I'll be a grown up for real.  No, I'll likely never act like one, but someday I'll have to be one because I will have to live the rest of my life without my parents.

I know this is a ramble, but it's coming out of my heart-place instead of my head-place.

So there it is.

Written

Posted
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I just can't go there right now.

Sigh.