Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Stupid wacko

**First off, I know I said I was on hiatus, but a) I had to write a VonMom bday post and 2) I have to tell you all this story!!** So, last night was the first class of guitar 2. On the first night of every session, all guitar classes meet in the concert hall for some announcements and then you all get split into your classes and off you go. Here's what happened last night, night one of my Guitar 2. Of course, I was early. Like early early. I was the first person in the concert hall. I sat my happy ass down and vegged out. Slowly, people start to come in. While there was still only a handful of us, I hear the following exchange behind me. WhackJob: You know, I believe all guitars have souls. Mine is second hand, so it has a very old soul. NormalDude: Ok. WhackJob: Picks too. Picks have souls. NormalDude: Ok. WJ: I've been playing forever. Never had a lesson, but I'm going to take like intermediate and stuff. V(in her mind): Mmm hmmm. Good luck with that. WhackJOb. **at this point, I text the above guitar/soul exchange to a few friends** 8:00. Everyone's in the hall. I see WJ approach Jimmy T, overlord of the guitar instructors. He asks her to play a few chords. WJ CANNOT STRUM. She gets 3 of the 7 chords close-ish. Not right, but close-ish. Her strumming is horrifying. JT: Ok. Ok, let's try Guitar 1. WJ: No, I'm totally intermediate JT: 1 rep? WJ: shakes over confident head no JT: Ok, I guess you can try Guitar 2. Of fucking course. My class. WJ wasted so much of our class time, and was so very clearly in the wrong class, that it was a huge joke. As we were learning our first tune of the night "Walls" by Tom Petty, which was to be a refresher and to teach two new chords, WJ opined "We suck! Where's the harmony!" Um, what? Some where about the middle of "Country Roads" WJ: "Um, can you find me a nice version of Ave Maria?" Teacher: "No. We don't really teach that here." WJ: "Beyonce does a nice version of that song" wasn't aware Beyonce had taken up acoustic guitar. I've decided to turn her into a drinking game. The half dozen people sitting by me are in. Every time she raises her hand, we drink. Sure, I'll either get a DUI or need to take a cab every week, but it's only 8 weeks, right? That, or I might have to kill her. With her soulful second hand guitar.

11 comments:

Jennifer said...

I kind of like that theory! Does this mean that since my lamblet will eventually use our car to learn how to drive, she'll already know how since it's an old car that's been driven by people who know how to drive??

I'm also thinking, why buy anything new again!? :) I should have purchased used software for some of the programs I'm learning. It would have been so much easier.

Also, bummer on the loss of your class time. I hope the instructor straightens it out.

Von said...

Oh, I think he was getting wicked pissed. I think he'll recommend she try another class.
I hope he does that soon.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Does this mean that since my lamblet will eventually use our car to learn how to drive, she'll already know how since it's an old car that's been driven by people who know how to drive??

It may have a soul, but it doesn't have a peripheral nervous system... best trust to the lamblet's motor skills (and motoring skills).

It's a shame that this loon had to waste everyone's time. She really should seek both rehab and Guitar 1.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

strumming is the only thing I CAN do.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

That, or I might have to kill her. With her soulful second hand guitar.

Maybe the guitar will then absorb HER soul.

Gibson of the damned!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

My acoustic is too cheap to have a soul.

My Telecaster, however, is another story.

I dunno about the crappy mandolin I picked up.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I thought it was "whacko".

Learn something new every other day..
~

fish said...

Okay so here is a thought:

If your car appears to have a soul, DO NOT DRIVE IT!!!!

Von said...

Whacko, wacko.
tomato,
tomahhhhto

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

that is some fine free verse.

Lazyjade said...

Holy shit. I want to meet this woman so I can play Pinata with her, aka hit her with a stick til candy comes out. O.o