Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Stupid is stupid

Saturday afternoon, I'm heading to my part time gig. It's way down in Lincoln Park, so I'm taking the El. The Brown line, to be specific. Normally, I park on the north side of the Rockwell stop, but the other day there wasn't any parking, so I headed over to the south side of the stop. I found a good spot, gathered my stuff and headed to the stop. Of course, right as I'm about to cross, the gates go down and the lights and bells start their thing. That's when I see Stupid Asshole (here after referred to as SA) in his stupid blue car. SA is on the other side of the crossing, but I notice him because he's in the wrong lane. As in the on-coming traffic lane. As in the lane that doesn't have a train gate. SA is thinking he's going to go around, beat the train. Shit. I look at him he looks at me I look at the train that's right there he looks straight ahead... I scream "DUDE!!!!" and throw my hands up in a very clearly STOP kind of way he decides to cross And gets hit by the El train. I would have been stunned except for the car bumper shrapnel that came flying under the el train at me and my legs. Thank God I was wearing jeans. I smell burningness. I see the car is not where I had been when it tried to cross, but on the other side of the road. I see the people on the train all going to that side to see what's up. I don't know if he's hurt or worse, or if anyone on the train is hurt. I'm kind of standing there, refusing to look down at my legs. I don't think I'm hurt, but I don't really want to know, so I'm not looking. All I'm thinking is 'I have to get to work' I start to walk back to my car, and I encounter a police officer. "Did you see what happened?" "Yes. Yes, I did" "Are you ok?" "Yes. Yes, I am. Some pieces of bumper came flying at my legs but.....I have to go to work." The cop asks me to go around to the other side, where the accident was. Ok, I'm not going anywhere anyway, as the trains are still held up. I get in my car and drive back around to the other side. Here, I can see that the driver - clearly not hurt - has run off, and left his car and his passenger behind. His car is 10 shades of messed up. The gate that he decided to go around ended up going through his back seat windows when the train spun the car 180. There's glass and car parts and burning stink everywhere. And people. There's lots of people. No one had been close by when the accident happened, thank God, because they might have been injured too. There are police and fire men, EMTs and reporters. I'm seeing all of this with the sparkly clarity of shell shock. I'm texting my boss. I'm going to be late. You are too. Trains aren't running. Car hit train. I saw the whole thing. I'm talking to the people, and I become The Girl That Saw the Whole Thing. The trains start moving, so I decide I'm going to get my stuff, and go to work. This is still all I'm thinking about. The cop who had first stopped me approached me again. He asked me for my statement. He said the passenger said some huge line of bull shit that made no sense. "Did that happen?" "No. No, this is what happened." I gave my statement. Now, I'm mad at SA for being such a SA. Really really mad. The cop thanks me for my statement, and now wants to address the bumper shrapnel that I'm pretending didn't happen. "Can you show me your legs?" I just sigh and lift up my jeans legs one at a time, expecting the worst. of all the gd days to not shave my gd legs.... Thankfully, there were no plastic shards sticking out of my legs, just a few scratches and scrapes. gd it, there are now some tears in my jeans, now I'm really mad!! The cops take some pictures of the scrapes and scratches, and thank me for my time. Nothing major on the injury front. And I go to work. Now, on to getting the sights/sounds/smells of the impact out of my brain. Think that might take some time. And for that, I'm really pissed. Stupid asshole.

13 comments:

Mandos said...

...wow.

wv: anoburge. As in, that SA is an anoburge.

fish said...

I recommend keeping it all bottled up inside and then going on a drinking/drugs binge to numb the pain. At least it gives good cover for the drinking/drugs binge you were going to do anyway.

Seriously, glad you weren't badly hurt.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The Girl That Saw the Whole Thing.

BAND NAME!
~

Smut Clyde said...

Name of the next Fall album!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

SA is thinking he's going to go around, beat the train.

This never works in real life... only the movies.

of all the gd days to not shave my gd legs....

The added protection of leg hair prevented serious injury.

Now, on to getting the sights/sounds/smells of the impact out of my brain. Think that might take some time.

I second the idea that you should drink copious amounts of booze to forget the whole thing.

mikey said...

Here. Let me help you. Consider me your trauma counselor.

Having seen an unfairly outsized share of madness and horror in my life, I have developed a technique for dealing with it.

Immediately after the event, say to yourself "man, that was one helluva crappy cartoon. I mean, the Flintstones episode where Fred catches Wilma with Dino was bad, but this was just stoopid."

See? By reducing these things not just to cartoons, but to BAD cartoons, you take away their power.

If that doesn't work, I'm with the peanut gallery. There's always Sailor Jerry's...

Jennifer said...

Grizzled relayed this to me this morning. Egads, Von. Stupid people, indeed. I'm glad you're ok. I'm glad you weren't crying so hard that there are now some tears in my jeans Yes, I read that as tears, as in tears on my pillow... I then realized it was tear, as in, I want to tear that stupid person a new asshole.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I fail to see how bourbon would stop the tears in this case.

Von said...

Hey, I'm me....there were no tears. This is the kind of thing I get mad at, not weepy.
I wanted to punch SA in the face.
Y'all are right, I need to drink more to cope with it.
Thanks for the advice. This weekend I can be found at any number of bars within cheap cabbing distance of my house.....
join me?

fish said...

The Girl That Saw the Whole Thing.

The next Swedish thriller.

Jennifer said...

Von- We can have a drink on Tuesday.

Brando said...

Holy crap, glad you were okay Von. That is a textbook example of stupid assholeishness, too.

Von said...

Oh, we WILL have a drink on Tuesday!