Friday, May 20, 2011

To clarify, for Brando

Ah, my dear Brando, I feel I must clarify.*

You see, I am a baseball fan - a fan of all teams, all players, and all parks BUT WRIGLEY.

When I go to a baseball game, I want to watch the game, I want to score the game, I want to enjoy the game.
At Wrigley Field, you can do none of these things.
"Scoring the game" to those asshats means having sex at the game.
For a very very very long time, I was a die-hard Cubs fan. I mean, opening day 8 years in a row fan.
Then, I started paying attention, and realizing how much I hated the people who go to Cubs games.
Not to mention the fact that the last half dozen games I attended in that frat house shit hole I was mocked, taunted, made to feel like abosolute crap. By complete strangers, as I just walked by them. More than once, every time.
I did not know that Wrigley Field had a weight limit.

I will never, not if my life depended on it, not if they were doing well step foot in that place again.
It's not a ball park - it's the city's largest outdoor bar/frat house.

Now, the Cell?
Clean, beautiful, exciting (have you seen the opening montage?!?!), and WELCOMING.
Oh, yeah, and the people there go to watch baseball.

So, yes, this North-sider has switched teams, and proudly.
I'm all in, and I'm never going back.

The Cubs? Meh - but Fuck Wrigley Field.

*And I certainly hope we can agree to disagree, and be friends.
Let's have beer soon, just not in Wrigleyville.


blue girl said...

Wrigley Field sounds like going to a Browns game back with the old Browns Stadium still existed.

Browns fans (read: Drunk, obnoxious guys) would pee on people.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...


(somehow I figured this fits into the description)

Von said...

Thunda, pumpkin, you just mad me spit pop all over my keyboard....

Von said...

BG - Yep, I'll bet that happens at Shitley Field too....

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Thunda, pumpkin, you just mad me spit pop all over my keyboard....

Thunder, liquid, keyboards... not a good mix.

Kathleen said...

I wanted to leave a "why do you hate America?" comment but thundra stole it.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Talk to the whinetop, Kathleen.

mikey said...

Wow. I had no idea. I completely understand. I had the 'pleasure' of going to Giants games at Candlestick for DECADES while it rotted into such a stinking slum, and of course for very similar reasons to yours there's absolutely nothing that could ever compel me to attend an Oakland Raiders home game, but I had NO idea that Wrigley was like that. It looks so, well, classic AND classy on the teevee.

And fortunately you've got another team in town to choose to root for, one even being managed by a hilarious drunken lunatic which is its own reward.

But I just don't think I could ever commit to American League baseball. It's so...Cheesy...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

If you pee on the stadium at Miller Park, the roof grinds to a halt, and Mistubishi pockets another half-mill in maintenance fees!

HAH! Fuck YOU forever, Bud Selig!!!

Anonymous said...

Uh, sorry but you are not really ALLOWED to change from the Cubs to White Sox of vice-versa. You are a northsider - you are a Cubs fan. It is entirely geographically determined.

Brando said...

No doubt there are a lot of assholes at Wrigley, but we're talking about the Designated Hitter! I'd rather have you become a Brewers fan.

I actually like The Cell, good sight lines and the food is quite tasty. And I would love to have dinner with Ozzie.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I'd rather have you become a Brewers fan.

Why would ANYBODY do that? They can't even GIVE away tickets properly:

The promotion, done in concert with the Milwaukee County Parks System and in other areas of the state, went awry when some people grabbed dozens of the lawn ornaments hours before the official hunt for the ornaments was supposed to begin. Some of those collectors then apparently tried to resell the suddenly hot items on Craigslist and eBay.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

yeah. Me and the Brewers. I can't code my tags properly. Fuck.