I know that a while ago I stated on this here blog that I would not be using this medium as a way to talk about HAES and body positive views.
And I meant it.
I'm still not going to do that.
This blog is a mis-anthropic, no set topic, humor blog.
Or, the ramblings of a crazy angry me.
I'm just writing this post to vent, because this happened last night and it's still on my mind.
I was driving home from the train station to my house. I drive down a side street with many stop signs. One of the stop signs is a part of a four way stop, and the cross street is a major "busy" street.
I'm pretty aware at this intersection, because the cars on the busier cross street treat their stop sign as a suggestion rather than something they have to do.
Did I mention, I'm a pretty aggressive driver in general? Well, I am.....anyway.....
So, I pull to my stop sign as Car on the right is stopping and now going. SO, it's MY turn.
Second car on the right doesn't care, and he's going to go. Well, I don't give a shit, I'm already heading across the intersection, and I have the right of way, and I'm not stopping.
He inches up, I keep going, our game of chicken ends with me going (inches from his front bumper) and me, showing him the middle finger of my pretty new manicure.
He turns and follows me to the red light.
He gets in the non-lane next to me, and starts yelling.
I yell back.
We argue for a bit (Ok, I know this is not a good idea, he may have a weapon and I get that, but I was pissed).
All of my statements were profanity free and statements of fact.
He was running out of argument - so he went for my jugular:
"Don't be made because you a fat bitch. Don't be mad cuz you just fat."
"I'm mad because you are an asshole who doesn't know how to drive"
"Fatty fat bitch. Fat......"
He then rolls up his window and peals away with an extremely illegal right turn.
Um, I'm pretty sure he's patting himself on the back for "winning" that argument.
What bothers me is this:
The way strangers - either in a confrontation, or just because they feel like it - like to use the word FAT at me as an insult, a put down, something awful.
My head is not in the clouds, yes, I am fat - it's a statement of fact, much like I am blond, I am smart, I am adorable and well liked. I am fat is just a part of who I am.
I'm mad because he thought, as do many strangers, that calling me fat makes the whole thing an automatic win. They are proud that they said it.
I'm tired of it. I think what bothers the haters most of all is that I am not only fat, but fat and self-confident (90% of the time), fat and having a great time, fat and has lots of friends, fat and has an interesting fucking life. Apparently I can have none of these good things, because to them the only thing they see is F A T.
I spend a lot of time reminding the people in my life that they have Value - not only to me, but to others (so many uncountable others) and should therefore value themselves. This one stupid incident is going to make me work twice as hard to remind myself that I too have value.
So, dear readers - you may be tall, short, fat, thin, black, blue, blond, brunette, stupid, smart, shy, etc, but I value you.
Thank God my fingers aren't too damn fat for me to type with.