Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Well, I'm back

I'd been tossing around the idea of bringing this monster back.  Who still reads blogs? Who would read/find/care about this one?

Then, 2/4/14 happened. To me. 
I got laid off in a national news mass layoff from the place I thought I was going to retire from.

Now, I need an outlet. Somewhere to throw things, and rant and rave.  Apparently, the gainfully employed really don't give a shit about their unemployed friends.  I don't mean to offend, it's not my intent.  I'm just getting the feeling that some of my friends are tired of hearing about my troubles. 
And, if I have to hear "You'll find something way better soon! You'll see!", I might punch a bitch.

So.

Here goes.

I've been working full time for over 20 years.  College was not my thing, and I jumped into the working world early.  I was 19 when I got my first full time job.  Each job I got after that was easy to get. When I was ready, or needed a change, I looked for a job and took whichever one best met my needs at the time.  I have never been fired, downsized, laid off until this year. 
I'm such a good worker bee that I am still friends with people from every job I have had.  Every. Single. One. 

When I finally had the stones to leave a job I loved, but was stagnating in, after 10 years, I jumped for joy when I got the job of my dreams - in advertising, for an amazing and popular major publishing company.  Sure, the industry is going in the tank, but I was confident that I was working for the first, best and likely will be the last one standing.

The older (and wiser?) I've gotten, I've learned to really appreciate what I had.  I'm single, no kids, no man, my work was what defined me.  If I was awesome at work, I was awesome.
Every night that I prayed, I thanked God for the job that I loved.  I was grateful to be there, and I asked God to let me continue to be there, or at least let me leave on my terms.  Aside from some awful, sub-human "co-workers" (to be fully explained in future posts), I was so very happy and never complained.  I had great hours, amazing benefits.  I admired my boss, respected my superiors, and genuinely cared for my team mates.  I could not have been in a better place.  My whole life was perfect.


For the first time in my working life - I was so very confident that I was safe for this round of layoffs.  I was so busy! I was so involved! I was well liked! I was totally necessary!

Nope.

I will never again be cocky or feel safe, and that's a sucky way to live, but I'm just being honest.  My confidence is shattered, my mood is numb at best and super scary dark when I can't control it.
Hence, the rebirth of VFN. 

I think that every post I write will be about this current sucky phase in my life.  Because if I don't get it out of my head, I'm worried ....... well, I'll just say I'm worried.

Totally not a cry for help - my family is so close to locking me up in a padded room.  They keep an eye on me waaaay more than I think is necessary. 

I know this is a  ramble, and I do apologize.  I am pretty rusty, and hope to have better structured posts in the near future.

Thanks for reading. V

11 comments:

Jennifer said...

Good to see you back, Von! Just really sorry about the reason!

Let it out! Let it all out!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Corporate life is a hard rock, Von.

Welcome back to the blog-world, we kept a light on for you!
~

bluegirl said...

thunder! Von! Jennifer!

I feel like it's a reunion!!

Sucks, Von. I'm sorry you are going through this. Glad you are writing and getting your thoughts down.

marty said...

There is no such thing as funemployement.

Here's hoping things turn around quick!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

It's a rough bit of luck, Von. Don't let the situation grind you down... you'll land on your feet. Just don't lose your pluck. Don't ever lose your pluck.

Another Kiwi said...

Good to see you reactivate the blog, Von. I think it's a good move. I totes think you should go on twitter too. Some good folks there if you pick and choose a a little bit. I won't tell you that something better will come along, because wtf knows. Personally I think that we are heading to New feudalism but waddooIknow.

Kathleen said...

I hear you.

Kathleen said...

also, seconded for Twitter

bbkf said...

yay von! but dammit, now i'm having thoughts of my own...kisses and lots of hugs to you...

Brando said...

Oh, Von, I am so sorry you are going through this. But like the others said, it's good to see you blogging again. It really can help decompress and redirect those shitty, shitty feelings.

mikey said...

Welcome back! I may not be doing such a good job of writing on my blog, I still read 'em. Every day. You shoulda sent out a press release that you were back.

I had lunch with an old friend last week (we worked together in the go-go 90s) and I was telling him the thing I missed was never being worried about money or the future. Now I know I'll never feel secure again, and I frankly don't see how I'll make it to SocSec and Medicare age. But I'm just keeping my head down and trying to find the joy where I can.

Hang in there, Von!