A Hallmark moment

You know what I dig more than birthday gifts? The cards that come with the gifts. The things that say what people want to say, and yet don't say. We're supposed to be all cool calm and collected all the time. In my world, we are also supposed to be bitchy and on the offense more often than not. So This year, in honor of my softer side, the one that used to love writing cards and letters, I'm starting a new tradition. I bought a card for someone else. I bought it on my birthday, and will be giving it to her next time I see her. The card itself is humorous, but I intend to write in it what an awesome, delightful, grounded, normal, fun and important part of my life she's been over the past year, and that I hope she'll be in my life a long time. I'm excited to do this every year, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. I will admit, I do also love the shiny and colorful balloons that come with cards and gifts, and the cards that are hand made and huge and have a tall boy PRB attached to them.

Can't stand.

I was going to write a warm/fuzzy about you all, and my birthday and gratitude and all that. But, it'll have to wait. So Some dumb bitch named MAURA KELLY (I capitalize to remember, because I have to remember) over at Marie Claire wrote an "article". Not sure if it would be called an article, or an op/ed piece. To me, it's just crap. She wrote about her abject horror at the show "Mike and Molly", which, in her opinion, is a show about morbidly obese people doing things. Um. She actually says she cannot watch the show, because she can't see morbidly obese people not only making out, but doing anything. She did admit to having some "plump" friends, so that makes her NOT A SIZEIST. My guess? Her plump friends are about sizes 6 or 8. So, the normal people of the world rose up, and as we do now, wrote about a thousand (actual, not a made up number) comments - most calling for her to get fired etc. She printed an "apology". NOT AN APOLOGY when you say "yes, but" a bunch of times, and offer weight loss advice. You, MAURA KELLY, are not a registered nurse, or dietician, or um.....anything. We fatties are fat, NOT STUPID. The magazine itself - MARIE CLAIRE - has yet to issue an apology, or statement, or retraction, or whatever. HEY MARIE CLAIRE, YOU PUBLISHED THAT SHIT - YOU ARE EQUALLY CULPABLE. At the very least, they need to fire that ignorant, hateful bitch. At best, they need to give me her email/address/phone number. I would love to give her a piece of my fat mind, and then break some fat fingers on her smug, skinny, likely fugly face. It's people like her that make my life about a million times more difficult than it needs to be. So, using my bloggy for something good here - I'm calling for a boycott of Marie Claire - until they print an apology and fire Maura Kelly.

Not going to do it, wouldn't be prudent....

I was thinking about doing NaPoBloMo this time around. Then I thought - What, am I stupid? I don't blog for others, I blog for me. I would not be challenging myself, I'd be doing it because other people were doing it and when have I ever done something just people other people were doing it?* ** So, I'm not going to do it. I know what would happen, I'd come out strong out of the gate, loose steam, and start cat-vacuuming. Y'all deserve better than that. I've been informed that Zoe and Zeb (Zombies that unlive on my desk) may want to write a post soon. Well, Halloween is coming up, and they don't ask for much, so I might have to let one or the other of them go for it. *hey, grammar police, that's and intentional run-on sentence ** Ok, so I started smoking because the cool kids were doing it, but that was a loooong time ago.

Can I graduate?

A vote was taken. Damn. 5 votes we play "Champagne Supernova" 4 votes we play "I've Just Seen a Face". Damn! TeacherMan "Can I ask why you don't want to play Champagne Supernova?" No one said anything, so of course, I HAD TO "Well, I hate Oasis so much that it hurts me in my heart place to have to play that song. And sing it. It physically pains me." TeacherMan "Wow. Ok. So, you don't like that song, or you don't like the band?" "Well, the band. They suck. Make my ears bleed. I'm just saying." Hot guy who had voted for CS over IJSAF originally: "Can we play the Beatles tune faster? Can we try that?" We pick it up to about 80% of actual speed. AND it went well. Better than that, we sounded good. Song over. Hotguy "I'd like to change my vote." We have a new winner!! "I've Just Seen a Face" now has five votes! It's a full moon, and I'm sleep deprived so, of course, I say "Remind me to buy you a beer." Hotguy leans over, winks and nods. Yes please. About 15 minutes later we're on stage at Old Town, belting out the Beatles at 80% speed. And I was smiling. And playing with the group, hitting all of the chord changes. For that reason, I consider myself graduated. On to Guitar 2 I go. On the way out, I ran into the biggest Oasis fan in our class. "Hey, I'm sorry about the song." "It's ok, both songs were good choices." "I'll see you next week." Today was a pretty good day. falling.....oh yes I'm falling.....and she keeps calling.....me back again......

This full moon has got me so tightly by the throat Michael Hutchence would be jealous. I'm practically foaming at the mouth here. Teh FB is a huge contributor to my moonrage. Man, people say some of the dumbest shit on there. I'd like to ban these types of status updates: weather, unborn children, health of self or children, things like "staying in bed with my love today!" um, and facebooking, asshole. I'm sure your love just loves that. Also in my craw - bad drivers. Really bad ones. I got in a kinda scary road rage thing with an Audi full of cobags last night. They did that karma foul of when we all pulled over to let an ambulance by, he pulled ahead into the empty space. Me being me, I rolled down my window and said "You KNOW you're a fucking douchebag, right?" I had to say it two or three times, just to make sure he heard me. He did, so did his fellow cobags in the car. He sat in the middle of the street at one point, just foot on the brakes. I sat right on his bumper and flashed my brights enough to upset just about any epileptic. Not looking forward to dinner with VonParents next week. I have a thing about not wanting to eat out with VonMom like ever, for fear she's going to call me out in public for what or how much I'm eating. Not going to be fun for me. I'm hoping to drive myself, so I can escape should I need to. And of course, we have to go to dinner at 5:00. No, they aren't 80, more like 60 and 70, but they don't always act as young as they should. My iPod showed me the Linkin Park/JayZ album cover for a Kelly Clarkson song. Hm. That probably should not happen. iPod is also asking to be thrown out the window because it keeps throwing out Christmas songs when it's on shuffle. And I don't have that many Christmas songs on it!! Yes, iPod, I know the stores are already ho-ho-hoing, but you don't really need to go there yet, mkay? Politicians. I know, IT'S A BIG ELECTION YEAR blah blah blah. I just want to watch my shows with out hearing how much so and so sucks. Guess what? You all suck. I really hate that we only have two choices for Governor. Um, let's see A) The incompetent that's in there now who is useless and dumb or B) the millionaire who doesn't pay taxes, is a Republican, is super ultra Pro-Life, and doesn't believe in equal pay/benefits for women. Awesome. Maybe I'll move to Canada. I hear Vancouver is nice. Soooo, if you're wondering where I've been lately, super bitch Evil Von, well, look no further. I'm back with my lovely misanthropic self. Happy Fucking Friday.

Just a reminder.....

Shannon, MenD and Jennifer...... and anyone else that wants in on my superduper good graces You have ONE WEEK to provide baked good featuring the aliens from Toy Story, preferrably with their cute little green mouths forming the "oooooh" as in "Ooooooh, the claw!" Shannon might get a pass until MI get away that's coming up. I'm thinking she can make me my requested (ok, demanded, I demanded it) birthday meal while we're in Michigan. but the rest of you...... gets to bakin'

Mish mosh

What's on my desk, that probably shouldn't be:

• Two crocheted Zombies, Zoe and Zeb.
• One Zombie Surfer key chain.
• One Donnie Wahlberg NKOTB world tour doll.
• Two Hello Kitty figures.
• One elephant mini squirt gun
• One alien in a space ship top
• One bottle MAC Fix+ mist

Yes, I do think I'm a grown up.

My computer is fixed. For the low low price of $100. Well, it was actually going to be $60, but they offered to install a new (and WORKING!) Norton anti-virus, so that was $40 more. Eldest StepBro wrote "I'm insulted" on my fb. I wrote back " You don't get to be". I didn't even know he was back from wedding#2 in Hong Kong, so whatever.

I am not pleased with my gd shuffle feature today. Kinda hate everything it's spitting at me today. Except the Muppet Show theme song, because that's AWESOME

I've finally done it, I cut my nails on my left hand only, leaving the right hand loooong. Know why? That's right, little troopers, because that's what guitar players do. And I'm a guitar player!

Speaking of guitar. Graduation is this Saturday. We're either playing "I've just seen a face" or "Champagne Supernova". I HATE Oasis, so I really don't want to so probably won't be practicing that one, and keeping my fingers crossed that we'll play the Beatles instead. One can only hope.

My knee is about 68% better. As in I can almost walk down a flight of stairs without looking like a 90 year old.

And that's what you get for today, a bunch of things rolling around in my head.