Wednesday, July 28, 2010

WILD life

Y'all recall the fairly recent "racoon incident", as I like to call it? Well, here's what happened last night: Pulling up to my house last night. A little tipsy, and on the phone with Shannon. Me: "I gotta go!! There's two skunks right in front of my house!" click These two baby skunks (awesome, there's a big fat momma skunk somewhere too) look at me, give me the finger, and RUN UNDER MY CAR. THAT I'M SITTING IN. I call VonSis "Halp!!!!! Halp!!!!" "What?" "There's two skunks under my car! Oh my God! Are you home!?!?!" "I'm looking out the window at you. I don't see them" "That's because they are under my car! Halp!" "Put your car in reverse." I do. One skunk runs out and across the street. He sits just across the street, grinning and glaring at me. The other skunk? MIA. Fuck "Halp!" "Only one came out. I see it! Come up the front stairs!" "No! Halp!!!" I decide to risk it, and try to jump out of my car. My backpack strap gets stuck on my emergency brake, and I can't get out of the car!! I'm shaking and bouncing around, totally looks like I'm having a seizure. VonSis is watching this all from the safety of her second story window. Angry punk skunk is still looking at me from just barely across the street. He gives me the finger again. I get the bag loose, fly out of the car, walk quickly to the front door. Going "Eek! Help!Eek! HALP!Eek! Bleh!" the whole time. Get in the house. Look out the window. And the evil brat skunk? Back in front of my house. What is up with the Chicago area wildlife!?!?!?

8 comments:

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

This is awesome! It's the babies that you have to be wary of, they tend to have itchy trigger sphincters. The adults are more mellow. Years ago, we had one in our neighborhood that would eat out of baby bro's hand. We had another that would walk under the picnic table that we were all seated around- it was kinda freaky having it's tail brush against your shins.

Jennifer said...

they tend to have itchy trigger sphincters

I thought it was getting close to lunch, but I was wrong. I'm not hungry anymore.

Von- do you remember the story of the coyote in the cooler at a Quiznos down in the Loop?

Von said...

Itchy trigger sphincters.....hahahahaaaaaaa

Oh, I remember that coyote. I felt really bad for the little thing. The coyote didn't try to eat me, like the racoons and skunks do.

I would NEVER feed a skunk out of my hand!!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I decide to risk it, and try to jump out of my car. My backpack strap gets stuck on my emergency brake, and I can't get out of the car!! I'm shaking and bouncing around, totally looks like I'm having a seizure. VonSis is watching this all from the safety of her second story window.

So I'm getting a mental picture of what would happen if a Kroger employee said "Von! You have a giant spider on your back!"
~

Brando said...

LOL, did you actually say "Halp"?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

wild wild life

Von said...

Thunda - TOTALLY!! I still shudder at that story!!
Brando - When very very scared, yep, help becomes halp!
Zombie ftw.

Kathleen said...

My backpack strap gets stuck on my emergency brake, and I can't get out of the car

LOL
sooooo typical!! :)