Against all wishes, time does indeed soldier on.
I guess I'll have to move along with it.
Back to work this week. Some days are more difficult than others, but the busy distraction is definitely good for me.
So, there was this non-Von-birthday thing last Friday night.
I had every intention of cancelling it, but VonMom argued against it, and to be honest, VonMom pretty much gets whatever she wants these days.
I went ahead with it. I sent an email to all those invited and said hey, let's all meet and have a drink to my dad instead.
I had a friend pick me up an hour early, just so I could get there and have a drink and settle in to the evening. Upon arrival, ran into two of my Old Town friends who were early for the get together. An area was secured and we got to drinking. My first drink was a perfect Rob Roy on the rocks with a twist - Dad's drink. It was super yucky, but I drank it. A steady stream of people I love started showing up. An even steadier stream of beer found it's way down my throat. A few shots decided to join the party. "To Bob!" "Yes! To Bob!" slam slam slam.
This awesome person showed up with her awesome hubbs. She said "So, a friend of mine is coming." My response "the more the merrier" and all that business.
Not long after, she said "My friend is here", so I turned around and there was this guy. I fully admit that I almost started crying to see him there, but the case of New Glarus beer he had brought me put the smile right back on my face. I made my way around the bar, and realized that a good third of the place was my friends and family. Not to mention the dear dear friend of mine who was bar tending that night. As I was talking to some people, another great friend showed up. There was hugging and happy bdaying and condolencing. yes, I totally know I made that word up, so shut up.
Wow, three of my favorite bloggy friends, all in one place! Four if you count Grizzled, and I totally do. I don't really feel I had enough time or sobriety to spend with them, but the fact that they were there is so special to me.
Sure, I got wasted, and sure, I told some people some secrets I probably should not have, but I'm hiding behind my family's statement that I am 'vulnerable and prone to making bad decisions' right now. I DO remember telling the entire bar that I got me some the night before. Why, yes, reader, you totally read that right - I got me some on my birthday. But that's a post for another day. Or, you can ask Jennifer, Z, or Brando, since I'm sure I told them the story more than once at the bar!
I received this email from eldest VonSis* the next day: 'It made me smile to see you hugging and telling every single one of your friends that you loved them last night. And I know it wasn't the booze or the cupcakes talking, you actually meant it. You told them all. That's great.'
She's right. I did hug and tell everyone that came out that night that I loved them - because I do. I don't think (aside from our parents) we tell each other that enough. As you all well know, my friends are incredibly important to me, and I do love them. Each and every one.
Sure, I may be vulnerable and prone to making bad decisions** right now, but I'm also living the John Mayer "Say what you need to say" mantra right now.
I hope that I continue to be honest with my feelings with everyone for a while, and that it's not just a knee-jerk reaction to losing my Dad. We'll see. I could use a little softening around the edges.
*Officially dropping the Step sib moniker from the J5. They're my family, and I'm going to try to keep them that way, so from now on, they'll all just be VonSis and VonBro. There are five of them, and one actual VonSis, so I'll try to be pretty clear about who's who.
**Whoever makes me a tshirt, button, wall hanging that says this phrase will be my new best friend forever. If tshirt, I'm a 3x. I like 'em big.