Happy happy

Wow.
Time sure got away from me, sorry for the delay.

And that's enough of that........
BUT:
If anyone wants to make me a tshirt that says: Full of Misery (on the front) and Obviously Extreme Jealousy (on the back) in a very cool way, I'd be forever grateful and will wear it just about every day, since every one who knows and actually loves me knows what a complete bunch of b.s. those two statements are.

ANYWAY

So, I had another fantastic and amazing weekend.  I'm still pretty happy just because of it.

Friday night I went to see Tesla and the Scorpions at Northerly Island.  I'd never been there, and it did not disappoint as far as venues go.  The sound was great, it doesn't hold that many, so even our "cheap seats" were good.  I went w K, we go to a lot of concerts together. Telsa was awesome, they played all of the good stuff, closing with Little Susie, which is K's favorite song.  The Scorpions were really amazing, considering their kinda advanced years.  The weather was starting to get a little scary, the wind picked up, it got chilly, and then the lightning started.......but the actual rain held off until after the last chord of "Rock you like a Hurricane".  Like Mother Nature was giving mad props to the Scorps, and let them finish.  My aching knees only got us so far, and I ordered up an Uber car for us.  It took less than ten minutes to arrive, and we got home super quick in air conditioned lincoln town car luxury.

Saturday was breakfast with VonMom.  Which, you know I have grown to enjoy.  VonSis came along this time, and somehow that made VonMom a little weird and kinda cranky.  No matter. 
Saturday evening I hopped on the ole Metra train and headed out to visit with Brando and TLB.  Well, kinda forgot that that is the train that goes to Ravinia.  Saturday night was Sarah McLaughlin, and the train was PACKED with granola lesbians.  Not the best of times, but well worth the misery to hang out with two of my favorite people.  I attempted to bribe Libby into friendship with coloring books - not sure if it worked.  Brought along some cherry and raspberry lambics to bribe Brando and TLB and those did work.  We had a lovely time with some fantastic food.  The train home was less crunchy, and I was grateful for that.

Sunday VonMom and I had lunch with my God-mother.  I dig her the most.  She's awesome, and had been one of VonDad's best friends since they were kids. She thinks I'm cool.  She loves all of my stories.  We went to Baker's Square (forgive me, not MY choice) where I ran in to two different people that I take the train with every day.  Kinda funny, didn't know Baker's Square was the big Metra Meet up locale.

Now, I have to work a grand total of 1 1/2 days, and then the tricycle of awesome rides for Michigan.  Ahhhh, my annual rest and recuperation week.  We won't be back until sometime on Sunday.  So, you won't be hearing from me.  There is no internet where we are going, and I'm ok with that.

So, have a wonderful holiday, kiss your babies, appreciate your friends, and I'll be back next week.

The return of the transparency project

I've been getting more and more of a short fuse lately about all of the:

• Intentionally cryptic
• Intentionally vague (Vaguebooking)
• First world problems whines
• Passive/aggressive to the nth degree
• Self obssessed small minded

Facebook status updates.

So, instead of ruining "friendships" and having people drop me in their rage, I'm fighting back with the Return of the Transparency Project.

It's really boring as fuck all*

So, each day I will be posting the most mundane details I can think of at 6:45 am.

Here's part of it:
I am wearing pants and an orange shirt.  My eyes itch.  My mood is fair to middlin' (yesterday)

Today I let teh FB know that I had a dream about zombies; that I am wearing a black dress to kinda hide the fact that my nail polish is black this week; and that my headband has a big metal flower on it.

Is this going to drive people crazy? God, I hope so.
Is this going to make people be a little more aware of the piles of crap that they themselves are posting? GOD I HOPE SO.




* = "fuck all" is my new favorite swear term.  I'm still working out the kinks, but I'm totally going to make it a thing

Dad

Here's my Dad. 
I don't think I was there when this was taken, and I don't know when it was taken.
I know that he was in his yard, probably enjoying a hot dog and some fries with any number of his kids and grandkids.
I know he was happy when it was taken.

I love this picture.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

The reason

I won't be blogging much in June.

There's a good reason.

This Saturday, the 9th is (would have been? Was?) my Dad's birthday.  He would have been 72.
Next Sunday - my first Father's Day without my Dad.
Saturday the 23rd - My Mom's birthday, her first without my Dad.

I can barely get out of bed in the morning, much less write anything entertaining.

That whole "time makes it better" thing? Bull shit.

So I think it best to spare you my misery and just not post.  I'll be around, commenting here and there.
But I don't really feel like writing a bunch of posts about him.

I am SO glad that last year for Father's day, I did write a post about/for my Dad. I also posted it on teh FB, so he was able to read it. 
I remember I asked him if he read it.  I gave me a little half smile, and there was a questioning look in his eyes.  He said "Yep. I read it. Very nice, Von."
I wonder if he was trying to tell me something.  I feel now like he knew that I knew that something wasn't quite right, even then, in June.

So just do me a favor - that person that you love most above all others? Tell them so.

But then....

So, y'all read why I'd want to move away.
I felt that way for the better part of a week.  Then, this happened.

5/25: I met Brando and TLB for dinner and drinks.  It was a lovely evening - warm enough to sit outside (with the heaters on) and spend some time.  We had a great time.  I drove home that night thinking about how I really like those two, and I hope that we can become better friends and spend more time together.  Me being me, I had even told them that I'd like to hang out more often, and that I meant it.  They agreed.
5/26: I went to the movies with John and Toni.  John's parents joined us (a surprise to me) and I gave them great big hugs.  As I watched the previews and looked over at these people, I realized that John and Toni are more family than friends, and I wouldn't be the same without them.
5/26: I worked a show at Old Town.  It was an interesting show, something I'd likely not see anywhere else.
5/27: I went to Mars Cheese Castle with delightful God-daughter and her mom.  It was 90+ degrees out, the car had no a/c, and yet we had such a fun time.  Picking on God-daughter, making silly jokes about nothing.  I gave them both big sweaty hugs good bye and told them I loved them.  I thanked C a million times for taking me to the Cheese Castle.  She looked at me like I was crazy.  She thinks that when I need or want something, it's just on her to take care of it.
5/27: I went to a BBQ at T&C's house.  T is someone I have known for years, but we have just recently started hanging out more.  I really only know T&C, and not any of their friends.  Their friends are very interesting and nice.  Always willing to talk to the person (me) that didn't know anyone.  I was included in many conversations, and it was nice that a handful of the people that I had met once before remembered me. 

I left there realizing that there are millions of interesting people out in the world, and yes, even some in Chicago that I have yet to meet.  There are also quite a few people that, while I have broken ground on a friendship, I have not put enough time or effort in to them.  I need to work on that.

5/28: Another hot day, and a few plans in the hopper.  I cancelled all my plans. I was exhausted and my house was a mess. 
While I sat on my couch in the a/c that day, I let my mind wander over the past few days.

I had spent some time with some amazing people.  People who I care a lot about.  People who I could care a lot about.  Some new, some old, some family, some little more than acquaintances, but overall - it was the people that made the weekend, not the things I was doing.

So, if I stay here longer than I think I will, it will be the people that keep me here.

And I'm actually ok with that.

My ramble about moving away.....someday

By no means am I too stupid or too romantic to think that if I moved away (say, to Denver) that my life would change forever for the good.  I would not immediately find a husband, a great job, get out of debt, get healthier.
I know these things.

About seven years ago, I considered a move.  A big one.  I was offered a job in Florida, not long after I called off my wedding.  My parents were delighted, VonDad most of all. He offered to buy me a computer and a plane ticket home every Christmas.  Pretty sure VonMom had visions of me exercising on the beach, eating only fruits, veggies, and fresh seafood.  Either way, they were pretty pumped.  I was too. A little scared, but pretty much set on my course.
Then, VonDad got sick.  It wasn't much, not life-threatening, and I realized that this big move I had planned would take me away from here, from my family forever.  That I was making a permanent change.
I didn't sleep for weeks, and finally I called the wonderful man who had offered me the job.  I explained my position, and ultimately turned down the job.  He was so gracious about the whole thing.  He even told me that he respected me for thinking things all the way through.

I put my wanderlust and all thoughts of moving away on a shelf.

Then, VonDad passed away.

Not long after, VonMom said that she knows deep down that someday I will leave, and it will be permanent.  I told her she's probably right.  It's a known fact that I stayed here for my dad, and really no one else.

Again, I don't have stars in my eyes.  If I give it any serious thought, I get all nervous and my stomach gets all clenchy.

Then, I went to Denver, for the second time.

I know that I would be riding the coat tails of all of the things that C has already done.  His friends would become my friends, and for a while at least - his social life would be my social life.

I also know (for a fact), that I would look completely different than I do now.  I'd have purple or blue or pink hair (all of it, not just streaks that I can hide).  I'd have at least a dozen more tattoos.  I'd wear all of the fun rocker grrrl jewelry I own.  I'd get to wear my pink tights, and fun dresses.
I know all of these things because I could practically taste them when I was there. 

I've always known that I stifle all of the creative things I want to do with my appearance here.  There are very few people here who get it (who get ME, actually), that would understand that that is how I truly feel I should look, that is how I'd be most comfortable in my own skin.  My family and (many if not most of my) friends would look at me like I lost my marbles.  Certain members of my family would yell at me, and try to shame me back down to "normal".

I know that this is no one's fault by mine.  I made choices and decisions along the way in life that have brought me to where I am now.  To have the job I have, I do have to follow certain standards of dress, and this does include my hair color.  I choose to keep my tattoos coverable (for now), because I expect to get a certain level of employment, and I do feel that people are unfairly judged by things like number of earrings and tattoos in general. 
Knowing that I did this to myself, knowing that I have to stay like this for a long while still, this does not make the itch go away.  My first tattoo was 20 years ago now.  I have not, and likely never will, lose the desire to get more.  I have the next three already planned out.  I just have not had the time nor the money to go get them done.

Don't worry, dear reader - I am clearly not going anywhere any time soon.  I refuse to move away from here until I have my stupid debts paid down - if not completely then at least significantly.  I also will not move without some cash in the bank.  I'd rather not go without a job lined up.

Oh, and that's the major current hang up - believe it or not, I LOVE both of my jobs.  I really do.  My day job feels like it was made just for me, and I am so proud of all I have built up at it.  Plus, I work for the most amazing company I am likely to ever work for, and I would never throw that away.  My other job I campaigned and prayed and hoped for for longer than I care to admit.  And I have only had that job for about a year.  There is no way that I am ready to walk away from it.  I may find something similar to it, or something else in music, but I will never have these wonderful people again.

I'm not making excuses.  I'm just laying it out there, like I always do, for your reading pleasure.

I'd love to go. Someday. I don't see myself in Chicago in 10 years.  My four most likely towns are: Denver, Portland, Seattle, Boston.  These aren't in any order, and strangely I have never been to Portland or Seattle, I just have a feeling.

But, for now, dear readers, you're stuck with me.

A.D. (after Denver)

There isn't a whole lot to say about the fourth day in Denver.
We went up up up another mountain to Golden, to see Buffalo Bill's grave.
C took the scary windy way, and I got a little sick.
The end.

Ok, now I have a whole post to write about how I felt when I got home.  How I felt for almost a whole week.
For the second time in my life, I gave some very serious thought to moving away from Chicago.

------------------------to be continued-------------------------