Fridge Note:

DEAR ZOMBIE,
NOOOO
MY SUMMER PLANS INCLUDE SUMMERFEST.

YES, I AM YELLING.

LOVE YA,
VON

Why is it.....

• that when I put my ear buds down for 30 seconds to answer a phone call, they are all tangled and knotted when I pick them up again?
• that Shuffle on the iPod plays favorites with the songs?
• that I cannot keep my blankets on the bed for more than 1/2 the night?
• that any of the Kardashians still exist on this planet?
• that I feel horrible not finishing a book I was reading, even though I really really hated the book?
• that every time VonMom makes tacos, there's something different about them?
• I can't remember what I did last week, but when I think of certain people, I remember every moment I've spent with them?
• that Wrigley Field gets to call itself a ball park, when it's really an open air bar/meat market?
• that I'm booked halfway through July already between work and social calendars?
• that no one wants to head hunt me? I'm awesome, aren't I?
• that he doesn't miss me as much as I miss him?
• that Tupac had to die?  (thanks for putting him in my head, BZ)
• that spelling and grammar are lost on the young?
• that I really do not like sitcoms?
• that even though it's Friday I have this sense of dread?
• that my iPad seems to need to be charged every weekend, at the most inconvenient time?
• that the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain?
• that I can't buy New Glarus beer in Illinois?

Hello, my past

Back in July of 2008, I wrote a post about how I had a dream about this set of dude twins I had known back in the day.  The post was about how I wanted to find them.
A few weeks or days (not sure) later, I wrote a follow up post that I had found them.  One is a Dr., professor of many things, and one is an MBA / opera singer.

Anyway

B (who lives around here) has been going through some stuff lately.  Not my story to tell, but let's just say he's at a cross roads in a few areas.  I've been trying to be his friend, and be there for him, but he would pull away almost as quickly as I'd offer to help.

Sunday night, as I was nestled on my couch in my p.js, I got a call from M's cell phone.  I lept to answer it, because I was afraid that something bad had happened to B.

Nope - it was B, telling me that M was in town, and asking me if I wanted to hang out. 
Now, here's the thing - Nothing (ok, not much) will get me off my couch on a Sunday night. 
BUT
I have this flaw? asset? that I am loyal to my friends to a fault.  When certain people call, I will come running, no matter what.  Most of the people I would do this for would never take advantage of it (I hope) and they would do the same for me (I hope).
So
Of course, I got off the couch, put some real clothes back on, and headed out to the 'burbs at 9:30pm on a Sunday.

Admittedly, I wanted to see B in person and know for myself that while things are not exactly awesome for him, that at least he was getting along ok.  I also wanted to see M.  I hadn't seen him in a very very long time.

The three of us sat in B's sparsely furnished new apartment, sitting by candle light, drinking beer and listening to all kinds of mellow music. 

I need to separate out the weird by brother, to make it less confusing:
First up - M
V: "M, I can't remember the last time I saw you"
M: "Well....."
V: "What? I really don't know for sure when it was"
M: "The Cass Hotel"
My face flamed up all red and hot.  Shit -that's right. The last time I saw M, I tried to seduce him.  Well, not really seduce him.  I guess I was trying to sleep with him.  We had been getting into something more than friendship for a while before that. 
Needless to say, I failed in my attempt.  I was mortified, crushed, and kinda let him go after that.  It was easy - he was living out of state and was not coming back.  This was many many years ago.

Well, M is considering a move back to IL.  Maybe not Chicago, likely not Chicago, but back to IL.  Me being me (no filter) I said:
"Huh. Not sure how I feel about you living in the same state as me again."
He gave me a look, then proceeded to tell me that he's aware there are a few Illinoisians that might feel the same way as I do.
I can't remember what exactly was said, but at one point, B said to us:
"Should I leave you two alone?"  kinda joking, kinda not kinda thing.
There was no need to leave us alone - I was made aware that not only is M still involved with someone in NY, he also has someone in MO. 
As I was leaving, M said
"So, you'd come visit me in Dekalb?"
"Sure, B will come with me"
------------crickets------------
V: sigh "We'll see. Maybe. I don't know"

Now for B
B was my junior prom date. Remember your junior prom date? I'm so lucky to still be friends with mine.  He and I "dated" (as much as you can date in high school when you live in two different cities and don't have cars) for a little while back in the day.  Long before the "thing" with M.  That was college.
Anyway
I had no thoughts of anything slutty or subversive, so the flirty Von was turned off.
B headed to the bathroom and M leaned forward and said:
"Please. Don't sleep with B"
I started waving my hands around and sputtering - "Wha? Who? What the?"
I finally composed myself enough to get a little pissed at M
"Why would you say that? The thought hasn't even entered my mind!"
"Well, he's thought about it, I'm sure."
So there it was.  M proceeded to tell me that over the past few months, B has been a little out there as far as women go.
I still wasn't sure why this was being discussed but whatever.  I guess the candles and music were starting to make some sense.
Lots of chatting.  Lots of smiling at each other.  Means nothing, I think.  Late night, beers, been a few years since we'd seen each other.

Said my goodbyes, headed home.  Long drive home in the middle of a Sunday night.

Lots to mull over. 

I texted them both on Monday, separtely, to say how happy I was to see them, and the visit was worth staying up so late for.
M texted back that he will let me know if he got the job in Illinois or not.
B texted back to say he had fun too.

As of right now, this moment - I'm happy just to have them both as friends.  Good friends.  It was like no time at all had passed.  I don't think I have romantic feelings towards either of them right now.  I stand by the fact that I want someone entirely new, not at all connected to my past in any way. 

Still, I felt it was a story worth sharing with you all.  So there it is.

How very.....

Since I don't go to Mass anymore, I decided to run out to the grocery store early Easter morning to buy the stuff I was supposed to bring to brunch. 
I didn't break a sweat - I was in charge of bread, rolls, and orange pop.

I was overtly nice to all of the little worker bees at the store - I was sure that some of them had religion, and yet by circumstance or necessity - there they were, working on Easter.

Well.

Got to the register, and as I'm waiting for my turn - a ruckus starts one checkout lane over:
"I don't BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT! I mean! Really! I have to go to GOD DAMNED MASS  in an hour!"
Apparently - this fine God-fearing Christian was super pissed at all of the world because he could not purchase his Ernest and Gallo, box o wine, and Old Style at 9am on a Sunday.  He was told (very politely) that he could come back later to make the purchase, but state law is state law.

"BUT I'M HAVING GOD DAMNED EASTER AT MY HOUSE!!! I have to go to Mass at 10:30!!! What the hell!! This is unbelievable!!"

Rant rave roar

I checked out, gave some $$ to the charity listed at the register, and smiled at and thanked my cashier.

Walking out to my car, I was smiling and shaking my head -

So, who is the "better person" here?  The heathen (me) who has sworn off Mass for good, but still believes in the basics of do unto others and such; OR the Mass going Church loving drunk who felt good about berating the entire grocery store before his precious Mass?

Von - 1  Mass - 0

Friday ramble

I've got 10 minutes to spare before lunch, so what the hell.

Here's some random rambles for a Friday:

• This morning BZ and I had a dance party at the train stop. For real. The song was "Where is the Love" by the Black Eyed Peas.  Typically, I do not like the BEPs, but I do like this song. Enough to dance to it at 7am in public.  And it makes me luv BZ all the more.
• It's Good Friday. "Von, what did you give up for Lent?"  Great question, readers.  The answer to that would be sex.
• Currently listening to a 55 song playlist created the other night.  It's called Goodbye. It's for me to get past a 23 year thing that just needs to go the hell away.  I need to refind my value, and clearly, to RS, I have none.  Song on right now? "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson
• Bestie Shannon is doing really well here, working for the man.  I have no doubt that she will get hired permanently once her 90 days is up.  We IM pretty much all the time.  We're going out to lunch today.
• "Von, what are you doing for Easter?" Well, not going to Mass (see post I wrote about that nonsense).  I will be sleeping in, then wandering upstairs to VonSis's for eating some foods and stuff. First Easter without VonDad.  Not loving this year of firsts.  I will be bringing bread items, as that's what spinsters do.
• I will be distributing mass quantities of New Glarus beer this weekend.  I want it out of my kitchen.  I have PLENTY of my own, and don't really need cases all over my kitchen.  Because there are cases all over my kitchen.
• I am a VERY generous friend (see above bullet point)
• Three minutes until lunch time.  Damn, I either type slow (HA) or think slow.  I'm going with think slow.
• I have every intention of spending a LOT of time in Milwaukee this summer - so Z, we need to talk, yes?
• I promise to be back next week bringing the snark and the love in equal parts.

Happy Weekend

And poof!!

.......just like that, I turned in to a girl.
I woke up this morning with all the longing and self-loathing of Bridget Jones (the first movie).

Trust me, the thoughts in my head are not pretty right now.  For example, they keep telling me I am not pretty.

So, I'm just going to spare you the whining.

Tomorrow night I head to the "south side" aka Bridgeport neighborhood.  The tricycle of awesome will ride before we head out Saturday with many many people - I think there are 16 of us - to New Glarus Wisconsin for a long weekend.  What's there? BEER.  Really good beer, that they do not sell anywhere in Illinois.
We're even renting a minivan. (miniVON?)  No, silly, not for carpooling - for hauling home MORE BEER.

I need this little trip right now.  I need to clear my head, and remind myself that I have value.

Promise to be back on the flip side, with less whining and pining and more fun.

Pissing me off

My head is kinda getting ready to explode.

The back story:

Y'all know I work part time at a music school/concert venue.  There are a couple of hundred people that work and volunteer there.  I am on the concert staff, which puts me in regular contact with a small portion of these employees and volunteers.
There are many "buckets" of people at Old Town - teachers, concert staff, admin staff (with many sub-groups), store staff, desk staff, etc.

Sadly - the desk staff lost one of their own to colon cancer at the devastatingly young age of 31.  She had fought the fight for something like five years.

I fully and honestly admit - I did not know her.  I knew of her.  I know that many of the people at Old Town that I consider friends did know her and were close to her and are grieving.  I have privately contacted most of them to give my condolences and let them know I am thinking of them, in their time of loss.

NOW, what's pissing me off.

So, I'm pretty good at being aware of things, and I consider myself very smart.  Old Town is my favorite thing, so I make a point to know what is what over there.
That being said, I can pretty confidently state the following:
There is a surprising number of people that am glomming on to the grief train who either didn't know her at all, or barely knew her, or never even crossed paths with her.
They are posting things on facebook, and they practically live blogged the memorial service that was held at Old Town.
I cannot imagine why they are doing this.
If they were actually impacted by this horrible thing, then they should do something like, I don't know, maybe donate to colon cancer research, or to the film that is in the works about this young woman?

I hate to say it, but to me it feels like they themselves need some kind of attention, or need to be in the middle of things because it's affecting the Old Town community.  Honestly - not caring for the right reasons.

I was very sad when I heard the news - sad for my friends who lost a friend so young. I was also reminded of the young people I have lost in my life, and there have been far too many of those.  But I posted nothing on facebook.  I did not go to the memorial at Old Town (though open to the public, I didn't feel right about going). 

And I sure as hell will not be acknowledging any of these phony people on this topic.

May angels lead you in B.