Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Eh.

I am beginning to become one of those women who doesn't like other women. My teenage years into my twenties, I had pretty even numbers of male and female friends. I still have lots of female friends. I am just starting to not be able to stand other women. Stranger Danger women. Like the other night when Shannon and I went to the movies. I knew that given the movie we were seeing the theatre was bound to be full of women. I had hoped they'd be normal grown-up behaving women. Not the up-talking dipshits that called out what would happen next, or turn to their friend and say "Oh my God! Did you see that?!?!" Of course they did. They are sitting right next to you. Most of the 27th floor people that make me throw up in my mouth are women. Hate them. Yesterday I was feeling a little cranky, so decided to get a slice of pizza for lunch. I was in line and had two evil little bitches behind me. Again, up-talkers. Do they teach this bad habit in college now-a-days? Anyway, the silly little up-talkers were loudly discussing how the one had slammed some dude. She peppered the end of every sentence with "DoyaknowwhatImean?" Forcing her friend to acknowledge. "yeah" "um-hm""OhmyGod". They went on and on and on about this dude and his Facebook friends. It was all I could do not to trip them on my way out. Then, there's Curves. Aarrgh. Now, I love Curves. But, mine closed, and now I have to go to this other stupid one. I'm done being nice to these dumb bitches. A) They are mostly easily 20 years older than me B) I played nice and made pals with the ones at my old Curves, then they close it, so I'm just not going to bother at this one. Anyway. I have to see some of the same stupid women every time I go in there. They give me that half smile, then try to make eye contact. They shouldn't bother, I've got the avoidance thing down. But, there's this one lady and she just annoys the f*ck out of me. She really goes there to get her chatty catty bitch on, not to actually exercise. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard. She will do about 1/2 of a machine and then start talking to the worker lady and sit there. Then, instead of doing the cardio station she'll stand there talking. She's also one of those women who, when she thinks she's said something smart or funny, she looks around to see if everyone else is reacting to her. I've just starting staring at her with a blatant look of disgust on my face. I'm trying to bait her into a confrontation. She stands there and complains how she's fat, and not getting anywhere, and I want to tell her all of the reasons why that is so. I have never been one of those women who says they don't like women, have more guy friends, blah, blah, blah. I think a lot of those chicks do that to try to show others that they are cool and edgy. Um, not so much. I'm also not saying that I will never make new female friends. The criteria has just changed. Like, NO up-talking. See, if you do that, it's not just that I will never be your friend, because I won't, but I might also staple your mouth shut.

18 comments:

Mendacious D said...

I had an interesting conversation a while ago with a Serb who worked as a court interpreter, regarding the up-talk. He finds it baffling and pointless, and I'm inclined to agree.

It didn't help that a mutual friend who was there has a bad habit of saying "you know what I'm saying?" after every sentence. He was somewhat offended, but I'm pretty sure that oxygen offends him, too.

But look on the bright side: we'll all be looked on as geniuses in five years for being able to talk in real sentences.

Von said...

Five years? Ok, I can wait. Can I still staple their mouths shut in the meantime?

Brando said...

Unless you're Canadian, one should never up-talk.

I also believe the college course is called Speech Pathology 202: The Downside of Up-Talking

Mendacious D said...

Take off, eh?

Von said...

Tee Hee!!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Von, Curves is organized and run by religious nutters. They give more than 50% of profits to right-to-life groups. For shames!!!

I am a girl and you still like me, right?!!!

Von said...

AG - Don't tell me this shit. I am not changing gyms.
Yes, I still like you. You are my friend, and I know for a fact you are not an up-talker.

Brando said...

AG, this is the United States. 50% of everything is run by religious nutters.

Shannon Erin said...

What is up-talking?

Von said...

Please. Please tell me you are kidding? I mean, you work downtown too, you must hear it All The Time. Ok. If you are not kidding -
Uptalking is the unfortunate act of making every sentence sound like a question, by the vocal timbre going "up" at the end of the sentence. Much like regular normal people do AT THE END OF A QUESTION. I think it's taught in state schools and sorority houses.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Brando, it's true. I hate the nutters.

I was in a sorority. I might be an uptalker. Oh wait. You've heard the AG and she is most certainly not.

I guess it's the new Valley Girl, which AG sorta still is.

Von said...

AG - I know for a fact you are no up-talker. No worries.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Whew!

Shannon Erin said...

Where's the Friday post?!

It's called expectations, Von, and you're not meeting them!

If you post one, I will.

Von said...

Says the girl who posts every third Tuesday after high tide when the sun is in the seventh house.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

LoL at that one.

7th house. Man. Von is on fir-ah.

Shannon Erin said...

Nobody wants to hear my bitching about how bleh I am lately. So, I don't post. So, shut it Von!

I still love you. Even though you basically called me a new age blogger. :)

Von said...

Kitten - I only did that because I'm drinking. Alone. In my house. More than a little. I was going for funny. love you. And it has nothing to do w/ new age, more about your frequency