Monday, October 5, 2009

I tried, oh well

I've tried to be lighter/brighter/happier/chippier (more chipper?) of late. Well, guess what? Someone I thought I cared about took a big massive piss in my Cheerios, and I feel the need to vent about it. I've got this friend. Correction - Laura (of longestbestestfriendness) has this friend. His name is Mike. Laura's friendship with Mike goes back back back - 20 years. Which is the exact same amount of time I've been friends with Laura. Laura met Mike while on a camping trip with Girl Scouts. Mike's Boy Scout troop/pack/whatever was staying at the same camp. Mike fell immediately in teenaged loooove with Laura. Mike pursued Laura, Laura pursued everyone (anyone) else for years. Yours truly (hate to admit it, but it matters) dated Mike a couple of times over the course of a few years. Laura and Mike finally date. Break up. Date. Break up. Date......you get the idea. LauraMikeVon were friends. Good friends, even best friends. Mike shat on Laura, I picked up the pieces. Laura shat on Mike, I picked up the pieces. You see where this is going? I always liked Mike. Not liked but liked. I rooted for him. I was sure, very sure, that he was "the One" for Laura, which is saying a lot. Ok. On or about 1997 (this is important too) Mike and Laura were doing their are they/aren't they dance. We were all in our *ahem* early 20s. It was summer. I was not about to stay home, like, ever. Mike was working in Door County being chefy or something. Some random Saturday night: ring ring Laura: "Hello" Me: "Hey. Want to go to a party?" Laura: "Sure." Laura and I go to a party. There's this guy there. His name is Mark. I know him, but meh, not a huge fan. Over the next 12 years or so: Laura dumps Mike. Marries Mark. Have a child. Separate. Mike has recently become my "friend" on facebook. Mike makes snide remark on my status update how I should be helping Laura pack/move over the weekend. Mike doesn't really keep up with me in any way shape or form, so has no idea that a) Laura does not want my help b) I talk to Laura about her stuff every day, I am very supportive, and her best shoulder to cry on c) that I had family I haven't seen in 12 years in town this weekend, and could not help Laura because VonMom would have killed me dead, and Laura understands that better than almost anyone. I send Mike an evil email, basically telling him I'm done with him, yet I want to know what I ever did to him. Mike sends scathing reply in which he says EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT BECAUSE I TOOK LAURA TO A PARTY IN 1997. What did I do? Well, of course I forwarded both my and Mike's emails to Laura. I figured she'd want to know why I had deleted him on fb and blocked him. Plus, I think she needs to know that she is in NO WAY responsible for her own actions, clearly I am the puppet master, and she is a mere toy in my vast game of world domination!!! I'm sure she'll feel really good about that! This is what happens when I'm nicest to people. I get shat on. I get blamed and pummeled and berated beyond belief. Of course this is bothering me. A lot. But I've moved past the want to cry phase and on to the want to destroy phase. I like this phase. It's productive. I also blame facebook. People who are such major pansies in real life can spout off whatever b.s. they like, because all they have to do is sit and typey typey and 'wow! I'm a big bad ass!' If this exchange had taken place in person? I guarantee there would have been a lot more swearing on my part, and a lot of "um, yeah, um, yeah, f off and stuff" on his part. Plus too, if this had been a verbal altercation, I would not have had to suffer through his horrible grammar and spelling. I'm pretty sure he never graduated high school. yes, I know, it's a rant. But I had to get it off my chest. I will now be taking donations so I can go to Boston for a long weekend and get away from it all. Sorry for the rant, better days/posts/prose are a'comin.

14 comments:

onepretentiousbastard said...

How ever this Mike can blame you for his own immaturity is beyond me. Neither he nor Laura seemed to be into each other, but they drifted back out of convenience. If he really and truly cared for her, he would have done something else, talked to you about it or fucking acted like a mature human being, and moved on.

Listen, your former Tricycle of Awesome may have been human powered. A three year olds tryke if you will. It was good for its time. But the new tricyle of awesome is more like this than the previous version...

and if need be, we can always crush the old one under our giant motorized wheels.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Hey, if you can't rant on your blog, what's it for?

Good to know everything is your fault though. That means I can blame you for all those cookies I ate at lunch today.

Plus, I believe Obama will be calling you about Chicago not getting the Olympics...


Zombie joking. Not GOOD joking, needs more Brando. This is zombie.

Von said...

TheMarty - thanks as always, you make me feel marginally better. Must explain though, this Mike thing is not Laura's fault, not at all.
Zombie - I know you are joking. It's cool. But please, find something at LEAST 10 years in my past with which to blame your cookie consuption on....

Lauren said...

/hugs for mah Vonnie

This guy sounds like a real fucking winner. Seriously? Spending twelve years blaming you for that? Because, y'know, he's not at all to blame for not talking to her about it.

Ugh. I am mentally smiting him from here.

onepretentiousbastard said...

Those mental smitings have a tendency to produce real results. I bet mike is going to stub his toe within 24 hours.

...but I only make you feel marginally better? Shit. I'm doing this wrong.

Von said...

Don't worry about it TheMarty - Full moon+Mikeb.s.+man trouble+my own brainz - it's a lot to take on.
Lauren - thanks *hugz*

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Mike has recently become my "friend" on facebook.

See here. I KNEW there was good reason for me to stay far the eff away from eff-Book!

P.S. Feel better, von. Shed those thorns in your shoes, and it's all for the best.
~

Anonymous said...

Umm, this is Laura, and it's important that I make one more thing very clear here, not that Von needs any more vindication. This "party" we went to in 1997, wasn't really a party at all. Um, it had become pretty much a regular thing that year that this group of friends Von and I were BOTH a part of, got together at the same house to drink every single Saturday night. It was part of our "3 S's Weekend". My evil ex just happened to be there that night. OK. I'm done. Just had to say that. It bears no real relevance. (sp) I'm just sayin'.

Von said...

IfThunder... - Thanks pal. It's shod. Shed? Shodden? Thorn expelled from shoe :)
Laura - you have every right to clarify - It's a post about you, so feel free to write whatever you like.

Jennifer said...

Face to face is better.

Sorry you were shat upon, Von. You're not responsible for anyone else's shit.

Poptart said...

Also, I hate to add fuel here, but maybe he should fucking go help Laura (who probably? I am thinking, wouldn't want his help either) instead of telling YOU what to do with YOUR friend.

Hmm. People are asses. And I have to say that I love Jennifer's picture. So adorable.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Sorry to hear about this Von. I hope Mike goes and talks to a therapist who can help him work out his issues.

There is always a couch here in Philadelphia.

Hugs.

Brando said...

The Internet: Allowing assholes to spread shit more easily since 1990!

Sorry to hear you had to deal with this. FB really is an enabling device for the wrong people.

Von said...

So true, Brando, so true!!