Monday, November 22, 2010

Change is a sucky thing

The more things change, the more they change. I remember my first Christmas Eve morning that I didn't live at home. I woke up and started crying because things were changing, and even though (at the time) I thought they were changing for the better, they were indeed changing. I wanted to be in my old bed, in my parents house, not in my room in my apartment. The bf (at the time) was there, and tried to comfort me and told me that every Christmas from then on would be him and me, and that would be all happy happy and wonderful. And I (at the time) believed him. Here I am, a number of years later, and things are changing again, and not for the better, again. Every year for the past 21 years, I have spent Christmas day with Laura's family. Her mom would make this fantastic meal, and it was my tradition. Sure, there were little changes over the years, people would come and go, but there was always dinner at Laura's parents' house. My favorite memory is one from the years that Laura was married. Laura had to do double duty, so the plan was for her to eat dinner at her parents' house, then head over to her (at the time) hubby's family for dessert and then come back. I stayed at her parents' house. It was just me and Laura's parents. I went in to the living room. Her dad followed. We chatted for a few minutes. He fell asleep, her mom came in to the room, we chatted for a few minutes. She fell asleep. I fell asleep. It's being that comfortable with people that makes them family too. I just found out last night that Laura's mom is not cooking this year. These days, Laura lives pretty far away now. These days, Laura is pregnant, and will be very very pregnant on Christmas. Plus Laura's son will be with his dad. So, no Christmas day for me. Sure, I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready for it to be now. And I've got no Plan B. I really don't think I'll be staying at my parents' house all day. I spend the night there Christmas Eve (our tradition. Well, tradition and I'm traditionally pretty sloppy drunk and can't drive home) and we have Christmas morning and go out to breakfast. That's about all the time I can take with them. I know that it would be very very bad for me to just sit at home by myself. Are pizza joints even open on Christmas day? I have to come up with something, and fast. Just thinking about it makes me all sick and sad. I know, I knew change it was a comin'. It doesn't mean I have to just take it in the gut and smile about it. This post brought to you by the phrases "at the time" and "these days"


Hillary said...

Aww honey. I'd have you to my house if I could!

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Well, tradition and I'm traditionally pretty sloppy drunk and can't drive home

Christmas Eve in the drunk tank is always an option.

Have you considered putting some time in serving at a soup kitchen? That may be an uplifting way to spend the afternoon.

I'm doing the "work on Thanksgiving" thing this year. Turkey sandwich behind the building seems to be the plan.

Another Kiwi said...

My suggestions Von:
Load up your music player with the 24 hours of your favoritist music evah and have it going all day.
Get your favourite snack foods in industrial amounts and graze on it all day.
Get some cool picture books out of the library and just flick though them.
Download some interesting podcasts and listen to them between music binges.
Turn up the heating so that you can just chill in the warmth
Or from the maybe not file:
Join Facebook and keep up with various persons on there.
Some of us will be around on teh interwebs and have Gmail chat etc. if you need it.

Von said...

B4 and AK - great great suggestions!
It looks like I'm likely going to eldest step-sib's house.
but your suggestions sound really good....
I'll have to give this some thought.