I can't even. Bleh.

"Why do you need a flashlight" (garage door going up) "Because I need to see if I can see it" (garage door up, light on) "You don't need that flashlight" "Why?" "I see it. Right there." "What? Whe Oh my God." *silence for a nanosecond* "Is it dead?" "I think the nose is twitching. That's RIGHT mother f*$ker! You shoulda never come in MAH garage!" "Yeah, the nose is twitching. I think." "What do we do?" "You stand there. If it moves, watch where it goes. I can't open the stupid packaging around the flashlight." "You know I am going to barf, right?" "What? I can't open this stupid plastic!!" "I SAID you know I am going to barf, right?" "Why?" "It's so big. Go in my house and get scissors." "If the tenants come out, pretend you are doing nothing. Just standing there like an idiot because you like the snow or something." "I hate you." (I stare at thing in garage. Convinced it's not only twitching it's nose, but somehow growing. Not like it isn't the size of a house cat already. Waiting for her with the stupid flashlight. Still not sure what we are doing with the flashlight. I really am going to throw up. Or run. But I don't run and there is snow on the ground.) *Oh.No. The tenants are coming out of their apartment* "Close my front door!" "Ha ha!" "Um, the tenants" "Go in the garage." "I don't want to. It may not be dead." "Whatever, it's at least sick. Go in the garage." "That's right! Die! Serves you right mother f&*ker!!" Sigh "It's dead." *flashlight plays over the long, fat dead thing* Out comes the cell phone. She's taking pictures. "What are you doing?" "Taking pictures." "Why? Don't you have to call the city or something?" snap. snap. "They don't care. I'm calling my father-in-law." Snap. Snap. "Seriously?! How many pictures do you need?" "What? So?" "Just call someone to get rid of it. Oh my God. It's so big." Thus ended the life of the rat that thought it was a good idea to take up residence in our garage, and possibly made a foray into our basement. I think perhaps maybe I saw it in the basement on New Year's Day, but didn't mention it thinking I was crazy. He let his presence be known on Saturday, when he scared VonSis half to death as she tried to get to her car in the garage. Wanna guess who was doing all of the swearing and was going to blow chunks in the above conversation? Two guesses, first one doesn't count.....