Since I can't actually mail them....I give you these.....

Dear Blank, Thank you for the scarf and gloves. The colors are so ugly, I think a blind person would find them offensive. P.S. Polyester makes me itch. Dear You, Thanks for that thing that I might use, like, once. Sure, you can borrow it whenever you want. I know it's really for you anyway. Dear M, Thanks for the pile of junk you pulled out of some $0.99 bin last year on 12/26. Nothing says Happy Birthday Jesus like a travel manicure kit and a book light. I know, you dig quantity. To whom it may concern, Thanks for the jewelry I might have considered wearing (but would probably have decided against) 20 years ago. I wanted to return it, but a) I don't shop where you bought it and b) I know you will be looking for me to wear it the next time I see you. Damn you. I didn't know you disliked me so much. Dear Self, Thanks so much for the Nintendo DS. My "brain age" has greatly improved! Thank you also for the Neal Gaiman books! Thanks for the lovely OPI nailpolishes! You really know what I like. Thank GOd for you! And thank God for credit cards!