Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Barely sleeping

Last night I slept with the lights on. Like, ALL of them. The kitchen light, the living room light, and the bedroom light. I had the bathroom light on, but that felt excessive. This was my added security measure. I locked all of my windows - who needs a breeze? I also made sure (ok, 4 or 5 times) that my door club thing was as secure as it could be. And yes, I may have checked the back door deadbolt more than twice. I was able to fall asleep around 11, and I only woke up 3 maybe 4 times. The night before last, around 4:30 someone smashed/kicked/busted their way in to my sister's house. She's my landlord, she lives upstairs from me. The evil evil bastard smashed in her front door, ran up a flight of stairs and kicked in another door. This person was in her house. This person was also in our backyard, had smashed out our back fence - think big tall over 6 feet tall heavy wood fence - and may have tried to get into the building on the first floor. Thankfully, by the grace of God, my sister is fine. Sure, she's in shock and upset and angry and oh, yeah, did I mention in shock?, but she's alive and breathing and unharmed. I'm also fine - more or less, a little leaning to the less. I'm pissed. I'm pissed at myself that I didn't wake up - either from the noise or the instinctual fact that my sister was in trouble -. I didn't even wake up when sister/police/family were walking all over the building, up and down stairs, in and out. I didn't wake up to the text from her 'someone broke into my house'. I didn't wake up until she tapped on my door, about an hour and 1/2 after everything went to hell. I'm a shitty sister. I'm pissed at this horrible person. They're life is over. They will get caught, they will go to jail, and I will laugh and be please. After I breath a sigh of relief. I'm scared and sad and sick to my stomach. Not even a week ago, on a chilly rainy night, I was sitting in my adorable living room all cozy on my new couch, reading a book. I looked around and realized how much I love my place, the building, the area we live in. I felt safe. This person ruined that for me. I know that I'll get that feeling back, but it's going to take a while. I hate that as it got dark last night I got a tension headache and that I got all OCD about windows and locks and such. I hate that my electric bill is going to be higher for a while, until I can sleep without all of the lights on. I hate that some random person can do something so evil and stupid and violent. I can't even go into our back yard with out seeing how badly he smashed out (or in?) the fence. I'm going to be trite and say it: Why my sister? Why us? Why where I live?


fish said...

Horrible. The upending of your sense of well-being is the worst part of it all. Very sorry, here's to hoping your lights can be turned off sooner rather than later...

Mendacious D said...

You're not a bad sister, Von. It's not your fault someone broke into the house.

You can be a good sister now, and help her out. Maybe that will help you, too. That, and a baseball bat under your bed.

blue girl said...

Von, did he confront your sister at all? You don't have to tell me. I hope she is ok.

And I totally agree with MenD, although I do understand you feeling that way. You are not a bad sister at all.

I know what it feels like to have your sense of safety violated and I'm very sorry you are feeling what you are feeling now. It STINKS that you have to suffer fear because of some random idiot who doesn't know how to behave and has so violated your personal space.

I wish I had good advice for you. But, I don't. Just keep those doors and windows locked and stay safe.

Thinking of you.


zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Von, I'm so sorry to hear this. You have my sympathy. Remember a while back when my office was broken into, and the guy came back while I was there? I think I know how you feel.

try to Find some solace in your friends and family. They can help you feel good again.

On the bright side, at least he didn't get the music cds I sent you!

Jennifer said...

Von, I'm so sorry and understand everything you're saying... and I'll just add one thing... get a dog.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I've got an orange one I'll let go cheap.

Poptart said...

You may be a bad sister but you're a good sleeper!

Sorry - couldn't help the snark! :) You are both gonna be fine and you didn't do anything wrong. how could you know? It's lucky and wonderful no one was hurt and nothing stolen, and that is really something to focus on. And getting a pooch.

Silver linings, I tell ya... xo