Friday, January 13, 2012

Dear You, Love Me

Inspired by BeeG's high school photo post, as well as the youtube about skin cancer.

Dear 17 Year Old Von,

You think you're hot shit? Dontcha? Well, you kinda ARE. - SO shake your money maker.  You are in the best shape you'll likely ever be in.  And your boobs!!*  So very perky!! Appreciate those before gravity sets in.

You and Laura are spending A LOT of time together.  You think this will last forever, but you might be wrong, so be in the moment, be nicer, and appreciate it while you have it.

These people are not actually your friends:  Anne, Rob, Mike C., Tonya, Shannon U.  Do not waste any more time on them.  They are useless, unpleasant, and your real friends don't really like them at all.

You are about to meet your very best dude friend - John.  Just let that happen. You two will be fast friends, and ultimately, forever friends.

In a few years, you'll meet Shannon. You've been waiting for her forever.  Go ahead, make the inappropriate joke about some one's wedding dress - she'll love you forever for it.

Those dorky guys you met at Quigley a few years ago?  Those dudes will be your closest, most loyal, most loving friends 20 years from now.  Don't spend any more time away from them.  Build memories, laugh, cry, do what you need to do to let them know they matter.

Oh, and that one you dated a few years ago? He's actually the love of your life, so don't fuck up when he asks you out again in a few years.  As a matter of fact, you should do your best to marry him.

The first two people that ask you to marry them? SAY NO TO BOTH. 

Stop fucking up your hair.  You have great hair!! Stop getting perms, stop forcing your bangs up to the sky.  There will be photos and video proof of this FOREVER.

That lipstick? Doesn't work for you.  As soon as you can, you need to discover and love lip gloss. Forever.

That smoking cigarettes thing you're doing?  You need to stop! When you do quit, it's going to be a real bitch, so stop NOW when it'll be easier. 

Have more sex.  Oh, wait - you're 17 and two years away from having any sex.  Go down the street to that Rollie guy - have sex with him. It'll be good. Keep doing it with him and others. Sex is awesome.

It's cool that you love music - keep loving music - Just get yourself some damn good ear plugs.  Trust me. When you're in your mid-30s and you can't hear for shit, you will thank me. Or you, well me, whatever.  Ear plugs - now - wear them - all the time.

Make sure that if you are going to keep being so brutally honest, you might want to make sure you can protect yourself.  Not everyone thinks your honesty is the very best policy.

You are cuter, smarter, better than you think you are.  Start loving yourself NOW so I won't have so much work to do later.

Love ya,
V



*Hey! Other people can talk about boobs too!!

27 comments:

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

And eventually you will run into some awesome bloggy friends/fiends, too!
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Can I talk about boobs?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Sounds like a "NO!", zrm.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

well, it would have been out of character anyway. Back to shining about the snow.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

"shining" WTF.

Last time I use Jennfer's hands to type comments.

WHINING.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

And eventually you will run into some awesome bloggy friends/fiends, too!

17 year old Von says, "What the hell is a blog?"

Brando said...

17 year old Von says, "What the hell is a blog?"

LOL, WTF is the Internet? Some kind of new hairspray? And what does WTF stand for?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Where's The Food.
~

mikey said...

Y'know, when I think about it, "Shining" is one of those words that can mean a bunch of different stuff. So I'm good with shining about snow. Shine on, dood. About shining time somebody shined the snow...

fish said...

Shiny!

fish said...

Youth really is wasted on the young.

Jennifer said...

Can I talk about boobs?

No, you get to talk about moobs. :)

Nice post, Von. Keep 'em coming!

blue girl said...

LOL @ LOL, WTF is the Internet? Some kind of new hairspray? And what does WTF stand for?

Ha ha!!

Von, loved the boobs comment. One thing that shocked me looking at my old yearbook was remembering how I always thought I needed to lose weight at that age. Even had a stupid boyfriend at the time who made that point. And I was looking at myself in a few pics and I didn't need to lose weight at all! Why was I so hard on myself? (WTF?, BG the blogger types!)

Dear 17 year old BG, don't listen to that idiot Scott. He'll show up at the 20 year reunion looking like Columbo.

Jennifer said...

Dear 17 year old BG, don't listen to that idiot Scott. He'll show up at the 20 year reunion looking like Columbo.

LOL!

I think we needed to not listen to 75% of the "advice" we were given, including that we gave to ourselves.

"No boy is ever going to love you because one boob is slightly larger than the other!"

Later realization... most males are thrilled that they have access to ANY boobs, that they never notice normal asymmetry, or if they do, don't care!

I do feel sorry though for girls coming of age in the age of Photoshop, etc.

Jennifer said...

Also, yet to this one:

Have more sex.

For many reasons, but one... you won't always be the horndog you were at 20, 30, 37, 42... and one day, you'll be looking at the naked man you love, thinking how there was a time when you'd given anything to have a naked man in your room, and now, you're thinking, you just really want to go to sleep. :)

Jennifer said...

That should have been "yes" to this one, not "yet".

ZRM and I must exchange fingers. While fun in theory, he finger swap did not encourage me to love charcoal. It was fun to try, but time to go back to normal.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

ZRM and I must exchange fingers.

Is that what the kids call it nowadays?
~

Jennifer said...

Nice thundra...

You know what I need?? A new keeyboard. This one is dying... keys are sticking or not registering at all.

Jennifer said...

See! It's KEYBOARD!

Jennifer said...

Hey, Von?? I forgot, I was going to ask, filters off over here means for everyone, right?? Comments may be filter-free as well, I presume?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The keeyboard speaks!!
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

... it's almost as if the filters have gone back up....

darkpiprincess314 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

Must remember to make sure EL is not signed in on my computer before commenting...

As I was trying to say- too much boob talk caused the blogosphere fold in on itself. I fear Von is trapped inside...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

O, my. So many directions to go with riffing on Jennifer's comment....

Von said...

YES
Filter free comments.
Have at it, y'all.

Kathleen said...

I got nothing. too much pressure!!!!!!