Inspired by BeeG's high school photo post, as well as the youtube about skin cancer.
Dear 17 Year Old Von,
You think you're hot shit? Dontcha? Well, you kinda ARE. - SO shake your money maker. You are in the best shape you'll likely ever be in. And your boobs!!* So very perky!! Appreciate those before gravity sets in.
You and Laura are spending A LOT of time together. You think this will last forever, but you might be wrong, so be in the moment, be nicer, and appreciate it while you have it.
These people are not actually your friends: Anne, Rob, Mike C., Tonya, Shannon U. Do not waste any more time on them. They are useless, unpleasant, and your real friends don't really like them at all.
You are about to meet your very best dude friend - John. Just let that happen. You two will be fast friends, and ultimately, forever friends.
In a few years, you'll meet Shannon. You've been waiting for her forever. Go ahead, make the inappropriate joke about some one's wedding dress - she'll love you forever for it.
Those dorky guys you met at Quigley a few years ago? Those dudes will be your closest, most loyal, most loving friends 20 years from now. Don't spend any more time away from them. Build memories, laugh, cry, do what you need to do to let them know they matter.
Oh, and that one you dated a few years ago? He's actually the love of your life, so don't fuck up when he asks you out again in a few years. As a matter of fact, you should do your best to marry him.
The first two people that ask you to marry them? SAY NO TO BOTH.
Stop fucking up your hair. You have great hair!! Stop getting perms, stop forcing your bangs up to the sky. There will be photos and video proof of this FOREVER.
That lipstick? Doesn't work for you. As soon as you can, you need to discover and love lip gloss. Forever.
That smoking cigarettes thing you're doing? You need to stop! When you do quit, it's going to be a real bitch, so stop NOW when it'll be easier.
Have more sex. Oh, wait - you're 17 and two years away from having any sex. Go down the street to that Rollie guy - have sex with him. It'll be good. Keep doing it with him and others. Sex is awesome.
It's cool that you love music - keep loving music - Just get yourself some damn good ear plugs. Trust me. When you're in your mid-30s and you can't hear for shit, you will thank me. Or you, well me, whatever. Ear plugs - now - wear them - all the time.
Make sure that if you are going to keep being so brutally honest, you might want to make sure you can protect yourself. Not everyone thinks your honesty is the very best policy.
You are cuter, smarter, better than you think you are. Start loving yourself NOW so I won't have so much work to do later.
*Hey! Other people can talk about boobs too!!