Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Yikes

An interesting thing happened when I was off work these last ten days.
You think this is the lead in to a joke, but you'd be wrong.

I had four different friends, two male and two female, inform me that they are getting divorced.

I'm not going to go into other people's personal business too much here, I'm just finding the situations interesting, and the fact that these four people came to me is also interesting.

Now, the ladies both told me in person, and neither has filed for divorce, they were thinking about it. Each lady has a valid reason for thinking about this step - one a major trust issue, the other financial differences with her husband.  They told me in depth what they had been going through, asked my opinion (Yes! Ask the spinster all about marriage! j/k) and wanted to talk through it all.  We picked apart every "could mean" "might be" "have you/has he" possibility.  Each conversation was hours long, a little weepy, a little giggly.

The men. Sigh.
First dude sent me a drunken text at 1am on Christmas Day. He basically told me he was getting divorced and don't worry about him because he's out with friends even though it's Christmas and Merry Fucking Christmas and I know you are sad and I am sad too etc....
We played phone tag for a few days until I finally got to speak with him.  He told me the story, all dates and facts and concrete info.  The process has already begun.  They were discussing what to do with the house.  I told him I loved him, sent him a flask of very expensive Scotch (he lives in another state, so we can't drink together, at least he can drink well) and am keeping tabs on him.  Now, of course, his wife that I totally loved I totally now hate. I'm pretty clear on these kinds of things.

Second dude sent an email to a group of his long time friends.  He said that he and his wife are divorcing, and that he would like us to keep him in our thoughts.  I've tried to chat with him. He said emailing would be best, he also said he'd like to see me.  I offered up a few dates in the near future that would work for me.  He now responds that he's super busy with the divorce and finding a new place to live.  Of course, I understand.  I don't know the details on this situation yet, but he's also being very black and white.

The whole point to this post?  The fact that both ladies were all emotionally driven, and the dudes were facts and figures, even though all four of my friends are clearly hurting.  I'm not going to lie.  I find it a little odd that these people came to me (aforementioned spinster), yet I know I am a kick-ass friend, and I'm probably the person they should  turn to in this time of need.

I also know someone who should get divorced, and SOON. But that's a story for another day. Or when I'm drunk. Either way.

So, as much as I want/need/desire/require 2012 to be better for me, it's not looking so hot for some of my dear friends already.  I already know that I'll be heading out of town asap to visit my friend in the other state.  I already know that I'll be buying many fine beverages for my dear friend that is here, once he has time. 
I also know that either way they decide, the two ladies are going to need me too.

Why don't people follow my relationship lead?........Oh, never mind......

6 comments:

Brando said...

Sorry to hear that, Von, although as painful as divorce is, it's probably best in the long run for your friends.

It can be pretty devastating on friendships, too. There was a couple who were some of our best friends in Iowa who got divorced. It really shocked and depressed TLB and I.

Jennifer said...

It's all a crap shoot.

mikey said...

Divorce doesn't necessarily equal "bad year", although it's as painful and stressful and fraught as any experience you'll ever have. My cost me one hundred and eighty thousand fucking dollars and it was worth it. And we're friends today. Lots of lessons, but for me the simple truth was that I should never try to live with another human being, and that any human I choose I will choose for all the wrong reasons and she will hurt me. But listen: Those are powerful, useful lessons, and I've lived alone for the following nineteen years now and have been in love, but have never been tempted to do that again.

Life is shitty in that all the valuable lessons hurt, but they are nonetheless valuable lessons, and the hurt only reinforces the lesson.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I learned mikey's lesson before getting married (as long as the seven years of cohabitation with an ex gf doesn't count).
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

zombies NEVER learn...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Also, I would go for the iPad. The games are kewler, and it actually works for internet AND BLOGGING...

The only reason to go to the iPod is if it's primarily for music on the go. The iPad is a more multi-functional machine (I have mine set up to act as remote for the TV/entertainment system)