Friday, January 20, 2012

Miss Von for now forever?

I've been giving a lot of thought to my single-ness lately.

I'm trying to be more honest with myself, and in doing so, I guess that'll make me more honest with you readers.
You all know since the passing of VonDad, I've given myself the free pass of Vulnerable and Prone to Making Bad Decisions.
Not that I think any of my decisions since October have been bad.  I haven't hurt anyone else, not really, and no harm has come to me.
I've got not one but two good guys who are pretty happy with the state of affairs right now.  I'm happy that one is back in my life, and I'm also happy that I've gotten to know the other. If nothing else they both may end up as pretty decent friends.  And, let's face it - I'm happy to be getting some on a regular basis.
there's that honesty thing, right there

Now, a few of my friends (who happen to be ladies) think that I'm acting "like a guy".  I'm not sure if that's supposed to be warning, or insulting, or a compliment.  I just find it confusing.  I had a need, I took care of it.  Luckily I am pretty charming and not a troll, so it wasn't difficult to find a couple of guys to help me out.  And, truthfully, if I had more time, I'd probably add one or two more to the calendar.  Variety is the spice of life.

As to the single-ness that I linger in.
I think I'd make a really shitty girlfriend, and an even worse wife.  I'm just being honest here. I used to think that I'd be AWESOME as either girlfriend or wife, but now, I'm not so sure.
I have very specific things that I'm not entirely sure I can bend on:
  • I live alone, and have for 12 years.  Therefore, I not only LOVE my free alone time, I COVET it.  You can be in my house sometimes, you can even spend some Sunday time there, but sometimes, you just need to NOT.
  • I have one full time job that I love. I have one part time job that I also love.  This means I work downtown M - F 8-5, and also work either Friday or Saturday night immediately following work until really late, sometimes on Thursday nights and oh yeah, sometimes on Sundays too.  Again, I LOVE this part time job of mine, and I'm not willing to give it up.  Oh, and I'm on the board of directors at DANK, which takes up whatever is left of my time.  I have 11 more months of that good time, so there's that.  OH AND, both part time gig and DANK are in Lincoln Square, so not that close to home.
  • I kinda hate talking on the phone.  Sure, text me until your finger tips fall off, go to town, but really - don't call me.
  • I actually LIKE watching football and baseball and hockey.  I also enjoy being on fantasy leagues.  What I don't like? You trying to explain all of sports to me like I'm a silly little bar fly without a clue.  When and if I need your help with my fantasy teams, I will ask you.  With my head hung in shame.
  • I don't cook. I hate it. I do bake, but only sometimes, and never for myself.  I bake and give it away. I will make a tray of lasagna once in a while, but that's it.
  • The beer in the fridge? That's mine.  It's from WI and is not exported to IL, so no, you can't "just try it".  Same goes for my bottle of 16 year single malt scotch.  Ok, that you can have, if you know how to drink it.  And if I can pour it for you.
  • My friends and family are important to me.  It's pretty important that you can tolerate them.  Oh, did I mention I have SIX siblings? All older than me? Good with that? Didn't think so.
  • I have tattoos, and intend to get more.  I really don't care if you have an opinion on that.
  • I don't really want to talk politics or religion with you. Ever.
So, these might be some of the reasons that I'm still single.  Even though I'm very sure I don't want to be forever.  I DO want to find "the one".  Or maybe "the other one".  I'm just not sure how much of myself I can give up to turn my solo into a duet.

33 comments:

blue girl said...

Thing is, Von, when you meet "the one" or "the other one," he will love some of those things about you, like a lot of those things about you and might dislike some of the other things but love you enough that it doesn't matter.

And you'll love him enough that there will be some of those things you'll leave behind without giving it a second thought because you will have moved on to a different phase of your life.

And you will pick up new things that he may or may not like that you may or may not fight about.

And that cycle will go on until the end of time.

And all of this pertains to who is is, what he likes, and what he does too.

Jennifer said...

I agree with all that BG said. That's about as exact as it gets when there are not absolutes.

Also- you're on your own path, a valid Von path, no matter what anyone else thinks. I think sometimes people get so used to what has worked for them, or what they think it supposed to work for them, that they forget their are other ways. Do what you want... and if by chance, someone comes along who makes you think twice about maybe taking a different path, they yay for that path. :)

And, even though I had joked about having sex like a man, I wasn't pontificating. I was joking. People need sex. Go get it in whichever way floats your boat at the moment. Yes, committed relationship is wonderful, but so is a random roll in the hay. :) Each to his own!

I now fully expect, since you put down all of your absolutes in print, that all will soon change. Nevah say nevah! :)

I have a long list of nevahs that ended up being for sures.

Jennifer said...

I'm too lazy to go back and correct all grammatical errors... People will have to live with typos posted in haste.

fish said...

I actually LIKE watching football and baseball and hockey.

Feature, NOT bug.

Kathleen said...

very honest Von! /cheer!

this post really reminds me of Captain Awkward. do you read her? I know it's an advice blog and you're not askind for advice, but a lot of what she + her commenters talk about is similar to this. Anyways, check it out if you are reading already....

Kathleen said...

if you "aren't" reading already...

Michael said...

I think you should just build a Death Star and be done with it.

P.S. the verification word was idishuts. I like it. "Idishuts - idiots that need to shut up, Idishuts"

blue girl said...

Valid Von, the Nuance Hammer!

blue girl said...

Try not to act too much like a guy. They smell.

blue girl said...

Just kidding.

blue girl said...

Not really!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I had a comment here, but I guess I fucked up the word verf.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Or else I am banned here, too.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I'm not qualified to offer advice.

I did the almost marriage thing. Didn't quite work out. Maybe just as well.
~

Jennifer said...

You're qualified! Every choice is valid... all should be spoken for.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I choose to listen to Rush.

blue girl said...

Limbaugh?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

No thank you, I am full.

Jennifer said...

I choose to listen to Rush.

Not valid...

blue girl said...

Non-valid ZMR.

Von said...

Z - you would never be banned!!
New Guy Michael - so, you're telling me it IS hopeless?

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

"Every choice is valid... all should be spoken for."

fish said...

Some choices are more equal than others.

Michael said...

Hopeless, no. As a fellow singlenaut, I refuse to give up, no matter how many times I get punched in the face by love. Love loves a sucker punch and you never quite know when it'll happen. Just have to keep your eyes open.

blue girl said...

Love loves a sucker punch

I want that on a t-shirt!

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

It struck me while I was shoveling that fucking white cold stuff, Von, that you sound like mikey but with less small arms fire.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

(not really, but it was too good a line not to use it)

mikey said...

Actually, I was really struck by that too. See, BG is right - EXCEPT.

Except that sometimes, for some of us, the needs and the can't-accepts are more powerful than the love. I got married in '89. I knew better. I knew she might be the one, but I was, well, I use the word 'broken' but you might choose to think of it differently. But three years later I was single again and I never came close again.

You just can't lie to yourself. I mean, you CAN, but you mustn't. If you have to sacrifice your personal happiness, or maybe comfort's a better word, to try to alleviate your loneliness - well, my experience was that was a net loss. Even today, would I like to not be alone? Conceptually yes, but the value proposition is upside down - it just costs more (for me) than it delivers...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Love loves a sucker punch

So, when I walk around whacking people in the head unexpectedly, I am like Cupid.

I can't wait to try that one out on the police officer.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

You need another shot of whiskey, zrm.
~

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I am drinking red wine, thun.

...and keeping it well away from the Zombook.


Also, digitizing a weird-ass Christmas album by Milwaukee folk-jazz-avant-punks The Ghostly Trio. It's bright red vinyl.

Big Bad Bald Bastard said...

Preach it, sister Von! If you find a guy you're interested in, you just need to train him. You could also invest in a little crate in which he can stay when you need him out of your hair.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

DO YOU HAVE A WEBCAM SET UP IN MY HOUSE, BBBB???!?!?!?


...my crate has high speed internet access, at least.