Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Full moon or something?

It's gotta be a full moon. Or Something. I've been a little feisty of late. Examples: Saturday I went to see Zack and Miri with Laura. Somehow Laura made friends with this awesome really old dude walking from the parking lot to the theatre. So, Laura and I were in line for snacks, and AwesomeOldDude and his equally awesome friend were right in front of us in line. AOD turns around and said to us "So, what movie are you going to see?" Without skipping a beat I say "Zack and Miri make a PORNO" see, I had to talk LOUD in case he had hearing loss. Laura shook her head, AOD looks at me a second and says "What kind of movie is that?" I say "Oh, you know, it's a comedy. What are you going to see?" "That new Clint Eastwood picture." yet he was still looking at me like I had lost my marbles. We part ways at the concession stand. Laura and I walk into our theatre, and there are the two AODs. I walk right up to them and say "Honey, you are in the wrong theatre! This is the PORNO movie, no Clint Eastwood in here!" Laura giggled behind me. AOD says "Oh, I know. We're just waiting to be let into our theatre." I say "Ok then, I didn't want you to get all confused or anything." Tee hee. So, today I sent an email to people in my life that have children that I will be doing some holiday shopping for. Instead of being nice and/or normal, my email was terse and threatening. I let them know that if they don't provide me with lists for their offspring, and soon, that they would have to explain to their offspring why they got expired coupons and gas station aftershave. They think I'm kidding. I wouldn't tempt me if I were them. As I wrote in the email 'Von don't play.' I just got back from my goddaughter's girl scout investment thingy. (It's this psuedo-ceremony in the school gym). I love my little gd, so I go to as many of her things as I can. I don't really like the people at her school - see, she goes to the elite snotty evil catholic grammar school that I went to. It's a great school, but the people suck. Anyway, so, I'm standing there with C, gd's mother. We're busy making fun of the kids, and some of the parents, drinking our Hawaiin punch. (mmmm red sugar mustache) One of the parents comes over and starts talking to us about what we think about the kids going and singing to the felician sisters. Only she didn't pronounce felician properly. No, she said 'fellation' (I shit you not). So, instead of correcting her politely, I just kept getting her to say felician. FELLATION. Over and over and over again, I got the snobby mcsnooterson to say fellation sisters. I was shaking, I was trying so hard not to laugh in her face. C wanted to punch me. She did pinch me in the arm, trying to get me to stop it, but I just couldn't. It was way too easy. I love feisty, and I love snarky. They make me ME.

1 comment:

Adorable Girlfriend said...

This is why I heart the Vonage soooo much!