As requested

I received a lovely, funny, concerned email from a friend....requesting a post.

So, I'm alive.  I worked from home last Tuesday - Friday, spending time resting, elevating, icing.

I saw two very cool Sports Medicine docs on Friday.  They both let me know what a good job I did on my ankle, and then sent me to x-ray just to be sure.
Again, not broken.
Looks like I'll be in the boot and using a crutch for the next few weeks.  I have some exercises I need to do to avoid physical therapy down the line.  I'm trying. They aren't easy.

The swelling is down (finally!), but the bruising is up and gross.  I'm moving around my house with either an ace bandage or nothing, carrying a crutch just in case.  The pain is still there, but in different spots, and the movement is restricted.

VonSis did my laundry and made a couple of awesome meals for me this weekend.  VonParents brought me some of my favorite snacks from Trader Joe's.  Peapod sent me a superhot delivery man and all of my groceries.

I'm going back to work tomorrow.  Work means definitely boot and one crutch.

So, I have nothing witty or awesome to say.  I'm sure my friends are developing a "what now" attitude about me.  I can't play guitar because of my hand still recovering.  I can't go too many places.  This is my fourth major health thing this year, and frankly I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of pretending it doesn't bother me.   I just keep knocking wood, and trying to right my karma, and praying for some calm healthy months.

Call me Bootsy

Where has your lovely hostess been THIS week?
Well, you should have been able to guess this one -
I.Got.Hurt.

Sunday I did a major ankle roll and fell big time, tearing up my right hand in the process.
Could not stand up. Just laid on the ground, face down, swearing and crying.
It took quite a while to get me up off the ground and into a chair.
Luckily VonSis and VonBroInLaw were there, so was VonMom (another story for another day, and NOT a good one), so I wasn't alone.
They got me up into a chair, and I was convinced my ankle was broken. My hand was bleeding like a sonofabitch.
VonSis took me to urgent care for some xrays.
Good news! Not  broken!
Bad news! Hand tore the fuck up to the point of needing tetanus shot!
Good news! Immobilizer boot and crutches!
Bad news! Can't stitch hand due to location of the gash!
Bad news! Good luck trying to use the crutches with your hand all tore up!!

Even worse? Living alone when you have an injury like this SUCKS. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get groceries via Peapod, but no one has ponied up to do my laundry.  I may have to bribe someone.

Went to work Monday. Let me just say - people suck.  I had to take a train and a bus. And crutch a lot.  By the time I got to work I was in tears, and purple with the exertion of it.
Thankfully, my team is letting me work from home the rest of the week. I'm working, but I'm also taking time to elevate/ice. 

Sleeping? Not going well. Roll over, pain, wake up. Pretty much all night.

I have a follow up with a sports medicine doctor on Friday. Hoping for some good news. I have a lot coming up, and crutches and/or boot are NOT in my grand plan.

2011 and I are so totally NOT friends.

To clarify, for Brando

Ah, my dear Brando, I feel I must clarify.*

You see, I am a baseball fan - a fan of all teams, all players, and all parks BUT WRIGLEY.

When I go to a baseball game, I want to watch the game, I want to score the game, I want to enjoy the game.
At Wrigley Field, you can do none of these things.
"Scoring the game" to those asshats means having sex at the game.
For a very very very long time, I was a die-hard Cubs fan. I mean, opening day 8 years in a row fan.
Then, I started paying attention, and realizing how much I hated the people who go to Cubs games.
Not to mention the fact that the last half dozen games I attended in that frat house shit hole I was mocked, taunted, made to feel like abosolute crap. By complete strangers, as I just walked by them. More than once, every time.
I did not know that Wrigley Field had a weight limit.

I will never, not if my life depended on it, not if they were doing well step foot in that place again.
It's not a ball park - it's the city's largest outdoor bar/frat house.

Now, the Cell?
Clean, beautiful, exciting (have you seen the opening montage?!?!), and WELCOMING.
Oh, yeah, and the people there go to watch baseball.

So, yes, this North-sider has switched teams, and proudly.
I'm all in, and I'm never going back.

The Cubs? Meh - but Fuck Wrigley Field.

*And I certainly hope we can agree to disagree, and be friends.
Let's have beer soon, just not in Wrigleyville.

Take me out to the ball game....

The White Sox game, to be specific.

I don't step foot in Wrigley Field. Those people don't even know there's a baseball game going on. You couldn't pay me enough to go there.....guess it's another topic for another day.

And, we are pre-partying at the batting practice party thing.
There will be beer, oh yes, there will be beer.

And since this is Chicago....

I'm wearing:
A long sleeved shirt
A tee shirt
A Sox fleece
A hooded fleece lined jacket
Wool knee socks
Jeans

Chicago has skipped spring and summer and jumped right to fall.

Needless to say, I'll be off work and off line tomorrow, as I'm going with a bunch of bartenders who have warned me to not even bother trying to keep up.
I call this a challenge....

Brought to you by the letters T M and J

So sorry for my recent absence.
I had one hell of a week last week, and for me to say that, that's pretty bad.

My aunt passed away on Monday, the very same aunt that I had written a post about last winter, and then deleted - that one.
I have piles and piles of regret, to the point that said regret was like an ugly living thing, sitting on my shoulders.
It's still there, but I'm giving it some thought daily, and working through it.

Then, Tuesday afternoon (coincidence? I think not...)
I began having massive ear/jaw/teeth pain on the left side of my face.
Like someone was stabbing me in the ear/jaw/teeth every 20 minutes or so.
Not fun.
I ignored said pain until Thursday, when LB1 made me go to the doctor.
I was convinced that it was an ear infection, or some sort of sinus thing.
I called the nurses at my doctor's office.
"So, I have an ear infection."
"Uh huh."
"Can she just call some drugs in to the Walgreens?"
"Let me call you back"
10 minutes later
"No. *ha ha* You will need to come in."
"Really?"
"Really. But she said you are probably right."
"Damn it."
"And then she will give you drugs, ok?"

So I head over to the doctor. 
Ears, checked out awesome. Sinuses checked out not so bad.
"You have tmj!"*
"You're kidding!"
"Nope."
"Damn it!"
"And because you are you, you cannot have the good stuff prescription anti-inflammatory, so you will have to take some Advil. And Tylenol for the pain."
"Can I take four?"
"Or I can give you Vicodin."
As I was in the middle of one of the blindingly bad pain things, I said "Yes, yes, give me Vicodin."
"Pain scale?"
"Nine! GOD DAMN IT!"
And with that I was given Vicodin.  Which I have not taken in over 20 years.
Got in the car, immediately called the dentist.
"I have to ask...are you using your mouth guard?"
"Sigh. Yes. Every night."
"Do you have painkillers?"
"Nope, but I will in about 20 minutes."
"Good. Take them. USE them."
My dentist knows me so well.

So I picked up a gigantic bottle of Advil, and a not small bottle of Vicodin, and headed over to VonParents' house.
"Why are you so early?"
"Well....."
"Oh, for Pete's sake - you CANNOT be sick again, and you CANNOT be around your dad if you are!!!!!"
"mumble mumble tmj......."
"What!?!? What is that?"
My dad chimes in "Well, it's like lock jaw...."
"This one?!?! Lock jaw?!?! That's not possible."
I had not taken any drugs yet, so this was just awesome.

Anywho.
Spent my weekend following the dentist's instructions perfectly - Advil every four hours, gargle with warm salt water, heating pad, soft foods, etc.....oh, and Vicodin.
And I can say I'm about 90% better.  My ear and jaw are almost pain free, and my teeth and gums just hurt.  I will need to call the dentist to let him know, and maybe schedule a follow up.

BUT
Don't think for a second that I sat my little ass at home, NO, we aren't doing that any more this year!!
Friday night - volunteered Marcia Ball / Sanctified Grumblers show at the OT.
Saturday - did miss guitar class due to pain, BUT went to book club followed by margarita (virgin for me) dance party.
Sunday - BBQ with delightful God-child. Ok, her dad cooked on the grill, and we all sat in the house in sweaters and jeans.

And, how are you??

*I will say I was THRILLED to find out I was NOT sick again. I mean, c'mon!

Best thing ever

Friday night I went to Old Town to see my old guitar teacher play. I showed up a little drunk, because I also had some bad news to deliver to my friend Bob.
I found Bob sitting outside in the back courtyard.  I told him the news, he seemed ok, but not thrilled.
Bob went inside, I decided to stay outside for a minute and relax.
This is when Steve showed up.
Steve was my second and most favorite guitar teacher.  He's just the coolest guy I've met ever. He's also one fucking talented guitar player.
Steve refers to all people as either "musical humans" or "non-musical humans", and reminds us to feel bad for non-musical humans, as their lives are less rich than ours.
Steve is just this cool older hippie guy. Though I'm not sure he'd like it if I called him a hippie.  I just respect the hell out of him. And I'm kinda in awe of him.
Anyway.
So, Steve, Juan and I were chatting in the courtyard on Friday night. 
Steve asked about my classes, and I said that I was having some trouble in my current class. I told him I would not give up, that even though it was hard, I'd get through it and get better.
And then Steve said:
"You could never be a non-musical human. Not even for 15 minutes. It's just not possible."
Shortly thereafter, Steve headed one way, I headed inside to watch the show.
But I was all giddy.
For someone that barely knows me, he gets something about me that is a basic truth, and has been a basic truth of mine for as long as I can remember.

So, Saturday morning I was less anxious and more excited to go to guitar class. It was hard, and I got frustrated, I can admit that. 
But I'm a musical human. And I do what musical humans do.

I revel in my contradictions

Friday night, my friend K told me that the Big 4 is coming to Chicago.
If you don't know, it's Metallica, Anthrax, Megadeth, and Slayer
This may or may not be true (no date has been officially announced)
BuT
It got me to thinking.
One of the things I love, and have always loved, about going to metal shows is the hot men with the looooong hair.
Hot. Really hot.
I dig long hair. I always have, and likely, always will.

Then, I thought some more....
What kind of man turns my head on a regular basis?
Bald men.

Every day, I will nod and smile at hot bald men.
Hot. Really hot.

So, turns out I like:
Long haired men
Bald men

Could I be more inconsistent?

I looked back over my long and sordid romantic history.....
Turns out I have never dated either!
Sure, I've had some *special* times with some long-haired darlings,  but VonMom pretty much would have hated and possibly killed any long haired, leather jacketed dude I might have brought home for a meet and greet.
And the bald bandits of my heart?
Haven't even kissed one.

Looks like I found my plan for summer 2011.
Everyone needs a plan.

Review

I had one of those weekend that not only tired me out, but it bled my wallet dry.
Drier than dry.
I think I saw a piece of lint in there today, but I also heard an echo.
But I'm not complaining (much).

Friday night I volunteered a show at Old Town. I'm a little bummed to know that when I volunteer now, it's for nothing, really nothing, as I'll be losing my points (I have over 400 points) as soon as my new jobby job starts. I don't really mind, there are benefits to being staff beside getting paid, but it's still weird.  I thought maybe I should just not sign in, but then the volunteer coordinator will not know that I was there.....so anyway.
Right before the show began, I got a text from Eldest Stepsib that she and her fam were at my bar, down the block.
I snuck out, said hello to the fam, stole a piece of nephew's pizza, and hied back to the show.
It was a later night than I'd have liked, for a Friday, but that's ok.

Saturday morning brought the new stress of the new guitar class. Not only am I repeating 2rep (again, again, I know) but this time around I have a very scary teacher. Scary to me. Intimidating. Whatever. He's tough.  AND his teaching method is entirely different from any other I've had so far. Sigh.  He took away our music stands (my crutch) and did NOT give us the sheet with the words and the chords! He didn't even tell us what song it was. Just taught us some arpeggio business, then some bass line stuff, then "chunklets" of the song. For the life of me I could not figure out what the song was.  To my credit, I did know that it was a melancholy sound, and I was curious.  Only in the last 5 minutes of class did he start singing, and it was "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen.  I would have never guessed, and I have this song on my iPod!!!  His teaching style is going to be very tough to get used to.

Saturday night I went to dinner with John and Toni. We went to an amazing Peruvian restaurant near their house in the Wicker Park area.  It was warm enough and close enough to walk.  I love eating out with John and Toni because they love to eat, try new places, and have a great meal be the entire evening.  Sure, it was more $$ than I expected, but I was more than full, and the food was great, so it was worth it.  Plus, they are so great to hang out with.  They hate people as much as I do, so it's kinda perfect.

Sunday was breakfast with TheMarty at Tweet. I would call it brunch, except that at 9:00 am, that's breakfast.  There are very very very few people I'd set my alarm for on a Sunday, and TheMarty is one of them.  We had a lovely time. 

I also ran to my new favorite place on Sunday - Trader Joe's. What had I been missing!! It was only my second time there, and I'm obsessed. 

Much running around, not enough resting time, but these things happen.

Done

Did your heart just skip a beat?
No worries, the title does not mean what you think it means.
This here lil ole blog is not done.

What it actually means is I am finished with the word d o n e

It's not something I consciously realized, at first.
But after a while, I started to notice that I really do NOT like the word done and I've been replacing it whenever possible.
Without sounding pretentious.

I think my 6th grade teacher had a little something to do with it.  Sure, I can't remember what I did yesterday, but I can specifically remember something he said in English class one day.
Ah, Mr. Ronsevall. Terrifying in every way. Tall, scarily red-faced, short tempered and from Little Rock Arkansas.
One day, Mr. R said "Billy? Have you finished?"
Billy said "Yes, I'm done."
Mr. R became even more red-faced and yelled: "DONE?!? Turkeys are DONE, son, PEOPLE ARE FINISHED!"

And I remembered it.
And I lived by it, and I taught it to others.  I have friends who to this day repeat that back to me.

Now, all of these years later, I'm eradicating that word done from my vocabulary.  I think "finished" sounds polished. I use "finished" a lot at work.
Also, ended. Completed, even.

Now, to train myself not to cringe when other people use the word.

Other shoe?

Again, I had a fantastic weekend.
Leaves me waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Friday night I was working a show at Old Town, which you all know is my happy place. Well, now it's my VERY happy place.
I've been offered (and have accepted) a house manager position! I've been waiting and wishing and hoping and praying for this for a loooong time. I thought my best shot would be when they open the new building in January 2012. I've mentioned (and mentioned and mentioned again) that I would love to be a house manager.
And, as of August of this year, I will be one!
I'll be saying goodbye to my volunteer shifts/points etc....and will be an actual member of the Old Town Staff.  I was so excited that I couldn't fall asleep Friday night.
This is a part time weekend/evening thing, so this will be in addition to my full time real life jobby job.

Saturday morning I was out running errands when LB1 called. She asked me if I had time to run by her house.
Um...?
She had been in WI last week, and had remembered that I didn't buy myself enough New Glarus beer, so she bought me a case of Spotted Cow.
Oh, did I make time to go over and pick that up!!!
So awesome. And of course, when I offered to pay for it, she would have none of it.  She really does spoil me.  I'm very lucky.

Sunday being Easter was family day.  While I do not attend Mass,  I do believe in Easter and what it stands for, and I do love the chance to spend time with people I care about.
While the people were at Mass, I cranked up some Dropkick Murphy's and baked some Pillsbury rolls and such. 
I headed upstairs to brunch the second everyone got back - my timing is amazing.
Sadly, VonDad was home sick and didn't come to brunch.  VonMom said he has a cold, but VonSis said he was really sick.  Love the downplaying, VonMom.  I dressed all cute in a new dress, fixed my hair, put on makeup.......and wore white tennis shoes.  That was specifically to piss off VonMom. Can't give too much, you know. 
I stayed upstairs until 4:00, I felt that was long enough for brunch.

I have had not one but two bagels. Ah, so glad Lent is over!!

What happens in New Glarus......

........Unfortunately had to STAY in New Glarus.
Yes, there was that much debauchery.

I think I can give you some highlights though:

Two nights in a row of cheese fondue.
YES

A fuck ton (sorry, no other way to describe it, really) of New Glarus beer was consumed.  Yes, of course there was Spotted Cow, but there was also: Totally Naked, Belgian Red, Smoked Rye (YUCK!), Two Women, Fat Squirrel, Snow Shoe, and my new favorite: Cabin Fever.

Alas, I didn't bring nearly enough beer home for myself. I have three bottles of Cabin Fever, and one giant bottle of Belgian Red left, and that's it.  I might have to hit up Shannon and TheMarty for some of their stash.

I do, however, have three NICE bottles of wine from the Primrose Winery.

I wanted to dance with a Vietnam Vet. I almost had my chance, but I had to pee. Really really badly.

The men-folk in New Glarus are adorable and flirty and friendly.  I totally could have gotten me some, if I didn't have a room mate, and if I had been more devil-may-care with the whole stranger sex thing.

My room totally had a sitting area, which made it the party room. It would have been the party room without the sitting area. Yes, I am that much fun on vacation.

Favorite part: Commandeering the jukebox at Sportman's Bar. And getting the entire bar to air drum Phil Collins. Yes, we did.

My hair was the curliest/cutest/dare-I-say sexiest it's ever been. The snow and wind totally helped. NO, I do not have a picture to prove this!! Drunk people don't take awesome pictures.

I didn't kill anyone. 
Though a few people did deserve it, by Sunday morning, totally. 
I showed restraint.

I fell in even more love with my Boston people. Primarily the two that came along to WI. 

I named Scott the brewer (squee!! An actual New Glarus brewer!!) "Shiny Pipes Scott".  Sure, you think it's dirty, 'cuz that's what you do. This is his name because he said to me "I don't work on the big copper pots, I work on the other ones. The shiny pipes."  And he loves his new nickname.

I harassed the only non-gift shop employee at the brewery until he came out to talk to me. A) Wisconsin people are so dang NICE B) He knew it was futile to ignore me. I followed him around the brewery C) Not my fault the walls of glass have little spaces between them, in which I could yell  speak loudly at him, until he came to talk to me.  He was a lab-rat, who spends his time checking fermentation processes. And no, he doesn't get to drink all day. I am sad for him, and recommended he move to Boston and go work for those Sam Adams people.

I did not go to the sausage store, nor did I give two shits about taking pictures of the fiberglass cows all over town.

But, if you ask VonMom what she heard about my vacation, she will tell you that I rested plenty, read lots of books, dressed warmly and went to bed early.

I know, right?!?!?!

Three posts in one week!!
I can't believe it either!

I'm going on a little weekend trip with the other two parts of the Tricycle of Awesome, a couple of my favorite Boston people, and a gaggle of other people I don't really know.
Could be interesting.
I'm just hoping it'll be fun.

I know, I know... pictures or it didn't happen.  My camera is charging as I write this.  Now, I just have to remember to pack it.

Where are we going?
Thanks for asking!
We're heading up to New Glarus Wisconsin to DRINK.SOME.BEER.
and
Drink.some.wine.
and
Eat.fondue.
and
Maybe polka.
and after that
Drink.More.Beer.

Quick trip - leaving tomorrow, back on Sunday.
I hope I remember enought amusing details to relay them back to you.

See you on the flip side.

Best.Movie.Ever.

Last night I finally watched Pirate Radio.
I think the only reason I put it off for so long was the fact that I'm not always the biggest Phillip Seymour Hoffman fan.
Like, he's a great actor - GREAT actor, but I don't see how he's sexay or anything. Sometimes, they want him to come off as sexay and I get skeeved out.

BUT

Pirate Radio was awesome!!
Without a doubt, one of my top five favorite movies of all time. I'll say it again, OF.ALL.TIME.
And the soundtrack. Good God. That's one of the best soundtracks I've heard in years and years.
And the song placement!
I could go on and on.
But the part that gave me chills?
When he played this song:

Definitely one of my favorite songs of all time.
Do I sound like a broken record?
I'm ok with being THAT broken record.

*yes, I'm aware I posted a video. Shadup.

So, this book I just read

So, I read this book over last week, called "Feed" by Mira Grant.
TheMarty insisted that I read it ASAP, so I did. 
Plus, I had me a lot of time to read, during my most recent quarentine.
The book? Well, it was pretty good.

But that's not what I wanted ot discuss.

So, the book is about post-zombiacolypse living.
The news, the entertainment, all of it comes from bloggers.
Blogging, actually, is one of the main characters of the book.

So I got to thinking.
If I take my blog-roll and apply it to the premise of the book, would I be alright?
Never for one second did I put myself in the leading lady roll, that's just not me.
But my blog roll?
Would they become my people for realz? My network? My internet family?

Well, my recent bout of illnesses has proved that they already are these things.
They are my people, my network, my ifamily, and my friends.

So, yeah. I think it's a safe bet for us getting through the Zombipocalypse together.
Especially since one of us already IS a member of the undead.

FRIDGE NOTE~!! IMPORTANT!! RED FLAG!!

If someone can please instruct me how to get this stupidassed blogger bull shit to post my posts the way I want them to look, and not like one big stupid fucking paragraph, that would be awesome. WTF Never had this problem before, now my last few posts read horribly!!! WTF!!!! Someone, please, help me quick before I totally lose iT!!!!! Thanks!

Good News on the Von Front

Back, huh, stronger than ever You think I'd sever? Never I'm too clever To be taken on down by your ignorant state of mind..... OK That's enough of that!! It's a rap by a group that I am far far too embarrassed to mention. Please, please remember my musical tastes are eclectic, and I once was a teen aged girl. So, how are you? Oh, me? Good. About 95% better, I'd say. Docs gave me a cleanish bill of health. Well, not so much. But they did cancel my chest x-ray at my follow up on Thursday since they both thought my lungs were clear. Finished with my antibiotics. Now on a nasal spray steroid so I don't blow out my ear drums. Good times, the good times never stop!! But, they did green light my vacation to the lovely and breweryish town of New Glarus this coming weekend. That's all I was hoping for really. So, back to work, back to blogging, back to all of it..... Back to life

back to reality

Back to the here and now.....

No fun

Where have I been, you ask? Well Your hostess with the mostess has gone and gotten sick again. As in. Pneumonia sick. Awesome. I couldn't be more upset about being sick again so soon, missing so much work, being stuck at home. Coughing up a lung every few minutes is less than awesome. Chapped lips that bleed and make me look leperous, not cool. I'm stuck at home until Tuesday. So, I've got nothing.

Fun at the Dentist

Oh, but I wish I was kidding. So, I had to get a mouth guard. Because, you see, I clench my teeth at night, thus causing some damage. Who, me? Clenching my teeth, much like my fists, even while I sleep? Anyway. Went to the dentist to pick up my new $175 piece of plastic. We spent some time practicing the art of shoving in the thing and yanking it off. shoving and yanking, shoving and yanking, yep - insert dirty joke here..... Dentist: Do you have a dog? **giggle from Basia, dental assistant** Me: No. Well, not right now, I want one, so I think we'll get one soon but..... -thinking we're making conversation or something- D: Do NOT get a dog within the next month! -as he's holding my expensive piece of plastic up in the air - M: ? **giggles from Basia** D: Basia? What number mouth guard are you on? B: Number three!! Don't throw them in the washing machine.... D: No dogs! B: No dogs! D: So. Over the next month or so, you will wake up in the middle of the night, yank this thing out and throw it all over the place. The floor, the closet, behind the bed, under the night stand, trust me. You WILL wake up and throw it around. Dogs like to eat them when they find them lying around. Me: *Scoff* That's not going to happen to me! Look how hard it is to yank out! D: Uh huh - sure Von. Go, be free. Let me know how it goes. I leave. I scoff. I go to bed that night. Mouth guard very snugly in place. I wake up about 5:30 am, head to the bathroom. Sleepy. On my way back to bed, I realize that it's not in my face! Ah!! Get back to my room, see costlyplastic thing on my nightstand. Sometime during the night, I took yanked it out, and placed it lovingly on my nightstand. No clue. No recollection. None whatsoever. I'm on night four of this stupid thing. Lasted until 3am with it last night. **Fucking side note: This fucking post does not read right, because fucking blogger keeps changing how I want it to read!! So, fuck you blogger, thanks for fucking up my post. Sorry, reader(s), that it reads really shittily, but blogger thinks this is how it should read. fucking fuck fuck***

An easy one, I think

So, it's Friday. Time for a little fun. Name one song that no matter where you are, no matter what kind of mood you are in, what you are thinking about, it all goes away when you hear it? It brings you immediately to a place, an event, a season, a person? Backstory will earn you a delightful kiss on the cheek from your hostess. Just had one of these (thanks to the iPod currently being on shuffle). The song came on and I started grinning and teared up a little, and sang along in my head. Today, for me, that song was "I can't stop loving you" from the Balance album by Van Halen (or, if you are so inclined, Van Hagar). Happy Friday, my merry minions. Go out and do something awesome this weekend.

Fun with words

When VonMom and I are getting along, I can fully admit, she is FUNNY. Sure, it's a little oddball funny, but funny nonetheless. I know VonSis and I wit-spar, improving our own brand of funny, but the genesis is truly my mother. A text exchange between VonMom and VonSis. VM: Knut is dead VS: Yes, we were kinda keeping that from you VM: You buy me tshirts with dead things on them, and expect me to wear them. VS: I will buy you a tshirt with X and Y (two people that are the bane of VonSis' and kinda my existance) on it. VM: I like the way you think. Evil. Her humor is evil. A text I received from VonMom, yesterday: I got a new Cooling light! Yay! I call her on the phone, after 20 minutes of trying to figure out what a cooling light is. Something for her indoor plants? Some sort of kitchen appliance? A fridge bulb replacement? I had no clue. VM: What? V: Um, so yeah, what is a Cooling light? VM: ? V: cooling light, as in your text, I got a new cooling light today yay!? VM: hahahahahahahaaaaa I'm so funny! hahahahahaaaaa V:? VM: Cooking Light! The magazine! I got a new one today. V: Oh. *chuckle* VM: hahahahahaaa V: ha ha ha ha ...... VM: Ok bye. Also, being the children of an English-as-a-second-language, things come out that we cannot pronounce. I have always known mine: The words: Bull, bowl, pull, pole hurt me to say. Like physical pain in the back of my throat. So I just do not say them. Ever. I know my limits. VonSis is a little different. Her unsayables keep popping up like spring flowers - something new all the time. Her first (and best) is Sonoma - as in Williams Sonoma. So NO ma. Or, as VonSis says, sinimaaa. I like to buy her things from there and then ask where I got it. Good fun for me. This weekend, I told VonSis that I had learned the tab/bass line to "Sugar Pie Honey Bunch". She said "Oh, so you are a real muzzishhhhhan." I stared. VonSis cannot pronounce Musician. At all. She tried and tried again. Not to happen. Her brain has also decided that Knut (may his cute little polar butt rest in animal heaven) is a panda bear. Why, yes, I do find random shit like this funny. I do I do I do. Now, put the bull in a bowl and shove that pole up the........

Hazy and blurry

I'd love to tell you all about my weekend, but it's a little fuzzy. Been on a bender. Which I've renamed to a tear. I like tear better. So, I'm on a tear. No end in sight, either. I kinda like this current tear, I've been pretty f-ing funny. Or so I seem to recall. I can tell you I: - was asked if I made out with M (by M himself) on Friday night. He then said "Because it could happen". - then turned the brightest shade of red I've been in a long time. I have a big crush on M. - drank: Blue Moon, Guiness, Harp, Harp Shandy, Green Line (by Goose Island SO GOOD), Jameson, BBK, Bell's something yummy, some other shot, Guiness Black Lager and some other stuff* - was instructed not to return to work until I made out with someone. I returned to work today, but did not make out with someone. Alas. - invited myself to a wedding. Totally going. April 2nd. I could use a date, but that would probably be even more tacky than inviting myself in the first place. - have been hung-over every day since Thursday. - believe that the hair 'o the dog is the best remedy. - found out there is a lesbian karaoke bar practically across the street from DANK. - didn't go to said lesbian karaoke bar, it was already 2am when it was discussed. - spent too much $$ on comic trades this weekend. - can admit I was not 100% sober when I went to the comic book store. - made up my new band name, with the help of VonSis - Musical Panda. - went to guitar class with a hangover. - learned Little Lion Man at class (kinda not really) and relished getting to sing the word "fucked". - cried like a little girl when I found out Knut had died. - blamed my hang over for the stupid crying. - did say to myself at some point "This is good shit for the blog on Monday!" *When I go on a Tear, I go ON A TEAR

Sorry cats and kitten, so super busy.

So, life is crazy busy, and not in very many good ways. I give you this video, by my number one band to see live.

Nerdy McNerdinstein

I had been invited by one of my fave friends to an event Saturday night. I kept it on my radar, because it did sound like fun, but I didn't 100% commit until Saturday itself. So, I went. To Dark Tower comics, for an event put on by my friend's group, Comic Book Queers. So, me and a bunch of gay men, one other straight gal (or hag, whatevs) chatted, drank, snacked and talked comics. I know nothing letmerepeat NOTHING about comics. I was there to support my pal, SR. But this group was so super fun and into comics and knowledgeable, I couldn't help but get excited. I talked to the workerbee of the store a lot about what I like to read. He got all animated and walked me all around the store. I found myself taking out my notebook from my purse and...... writing down titles For future reference. Two "trades" were thrust into my hands with very strong urges to look them over. One trade was delivered unto me for winning round 2 of Comic Book Squeers. Ok ok ok ok ok So, I left there with three trades - The Unwritten, Sweet Tooth, Doom Patrol, and a plump list of other things to buy in the future: Buffy the Vampire Slayer IZombie* Locke and Key (by one son of one Stephen King) Pax Romana and The Walking Dead (of course) Got home, settled in, doing some laundry. And I pick up The Unwritten. And I devour it. And I crave trade 2. Ah, hell, this could get expensive. So, as I see some of my cool points flying out the window, I fully admit to jumping on the colorful, sexy, dirty and slightly bent world of comic books. *yes, my favorite Zombie, I sought out something awesome and undead and thought of you!

Friday fuuuuuuuucc um, fun day....

So, I'm crabby today. And a really silly thing started it all. See, in our work fridge (one of like four on the floor, by the way), I always put my lean cuisines in the same place. Same place for nearly two years now, same stupid place. I keep mine in the door of the freezer. Just like I keep my other stuff in the door of the fridge, on the top shelf thingy. So, this morning. I come in, go to put my frozen lunch in it's place. I had gone out to lunch yesterday, so the last frozen I had was on Wednesday. I knew I had to replenish my stock, but hey, it's Friday, so I just brought one. AND THE WHOLE DOOR WAS FULL of someone else's frozen dinners. Um, what? One day and you take over "my" space? And I know how these other people are. They bring in a bunch of frozen stuff and then never eat it. It sits there for three or four months. So I just whipped my frozen meal at the back of the freezer. I was pissed. So long story behind today's question: What seemingly little thing, behavior of others, etc just gets your blood to boiling?

40 days is a loooong time

Because I am someone's God-mother, I sometimes have to do things I would normally not do. Like go to church (ok, I've successfully avoided that for the 11 years of precious God-daughter's life, but I know it's coming). And answer questions about Catholicism (haha!! I bite my tongue a lot). And follow Lent. (for the most part). So That means as of today, I've given up the following for 40 days. Bagels (which I eat EVERY DAY) Burgers (don't eat those that often, but still) and Bad-mouthing strangers AND I'm not one of those Catholics who believe you get Sundays off, or that you can have what you've given up on Holy Thursday. This is on until the Monday after Easter. Ok, I'll likely get a bagel on Easter Sunday while the family is at church, but that's still up in the air. Like I said, it's going to be a looooong 40 days. And you thought I was cranky before.

In too deep

Dear Phil, You know I love you, but I just can't take this. Because You can't hurry love, you just have to wait. And Just say the word...oh....sususudieo Because Tonight, tonight tonight, wooohooo And I can't stoooop loving you.....no I won't stop loving you.... Even though you're f-ing retiring. I mean, aren't there supposed to be two hearts, living in just one mind? Against all Odds, Von

FrIdAy!!!

What time is it? Friday Funday TIME!!!!! Here's your query: You're stuck on a desert island. You can have ONE blogger there with you. Who?* and WHY? I'm still thinking about my answer....... *and it does not have to be me.....

Some clarification

Nope, it's not a political post, but more about how ignorant people post incorrect info on teh fb in their vitriolic rants. So. I feel the need to clarify. 1. Mayon Daley is STILL MAYOR until May 15. This means Rahm Emanuel takes office MAY 16. As in RAHM EMANUEL IS NOT YET MAYOR. Which means: When you write 'Why isn't Mayor Emanuel visiting the injured cop in the hospital?!?!? Asshole!!!! Doesn't care about the city or the police!!!' UM - Why would he? As he is quoted as saying: He's not going to park his car in front of Daley's. So, who should be visiting the cop who's in the hospital? DALEY. 2. Jody Weis had a CONTRACT as Chicago Police Superintendent that expired yesterday, 3/1/11. Which means that his job was actually completed and over and finished and ended on 3/1/11. When you write: 'Man! Look at Weis! He doesn't even have to give two weeks notice! Asshole!!!! Doesn't care about the city or the police!!!' Um, you are also an ignorant asshole. Lemme 'splain - a contract has a start date and an end date, which means that is the date that he is finished with the responsibilities of said contract. And guess what? We HAVE an interim Superintendent - Terry Hilliard, former Superintendent, called by da Mayor and asked to fill in for the two months until Mayor Emanuel puts someone else in the top cop slot. And from what I remember (and this will get all the feisty cop people all up my ass, but whatever) Hilliard was well liked and did a good job. So, nothing to bitch about!!! Nothing to see here people!! Moving on!!!! Also stuck in my craw this week: People who get off on being the first with new information. For the record - Yes, I did love @mayoremanuel on Twitter. It was awesome and hilarious and creative and all that good stuff. No, I do not care who wrote it. I would have been perfectly fine never knowing who did. But hey! Now we do! ANNNNDDD I still do not care. I don't a) live in Evanston b) go to Columbia c) give two shits who he is ***notice, I'm not even going to bother naming him here*** The only good part about knowing who he is is that the allegedly assholey, uncaring, callous, Mayor-elect, the actual Rahm Emanuel is still going to *gasp* keep his promise of donating $5,000 to the tweeter's charity of choice.

LAME

I wish I could give you a delightful recap of my weekend. I will try: Friday evening was ten shades of awesome, as I spent it at Jennifer's house. I tried to smuggle out Squirmy Dog and YL (who is also squirmy), but that didn't turn out so well. I did manage to leave with a copy of "Icebergs" by one TLB, so that was cool. We had a lovely time hanging out, chatting and being snarky. I think Jennifer only hit me two or three times with throw pillows, and I know Grizzled nearly spit beer twice. (He's catching on to me). Saturday was guitar class/graduation. VonParents came to see me graduate (aka play on the big stage). We played "Hide your love away". Not my first choice, but I was actually happy with how we did. Ok, with how I did. VonDad did say that I'm getting better. No discussion as to the ownership of his guitar (that I've had in my possesion for over a year now), but that will come in due time I guess. After graduation, I had lunch with VonParents at DBAG, my favorite Bar and Grille. Both our server and bartender are friends of mine, so it was a great experience for my parents. They really like it there, and they don't eat out that much, so I was happy they had a nice time. Post lunch I had to go to a wake. Thankfully as I was getting out of my car I ran into my OTSFM co-worker. We headed in together. My friend/boss (who's father's wake it was) cried because I had shown up. That made me tear up a little. I'm a sucker for tears. Spent some time there, then finally headed home. It was a loooonnnngggg day for me. Cancelled my Saturday night plans, and had zero plans on Sunday. I blame winter and h1n1. I have zero interest in leaving the house until a) It's not snowing b) There's no chance it's going to snow or icestorm c) I don't have to wear 18 layers of clothes. Sorry, but I'm a winter wimp, and I've had enough. My couch/books/ds are all the company I need until spring. Though, I'm having a huge hankering for some Olive Garden. That I would leave the house for in a blizzard. Did watch the Oscar's, kinda. I wasn't really interested, so I had it on while I read the latest book club book. Went to bed early, had to get up for work today. Why, yes, I am a wet noodle lately. Thanks for noticing.

Friday Funday

Baseball predictions: Go: And yes, this is totally going to be used to make my fantasy team WINNERS. P.S. I'm going to hang out with Jennifer, Grizzled, EL and YL tonight. So so so excited. Guessing you might be so so so jealous. * and yes, you will likely be discussed*

Ha has from the hospital

A few times last week, while in the hospital, certain things were said or done and I thought to myself - Damn, that would make some good blog fodder. So, here's what I can remember: In the ER: ER Nurse: Is there any chance you are pregnant? Me: Nooooo. -she walks away and quickly comes back- ER Nurse: Are you not pregnant because of any surgery or condition that prevents pregnancy? Me: *sigh* No. I just haven't gotten any in about a year. ER Nurse walks away, quickly, but didn't get far enough before she busted out in laughter. I think I made her night. Day 1: Indian Med student asks many many questions. He walks away, remembers to ask something, comes back...... IMS: Do you have any other STDs? Me: Nooooo IMS: Ok and turns to leave Me: Excuse me? IMS: ? Me: You should be careful how you word things..... IMS: ? Me: Well, you said any other STDs. This indicates that I have a STD, which I do NOT have. IMS: Sorry, my English is not so good. Me: Well, for future reference..... IMS: Thank you. I will remember that. I'll bet he will. *ring ring* Lady: Food service? Me: I'd like some food? Lady: Of course! What do you want? Me: x y z..... Lady: Don't you want some dessert? Our ice cream is very good! Me: Oh, and some chocolate ice cream! **I then realized I kinda liked this part of the stay** The missing Gibb brother was my Transport dude. Not once, not twice, but three times. I wanted to ask him about his delightful hair style and very 70s clothes each time, but I realized my very sick self was in his hands. He could have totally dumped me on the floor at any point. So I left it alone. But I swear, he was the missing Gibb. My NCT (nursing care tech) was TOTALLY hitting on me. Though married, he dug me. And my h1n1 self. He was chatting with me while I was waiting to get the final heave-ho. He came over, gave me a half-hearted kinda awkward hug, and said "Maybe I'll see you at Walmart some time." Um....Walmart? Not likely. I'm a classy, refined Target kind of girl, mister.

Friday Funday

So, I began talking to my toaster today. I think it's time for me to get back out there and interact with humans. I did have a nice visit with StepSis1 yesterday. She brought me orange juice, and pop chips, and nail polish. AND she came inside and visited for a bit. No one else has done that this week. IT was soooo nice. ANYWAY Friday Funday. So, I had me some H1N1. Aka Swine Flu. What would you re-name it to? TO better suit me? Or, if you were to get it, what would you call it? aaaaannnndd scene.

I can post Rush Video Too

Update

And the results are in: H1N1. Go me! I mean, go big or go home, right? Thankfully, all of the other things have resolved - blood pressure and oxygen back to good, fever gone. I'M HOME Still under quarantine for the next few days, no work, no human interaction. I'm still contagious. But, I'M HOME! And clean, and in clean clothes, and warm, and doing laundry, and reading magazines, and sitting, not lying, down. Man, I'd love a good coloring book right about now. :) I'll be taking the rest of the week off, as being in the hospital and now in quarantine it's pretty boring, so not a whole lot of inspiration, but I'll be back next week. Thanks again friends!!

FYI

SO, what's worse than being alone on Valentine's Day? Being in the hospital, alone, on Valentine's Day. That's right friends, I'm in the hospital. Likely the flu & pneumonia, no confirmation yet, still waiting. I've been here since about 1am Sunday morning. Blood pressure and oxygen level need to go up, fever needs to go down. I'm 10 shades of miserable. Hope to go home tomorrow, but there are a lot oaf ifs and maybes around that. I'll keep you posted.

Friday Funday!!!

Today's topic? Words and the spelling of them. There are certain words I avoid using when blogging, mostly because my spell checker is a fickle bitch and only works when it feels like it. And, as we all know, there are a few grammar/spelling police around the place, so..... My word that I avoid most is: definitely I can never ever spell it properly, and YES I did go to dictionary.com and look it up before writing it here. Today question - ok, well, two questions - What word(s) can you absolutely definitely not spell correctly every freaking time you use it? OR What word(s) are you convinced you've spelled incorrectly every time you use it, but it's actually correct and it just looks funny to you? Extra points for profanity - you know how I roll. Have at it, frenz.

mah luma lumma lums

When I was a little girl, a little younger than my precious God-daughter is now, there was only one person I wanted to be. My favorite show was Kids, Incorporated. I wanted to sing! I wanted to dance! I wanted to kiss cute boys! I wanted to work in this magical place that was all kids and no silly grown ups! I wanted to be Stacey Ferguson. Oh, did she have pretty curly blonde hair! And a great singing voice! And look at that hair! Man, she had the bestest clothes and jewelry, all neon and slouchy and awesome! Flash forward a number of years Sunday night, watching the Super Bowl with J & T, two of my most favorite people on Earth. I found myself saying it again. I want to be H E R. Fergie = Stacey Ferguson (in case you lived under a rock or something) Or do her. I can admit it -she's top of my If-I-was-I-would list. Me: I want to be her. T: Me too. Me: But I'd totally divorce her man, Josh. T: No, he's hot. Me: Agreed, but there are hotter men out there, and as her, I could schtup ALL of them. Being married would just be a road block to that. T: Agreed. Me: I'd do her. J: ? Me: I would. She's that hot. T: Me too. J: This. This is why I like hanging out with you two. But GOD FORBID when precious God-daughter told me a couple of years ago that she "loved and wanted to be like that lady". Me: Which lady, precious? GD: The one that sings and dances and wears the clothes. Me: ? You gotta help me out here. What does she sing? GD: Mah lums! Mah luma laalie lumms!! Me: Oh, hell NO!! Sorry kid, over my dead body! GD: pout and stamp feet. Sorry, but the Stacey Ferguson of today is NOT the Stacey Ferguson of yesterday.

Another multi-topic post.....or a Mish Mash

Dear Troll: Just so we're clear, and you aren't all confused: I am indeed a woman. A woman through and through. So we don't need your kind around these parts. Scurry back to where you came from now, as your comments will be deleted. I don't play nicely with needy pitiful things like you. KTHXBAI Von My favorite Super Bowl commercials? Toss up: I LOVED the Volkswagen mini-Darth one. Super cute. Strong second was the Chrysler/Detriot commercial featuring Eminem. I've always had a thing for drrrrty badddd Eminem, but he almost seemed like a grown up in this spot. Sure, an angry grown up, but that's ok. My least favorites: The one with the fake baby smashed against the glass for whatever reason, and the doritos finger licking one. BLECH. I don't think Omar Epps is too upset he lost the Super Bowl. I think I saw him say "It's cool, I'll just go back to that whole acting thing. Once I shave off this weird beard/mustache thing." Had a weird experience in guitar class on Saturday. Right away as we were warming up to "Our House", all of the fingers on my left hand went numb. I couldn't even form a C chord. Tom (teacher) looked at me quizically, as I kept trying. I didn't feel like interrupting the class, but for real, about 20 minutes this week and last, right out of the gate, my fingers went numb. I'm guessing it's some sort of nerve thing. Must investigate. I play a mean "I want you to want me" now, just so you know. Over the weekend, I added a shit ton of Heart to my iPod. Why I had never added these CDs before is beyond me. I've had a Heart craving for a while now. A little Barracuda never hurt anyone. And since I was adding CDs, I grabbed some Guster and threw it on there too. I don't know why it's taking me so long to get my CDs on the iPod. I think I'm still skeptical. It's an ongoing project. I also bought some songs on iTunes. Some Linkin Park, Seether, Genesis, Rush and Sting. (I'm nothing if not eclectic). Stumbled upon a fantastic documentary on Saturday. It's called "Don't you forget about me." and it's about four Canadian film makers who are travelling to Chicago to try to meet with John Hughes and talk to him about his films. Of course, they did NOT get an interview, but they did get a surprising number of Hughes film cast members to chat on camera, as well as people that worked with him, and even Kevin Smith (who I sometimes like, and sometimes don't) who was very respectful and honest about his thoughts on all things John Hughes. I highly recommend this movie. Of course, also on on Saturday was "Road House" and y'all know how I feel about that. I dedicated some time to RH (ok, the Sam Elliot scenes), but was pretty committed to the documentary. Received a notice from Netflix today that "Human Centipede, the director's cut" is on its way to me. I've been told by many many male friends that I will not be able to watch this whole thing start to finish - well, um, have you met me?!?! That challenge alone, to prove them wrong, is about all the motivation I need!! Not going to lie, though, I'm a little nervous about it. But I'm so intrigued as to how he breaks the legs to make them look like they do in the preview.....stay tuned on that, my friends.

Sometimes

sigh Sometimes, blogging is hard. I mean, anyone can post pictures and you tubes of songs, this takes very little thought. Which is why I don't do that. I try to come up with things that are not so boring, and not so dull to entertain. And sometimes, that's just h a r d. So, for today, a mish mash of what is in mah brainz Yesterday, Book Club, the awesome that is TLB. Not only did she rock book club's world, she's been invited to join, as she was unanimously found to be one cool chick we want to hang out with. She's accepted the offer. This is a delightful development. Saturday night, I re-made friends with Jameson. Good ole Jameson and I had a *ahem* falling out right about oh, Shannon and TheMarty's rehearsal dinner, when Jameson and I were so much in love that I *cough cough* might have over-indulged by about seven shots......Any who, new year, new friends. We're taking it slow, only enjoying each other's company for two shot's worth of time. Looks like it could be a lasting friendship. Oh the heals of Saturday night, you might want to know that Burger King breakfast can fix just about anything. For realz. I worry about little things a little too much. Like how I don't feel my guitar callouses are developing at the rate they should be. People (strangers) often find me staring at, nay, inspecting my fingers tips on my left hand.... If I had a shot of Jameson for every teh fb post/status/comment about the impending snow storms, I could probably be in an alcohol induced coma until the spring thaw.

Friday Funday is Baaacccckkk

After last week's solemn hiatus, Friday Funday makes its return!! Woo to the hoo..... Now, for today's question: What is your favorite remade song, and remade by who? (Whom? I'm bad at this one) And why? Have at it mah frenz.....

Wordless?

Woke up with at start at 1:00 am today. Sure, 90% of it had to do with the increasingly evil/awful people that live in the building that share walls with me, and the fact that they LOVE doing laundry and fucking around in their closet at that time, but the other 10%.... I'm hosting book club (Not Your Momma's Book Club, to be exact) this Sunday, with our very special guest - TLB . Now, I've hosted probably five or six times over the course of the Club, but this is going to be different. See, we've read TLB's most recent book, "The Countess" for this meeting, and she is doing me a solid by coming to the meeting. Um, yeah, so it's her book. (If you don't know me, authors are about 1 million times cooler than "celebrities" all the way.) And she's awesome. And I'm wantin' to be friends with her. So the questions I have for her so far: So, um, how soon until we're like friends? When do you want to hang out next? What's Brando really like? Where'd you get that cute top? None of which are book related, or conversation worthy, and all of which will get me super-strange looks from the fantastic ladies of NYMBC. What they might get me is a restraining order. Normally, I prepare with some good insightful questions for the club about the book. Now, when I put pen to paper to jot down questions, I just: squeeee!!! Becky's coming to book club!! This is the coolest book club ever!!! Who else gets the gosh darn AUTHOR to come discuss their book?!?!?!? And it's Becky, and she's kinda awesome..... So, you see my dilemma. Never at a loss for words, I'm wordless. I have 3 days and 4 hours (give or take) to figure something out. In the mean time, I should probably go email the members and ask for some help.

And another thing

Another thing I don't really write about? Sports. I leave that to Brando. BUT Guess who showed up and decided to play some actual football yesterday? The Greebay Packers did. The Bears did not. Like VonMom says, it's all about who wants it. Who really really wants it. I guess the Bears didn't really want it, when the only one playing the actual game was my main squeeze, Brian Urlacher. I did want the Jets to win, though, then. I hear the Jets not only knock you down, but they break your legs doing it. The Packers could use a few broken legs. So, on Super Bowl Sunday I'll likely be at home with some chili/cheese dip and the commercials. Eagerly awaiting the special Glee episode. Yesterday's loss means nothing to my life, not really. I still had to wake up and come to work this morning, so things are pretty much the same. Besides, it's mere weeks 'til spring training!

So I say

In case you weren't already aware.... Cancer is an evil, evil bitch, and she's being particularly evil in 2011. Just one week ago I attended the (emotional, moving) memorial for a friend of a dear friend who lost her battle to cancer at the far too young age of 40. Now this week I am very sad to say that my cousin, Michael, has lost his battle as well. He passed away on Sunday at the also too young age of 57. Michael was an incredibly talented musician, husband, and father. He was also the person that my mom felt closest to in her family. At only three years her junior, they grew up together more like brother and sister than aunt and nephew. I shake my angry fist at cancer, for taking Michael away before we could build a relationship, before I could learn many musical things from him. I give cancer the finger for devastating my mom. Michael and Chris - may angels lead you in. There's a special place in heaven for those who had to suffer so much on Earth. To see just how awesome Michael Becker was musically, please visit his IMDb page. But please do not comment on his IMBd, as it's not yet public knowledge that he has passed away.

Who's ready for another Frida Funday topic!?!?

Friday Funday #2. Recap, for those of you with bad memories: I give you question. You go to comments, you answer question. Ok, here we go: What song, or if you feel very strongly about it, what artist/band do you wish had never existed ever and I mean forever this song/person/band never polluted the air-waves, or ear-wormed anyone, ever. For me, that would be Taylor Swift. She's brought nothing of value at all to this world ever. Her smooshed barbie face should just disappear and the world would be better for it. Ok.......have at it. Looking forward to your answers!

To compromise

So, I'm not thin. I'm not now, nor ever have I ever been thin.* This is a fact, something I've never tried to hide, here on the blog or anywhere else. Most people in my life love and accept me for who I am. Others........don't. So, to keep the peace, I promised VonMom I would go see a nutritionist. (Or in VonMom speak, nutritionalist) So, I saw one last night. During a snow storm. Not close to my house. Had to leave work early to get there. But.I.Went. Poor, poor nutritionist. Didn't know what hit her. I'm fully confident she went home and drank a few (likely calorie laden) drinks after our meeting. I was......myself. Before she could get to her spiel, I had to ask if she is a registered dietician. She is. Ok, not getting up and walking out yet. Mid-spiel, I said. "Please. Please stop reading from your script. I am me. This is me. I want you and I to have a conversation. You need to know about me before you can tell me what are some tips that are likely to work best for me." Well, she stopped reading from her script. We talked. She went all deer-in-the-headlights when I said: "You should probably know that I promote fat acceptance, am dabbling in fat activism, and am about to read Healthy at Every Size. You should read Healthy at Every Size too." and "You should also know that I tweet, and blog, and will most likely write about this is some form of social media in the very near future." This is the point where we started to compromise. She agreed to look into HAES, and I agreed to eat oatmeal two days a week. She agreed to put away the rubber food and the this-is-what-a-pound-of-fat looks like props, and I agreed to go to the gym on Sundays. I can work with compromise. Seeing that I am.....vocal......100% of the time, and I was also defensive and (admittedly a little on the offense) honest and......vocal.....during the meeting, she gets props for keeping me there the full hour. She may be a little afraid of me. This is fine, I will not lose sleep over this. If our compromises work and I become a healthier me, then that's ok by me. If they do not, at least I can say 'well, I gave it the ole college try' and continue living my life. A life that I love, and I feel is very complete, and interesting, and waaaay better than a lot of other people's lives. I wanted to state, here and now, that I've given a lot of thought to sharing this with you. Also, thought has gone into my new acceptance/activism and whether or not it will affect this blog. I've decided it will not. Much like politics, there are many many many out there who are doing a very good job blogging about these topics, and I'm going to leave it to them. I stand by my original idea/theme - which is to not have a theme. Or, to just continue to be the misanthropic ranter you know me to be. This post is simply the same as every other post I write - based on something that is on my mind right now, that I think I can witty-up a little and entertain you for a few moments. *I am of the pleasingly plump / charmingly chubby variety of life.

Let me remind you

Once, again: VFN is not about politics. I don't write about politics because, well, I just don't. There are enough bloggers that do, and do it very well, so I don't need to. That's their thing, and that's awesome, and I learn a lot from them. BUT I will tell (warn?) y'all that due to a sinus headache (that I still have now, day 3) I ended up cancelling my plans and curled up on the couch pretty much all afternoon and evening Saturday, and a good part of Sunday evening too. And I was watching ONLY news. CNN, MSNBC, and for some giggles, Fox (ok, the last was about 30 seconds, before I felt the bile well up in my throat and I had to turn it off). So, one might say, and one might be correct, that I have not only opinions (strong ones) but also the facts and knowledge to back them up regarding the tragedies in Arizona on Saturday. That being said, God help the headline spewers who think they can hold a conversation with me on this topic. I hope certain people/politicians can spell culpable, and define it. And that's all I'm going to say about that......

My new blog thing:

Going to try this out, see how it goes. New!!! HERE!!! For 2011!!!! Friday Fun Day!!!! Which means..... I ask a question, you answer it. And this will entertain me. Friday Fun Day #1 Question: What do you think I look like? And for those of you who already know......do I look like what you thought I would look like before you met me? Unfortunately, this leaves Shannon and TheMarty out of the game for this week, because I'm sure they never mulled over what I looked like before they met me.......Maybe they could write what do they wish I look like? HA hahahaaaaa... Have at it, mah frenz.....and make me proud.

and finally

I'd love to tell you that my New Years Eve was filled with drinking, drugs, and wild abandon.* But I'd be lying. After searching out and trying on my super awesome scandelous black dress (think corseted top with eye-hooks, and red polka-dotted mesh under skirt) and determining that it.still.fits (go me!) I started thinking about how I wanted to spend my last night of 2010. cue the dramatic music And I stopped thinking about it. I've come to believe that the people who go out out on NYE are either younger than me or coupled up. Sure, I could have gone to DANK and drank and whooped it up with a bunch of people I get along ok with, and polka-ed with a bigger bunch of total strangers. I've done this in years past. It was fun. I've had fun there. But, ultimately, I didn't think that was the best place for me. Options, I had many. I opted for very close to home without being actually home. The daytime hours were LOVELY. I visited with Sil1x, her kids, and her bestie (love her!) for a couple of hours. While Sil1x was trying to coax me to spend a few more hours with them, I had to move on. Went and spent a couple of hours with Chris and precious God-daughter. Because when it comes down to it, precious God-daughter is The most important person to me. Has been for the last 10 years and 356 days. Again, while I wanted to stay with her for much longer, I had to move on. My hangover from the night before (see below) required, nay, demanded that I go home and nap for a few hours before going out time. I took a 2 1/2 hour nap. I'm very, very good at napping. First stop of the evening, VonStepBro1's house. He of the 8million course Asian wedding dinner. He throws good parties. He makes really really good drinks. Bits and pieces of my extra-ordinarily large immediate family were there. VonOtherBrother and his girlfriend **I make smelly face here. I don't like her. Not ONE BIT**, VonStepSis1 and husband and son **I remind you who her kid is - the 24 year old who acted like a baby when he opened his gift**, VonStepSis2 and husband, new sister-in-law's brother, the family accountant **no, I'm not kidding. but he brought cup cakes, so it was ok I guess** and some random friends of the hosts. Good time. I drank a little and watched t.v. VonSis and the LandOverlord were in NYC, so I was watching the Times Square crowd to see if they were there. I love wasting time. Midnight - drink Champagne, throw some confetti, tell people I love/like them very much. 12:15 head over to hang out with some friends from high school. They are twins. One of them is married with kids and lives 9 houses down from me. Had a few beers, had even more laughs, was home in bed about 3:45am. It was a good night. I didn't feel lonely. So that was a good thing. There you have the recaps. I may or may not at some point tell you alllll about my first Umphrey's McGee show. But you might have to sign a confidentiality agreement first. *The drinking, drugs, and wild abandon night was on 12/30. When I went to see Umphrey's McGee for the first time. FUCK, they were face-meltingly AWESOME. At least, from what I can remember.....

Recap #2

Warning: This post contains a filthy little secret. I share because I love. You may mock me, but know that I am who I am. Christmas day. Of course, I didn't sleep hardly at all. Had spent the night at VonParents', as I do every year. I slept in VonSis's room, because it has the bigger bed, and some actual heat. Alas, VonRoom has a small bed and no heat. Sob, the story of my childhood. VonMom forgot to put sheets on the bed, and I had no clue where to find any, so I slept on the mattress pad. Not awesome. She had also just laid the pillow cases on the pillows, likely was planning to get back to that task at some later time (maybe after she found and put on the sheets?), so I just left them off. Bare bed, bare pillows. The only person who had it worse than me was baby Jesus in his straw manger. We went to breakfast at some crappy place. Couldn't go to the regular place, nooooo, because VonSis had said this place was good. It wasn't, not by a long shot. Eating soap might have been better. Spent some quality alone time (aka taking a loooong shower to rid myself of the cigarette smell I was sure was just everywhere. Because it was. Blech. I have become that kind of ex-smoker). Headed to Chris' to spend the day with God-daughter. Had an AMAZING time. Watched "Despicable Me" which GD had gotten as a gift. Played some games. Ate some food. And had our gift exchange. Chris really pulled one over on me. She and GD kept handing me envelopes.....pictures, pictures, calendar, gift certificate. I think we're done. Ok! Chris stands up and pulls another envelope out of her back pocket. "Oh, yeah. Here." and hands it to me. I open it. And inside is a ticket for a very good seat to the NKOTBSB concert! I tackle Chris. Like for real. Like we went flying, so did the couch, so did a bunch of things. Laughing laughin laughing "I told you she would like it" Chris said to Victor (her boyfriend and GD's dad) Oh yeah, I'm going to NKOTBSB. And I really don't care that you know that I am. I may be revealing my age (somewhat), but that's my youth, specifically, my teenage years. That's who I liked. Along with The Cure, Morrissey, The Cult, The Church, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Depeche Mode, Metallica...... Catch my drift, while I was mostly cool in the music department, I was still into New Kids. So Chris and I will go, and scream and sing along and have visions of Donnie Wahlberg professing his love for me (or just an offer to make the tour bus rock), and it'll be awesome. And that's how Christmas day went....... These recaps keep rolling, step by step, ooooh baby, gonna get to you girrrrlllll.......

Recap #1

Ever have one of those day/nights that you just cannot get drunk, no matter how very hard you try? That was my Christmas Eve. I drank, and drank, and drank some more. I didn't eat very much, as is my new practice around VonMom. (I don't want to hear her comments on my eating habits) And still, I remained sober. Well, way too sober for that occassion. Blissfully tanked is how I get through my Christmas Eves. Christmas Eve 2009 was one of the best on record, when I lost abou 45 minutes of the night. Anyway. Sober me was trying to be all nice and festive. Then time to open presents happened. Hm. I actually got a couple of presents. This is new. And they were good presents. This is even newer. But then the person I had in the grab-bag opened my present. I thought I was in the clear, as I had purchased off his Amazon list. Now, I too have an Amazon wish list. And I know it's my responsibility to keep that list updated, as I know people go to it for gift ideas. If I get something off the list, I take it off. Easy peasy. Apparently eldest nephew is not hip to the concept of list updating. And was a total child about it. He's 24, by the way. He made a mini-scene upon opening gift. Which would have been bad enough. But he kept at it. I told him I didn't feel badly because I got it off of his list. He said he felt bad because he didn't update his list. I said, well, that's on you. Because it is. And I didn't and do not feel bad about it. He was still complaining about it as they were packing up to go home, hours later. GROW UP. On the flip side - next youngest nephew loved loved loved his gift from me, the awesome aunt. Over the summer he told me how when he runs and trains (he plays varsity baseball at his high school) he falls down because his shoes are old. I filed this info away. And I bought him new shoes. Here in Chicago, we call them gym shoes (regardless of if you wear them in a gym). You may call them sneakers. Whatevs. They were Nike running shoes, and they cost me a pretty penny. But he deserved them. He's a good kid all the way around. I love picking on him, and that he takes it so well. As he looked at the largish (he's a size 13) wrapped box in front of him, he looked at me and said: "It's from you, Aunt Von" "Yup. What do you think it is?" "$0.50 taped to the bottom of an empty box?" (he can dish it out as well as he can take it) "Open it and see" And then he loved them. And tried them on. And they fit. I even got a follow up email thanking me for the shoes. He said he also got new basketball shoes, which will be his every day shoes, but he's planning on wearing the ones I gave him for training and running. (which is why I bought them) The best gift I received that evening was a Dalek key chain. And when you turn it over, it's a bottle opener. I love this gift the best because VonBrother#2 bought it for me. A) he never has bought me a Christmas gift before 2) he bought it after I mentioned how much I'd love something like that when he told me he was going to a Dr. Who convention the day after Thanksgiving. And he remembered I said that. That is the best gift giving there is. Not at all the dollar amount, more of the thought behind it. It was interesting (though I guess it was supposed to be endearing?) when VonMom told me to "Go to bed, so Santa can come." I translated it to "Go to bed, I have nothing further to say to you today, and don't you need some beauty sleep? Those bags under your eyes aren't getting you a boyfriend." And this was just Christmas Eve.... So much more to tell you.......