Well, there goes that

There is one thing I hate over and above all other things.

Being blown off.

Let me define "blown off": We have plans. There is a specific day and rough estimate of time and location is set.  There is a plan.  That day and time come and go, no word from the other person. No word at all.

There is a reason for this - watch me go all psychology on your asses.
When I was little and my parents divorced, I was too young to know that my biological father was a total and complete piece of shit.  So I would sit in our big front window every weekend and wait for bio father to show up.  Sometimes, he did. Most times, he didn't. Then, he stopped coming all together.

So, whenever someone (ANYONE) blows me off, I become the little girl waiting in the big picture window, looking at every car that passed, wondering if that's the one that's going to stop and pick me up to spend time with me.


I've been this way my whole life.  The easiest way to hurt me is to blow me off.
It tells me that I have no value to you - that whatever you are doing or not doing, I'm not even a thought in your mind.  Especially now in this day and age, when you can so easily send a text. Even if it's a lie, or two words - you can text and say "not coming".  Then I won't fall asleep on the couch, waiting and wondering.  Then, I won't feel like I have no value.  Then I won't be staring out the window.

Junior blew me off last night.  So this is a two steps back kind of day.  Confidence shaken, value devalued.

Hope he knows he no longer exists in my universe.

A hole in my bitch armor....

Sigh.
I could use a little lovin' today.

Oh, yeah...

I KNEW there was something I wanted to write about. It just took me a while to remember what it was.
NO IT'S NOT WHITNEY FUCKING HOUSTON!! (see my twitter feed for my thoughts on her)

It's....THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND POLITICS!!

I know, I'm totally breaking my own rules here, but I just need to vent.
So
Yesterday I had to go to Mass for the second time in four weeks.  Yes, it did damn near kill me.  But this time was just so much worse that I could have imagined.
Yesterday was Sil1x's third and final child's Baptism, so of course, I had to go.  Sil1x, knowing my disdain for Mass and my busy schedule said I could just skip it and show up to the party, but I wasn't raised that way, so off to Mass I trudged. 
Found one of Sil1x's friends that I love, sat with her. 
Mass is Mass is Mass, we were having a contest to see just how many mints we could eat before Mass was over.
Mass goes as Mass goes - Reading, reading, singing, reading.....sermon....WAIT WHAT!?!?!
"Today's sermon is a recording by our holy and blah blah blah Cardinal George"
The recording starts, as expected, with a fervent plea for $$.  I half expected it to say "We accept all major credit cards! Vital organs! This shit ain't free people!!"
And then.....
The recording started going on and on and on how bad our President is, what a bad bad man, contreception is the devil's work etc etc etc....
I very nearly exploded in church. I was almost speaking in tongues, and not the holy kind.
WTF, church!?!?!?
I already have a million and one reasons why I don't go to Mass, and now, you do this??

Catholic Church has always been the textbook definition of an Old Boys' Club (maybe the original OBC?), but now - it's even worse than that - it's clearly Republican.

I'm done. Done done done.  Until another family member passes away, you won't be seeing my sinning, pro-choice, good hearted, strong willed ass in church.

**and off this soap box I jump**

Vonfessions Friday

Why, yes, I DO think I'm cool enough to replace pretty much as much as I can with "von".

Happy Friday.

Here's some confessions for you. You may laugh, you may cringe, you may remain unmoved.  It's all the same to me.

• When I first got a car, I wanted the blue plastic dolphin thing hanging from my rear view mirror. Instead, I had a mini disco ball.  Now, I have a devil made out of string. His name is Henry.
• I nap. As much as possible. Recently, I have been known to nap on a week night from 6 -8 ish, and go to bed around 10.
• I know for a fact that I burn my candle at both ends.  This has a great deal to do with two things VonDad said before he passed - 1) Don't piss your life away. check  2) Von has a pretty cool and interesting life, all of those things she does. check (#2 was said to VonMom just a few days before he died. It's likely the last thing he said about me. I can find comfort in that)
• I love love songs.  More than any other kind of song.  Ice cold bitch on the outside, smooshy romantic inside my earbuds.
• I cannot pronounce the word neighborhood properly.  And this is only in the past few years.  This is important in Chicago, because upon meeting anyone new, the first question is always "What neighborhood do you live in?"  I pronounce it Nay BAA hood.  I have not been able to correct this. I try.
• I choose to pronounce two words cutely, because it sounds cute, and therefor makes the words better and me cuter.  The words are buttons and mittens.  I very clearly state but-tons and mit-tens.
• I pass gas every morning when I get out of bed. Every morning.  This may be one reason why I don't let my "friends" spend the night.
• I'm in love with someone. Someone who is pretty much unattainable.  Hence I continue to make bad decisions in the man department, because I'm trying to forget him.  It doesn't work.
• I've had a song written for me (with no lyrics....I was pissed) and there exists a not small tattoo on someone's arm with my initials over a broken heart.
• I have an entire medicine cabinet full of nail polish. It's almost an investment, at this point.
• I will never EVER never start a post with this "In which....:" it's like nails on a fucking chalk board to me. Freddy Krueger nails on a fucking chalk board. 
• I have an irrational fear of lions, and a very rational fear of raccoons.  Both are out to get me. Only me.  The rest of you are totally safe.  It's so bad I cannot go to the zoo. I just know the lions will know I'm there and bust out and eat me.

New Favorite Song, two ways.

Totally breaking a sweat AND totally cat vacuuming.
But, if I don't share things like this with y'all, it's like it doesn't matter.
So, this is the song I'm learning in guitar class. AND it's my new favorite song.
So, I give you the original (recorded at my happy place, the Old Town School), and because of my non-ending love for all things Michael Stipe, I give you his version with those asshats from Coldplay.  I will forgive Michael Stipe anything.

Such a great song. I'm excited and honored to play it.....enjoy.....

Lyrically, so much going on. Sigh. I love this song.....

My opinion

I was really looking forward to mocking Madonna.
I had thought that she would screech her way through some random crap while showing off her weirdly shaped chicken arms.

Man, was I wrong.

I actually dug her performance, a lot.  Sure, I kinda hate LMFAO and those two chicks, and CeeLo is meh.  But I thought that Madonna was kickin'.

I was a little put off, at first, with the partial lip syncing, until she started to throw down on the dance moves.  I can't even stand up in heels, and she was all over the place.
And, her scary chicken arms were all covered up.

I still think she's a stone cold bitch for the way she treats the general public - remember the flower incident? - but the show was what it was supposed to be, entertaining.

Plus, I think she looked downright giddy to be there. Nice to see something can still shake her ice queen veneer.

Kinda think lots of us need this today.....

Rest your head, you worry too much
It's gonna be alright, when times get rough
You can fall back on us
Don't give up
Please don't give up

A class act

I know I told you readers about my going to the Sister Hazel show at HOB in December.
The part I left out?
That's today's story.

I always "rent" a bar stool at HOB concerts these days.  The shows are too long for me to be standing. For the Sister Hazel show, I ended up with the best bar stool in the house (or so I thought). I was seat A, stage right. So, like the first seat right next to the stage. I was ecstatic.
Until
During the lull between opening act 1 and opening act 2, the people who had the two bar stools next to me showed up.
Sure, they were clearly white trash, but I don't let that kind of stuff bother me.
What bothered me, then?
When WT lady said (at the top of her lungs):
"OH MY GOD!! IT'S SO UNFAIR!!! I HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT CHICK!!!"
Readers, I am not thin, but I know for damn sure that my ass fits wholly and securely on my own damn bar stool. I don't take up any more space than anyone else, really.
The entire evening the ugly comments continued.  I heard then, my friends heard them, complete strangers heard them, the bartender heard them (and gave me a free beer) - you get the point.

I know what you're thinking - 'Why, Von, being the bad ass that you are, that you didn't take care of business?!?!?'
Because
If I had verbally sparred with her, I would have won and likely been kicked out of the show in the process. If I had physically sparred with her and her husband, I would have one, and absolutely been kicked out.
I paid $86 to see my favorite band live, who I hadn't seen in over a year, I was NOT getting kicked out.
So, the vitriol continued, until mid Sister Hazel when they were too drunk to keep their heads up so they left. Of course a parting shot:
"YOU CAN HAVE OUR SEATS, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN FIT THERE!!!"
The couple she offered her seats to declined, and I'm pretty sure the wife called her a bitch.
And the rest of the night continued.
I was no worse for the wear - trust me, I have the confidence of a super model.

What stayed with me was just the awfulness of it.  I was mad - more mad that I couldn't do anything about it, and mad that it happened there, in a happy chill place.

So, I sent the greatest email of my entire life to customer services at the HOB.
I mean, the greatest.  The subject line was The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.  First, I complimented the staff I talked to that night, because everyone was amazing. I thanked them for having the bar stool option. Then, I launched in to "the incident".  I spent a good part of the email explaining that I know with my whole heart that HOB was NOT to blame, I just wanted to make them aware.

Two days later - I receive a phone call from E, who is the executive assistant to the GM.  We had a long talk about the incident.  She won me over when she said "I'm sorry, but I can't believe you didn't punch her in the face"
She told me that the next time I visit the HOB, I should let her know so we can meet.

Monday night, I met one of my sisters there for dinner.  I had called E and let her know we would be there.
Walk in - give name- host says "Oh! Von! There you are! You're a friend of E's!"
 We had a fantastic meal, with a complimentary dessert provided by E.  She came and sat with us for a good 20 minutes and we talked.   She's a very sweet, down to earth, professional chick. 
As she was leaving, she let me know that I should call her every time I'm going to be at the HOB. She also said that she had my number, and that she'd be calling me too.

Now - there you have it.  The whole thing - 100% of it, House of Blues was NOT to blame.  The security guard, the bartenders, everyone was wonderful.  They cannot control who visits their establishment. 
But the way they are treating me - like this is a big deal to them, and they are so not happy that it happened there, and that they want to make sure I am happy and a returning customer - they are 100% a class act.  I will absolutely continue to spend my money there.  I will absolutely not start fights with any horrible people there. Well, not inside, anyway.

Awkward

Once upon a time....
I was a Girl Scout. I wasn't just a GS in grammar school, when it was kinda acceptable - OH NO.
I was a full fledged graduated after getting every single award possible GS.
I have my Gold Award, which is the highest honor in scouting.
I can light a fire in the rain with a single match.
I can cook a four course meal in the ground in a dutch oven.
I can camp, outdoors, in every season the Midwest has to offer. EVERY season.
I can survive for two and a half days with just the items in my back pack.

So, this year is the 100th anniversary of GS.
I have fallen away from the organization over my adult years solely because I have a hatred (that is 100% reciprocated) for the woman that was my troop leader when I graduated.
She is the reason I have done nothing - because she is everywhere.  So, I just gave in and stopped.
But I can tell you that the reason I continue to volunteer my life away to this day has it's roots in my GS background.

I loved everything about the GS, and I can say that GS is mostly responsible for my independent spirit, my gigantic self confidence, all of my good qualities - not the least of which my ability to survive a zombie apocalypse.

This past Saturday, the previously mentioned hated one (heretofore known as HO) had an all day celebration for her past scouts.  Laura and I decided to make an appearance.

It was bittersweet for me, seeing years and years and years worth of pictures of me and Laura in our best friend times.  We received our Gold Awards together. Those days, we did everything together. So looking at the pictures was really hard for me, because I miss that.

Anyway - came across a picture of EB.  EB and her friend DT were older than me, and used to pick on me.  DT was very scary, she was just a mean bitch - but EB was the one who was silent so therefore deadly.  I looked at these pictures, and said out loud:
"If EB showed up here today, I could totally kick her ass! I bet I'm five times her size!"
---EB was a very tiny girl----
Then I looked at HO and said "She's not coming is she?"
HO of course, ignored me. 
So, we sat there and had some dollar store pop and some cookies and killed time.

All of the sudden
EB
And four teenagers

I can't really tell you what happened, but I know I fell over chairs, got all flushed, and begged Laura if we could go.  EB avoided me, until I said:
"EB. I was so afraid of you."
She laughed the laugh that I immediately remembered as villainous and evil. Except now it didn't sound so evil.
"I just told these kids in the hallway that you were afraid of me for years, so I wasn't going to talk to you"
"Ha! Ha ha! Yep, well that was then and all that"......and I fell over a chair backing away from her.
Best part? - It's true, I'm way taller and way bigger than she is.  She's a mom. A 41 year old mother.
And I'm a bad-ass, a few years her junior.
But I turned into a big pile of cowardly goo.
I got really nervous about everything coming out of my mouth.
Laura finally stated that we could go.
Thank God!
Said goodbye to EB, who was having a field day with my awkwardness.
Had to say goodbye to HO.
She said:
"You should stop by our meetings! Any time!'
My reply:
"Why?"
blank stare
Somehow, not sure, I recovered myself just enough to get a dig in there.

So, that was my Saturday......or part of it, anyway

Ahem, Pinko

Ahem, Pinko -
Sometimes,
I just
Do what I'm told.
It's possible the orange cat with the orb eyes made this happen.
Or
The undead overlord.
I'm allergic to cats.....

Kinda a bitch

Last week, I was talking to VonMom.
I was filling her in on the phone call I had with my God-mother the night before.
So, of course, we were talking about VonDad.
I was reminded that VonDad had said over and over and over again that he didn't want to go out the way his best friend Bud did. Long hospital stays, sick for months and months, all of that bad business of dying.  He always said he hated that's how Bud had to go, and just didn't want that for himself.
Well, VonDad got his wish. His passing took less than an hour, in the end.
VonMom looked at me and said "I want that. I want to go out like Dad did"
I could have been nice, but I'm still working on that with her and with the rest of the world I guess.  Plus, it's kinda in my nature to say the first evil thing that comes to mind:
"Keep on smoking like you do, and maybe you'll get your wish"

Sometimes, I don't even know what the fuck is wrong with me.

Miss Von for now forever?

I've been giving a lot of thought to my single-ness lately.

I'm trying to be more honest with myself, and in doing so, I guess that'll make me more honest with you readers.
You all know since the passing of VonDad, I've given myself the free pass of Vulnerable and Prone to Making Bad Decisions.
Not that I think any of my decisions since October have been bad.  I haven't hurt anyone else, not really, and no harm has come to me.
I've got not one but two good guys who are pretty happy with the state of affairs right now.  I'm happy that one is back in my life, and I'm also happy that I've gotten to know the other. If nothing else they both may end up as pretty decent friends.  And, let's face it - I'm happy to be getting some on a regular basis.
there's that honesty thing, right there

Now, a few of my friends (who happen to be ladies) think that I'm acting "like a guy".  I'm not sure if that's supposed to be warning, or insulting, or a compliment.  I just find it confusing.  I had a need, I took care of it.  Luckily I am pretty charming and not a troll, so it wasn't difficult to find a couple of guys to help me out.  And, truthfully, if I had more time, I'd probably add one or two more to the calendar.  Variety is the spice of life.

As to the single-ness that I linger in.
I think I'd make a really shitty girlfriend, and an even worse wife.  I'm just being honest here. I used to think that I'd be AWESOME as either girlfriend or wife, but now, I'm not so sure.
I have very specific things that I'm not entirely sure I can bend on:

• I live alone, and have for 12 years.  Therefore, I not only LOVE my free alone time, I COVET it.  You can be in my house sometimes, you can even spend some Sunday time there, but sometimes, you just need to NOT.
• I have one full time job that I love. I have one part time job that I also love.  This means I work downtown M - F 8-5, and also work either Friday or Saturday night immediately following work until really late, sometimes on Thursday nights and oh yeah, sometimes on Sundays too.  Again, I LOVE this part time job of mine, and I'm not willing to give it up.  Oh, and I'm on the board of directors at DANK, which takes up whatever is left of my time.  I have 11 more months of that good time, so there's that.  OH AND, both part time gig and DANK are in Lincoln Square, so not that close to home.
• I kinda hate talking on the phone.  Sure, text me until your finger tips fall off, go to town, but really - don't call me.
• I actually LIKE watching football and baseball and hockey.  I also enjoy being on fantasy leagues.  What I don't like? You trying to explain all of sports to me like I'm a silly little bar fly without a clue.  When and if I need your help with my fantasy teams, I will ask you.  With my head hung in shame.
• I don't cook. I hate it. I do bake, but only sometimes, and never for myself.  I bake and give it away. I will make a tray of lasagna once in a while, but that's it.
• The beer in the fridge? That's mine.  It's from WI and is not exported to IL, so no, you can't "just try it".  Same goes for my bottle of 16 year single malt scotch.  Ok, that you can have, if you know how to drink it.  And if I can pour it for you.
• My friends and family are important to me.  It's pretty important that you can tolerate them.  Oh, did I mention I have SIX siblings? All older than me? Good with that? Didn't think so.
• I have tattoos, and intend to get more.  I really don't care if you have an opinion on that.
• I don't really want to talk politics or religion with you. Ever.

So, these might be some of the reasons that I'm still single.  Even though I'm very sure I don't want to be forever.  I DO want to find "the one".  Or maybe "the other one".  I'm just not sure how much of myself I can give up to turn my solo into a duet.

Things that piss me off Wednesday

Probably a bad thing that I'm posting today when we're supposed to go dark or something.
But, hey, I rarely go with the flow, so I'll just post away.


Things that stick in my craw, that make me throw up in my mouth, that I have contempt for today:

• My socks. I'm wearing awesome argyle knee socks (it's fucking cold here, people) and they won't stay up! Spending a lot of quality time pulling up my socks. I don't have time for this sock pulling upness. Just stay up.  That is your only function.
• My lunch.  Sure, it was free which is always a plus, but it was sub-par.  The thing is, we knew it would be. Kinda went like this: *sigh* "Let's go to name redacted" It's next door, and it's cold, so there you have it.
• People who post the same old boring shit on teh FB.  As in: Happy Hump day! One day closer to the weekend!  Um, thanks, Captain Obvious, for letting us know it's Wednesday.  And wow, that is the exact same thing you posted LAST Wednesday.  Lame and boring. Boring and lame.  Let's spice it up a bit, or not post at all, m'kay?
• Female bloggers who beg cry and would swallow (yep, I said it) for attention.  If no one is reading your blog? It probably sucks.  If no one is replying to your comments? They're probably over you and your b.s.  Just shut the fuck up and write your stupid little posts. If they get read, great if not, so what?! Does your blog make or break you as a person? Probably - about as much as interweb attention from a bunch of dudes who really don't give a shit does.
• Chicago radio.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  There is NOTHING worth listening to on Chicago radio.  Nothing.  Even XRT is a mess of repeats. If I have to hear Pumped Up Kicks one more time in an 8 hour workday, I'll throw my Hello Kitty boom box right out the window.
• SOPA and PIPA.  I now understand what all of the hub bub is about, and I don't like it one bit.  See, I took some time to educate myself on the topic, THEN formed an opinion. Novel idea!
• That I can't park in the garage this winter. C'mon Overlord - you won't be working soon, which means you'll have plenty of time to clear the snow off of your VonDad's truck.  I leave for work at 6:25 every day. Would be nice if I could just pull out of the garage....no snow to clean off....but nooooooo.
• The whole Paula Deen thing.  Do we wish her ill just because she cooks everything with a stick of butter? I think she's cute, and fun to watch.  I'm sad for her, just as I'd be sad for anyone diagnosed with something sucky.  Let's leave her alone.
• Winter. I said it. I'm a wimp.  I hate everything about winter. We've been so lucky with no real winter until very recently, but I don't care. Hate snow, hate cold, hate ice.  I just want to sleep through it. 

Dear You, Love Me

Inspired by BeeG's high school photo post, as well as the youtube about skin cancer.

Dear 17 Year Old Von,

You think you're hot shit? Dontcha? Well, you kinda ARE. - SO shake your money maker.  You are in the best shape you'll likely ever be in.  And your boobs!!*  So very perky!! Appreciate those before gravity sets in.

You and Laura are spending A LOT of time together.  You think this will last forever, but you might be wrong, so be in the moment, be nicer, and appreciate it while you have it.

These people are not actually your friends:  Anne, Rob, Mike C., Tonya, Shannon U.  Do not waste any more time on them.  They are useless, unpleasant, and your real friends don't really like them at all.

You are about to meet your very best dude friend - John.  Just let that happen. You two will be fast friends, and ultimately, forever friends.

In a few years, you'll meet Shannon. You've been waiting for her forever.  Go ahead, make the inappropriate joke about some one's wedding dress - she'll love you forever for it.

Those dorky guys you met at Quigley a few years ago?  Those dudes will be your closest, most loyal, most loving friends 20 years from now.  Don't spend any more time away from them.  Build memories, laugh, cry, do what you need to do to let them know they matter.

Oh, and that one you dated a few years ago? He's actually the love of your life, so don't fuck up when he asks you out again in a few years.  As a matter of fact, you should do your best to marry him.

The first two people that ask you to marry them? SAY NO TO BOTH. 

Stop fucking up your hair.  You have great hair!! Stop getting perms, stop forcing your bangs up to the sky.  There will be photos and video proof of this FOREVER.

That lipstick? Doesn't work for you.  As soon as you can, you need to discover and love lip gloss. Forever.

That smoking cigarettes thing you're doing?  You need to stop! When you do quit, it's going to be a real bitch, so stop NOW when it'll be easier. 

Have more sex.  Oh, wait - you're 17 and two years away from having any sex.  Go down the street to that Rollie guy - have sex with him. It'll be good. Keep doing it with him and others. Sex is awesome.

It's cool that you love music - keep loving music - Just get yourself some damn good ear plugs.  Trust me. When you're in your mid-30s and you can't hear for shit, you will thank me. Or you, well me, whatever.  Ear plugs - now - wear them - all the time.

Make sure that if you are going to keep being so brutally honest, you might want to make sure you can protect yourself.  Not everyone thinks your honesty is the very best policy.

You are cuter, smarter, better than you think you are.  Start loving yourself NOW so I won't have so much work to do later.

Love ya,
V



*Hey! Other people can talk about boobs too!!

Goodbye, Filter

I've resolved to not make any resolutions.
I can't remember the last time I did and I don't really care either way.
One thing I do need to do, and it's so not a resolution, is to stop writing with a filter.
.....I'll wait for you to pick yourself up of the floor and stop laughing.........

I dislike the fact that even when I ramble and shamble over here that I always have the nagging notion that this person or that person won't like what I write.  Or that this other person may have started reading, or that someone else will stop reading this.

Part of what bothers me so very much about this is that if you've ever met me - in person - then you know that I will always say what's on my mind.  Regardless of whether or not it's popular opinion. So, to not do that here is more than a little silly.

So, be afraid, be very afraid.  Ok, no that's not a threat, not really.  Because I also know that some of the people I'm concerned about would never ever confront me about something I wrote that they didn't like.

What can you expect to be different?
More snark.
Less fluff.
More bitch.

2012 Let's mess this place up.

Music, music and more music

I'm doing it again.
Writing a post, then deleting it. lather-rinse-repeat.

I don't really know what needs telling today.  So here's some music stuff:

• I hate Sheryl Crow. A lot. She's one of the main reasons for my dislike of female singers as a people. 
• That being said, there are a few female singers that I adore, damn near obsess over. TheMarty and Shannon's cousin Clare are fascinated by this. Every time I see them, they quiz me on female singers, seeing who "has it" and who does not.
• Who has it? Adele - she is the QUEEN of has it.  Others? Stevie Nicks, Natalie Merchant, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Janis Joplin, Sarah McLachlan, Sara Bareilles (but nothing by her that's played on the radio), Patty Smyth, Pink, Missy Higgins, Joss Stone, both Anne and Nancy Wilson.
• I'm not entirely sure what "It" is. Care to think on it?
• I posted lyrics from Hurt so Good yesterday on both teh FB and Twitter. No one got the reference or cared. Has John Cougar Mellencamp become obsolete?
• I start guitar class again a week from tomorrow.  I fully intend to do some practicin' between now and then. I intend to.
• I'm also considering learning to play bass. Because I think I would be an awesome bass player. And, there's only like four strings instead of six.
• I'm going to be hitting on John's bass player tomorrow - if I get him to kiss me, maybe he'll lend me one of his old bass's to learn on.
• I can't decide if I want an iPod touch (which I can get now) or an iPad (which will take some time to save up for). I'm really torn on this one.
• I had to turn down a ticket to the Megadeth/Motorhead show next month.  I'm trying to get serious about paying down my debts, and am trying to go out less. This means less concerts. This makes me sad.
• I have a friend who's a real and true Opera singer. And he's amazing.  And I have every intention of going to see him perform soon.  And I think if you live nearby, you should see him too.
• I like Lifehouse.  I admit it. Sure, it's a dirty little secret, but I do. My favorite tunes are Storm and Everything.  If anyone every sang Everything to me, I'd be theirs forever timez.
• I also think 3 Doors Down is an entirely under-rated band.
• I think Anthax's Worship Music album is one of the completely best albums I've heard in a very very long time.
• My favorite favorite favorite song right now is Bridge Over Troubled Water. For some reason it makes me think happy thoughts about my dad. I'm even considering getting some of the lyrics tattooed on me. Sail on, Silver Girl.

Yikes

An interesting thing happened when I was off work these last ten days.
You think this is the lead in to a joke, but you'd be wrong.

I had four different friends, two male and two female, inform me that they are getting divorced.

I'm not going to go into other people's personal business too much here, I'm just finding the situations interesting, and the fact that these four people came to me is also interesting.

Now, the ladies both told me in person, and neither has filed for divorce, they were thinking about it. Each lady has a valid reason for thinking about this step - one a major trust issue, the other financial differences with her husband.  They told me in depth what they had been going through, asked my opinion (Yes! Ask the spinster all about marriage! j/k) and wanted to talk through it all.  We picked apart every "could mean" "might be" "have you/has he" possibility.  Each conversation was hours long, a little weepy, a little giggly.

The men. Sigh.
First dude sent me a drunken text at 1am on Christmas Day. He basically told me he was getting divorced and don't worry about him because he's out with friends even though it's Christmas and Merry Fucking Christmas and I know you are sad and I am sad too etc....
We played phone tag for a few days until I finally got to speak with him.  He told me the story, all dates and facts and concrete info.  The process has already begun.  They were discussing what to do with the house.  I told him I loved him, sent him a flask of very expensive Scotch (he lives in another state, so we can't drink together, at least he can drink well) and am keeping tabs on him.  Now, of course, his wife that I totally loved I totally now hate. I'm pretty clear on these kinds of things.

Second dude sent an email to a group of his long time friends.  He said that he and his wife are divorcing, and that he would like us to keep him in our thoughts.  I've tried to chat with him. He said emailing would be best, he also said he'd like to see me.  I offered up a few dates in the near future that would work for me.  He now responds that he's super busy with the divorce and finding a new place to live.  Of course, I understand.  I don't know the details on this situation yet, but he's also being very black and white.

The whole point to this post?  The fact that both ladies were all emotionally driven, and the dudes were facts and figures, even though all four of my friends are clearly hurting.  I'm not going to lie.  I find it a little odd that these people came to me (aforementioned spinster), yet I know I am a kick-ass friend, and I'm probably the person they should  turn to in this time of need.

I also know someone who should get divorced, and SOON. But that's a story for another day. Or when I'm drunk. Either way.

So, as much as I want/need/desire/require 2012 to be better for me, it's not looking so hot for some of my dear friends already.  I already know that I'll be heading out of town asap to visit my friend in the other state.  I already know that I'll be buying many fine beverages for my dear friend that is here, once he has time. 
I also know that either way they decide, the two ladies are going to need me too.

Why don't people follow my relationship lead?........Oh, never mind......

The last for 2011, I think **updated** I owed an ode

Making a decision to make this the last post for 2011.
Going to write all of my peeps little vonversions of Haiku.
Fuck the real rules, I'm just going 5 - 7 - 5
These are in place of the schmoopy things I originally wrote and then deleted.

Ahem

Saying Yes is boss
She is the most amazing
I am blessed with her

MenD, my buddy
My snarky partner in crime
Knowing you is grand

Zombie is my dear
Pumpkin who teaches me stuff
About music nice

Snag has snagria
A cut above all others
A friend to me now

Brando listens well
To my drunken stories swill
And yet, still my friend

BG is a saint
She hears my rant and my roar
And likes me anyway

K-Unit delight
Gives me many things to think
She is wicked smart

Mikey, Mikey, oh
Twitter chats with you are best
You know you matter

B4, before you
I was not so flirty, hm
Fun with you is FUN

Fish is not to blame
About the bad year I've had
Fish is Fish is Fish

Thunda, is there rain?
Not when I read your postings
Orbs and other things

Smut Clyde, you thrill me
I always learn something new
Eager for new words

Another Kiwi
A friend from far away - lucky
I know I am now

Mandos silent dude
Doesn't speak often lately
But sometimes, does so

Pinko, my pinko
Why no love for me at 3?
I like to comment

To those I don't like
A quick punch to your faces
Go away trolls, go


So, there you all go.  My commenters, my friends, my people, my heart.
Without you I am less than, and without you, this sucky blog would not exist.
See you in 2012.*


* Unless something really awesome happens, then I'll totally write about it!

Well, F that

I just wrote and deleted three different posts.  I didn't like my voice at all for them.  That doesn't really happen, so I'm feeling not good about trying for a fourth.
So, instead, here is the video of the song that Sister Hazel closed the show with on Friday.

For those of you not on teh FB, I need to let you know that after the show Friday night, I was genuinely, fully happy for the first time since I lost VonDad.  So, love or hate the band, they did wonders for me just doing what they do.  My favorite lyric of this song: Oh yeah, I might be crazy, that's not the same as insane. I know I'm scared, but that's not the same as being afraid.

Well, at least it's Friday

Wow. Kinda get the feeling that I can pretty much write a bunch of nonsense here, and some people will just comment about whatever the fuck.

So, here's some nonsense.

Tonight, I go see Sister Hazel go ahead and mock, they are my favorite band to see live. I love them.  I didn't get to see them at all in 2010, and I really missed them.  So tonight I go.  To House of Blues.  No point in heading home to just head back downtown, so I'll be hanging around downtown solo for quite a bit tonight. Might get interesting. 

Tomorrow night I go with VonMom and her two friends to the Songs of Good Cheer show at Old Town.  This is a huge deal because: a) This show was one of VonDad's favorite things to do. b) I have never been to Old Town as a concert goer. Never. I don't even think I'll know how to just be there.  I intend to be wasted anyway (see reason a)

Yesterday a little group of us from work - we are calling ourselves the South East Corner Group - went out for a little holiday lunch.  Mad props to Mercat a la Planxa, home to Iron Chef Jose Garces.  Informed of my food allergies, they were more than awesome to me, providing me with my own little plates of awesome when a dish contained something I could not have.  Amazing food, tasty sangria.  Your friend here had a little too much sangria, and now is subject to her fellow SECG people calling her Y-Von and Roxie.  I need to learn now to not tell some of my highly amusing yet very personal stories.

Went to the bank yesterday to cash in a savings bond of mine that we had found in VonDad's things.  Sure, the dude helping me was young, but I didn't think anything of it until he said:
"Wow! I've never seen one of these this OLD!"
Um....that was purchased for me when I was six months old. Fuck you, fuck your youth, and give me my fucking $131.57.  Thanks.

Next week I am only working Monday, Wednesday and Thursday (hopefully just a 1/2 day on Thursday) and am then off until 1/3.  I'm not entirely sure what kind of blogging I'll be doing in that time, part of the reason being that my internet connection at home is sketchy at best.  Besides, since the end of October all I do when I'm not at work is sleep anyway, so not too much to write about there.

Anywho - so those are my tidbits for today.
Now. go do what you all do, and write about completely unrelated things in my comments.

Random stuff

• VonSis and I decided to get VonMom a piece of "mom jewelry" for Christmas, a little special something to make her feel special on this first Christmas without VonDad.  I had the idea, I did the research, I found the necklace*.  Well, ok, there were three that I liked, and I let VonSis make the final call.  She picked my favorite, which has two charms -  one star, one moon. Each will be engraved with one of our names. VonSis? Of course, she picked the star.  It's cool though - I think the moon is more me anyway.
• Both VonSis and I realized that last night, the 14th of December, neither of us had even taken the plastic wrapping off of our chocolate advent calendars. Yep, neither of us is really feeling holidayish this year.
• I had dinner and drinks (ok, it was burgers and beers) with a friend last night. A friend, her husband, and their two kids.  Turns out, my friend needs me. Just for someone to listen, or hug, or for advice.  Time I climb out of my pity pit and help a sister out.  Because lord knows she's been there for me more than a time or two.  I'm happy to be needed instead of needy.
• I tried to use cheesy hair metal lyrics as my FB status updates this week. I'm ashamed to say it only lasted three days. Sigh. Ok, but please note, I was trying to use lyrics that fit in to my life. So, not just throwing up an "She's only 17....". But relevant. Or, as relevant as cheesy hair metal lyrics can be.
• I did use Dishwalla lyrics today, though not metal, they are the lyrics that are most like me, or so I've been told by more than a few dudes I know. They are: "You had the look like of an angel, it was such a bad disguise. When you drink it makes you angry, when I drink I want you more and more and more".  Good song, better lyrics. 
• Friday night is the much anticipated Sister Hazel show at the HOB.  Sure, I bought one ticket, and would have been totally fine going by myself.  BUT - it looks like I have at least two fine people meeting me there, so it will be an even more awesome time.  Sure, go ahead and mock, but I love love love Sister Hazel live, and I didn't get to see them once last year. I can't let anymore time go by without seeing them.  I need the mood lifter I know their shows give me.
• We're going to some fancy place tomorrow for holiday lunch. It's called Mercat a la Planxa. I was ho-hum about the decision to go there, I usually love our steak house holiday meals, but this place is owned by Iron Chef Jose Garces.  NOW I'm intrigued!! I'll have to report back on that.  We're also changing it up a bit, and going with some other people in the office, and not just LB1 and me.  There's seven of us going all together. Should be fun.
• Book club book is 1Q84 by Murakami.  I sadly had to put Dance with Dragons down again, as I'm obsessed with reading the book club book the second it's assigned to us.  Um, a w k w a r d - there's a whole lotta sexy times in this book.  Not that I can't talk about that kind of thing with book club, but, **shuffles feet** I'm not sure I can talk about that kind of thing with book club.  And I'm only about 60 pages in. 

*Etsy, bitches!! Shop small businesses this season !! yeah yeah yeah!!!

99 problems

I don't know why I've been on a streak bender tear writing about man troubles lately, but here is another story for your reading pleasure.

If you recall, I had a wicked crush on GermanClassDude for a very long time.  I had promised myself that should the occasion happen that one or both of us was no longer taking the class that I would ask him out.

A while ago (kinda too embarrassed to tell you just how long ago, so a while ago) it happened. He dropped the class, as did I, and I emailed him. We emailed back and forth for a bit, and I finally hit send on this email:
'well, let me know if you want to hang out sometime!'

And I received no response.

I was bummed, then I was pissed.  I could not believe that this "nice guy" was not so nice, and I went out on a limb and .......righteous indignation etc.....

And I told my best gal pals all about it.

And then they dropped the bombs on me - one right after the other:
Apparently, my email was VAGUE and could be discounted and misinterpreted etc etc etc.

Time would pass, and I would see GermanClassDude around with his cute bald head and walking his cute little dog.....and I would seethe and ignore him.  Sure, on the occasions that he saw me, he'd wave, and I'd kinda pretend to not see him and just keep on driving......

Gal pals decided recently to bring up this whole debacle.  And they harangued me. And pestered me. Ok, maybe they just suggested nicely that I get to the bottom of this. Were they right? Was I vague? I am never vague!! Or was I right? He wasn't interested, and was not nice guy enough to just say it......

Then last night happened.  I was a little tipsy with a combination of Champagne, beer, and sugar cookies, and I went online to see who was around.
And there he was.

Sigh
Gulp

Typy type type

Hi GCG!
Hey
So, I need to ask you a question!
Ok.

And then I proceeded to go there.
I said blah blah blah.....email
He said email? refresh my memory!
I did.
Then I asked the question - vague? or not interested?
and I waited
and I opened another beer
and I waited

Ah, yes, I remember this email.
It was, without a doubt VAGUE

Oh? Ok, well sorry to bother you blah blah blah (in my brain? Why the fuck did I even bring this up! He must think I'm insane! Because clearly, I am insane!)

His response:
There's something to the not interested too - I was dating a different woman at that time. But I should have responded, either way.

No no no!! Bluster back pedal (wtf am I doing!! crazyVon! crazy!)

Him: I'm sorry, though. I wasn't sure if you wanted to "hang out" or "go out"
in for a pound, in for a penny!!!
Me: Well, I wanted to hang out to see if we should maybe go out.....

Him: Oh. Yeah, still it was vague.
Me: And I'm guessing you're not single now....
Him: Nope
Me: Friends?
Him: Sounds good.

At least I have a story to amuse you.  And I'm guessing he now has a story to amuse his friends and co-workers, so there's that.

And now I know the deal.

But, really, ME?!?! VAGUE!?!??

Happy Monday

Small world, take 2

Christ on a cracker.

That's what I muttered last night when:

I was sitting at  Jury's having a drink with a lovely friend waiting for the rest of the book club ladies to show up
AND THEN
Lapse in Judgement 2010 walks in the fucking door.
With clearly his chubby yet not cute kinda troll looking girlfriend.

We avoided each other the entire evening.

Which didn't prevent me from thinking to myself fifteen times once or twice....
'Ew. I slept with him??'

It's a small world, after all.

I've always thought it was not only cool, but kinda handy to know a million billion people.
Because, I know a million billion people.
I'm not stupid nor vain enough to say all of these folks are my friends, but I do know them, and they know me. 
LandOverLord recently said that he and VonSis are going to create a game called Six Degrees of Von. Bet it'd be just as interesting as the Kevin Bacon version.....
And in some instances, some of them swear they know me, but I don't know them - but I blame that on my horrible memory.
Anyway.
Last night came the first but I'm certain not the last time that knowing all of these people is not a good thing.
I was hanging out with A, who is one of my current distractions.  We were talking about nothing in particular, when I remembered a question I had been meaning to ask him:
V: "Where did PC go to high school?"
A: "Loyola"
V: "God fucking damn it"
A: "?"
V: "This year's lapse in judgement (known to you, dear reader, as L) knows PC."
A: "Who's that?"
V: "L" **sigh**
A: "Oh damn. I know that guy. You dated that guy?!!?!"
V: "Dated? No....I just um.....you know how it is...."
A: "That guy is a douchebag. He had  some issues too"
V: "Uh, huh. Well, PC is a douchebag, so I am so not surprised they are friends"

At this point, I lost any and all interest in any further discussion on the topic. On any topic really. Truthfully, I wanted A to leave.
A is not really a stupid guy, and he told me not to be upset about the whole L thing.  I informed A that he had no idea what he was talking about, and that I had no interest in talking about it further.

Sure, I get it, I did this to myself. I could have kept the knowledge to myself, and I have no idea why I even brought it up. I think I knew the truth without having A validate it for me.  I had no idea that I would get bummed out about it.

My ideas of fun, frivolous place holding distractions are already getting messy.  I don't know if it's me or them, but it's definitely happening.  I'm wracking my brains trying to figure out why this is happening, which isn't really helping. 

Turns out I might be more of a girl than I currently like to admit to myself.

F*ck you Thursday

 Today, I give you Fuck You Thursday

The topic of today's Fuck you? 2011.
All of it.
I'm done done done with it.

Here's a recap-
February - H1N1
March - Pneumonia
April - TMJ
May - Busted the hell out of my ankle, which lasted through August
July - This year's lapse in judgement (L bastard)
August - see July
September - Root canal that led to infection, that led to  C Diff (again), that compromised my kidneys (again)
October - Lost my Dad
November - Porcupine in throat/chest cold from hell

With very few exceptions, 2011 has SUCKED for me. As in, the worst year of my life, as it contains the worst day of my life 10/23/11.

So, here I sit, counting down the days until 2012. No, I have no big plans for New Year's Eve. Likely, I'll be taking VonMom out to dinner then home to bed.

I have no hopes for 2012. I've turned in to a realist that way. No knight in shining armour will be sweeping me off my feet, I will not win the lottery, I will not write a prize winning book. I will not master the guitar and write the next great song. 
I simply hope it will be slightly better than 2011.

Because I'm tired.

Totally stole this. Don't care.

1) What are you reading at the moment?

A Dance with Dragons. George RR Martin
2) As a child, what did you read under the covers?
All of those evil VC Andrews books - Flowers in the Attic, etc. So scandalous.
3) Has a book ever made you cry, and if so which one?
The Time Traveler's Wife, and every freaking one of the Songs of Ice and Fire books. Stupid George RR Martin.
4) You are about to be put into solitary confinement for a year and allowed to take three books. What would you choose?
The Mists of Avalon, Pride and Prejudice, Behind the Mask: The IRA and Sinn Fein
5) Which literary character would you most like to sleep with?
The vampire LeStat
6) If you could write a self-help book, what would you call it?
You must be really F-ed, if You're Reading THIS Book


7) Which book, which play, and which poem would you make compulsory reading in high school English classes?


Book: The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
Play: Go Ask Alice
Poem: Dr. Seuss (any and all)
8) Which party from literature would you most like to have attended?
The tea party from Alice in Wonderland
9) What would you title your memoirs?
Stop me when I'm Lying
10) If you were an actor, which literary character do you dream of playing?
Buffy from Feed

Stupid post

I've written and deleted three different posts for today.
I guess that goes to show where my mind is at.
But I wanted to post something, so the fourth time may be the charm.
Weekend Highlights:

• Shannon's birthday at DANK. Cupcakes, Schnapps, People, Bohnanza.
• Dance show at Old Town. Not just entertaining, but truly fascinating.
• Saturday night. Totally confused by my messed up memory and my misconceptions about someone. Pleasantly surprised overall.
• The play list I've been working on for a while is finally finished, and finally perfect.
• Solid three hour nap on Saturday, 2 1/2 hour nap Sunday.
• Work thing finished, handed in, and proud feelings about that.

Weekend Lowlights:

• "Tucked Dad In" aka - the interment of my Dad's ashes at the cemetery. Yes, I lost it a few times. I would have been ok-ish had the priest not brought up Thanksgiving. So I lost it.
• Person I really really really dislike that I had to work with at the Old Town. I try to ignore her, but it's pretty impossible.
• Breaking one of my own rules, which messed up most of my Sunday.
• Had a dream about Dad, woke up sobbing, could not fall back asleep.
• Questioning my ability to read people.

So busy, so I'll cheat. And break a sweat

So, I was out too late (again) and didn't get any sleep (again), so I was a right Zombie when I got in my car at 6:30 this morning.
Turned on the radio.
Heard the above.  I car danced my way alllll the way to the train station.

That is all.
W!O!R!D! UP!

Tough love via a guitar

Last week, VonMom made this statement about VonDad's guitar:
"If you're not going to play it, then you cannot have it."
Way to tough love me, VonMom.
So, went to breakfast Saturday morning with her, and assured her that yes, the guitar was in my car, meaning yes, I was going to class.

I went to Old Town - after I parked, I realized it was the first time I'd been there since VonDad passed.
Got myself in the door, got myself signed up for class, picked up a paycheck, and headed to the store to get the guitar tuned.
Handed guitar to dude in store.
Dude: "Wow. This is a really nice guitar."
Tears.
Sigh.
So, I did go to class, knowing full well that favorite teacher man knew the situation.
"I will sit by the door, in case I need to leave."
"You do what you need to do."
Not only did I survive class, but ultimately, I enjoyed it.  We played a few songs  I had learned before, so it was easier than I had expected.
Whenever I looked up, teacher man was smiling in my direction, nodding his head - his way of encouraging me to keep going forward.
At one point, he said "It's like riding a bicycle."  and I felt that that was true.
About half way through class, I found myself singing along and enjoying my playing, which I didn't think would happen so quickly.  It was mostly bitter, small parts sweet, but I did it.

After class, teacher man said "See you next week?"
*sigh* "No, we're having my dad's internment. I'll be at the cemetery." *sigh*

One step forward, two steps back.

I mean, how could you NOT.....

Man, I was TOTALLY going to marry Slash.....
But this is more about the weather and my mood than the hot that is (was?) Slash.

Enjoy, minions  CO-HORTS (better???)

I must go wipe the sweat off my brow.

Me quoting me

Yep, I said it.
Here are some of the things I said over the weekend.*
'Cause it might be entertaining.

• I think J is married. Or dead. These are the only two logical explanations.
• No, I did not have company last night. That was your tennant. Go, tennant, go.
• Why, yes, I did throw away the Color Me Badd and the Debbie Gibson.
• You can shower at my house, and sleep in my bed. I promise not to touch you.
• It took me over five hours and three industrial garbage bags.
• I need you to come downstairs and bring a killing thing with you.
• If I can't shit, you can't sit.
• Oh, my, you look so incredibly.......gay. Or Polish. Or both.
• .....spins a web, from his hand, Man that's cool Spider Man!.....
• I think, you know, like a spring. But not just a spring, a cool spring, with stuff in or around it.
• Thank you for not making me smack your heads together.
• Ain't no party like an A Team party. Which one am I again?
• So I'm just supposed to rinse the still moving legs down the drain?!
• and then, you know, I got those unsolicited dick pics......
• How nice of him. Want to come play barbies?

See? Now it's like you were right there with me.
And yes, I was sober the entire weekend. No, no new meds, just no time to drink.



*In completely random order

borrowing Fuck you Friday

So, I'm going to go ahead and borrow Fuck you Friday from the Zombie.
I don't think he'll mind.
And if he does, I apologize.

Today's target of the Fuck you Friday are the couple 'o dudes in my life who find more fun in flirting via text and email and IM than in actually hanging out in person.  Flirting is fun and all, but I want MORE.

Head Games by Foreigner just popped up on the iPod - a sign? I think so!

Saluting you with a kiss to my middle finger E, A, and J.
You're almost out of chances. 

Because, you know, I'm vulnerable and prone to making bad decisions......

Awesome people are awesome

Against all wishes, time does indeed soldier on.
I guess I'll have to move along with it.
Back to work this week. Some days are more difficult than others, but the busy distraction is definitely good for me.

So, there was this non-Von-birthday thing last Friday night.
I had every intention of cancelling it, but VonMom argued against it, and to be honest, VonMom pretty much gets whatever she wants these days.

I went ahead with it.  I sent an email to all those invited and said hey, let's all meet and have a drink to my dad instead.

I had a friend pick me up an hour early, just so I could get there and have a drink and settle in to the evening.  Upon arrival, ran into two of my Old Town friends who were early for the get together.  An area was secured and we got to drinking.  My first drink was a perfect Rob Roy on the rocks with a twist - Dad's drink. It was super yucky, but I drank it.  A steady stream of people I love started showing up.  An even steadier stream of beer found it's way down my throat.  A few shots decided to join the party. "To Bob!" "Yes! To Bob!" slam slam slam.

This awesome person showed up with her awesome hubbs. She said "So, a friend of mine is coming." My response "the more the merrier" and all that business.
Not long after, she said "My friend is here", so I turned around and there was this guy. I fully admit that I almost started crying to see him there, but the case of New Glarus beer he had brought me put the smile right back on my face.  I made my way around the bar, and realized that a good third of the place was my friends and family. Not to mention the dear dear friend of mine who was bar tending that night.  As I was talking to some people, another great friend showed up. There was hugging and happy bdaying and condolencing. yes, I totally know I made that word up, so shut up.

Wow, three of my favorite bloggy friends, all in one place! Four if you count Grizzled, and I totally do.  I don't really feel I had enough time or sobriety to spend with them, but the fact that they were there is so special to me.

Sure, I got wasted, and sure, I told some people some secrets I probably should not have, but I'm hiding behind my family's statement that I am 'vulnerable and prone to making bad decisions' right now.  I DO remember telling the entire bar that I got me some the night before. Why, yes, reader, you totally read that right - I got me some on my birthday. But that's a post for another day. Or, you can ask Jennifer, Z, or Brando, since I'm sure I told them the story more than once at the bar!

I received this email from eldest VonSis* the next day: 'It made me smile to see you hugging and telling every single one of your friends that you loved them last night. And I know it wasn't the booze or the cupcakes talking, you actually meant it. You told them all. That's great.'
She's right. I did hug and tell everyone that came out that night that I loved them - because I do.  I don't think (aside from our parents) we tell each other that enough.  As you all well know, my friends are incredibly important to me, and I do love them. Each and every one.
Sure, I may be vulnerable and prone to making bad decisions** right now, but I'm also living the John Mayer "Say what you need to say" mantra right now.
I hope that I continue to be honest with my feelings with everyone for a while, and that it's not just a knee-jerk reaction to losing my Dad. We'll see.  I could use a little softening around the edges.

*Officially dropping the Step sib moniker from the J5.  They're my family, and I'm going to try to keep them that way, so from now on, they'll all just be VonSis and VonBro. There are five of them, and one actual VonSis, so I'll try to be pretty clear about who's who.

**Whoever makes me a tshirt, button, wall hanging that says this phrase will be my new best friend forever.  If tshirt, I'm a 3x. I like 'em big.

See that twinkly smile?

Here they are, VonMom and VonDad.
See the twinkle? That's where I get it from.
This was just taken on October 2nd. At my sister's birthday party.
Such a great day - he was happy and smily and having lots of laughs.

No regrets, Dad, you and I? We loved each other well.

Fridge note:

Dear -

• Fish
• MenD
• BG
• K-Unit
• Pinko
• AK
• Smut
• B4
• Thunder
• Mikey

Please email me your mailing address. My email is vonnie1027@hotmail.com

Thanks.

Thank you so much for the flowers. I'm touched, and grateful to know you all

Everything to me

This week, I had been planning to write a letter to myself, for my birthday.
But of course, life got in the way, and yesterday was the worst day of my life.
My dad died yesterday so suddenly that I'm still reeling, and in shock. So instead of sleeping or getting ready for tomorrow (which promises to be another awful day), I'm going to write him a letter.

Dear Dad,
Thank you for choosing to be my dad. With five kids already, you didn't blink an eye when you took on the tornado that was me and my sister.  Thank you for loving my mother so fiercely and completely for as long as I can remember.  Thank you for telling me to "look it up in the dictionary", because today my spelling, vocabulary and grammar are enviable.  Thank you for telling me to "not piss my life away", because that is the reason my life is so full and awesome as it is.  Thank you for loving me enough to see past the tattoos, the weird hair colors and clothes, the cranky and snarky that is me and love me every day anyway.

Thank you for handing me the unfinished crossword puzzle last Thursday with the little grin on your face, when you said "Can you help me finish it?".  Thank you for asking my opinion on everything from baseball to cars to politics.  Thank you for teaching me how to put air in the tires, check the oil, and jiggle the wires until it works again.

I loved that our phone calls always started with "Hi Dad it's me!" "Hello me! What's up?" and ended with a chuckle and an "Ok honey, you take care."  I loved to make you laugh, and tried to do it every time I saw you.  I loved your laugh, and the twinkle in your eyes, like you and I were the only ones in on the best joke ever.

You taught me just about everything I know, and I think my love of music and desire to play music comes entirely from you.  I'll never forget the day you came into my room when I was blasting a new CD over and over. I expected you to tell me to turn it down. Instead, you asked who I was listening to, stayed for a minutes, said "I really like this" and walked out.  I was so happy that you were so hip!

Though hugging you was so hard for me since you had become so little over the last few years, they were always good long hugs, with a bristly peck on my cheek to follow. I know you know that that was way better than the nights that I just yelled down the stairs to you "BYE DAD!" "Bye honey!"

Thank you for being so very honest with every question I've ever asked you. I think you were shocked more than once by the questions, but you always gave them thought, and answered honestly.
Thank you for having an opinion on the things I was smart enough to ask your opinions.  Especially on the most important thing I ever went through on my own.
On the same note - thank you for letting me live my life as I saw fit.  You really gave me wings to fly and I think you really dug watching me soar. You never meddled, I always felt like I was on this great ride, and you and Mom were watching happily from the ground, keeping an eye on me, but letting me have the loops and thrills along the way.

I love that you have always loved my friends, all of them.  Though you admitted that they are a huge, diverse and sometimes motley crowd, you took pains to remember who was who, and I think you genuinely liked to be in their company, as much as they liked to be in yours. I was so proud to have "the cool Dad". I'll never forget the day you said to me "You're just like me, Vonnie. Can't leave the house without running into someone you know! Between the two of us, we probably know everyone!"

I think the universe got it right when it put our family together.  There couldn't possibly be any other man who could have been my Dad.  A perfect fit, even though it didn't happen the usual way.  I am so grateful that there is not a moment of my life that I don't remember you in.  I feel that the time I've had with you is just not enough, but 100 years wouldn't be enough. 

May angels lead you in, Dad - a wonderful Dad, husband, grandpa, engineer, pool player, tenor, musician, magician, jokester, gin rummy winner, silly dude.  May angels lead you in.

Party's Over

Please pick up after yourself. Let's leave the place as clean as we found it. In the meantime, one more video.

Sweating all over Von's blog

Invasion!!! Invasion!!!

Sweat
Broken
Now

Invasion!! Invasion!!

Invasion! Invasion!

Von Voyage!

Thanks to Thunder for the title.
I think my phone is working, but this font seems off. Who cares! We're in Boston and it's going to be wicked pisser! I may never come back .

One more before I go

I thought I'd leave one more "post" before I go. If you can call posting a video a post!
I might try to post while on the road, that is if my stupid smart phone lets me!
Now, it's on to BOSTON!
HAPPY FRIDAY, SUCKAS!
Oh, you know I love you. Play nice while Von is gone. I'll be watching!

Update on the un-dateable

Yesterday I had to quit both free dating web sites.
I had been thinking about it anyway, but then this happened:
I received not one, but TWO emails containing pictures of stranger men's penises.
And NO, I didn't ask for them.
I had been emailing with one man who seemed nice enough, and out of the blue - BAM - dick pic.
I thought, ok WTF and stopped emailing with him.  Then I reported him to the site.
Logged off there, went over to the other site, same thing happens!
I sat back and did some intro-spection -
'Am I the kind of woman that attracts this? What did I do to make this happen? Who in the hell does this?! What kind of reaction are the expecting to get from that!?!?!!?'
As I got more and more irate, I just went and disabled both accounts.
Before I disabled them, I did email two other non-dick pic sending men I had been having normal chatting emails with. I gave them my phone number so they could call or text me instead.
I doubt I'll hear from either one of them.
You get what you pay for, I guess, and these sites were both free.

I did have to laugh when my new train friend B said "Well, were you disgusted by the pictures, or more.........disappointed?"


So, here I remain - Vonbyherselfforfuckingever.

I'm blaming L for my current state of being.  I was totally and completely fine being alone before he got himself involved with me and then dropped off the face of the planet.
Now, I'm wanting something I hadn't wanted for a while, and confused and hurt as to why I just can't have it.

Not awesome

Things are not going awesome in the world of online dating, at least for me.
I've had a few go nowhere texters.
I did meet one guy the other night.
I was sure that I would be the one to politely decline a second date, as in my opinion I was 100% dating down, but he gave me the heave ho via email the next day.
Sure, it was two hours and $4.75 of my time, but it's shaken my ability to read people.
It has also called in to question my high opinion of myself.  Perhaps I am not as awesome as I think I am.  Or, even worse, perhaps my personality does NOT outweigh other less stellar attributes.

Tonight, I'm supposed to be meeting Junior. I call him Junior because he is 5 years young and 3 inches shorter than what I consider my minimums.  But, he's persistent, and we've had some fun via email.  A little concerned we are meeting without having even exchanged phone numbers yet.  Stranger still that the meeting is likely to occur at either my house or his.  This is only because our first meeting plan is to have an incredibly competitive game of Scrabble.  Sure, I could get murdered, or disappear, BUT if I do go to his place, it will be proof to me that he is not married.

I may be way too naive for this whole Internet dating thing.  My biggest concern is this:
My friends are so fantastic, and do not lie to me.  I do not lie, in fact, one of my faults is being way too honest way too much of the time.  I'm finding out through this Internet trial by fire that I assume everyone is as honest as my friends and I are, all of the time.  I need to stop doing that.  It's not doing me any good, not in this area, at least.

So, this is more of a rant than a post. But it's all that's in my head right now.

Von for MEOW

Um, so I don't have a cat, I'm allergic. But if I could, this would be my cat.
This is Simon's Cat.
If you haven't seen any of these before, you are MISSING OUT.
So check out the rest.

p.s. I do an awesome Simon's Cat voice.

p.p.s. Yes, smart asses, I totally broke a sweat posting this video for you.

Happy Friday.

Plenty of what the f.......

In an effort to forget that L ever existed, and to get myself out of the emotional rut I've been in, amongst other things....
I drunkenly signed up on two free dating websites.
Why one when you can be on two??

Anyway. I did this over the weekend when I was home, alone, drunk.

So, yeah, not an awesome start right there.

The upside, though, is that I'm damn funny, even when drunk.  So my profiles read wicked awesome.  And I have three cute pictures of me that I put up.

I forgot about it, then went on both sites Sunday afternoon to see what was up.
Oh, F word.

Damn it all to hell. Fat fetishists (ICK) and chubby chasers galore.  NOT for me.
So, I had to put the bitch beat down on every single one of those.  Some were a little more persistant than others - those had to be reported to the sites.  I do not play around with the nasty side of things.

Once I got over the shock of all the nasty, I weeded out some definitely nots - nicely, sent them all reply emails with various reasons why they were not the one, ending with 'Good luck with your search!' - and ended up emailing with a few very nice dudes.

It's now Wednesday, and I'm up to three Tims, who are now Tim Dom, Tim Pumpkin Hat, and Tim Cupid; Bill (fiesty one), Jeff  (sweet and too young, but the email was so nice he's in the keep pile), Adam (we'll see on this one) and two other dudes I don't know the names of yet.

I'm really kinda not too serious about this, some might call them place holders (ahem, story for another day, if it ever gets fully resolved), but I'm willing to give it a shot.

The downside is that it's like a gdmn part time job. The texting, the emailing, the picture posting, the updating.  Thank God both sites have apps for my Android. Still, though, it's a pain in the ass.

Currently in the lead is Tim Cupid, who I'm likely to meet this weekend. He's heading out of town next weekend for 2 months for work training. So we're going to meet to see if we want to be email or text friends while he's away.  He's hilarious, and agrees that I have fantastic hair.

At the very least, you all should get some pretty good stories out of this whole thing.

And oh, yeah, my internet crushes - you probably know who you are - you're still in my heart o' hearts, you're just both so damn far away.......

Random Monday

• Someone is heating up something stinky. It's only 11am, c'mon people.
• I'm going to see the Mekons on Wednesday. And hanging out with a Zombie. Be jealous.
• Bedroom overhaul 2011 is moving forward, full steam ahead.  I have about two weeks to take everything out of there and clean it. Then my bestie will be painting it. Hopefully after that the overlords will be putting it all back together when I'm out of town.
• I'm going to BOSTON!! In 18 days.
• Oh, and Shannon and TheMarty are going too.......
• I'm learning new things about college football. I like to yell "GO BIG RED!"
• I only moped minimally this past weekend. Yeah me. 
• Von birthday fun times is happening 10/28. Get yourselves to Chicago, and I'll buy you a beer. I swear it.
• The episode of Dr. Who on Saturday blew my mind. I watched it twice. TWICE.
• SNL was actually good on Saturday - Melissa McCarthy was hosting. Enough said.
• I love having a DVR thingy.
• I've read 27 pages of A Dance with Dragons.  Only 800,000,000 to go.

All I can write today

Once upon a very different time,
There was a very different girl,
With purple plaid well fought for,
A blue ring that was never quite right,
and yard and yards of perfect white satin