Get her out of there!!!

Dear Readers, Please. Please please please. Help me get Patti BlagoBitch off that t.v. show!!! For those of you unawares.....she's on that "I'm a Celebrity get me out of here!" show. There was nothing else on last night, so I watched this show - mostly because Speidi are on it too. There PB, and she's lying LYING about why her husband got fired, and all of this b.s. Oh, AND Today the charity that she thinks she's playing for has declined her offer, so basically she is playing for HERSELF. The longer she stays on the show, the more $$ she makes for herself and that evil piece of sh^t she is married too. So, I ask a favor - please turn this show on long enough to get the phone# that will get her kicked off. Thanks for your cooperation, V

Eins....zwei....

So, I have a computer. Got home, turned it on. No internet. Call LandPerson/VonSis "Where is that thing with the stuff on it for the wireless?" **yes, she totally knew what I was referring to** "Oh, yeah, so the internet is messed up." "Like how?" "Like my husband was in the computer closet and knocked shit over. Like your modem." GGGGGRRRRREEEEEAAAAATTTT And, this weekend, we are all working at the festival -MaiFest at Lincoln and Leland for those of you close by *cough*Jennifer*cough* so, it won't be fixed before Monday at the soonest. Again, I ask, fingers crossed. I know, this is getting old, but still. Have a great weekend!

Rat Bastard

Text 1: Call me. Now. Your computer is f*$ked. Text 2: Call me. Now. Even Microsoft can't fix it. Message: "CALL!ME!" Yeah, head's up dipshit - I don't use my cell phone at work. I get no signal 30 stories up anyway. So, RatBastard (formerly known as StepBrother E) has completely fried my computer. I had to run home, find all of the discs ever given to me for my computer, and run them over to his house. There was screaming and yelling, and sighing, and the like. It ended with me leaving and saying loudly "I don't care! Just f*&king fix it!" He had the stones to yell at me about how Vista sucks, and everything sucks, and yadda yadda yadda. Well, no one jumped up and offered to assist me when I was buying the damn thing, so yes, I went with what Best Buy is telling me. In my comments a statement was made that if someone's laptop was busted they would be screwed because they don't have the $$ for a new one. MAKE NO MISTAKE - If it really is broken, homeboy RatBastard is buying me a new one. He wouldn't want to create a family rift, would he? No. So, he'll be pulling out the credit card if that's the case. I don't want to think about it too much. So, on that note - must be short and sweet, as I really do hate blogging at work. Hope your day is better than mine.

Stupid me

So, I have no laptop again, due to my own stupidity. I love when people, family people, make me feel bad, so I do something to make THEM feel better, and I get screwed. "Von, I was hurt when you sent your laptop to Best Buy." "E, I'm sorry. It's running really slowly, would you take a look at it for me?" "Sure." So, I leave my laptop with E (stepbrother1) on Friday night. He ASSURES me that I will have it back during the weekend. It's Tuesday. No laptop. Sent E a scathing email this morning, accusing him of being worse that Best Buy. We'll see how this pans out.

Better

Thanks all for your kind words and concern. Things are getting better at the commune. We'll be spending some time this weekend fortifying our home environs. We're probably also going to meet some little guard doggies by way of German Shepard Rescue. Perhaps we'll have a new furry friend sooner than we had originally planned. There is the matter of getting the back fence repaired (stupid f*cker) before we can actually bring the guard-beast home, but it'll get done. Big strong heavy front doors for my sister are a first priority. Preferably ones that will break your f*cking foot or shoulder or whatever before it breaks. Other than that? Drinking, board games, sleeping, cleaning, all of the good stuff a long weekend usually brings. Thanks again for being so awesome. Have a great weekend, and I'll see you all on the flip side.

Barely sleeping

Last night I slept with the lights on. Like, ALL of them. The kitchen light, the living room light, and the bedroom light. I had the bathroom light on, but that felt excessive. This was my added security measure. I locked all of my windows - who needs a breeze? I also made sure (ok, 4 or 5 times) that my door club thing was as secure as it could be. And yes, I may have checked the back door deadbolt more than twice. I was able to fall asleep around 11, and I only woke up 3 maybe 4 times. The night before last, around 4:30 someone smashed/kicked/busted their way in to my sister's house. She's my landlord, she lives upstairs from me. The evil evil bastard smashed in her front door, ran up a flight of stairs and kicked in another door. This person was in her house. This person was also in our backyard, had smashed out our back fence - think big tall over 6 feet tall heavy wood fence - and may have tried to get into the building on the first floor. Thankfully, by the grace of God, my sister is fine. Sure, she's in shock and upset and angry and oh, yeah, did I mention in shock?, but she's alive and breathing and unharmed. I'm also fine - more or less, a little leaning to the less. I'm pissed. I'm pissed at myself that I didn't wake up - either from the noise or the instinctual fact that my sister was in trouble -. I didn't even wake up when sister/police/family were walking all over the building, up and down stairs, in and out. I didn't wake up to the text from her 'someone broke into my house'. I didn't wake up until she tapped on my door, about an hour and 1/2 after everything went to hell. I'm a shitty sister. I'm pissed at this horrible person. They're life is over. They will get caught, they will go to jail, and I will laugh and be please. After I breath a sigh of relief. I'm scared and sad and sick to my stomach. Not even a week ago, on a chilly rainy night, I was sitting in my adorable living room all cozy on my new couch, reading a book. I looked around and realized how much I love my place, the building, the area we live in. I felt safe. This person ruined that for me. I know that I'll get that feeling back, but it's going to take a while. I hate that as it got dark last night I got a tension headache and that I got all OCD about windows and locks and such. I hate that my electric bill is going to be higher for a while, until I can sleep without all of the lights on. I hate that some random person can do something so evil and stupid and violent. I can't even go into our back yard with out seeing how badly he smashed out (or in?) the fence. I'm going to be trite and say it: Why my sister? Why us? Why where I live?

Delayed reaction weekend in review

Drank: Italian Whites, Pinot Grigio, lemon drop shots, lambic, chocolate martinis ("you need to sip it before you pick it up!"), Monty Python Holy grAil, HoneyMoon. Yummmmm. Did: Secret stuff, quac...chiropractor appt., volunteered Roger McGuinn at OTSFM, bartended a quincenera (cheap-ass tippers), visited VonMom for about 10 minutes, hung out with John and Toni. Lost: My lunch nearly on the cab ride between bar and volunteering gig, an earring that I'm pretty sure is either in my dress or in my bathroom, a $20 somewhere dunno where, probably some brain cells, sleep. Gained: An honor of the most touching variety that I was shocked (shocked I say!) to be given, a voodoo doll (Thanks J&T!!!), that warm fuzzy feeling that I have the best friends anywhere, a hug from Chris who lives too far away, a slice of pie that I didn't quite give to my sister (whoops) I've been loving my weekends lately. They've been the best. Even though I'm not spending time with everyone that I would like to be spending time with, I have to say that the Friday night to Sunday night thing has been pretty amazing. I think I just need to find some balance. See, once Mondays hit then it's all down hill. No calls, no texts, no emails - I feel like my weekend people are back to their regularly scheduled lives, and that I'm not a part of that. Admittedly, once Wednesday hits, the communication blackout is usually over so that the plans can be set for the pending weekend. I guess I'm lonely on Mondays - long story short. Not a bad reason to find a boyfriend, someone to hangout with/call/text/chat with Monday through Thursday. Good thing I got that voodoo doll. Apparently he's (it's?) supposed to help me find a man. A rich man. Hm....gotta go find me a safety pin or a feather or whatever. Welcome to the week, my friends - I hope your weekend was as sunny/amazing/loving/fantastic as mine was!

For the Love of Zombie Rotten McDonald

Deir Peeples,

Helllllo!! Mah name is Zoe, and I am the Zombie that lives on Von's desk. Heir is a pitcure of me:

Nombrainznom...

Cuse me, got distracted.

I want to tel you that I lovz some tings a lot. I lovz:

KO - she maide me in her houze frum some yarn. I will NOT eat her brainz.

Von - she letss me liv on her desk and givs me friends and ztuff. I will prolly NOT eat her brainz eiver.

MOST OF ALLLLL I LOVZ OTHER ZOMBIES!!!

FOr essample:

I lovz the muvie "Night of the Living Dead". That Gore Romero got us down pat!

I also lovz the book "World War Z". Ok, Maxs Brooks, I may have to eat your brainz beecase you think you humans wins! Mwwwwahhh......

brainzbrainzbrainzzambrainobrainz

Damm! Sorry got discotracted again!

I wuuld be re-mis if I forgot "The Re-animator". Lovz Stuart Gordon!

Becuzz of Von, I has to like much musik. Of curse, I lovz The Zombies! C'mon "She's not there" and "Time of the Season"?!? I woold be very very hugree before I ate thoze brainz.

Lovz a looot that Rob Zombie. Nut onlee is he a qualitee film macker, he alzo rote a song about me. Yuu may have heared of it? "Living Dead Girl"? Besst song ever!! Pluzz he is drrrrty.

Buut I diegress.

I am really heare to tellz you how much Von and I lovz Zombie Rotten McDonald!http://empireofthesenseless.blogspot.com/ (alzo over der in the blog roll. Ther, stoopid, to your rite)

Von waz veri nervice when she started this bllogg. She thaught no one would readz it but then ZRM waz veri nise and mite have read it sometimez and made nise commentz that made her feelz much better. He didn't even knoe her at all then!

Then, thiz one time when Von waz saad about her dog, ZRM sent her some musik CDs and then she was not sad animore. Just out of the bloo! Like a nize persen would do! AND the musik CDs were very very good!

ZRM has veri fantastix tastes in musik!! Like no one elze!!

ZRM rites very good blogg postz that are funny and make sense and are good to read. They make me a smarterz zombie.

ZRM is nice and a frequent commentater over heier witch makez Von happi and that is ok with me. They are lik frendz and may even meat somedai!

SO pleeze, if you valuu your brainz, go visit Zombie Rotten McDonald and show him some lovz.

OTHERWIZE I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINZ!~!~!

brainznomnombrainznom.

Okey, got to go eat something ***brainz****

Thaankkk you for your tym.

Luvz,

ZoeZombie

We Love Zombie Rotten McDonald

A Starbucks Tale

Here is the full story about my run-in with Awesomeness over the weekend. If you are one of the people I called and screeched this at Saturday morning, sorry for the re-run. So, Saturday morning after my quack....I mean chiropractor appointment I went next door to the Starbucks. Since I was just running to the doc I hadn't really bothered getting all dolled up. I was wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt that says "Wicked Pissah" that I picked up in Boston last fall. The line for the coffee was looonnng. There seemed to be some sort of back up with the baristas. So, what did I do? OF course, I looked around for the hot guys. Oh, and there was one HOT guy. He was standing one person over from me. About 6'3", ripped, and h o t. Dude was looking around a little, but more or less kept his head down. So, I'm checking him out and I get the notion he looks familiar. 'Do I know him somehow?' I think. Hm. For some reason I looked at his shoes (I never do this, don't ask me why I did). He was wearing Yves Saint Laurent suede loafers. 'Ok, expensive shoes. Maybe I don't know him, but I know him, like he's famous or something.' Right around this time, the barista says "Did you order 2 lattes Z?" yet he kinda dropped off the "Z", so if you weren't standing right there, you weren't sure if you heard it. Hot guy says "Yes." Hot guy then looks at me and says "I like your tshirt" I say "Thanks!" waaaaay more brightly and quite a bit more high-pitched than my usual sultry vocals. "Here you go Z." That time, we ALL heard the Z. Hot guy picks up his coffees and walks out the door. Not a minute later, 2 or 3 guys blurt out "Holy SHit! That was Carlos Zambrano!" We all tear over to the windows - I think we all wanted to see what Big Z was driving. He wasn't driving, he walked away. Starbucks was immediately abuzz with our mutual brush with greatness. And me? Oh, yeah, I'm the gal he talked to. Me. All because of my silly tshirt. Sigh. I get my latte, and go skipping back to my car - still elated, still giddy. I walk past some couple and the guy says "Wicked Pissah, funny!" I ignore him, I mean, he's no Zambrano! I call my mother. Well, not true, I called my dad as he knows who Zambrano is, but VonMom answered the phone. After I get done telling her the story, she says "But Von, you were wearing a tshirt. How are you going to get him to marry you wearing that?" She missed the point I think. I'm still giddy. I think the coolest part was that no one bothered him, no one approached him. He was able to just go grab some coffee and be on his way. That's my brush with greatness, it made a great start to my weekend.

Your thoughts?

I've got a hankerin' to do a small, wee, one might even call it tiny stripe of fun color in my hair this summer. I'm thinking purple (fav) or blue (might be pretty). I'm thinking I'd like to do a small hardly noticeable horizontal stipe from ear to ear at the underside of my hair. So, a whole lot more understated than a vertical stripe or two or ten. SO. The problem is ChicagoBoss. Though I can find no where in our handbook where such an idea is taboo, CB strongly (and a little sternly) frowns upon this idea. This idea is gnawing at me like a rabid racoon and will not cease and desist. It's been about 6 months now. I've presented the arguement that one thing I have a lot of is hair, and I can pin up the aforementioned colorful stripe at a moment's notice should we have important visitors, or if I need to run an errand to a client, etc. CB is, well, highly doubtful. I would love to have some ideas as to how to convince CB and the rest of my boss-people that this is a good idea. Or if not a good idea, something they will let me do. Because they love me? Or maybe because they are fully behind backing my whim, as it will have zero effect on my performance and productivity. I lay it at your feet, my interfriends. Advise me please.

Well, yes and no

Yes, I know that I have a sneer semi-permanently attached to my face today. What of it? No, you do not smell liquor coming out of my pores. Yes, I showered at 12:30 am. Drunken showering is a new favorite past time. No, I didn't win. Yes, I had to do a shot. I was done in by the very drinking game I invented! **At 55 minutes past every hour, the person with the highest $$ in poker chips and the person with the lowest $$ in poker chips must do a shot of tequila. Viva Cinco de Mayo! I had the highest chips at 9:55. No, I do NOT think I am still in my 20s. Yes, everyone at the poker party is very attractive. No, I did not forget that I have a very long day today, including Deutsche klasse. Yes, I do think I may fall asleep on my desk at some point today. No, you may not write on my face with permanent marker when I do. Yes, I did stop at Daily on my way home. Because it's my Cheers and all. No, I did not imbibe at Daily. Yes, we did hum or sing snippets of "Poker Face" most of the night. No, the people I play poker with do not think Lady Gaga is attractive. Yes, I do think all of the above was a good idea for a Tuesday. Nope, you may not join me next week.

I wish

I wish every day was Sunday. I wish iTunes would give me back the songs that I lost. I wish dieting were easy. Easy as pie. Easy as cake. Mmmmm Cake. I wish I could go see a musical every week. I wish I had won MegaMillions. I wish I had a dog. I wish my ABC free episode player would work. I wish VonSis would take me to Frank's Diner in Kenosha, as Guy Fierri(sp) said I should go there. I wish no woman on God's green Earth would wear sandals or flip-flops before they got a pedicure. For pete's sake, ladies. Please. I wish people used only words they understand. For example, Disrespectful is NOT a synonym for Ignorant. I wish the man of my dreams would just come to my door and sweep me off my feet already. I wish someone would make me some chocolate chip cookies, and that I could eat them without shaking up my diet. I wish my hair were about 3-4 inches longer. I wish my dishes would wash themselves. No, I do not have a dishwasher. I wish I were a little bit cooler. I wish I had a fun streak of blue or purple in my hair. (Boss thinks this is a bad idea.) I wish my friends who are out of work would find jobs. I wish my friends who are sick will become well, and stay that way. I wish that the tourists I have to encounter on a regular basis would start paying attention to where they are going, and stop being so stupid. I wish every work week was four days long. I wish to have my job f o r e v e r. I wish I were going on a vacation sooner rather than later. (July? Really? That's a ways off) I wish something awesomely funny would happen, so I can share it here. I wish they would cancel The Hills. I mean, without LC, is there any show? Nay, nay I say. I wish all reality t.v. would go away. Ok, The Amazing Race, Diners DriveIns and Dives, and Man vs Food can stay. Get rid of the rest. I wish there was an unending bottle of wine in my kitchen at all times. I wish you all a great week.

Configure this

Dear Laptop: Ok, you kinda suck. I gave you time to recover from your ordeal. Lots and lots of time. Just last week, you had two nights that I left you on so you could download the 62 Windows updates, and then install them. Why oh why did I have to wait an hour yesterday when I turned you on for you to configure updates? Didn't we do this last week? Don't you know I have things to do, and among them, a blog to write? I'm bigger than you. I can totally crush you. Or throw you against the wall. Or jump up and down on you. Stop pissing me off! Love, Von

Not attending, nope not me

Alas, I have nothing snarky to say about poker night. Well, I did go home $20 lighter, but the people were nice, the beer was tasty, and I had fun. I'll be going back next week, so I'll keep you updated. SO This Saturday night some of my classmates from high school are having an informal reunion of sorts that was formulated and organized on facebook. If you're a regular reader of this blog, the following should come as no surprise. I'm.Not.Going. First, they are meeting at a pizza place. A bad pizza place. "Meet at Dino's. $12 all the pizza and pop you can eat!!" Yep, hi, um, we're on the other side of 30. I think you could have picked, oh I don't know, a BAR?!?!? Secondly, one of the organizers is someone I beat up my senior year. More than once. Ok, more than twice. Even the teachers didn't like her. How do I know? One of the times I beat her up, I had her pinned up against the lockers right outside her homeroom. I was trying to get her to *ahem* see things from my perspective. Anyway, upon one of the slams against the lockers, her homeroom teacher came out to investigate. 'Oh, shit.' I thought. I kinda froze, I knew I was caught and in deep trouble. Mr. X looked at her, looked at me, then back at her, and back at me. He said "Oh, Von - it's you." And he turned around and walked back in the classroom and closed the door. I finished my conversation with her and went on my way. This is a true story! So - M (the chic) has re-written history via facebook. She's friended most of our class, and now she's organizing this fiasco. I thought I was nuts, but the few chics that I still talk to from h.s. agree with me that M is still a pathetic loser, and living in a fantasy world. I did scan through the list of those attending. There's maybe one or two people who I would like to see. But I'm a GrownUp. If I want to see them, I will email them and arrange a get together. I don't need to go eat bad greasy pizza and talk to a bunch of chics I could give two shits about. Poor M. Poor chicas that think this reunion is a good idea. Poor pizza place having to put up witht them. My weekend is all booked up with grown up kewl activities. No time for the lame.

Tonight tonight tonight whoa oh....

I'd love to stay home tonight and write y'all a post. However. I'm going to poker night. At some dude's house. He's hot. Like really really hot. And young. I barely know him, we work in the same office, but not for the same division. I'm going to play Texas hold em with him and his probably-as-hot-as-he-is friends. Yes, yes I do think I'm that girl from that show "My Boys". I plan on winning all of their $$, charming the pants off of them (do what you will with that), and writing all about it for you later this week.

Well, look who has internet....

I'm not going to lie. I am downright giddy about getting my internet back up. Here's the backstory on that. Was having some beer and conversation with the LandOverLord Friday night. I gently bring up my continuing lack of internet. LOL: "I've decided you can get that fixed. I was on the phone with them for 2 hours, I don't want to deal with it." Well, shit. Had she said that two weeks ago I would have summoned someone from my vast minions of IT peoplefriends. Well, shit. So, I text the first person I think of (hm, this person, of course, is the WORST person I could think of). VText: So, come over tomorrow morning and fix my internet? Reply: Sure! 8? VText: FU. 9. Reply: Sure! So, bright and fackin' early on a Saturday, my ex knocks on my front door. Sigh V: Hi Ex. Ex: Hi! Ex's outfit alone just reaffirms all the reasons he's an Ex. 2 hours later - I haz internets. Ok, it really only took about an hour, but he wouldn't leave. I offered to buy him a doughnut, he declined, but wouldn't leave, thus not allowing me to go get a doughnut for myself. Oh, the problem with the internet you ask? Well, the wireless router (is that the word? I think, yes) was not connected. To anything. Yes, even I can see this could be a problem. Bastards. Very long story, very short ending: I haz internet!!! It's currently raining (awesome!). I'm full from brunch-going with Shannon and TheMarty (awesome!). I'm listening to "More than this" by Roxy Music (awesome!). It's been a good weekend. Last night was fantastic. Beyond fantastic. Yesterday was an incredibly warm day here in the frozen tundra - it reached the low 70s. I was hard pressed to not wear my bathing suit when I went out to meet John and Toni for dinner. I met them at their place, and we walked over to People, a tapas place in Wicker Park that I had never heard of, much less been to. We put our name on the list - 30 minute wait on a Saturday night? You can't beat that! - and went to have a beer at the bar. Delirium Tremens? Yes Please! I got carded giggle grin and not 5 minutes later we were offered a table outside. Outside!! Dining al fresco in April!!! Squeeeeeeee!! * Ok, side note, it's not like they had a patio. I was pretty much sitting in the middle of foot traffice practically in the middle of the sidewalk on Milwaukee Ave, three doors down from Double Door, while John and Toni were kinda sitting on the curb. But I digress* I love love love eating out with J & T. They love to eat (like me) and are foodies that I trust. So, this lead to 8 or 9 items on the menu being ordered by us. I actually lost count. I know the waiter tried to take our menu more than once, and we would just laugh at him and say "Oh, no. We are no where near finished!". Some items I remember: Ceviche, flank steak, mussells, salmon, goat cheese w/ tomato sauce, ham plate, tuna, chicken, pork, plantains......it was all delicious. So, it was during this lengthy evening of awesome that I had a thought. You know, one of those moments where I should have been listening to the story that Toni was telling me, but I wasn't really, and I thought to myself 'So, I'm outside, drinking good beer, eating fantastic food, spending time with people I geniunely dig - my life rocks right now.' And I was hopeful. And I was happy. I actually had a moment when we were walking back to their place and it was still warm and I was all aware at how happy I am. It's carried over into today. A new leaf? Oh, I doubt that. But still, it's cool to be cheerful once in a while. I know, I totally just rambled and jumped all over the place here today. Forgive me. I'm rusty at this here blog. I'm glad to be back. I'm cautiously optimistic that both my computer and internet are fixed, at least to the point where I can maintain this here bloggy blog. Welcome back, happy Sunday.

Have and have not

What I have: A computer. Sure, it's my computer, but it's a) a little banged up (FYOU Geek Squad! Hope you don't meet me in a dark alley!) b) it's been completely wiped of anything/everything I've ever had on it. I have backup discs, and I think I installed them, but I can't find them. What I don't have: Internet. What you don't have: The return of Von For Now. Sigh. Again, accepting things I have no control over. Or trying to. aaarrrrggggghhhh. What I do have control over? Paying the LandPeople for internet when I have none. Once they see the check is short, it might move them to fix the situation. I remain yours, and beg your continue patience. Von

A little distraction

Dear Reader, I hope you have been missing me, as I have missed you. I'm trying to be all Zen/AA and say things like "It is what it is" and "I'm not going to get upset about something I can't control." -grant me the serenity and all that- BUT I miss my computer. The Best Buy Geek Squad of Major Losers has been silent this week, so at least a week more, I'm thinking two. In the meantime, my superawesome co-member of the Tricycle of Awesome, TheMarty, has answered questions all about yours truely over at his blog. It's HI-larious. I recommend you check it out: http://onepretentiousbastard.com Also (prenounced allllzzzzzoooo, as in the German word. It's my new favorite German word, and I use it all the time. It does not mean the same as the English also, it is merely "so" or a place keeper, like "um") Also, I give you the best quote I heard today on lunch. Here's the scenario: I was walking down this corridor, and coming the other was a group of about 5 guys, all in their mid-20s. They all had on khakis and button down shirts. They were all in a heated discussion. As I passed them, I heard one of them say: "So, like, what IS the buffalo stance, anyway?" Best.Quote.of.the.Week. I think I'm going to start writing down some of the better quotes I hear and report them back to you. Once I can. Once my computer is fixed. Alas. I remain yours - hopelessly devoted, V

And the bad news is....

No computer for At Least two weeks. Planning on the way the Geek Squad has been treating me for the past eight days, I'm thinking it'll be at least three. I continue to refuse to blog at work, as I love my job, and intend to keep it. So, for now, I stay on hiatus. Frustrated and missing you all, Von

Fingers crossed

Laptop currently in hospital. The Geek Squad swears they can fix it. Patience and fingers crossed. Thanks.

Phoning it in.

I've got no time, and nothing good to write about. So, for today, I give you this: My favorite commercial (right now, anyway): "Give me back that filet-o-fish!" "Give me that fish!" "Give me back that filet-o-fish!" "Give me that fish!" I know it's stuck in your heads now too. And........you're welcome!

And how was your Tuesday night?

Oh, no, MY Tuesday night didn't involve going over to Metro to see a once-in-a-lifetime U2 show at the ultra tiny ultra awesome Metro. My Tuesday night went like this: "Hiiiiiiii Von!!!" The twig. It's talking to me. Why? Why is this pencil talking to me? I'm trying to read US Weekly. Lauren Conrad has a lot to say, and I want to read all about it. "VVVVVVOOOOONNNNN!!!!!" It's not going away. I look up. I'm not at home. I'm sitting in a hard plastic chair at Athletico. Oh, yeah - I have physical therapy tonight. That's why I'm here. I don't get US Weekly at home. The twigpencil? Kelly. My therapist. She's all of 12 years old. She also weighs as much as my left big toe. High pitched voice, up-talker, probably went to a large midwestern state school and was in a sorority. "Ready to work it!?!? How are you feeling?!?!!? How's the knee?!?!?" I'm not sure which to answer first, if at all. I follow behind her. Lumber really, more than follow. I say "Mmmhmm. Yep. Yeah." "How's your knee??!?" I look at my knee. (As you know, I communicate with weird things, i.e. my t.v., my computer, my left knee). Nope, the knee's not going to respond. "It hurts." At which point I tell her how I'm an idiot and can't buy shoes that fit, so I dragged myself around in a brand new pair of shoes Monday that were too big, and does she think that might have caused the knee pain I have today? Twiggy starts me off with some heat therapy. I see. Lay on this table, watch baseball, some dude comes over with this giant heating thing wrapped in a soft towel. Lay there for 10 minutes. Therapy doesn't suck. After that? Ultrasound therapy for 7 minutes. Cold gel on knee (knee rebelling, but only I can hear it) followed by Kelly ultrasound wanding my knee for 7 minutes. Therapy doesn't suck. Knee cap manipulation. Therapy sucks! Hurts! Hurts! Hate Kelly! What did I ever do to you!? "Is that uncomfortable?" Can I stab you in the eye with a pencil?! "A little" "Well, it will help. Just bear with me." After that I had to do some stretches and exercises. Those weren't so bad. I bet they'd be easier if I did the ones I am supposed to be doing at home. Who has time for that? Not me. I may have to try though. Might make the sessions with TwigPencilKelly a little easier. So glad I get to go do it all over again on Thursday.

Less coughing, more breathing.

I'm finally shaking that horrible thing that I had last week. One part flu, one part cold, two parts chest cold, etc. You know how it is because it's the same thing that's been hitting everyone, everywhere. Take a hint from me - never ever say "Hm. Winter's almost over and I haven't gotten sick." That's what I did. Three days before I got sick. That being said, I'm making the slow full return to my life, and that includes this here page. Being sick for a week makes for nothing of note to write about. So, delay of game. But I hope to be back aces in the short term.

Ups and Downs

Right about now, I: Dislike: Sundays Snow Taxes McDonald's Plantar Faciatis (or however the hell you spell it) Knee pain Dane Cook's continual lameness Nap-free weekends Cold showers with no water pressure(putting this on the HATE list) Pink Dry skin Physical therapy stretches German Lifetime television for women A lack of NCIS marathon this weekend Being brokeish Beyonce Babies with absolutely no schedule and loud screaming habits The near epidemic of the bed bugs in the "greater Chicagoland area" Like: Shamrock Shakes Freshly painted, though short, nails A clean, cozy apartment Gifts given that seem to be a hit Red velvet cupcakes My homemade afghan from my Tante A homework free weekend My job A stylist who is also a friend who will give your bangs a trim when you don't have an appointment because she knows this is of the utmost importance to you A vacation day pending Old Town (it never fails to lift my mood) Dervish Daily Bar and Grill, and those that work there My WoodWick candle (it's just awesome) PAWS, Anti-cruelty, and the pound. Looks like I'll be seeing you soon ( I hope!) Love songs My crush(es) *An amendment. I wrote this list yesterday. Which was before I woke up today, sick as a dog with a horrible evil chest cold. I'm wheezing. I need to cough, yet can't, because it hurts too much. I'm more than a little pissed at whoever gave this to me. And I was just thinking how I had avoided getting sick all winter. Jinxed myself there I guess. So, I am home sick from work today, sitting here just trying to breath without coughing. So, this evil chest cold and whoever gave it to me are #1 on my list of dislikes.

In the hopper

See the title? That's where all of my fun ideas are. And, where they remain. I have a couple of decent blogs formulated and rough drafty, but not quite finished. It's been a busy week, first VonSis's birthday Monday, then Poptart's birthday Tuesday..... On top of that, my stomach and I aren't getting along today. Bleh. Therefore, nothing going on here today folks, please move along. Oh, and yes, you heard it here first - Chuckles is coming to Chicago this summer. Or so he says. We shall see. Will there be shenanigans? Check back to find out.

Dear Check Please

You can suck it. For real. SUCK IT. Thanks so much for not only having a segment on Kuma's Korner, but ALSO for re-running it, what, like daily?! Saturday, Jyl and I met up at Kuma's at 2:30 (2:30!!!) for "lunch" at Kuma's. The place was teeming and overflowing with *gulp* yuppies. The wait? 1 1/2 hours. For lunch. At 2:30 in the afternoon. In a snow storm. We were both starving, so we didn't wait. We ended up at this cute little cafe. It was good, but it was no Kuma's burger. Sunday, I had hoped to meet up with John and Toni at Kuma's. They headed over there around 5. 5:00 on Oscar Sunday? 2 Hour Wait. Again, nothing but yuppies. As Toni said "Not a tattoo or piercing among them." On top of that, it was a 1 hour wait for take out!! Needless to say John and Toni headed elsewhere, and I stayed home. I ate a cheese sandwich. A poor poor substitute for Kuma's. I love Kuma's. I feel happy there. I feel at home, and truly among my people. But now, just like any good thing, it's become trendy and overrun with the bad. Until they expand, or summer, when at least the beer garden is open, I won't be going back. Check please - shit - please stop playing the Kuma's episode!! I think the whole freakin' Midwest knows about the best burgers in the world. (Ok, why did I want a gigantic cheeseburger each day this weekend? Well, I'm giving beef up for Lent, so the perfect last meal would have been Kuma's. Alas, Check Please has ruined that dream for me) *deep breath* I feel a little better. Not quite beef/cheese/frizzled onions/bacon/homemade chips better, but better. V.

Red Light Camera Hell

Dear Red Light Camera, Oh, you are SO tough. Ok, you got me. But let me fill you in on something. There wasn't just a little ice, the entire street was a sheet of ice. So, when you send me the pictures of me "running" the light, I'm going to fight it. I hope that the pictures relate to you that I didn't run the light. I skidded through the light. My car wasn't even going straight. I was in forward motion, but kind of going sideways. I think the camera will show my terrified face, and me white-knuckling the steering wheel. My normally 20 minute drive home from schule was a one hour nightmare. I went no more than 10 mph at any given time. I even yelled at a police man. He was at some mini-mart with a dozen other cops, and he's standing kind of in the street saying "Go! go!" I looked at him and said "No! No." Last night was one of the top 5 scariest driving experiences I've ever had. So, red light camera, send the stupid ticket. In April, when there's no snow or ice. I guarantee you, I won't be paying it.

Damn you John Hughes

At lunch yesterday Marci asked me when am I planning on trying on-line dating again.I told her I didn't know, and that I'm hoping to work on my real and actual crush. In a similar vein, Shannon, TheMarty and I discussed how internet dating is a whole different animal than liking a guy (say in your class). We all agreed that the situation I'm currently in is a little bit harder than the online alternative. I was thinking about all of this stuff last night and today. I blame John Hughes for the romantic mess that I am. I am Watts, with no Keith in sight. I'm Allison, without a kind-hearted jock to kiss me after I put on a little eye-liner. I'm more Ducky than Andi. I grew up on these movies, and I think they set the bar high. Maybe too high. I think that deep down I want unrequited/conflict/misunderstanding/resolution/big kissy ending/happily ever after/end credits, and I want it all within 90 minutes. I want the gazes and the sighs. I want the slightly deluded but ultimately supportive parents. Who are sometimes matchmakers. I want to know which of the two groups I fit into. Richie? Other side of the tracks chic? What? I mean, what other options are there? I want Shermer IL. I want all of this set to a fantastic soundtrack. Rumor has it John Hughes lives not too far from Chicago. I'm thinking of looking him up and asking him to be my wingman, I think he owes me that much, and that he'd be great at it. I think I need to explore this topic further, but alas, work calls. Perhaps another day.

Best of intentions

I had every intention of writing a fun perky post today. And then. And then I stayed up way too late last night. Thus. I slept a little too late. And then. And then I woke up and realized that there is an NCIS marathon on today. SQUEEEE!! And then I had some errands to run. A) I have a physical therapy place and and appointment for next week. B) I joined a new gym. C) Got my eyebrows threaded. D) Realized I have yet to tackle my german homework. I have not one but two essays to write. Auf deutsch. Argh. And then I lost my motivation to provide a stellar post. So, cheap and easy is the way of today. Friday night highlight: Drinking Heineken with bohola. They and their guests performers could not have been nicer. They were so low maintenance, it was the easiest show I've worked hospitality for. And so much fun. Was slightly annoyed they ran over by 1 and 1/2 hour, but that happens. Saturday highlights: Good times at my favorite little one's second birthday. EXCEPT that everyone was wearing red. Made me want to puke a little, but otherwise a good party. Worked show at Old Town. Followed by drinking at Daily. Good times. Sunday highlights: Out with Shannon and Marty. MD acoustic show in Evanston at a small little blues bar. Sigh. Big sigh. Sure, I ignored MD like the plague, but that's just what I do. After that we went to a diner for fried foods and french toast. It was awesome. I don't spend enough time with them in general. SO, commercial break is over. Gotta go catch up with Gibbs, Abbey, McGee, Ziva.......

A little help?

Ok, I'm going to go all girl here for a bit. Humor me please. Oh, and no snark. I'm looking for honest opinions here. Here's the thing. I have this crush. This gigantic crush. He's someone from my class. So, he's been around since September. We have class once a week for 2 1/2 hours. I feel like he appreciates my humor, he's laughed out loud a few times at things I say. I feel like he picks on me (in a good natured way). He's super cute. But not unaccessible. I've had a crush for a while, but it's gotten worse. See, if I notice that there's some banter going on for a while, I get a little nervous. So. Advice. I need advice people. I dig him the most. Yet. I don't know how to approach it. I can't write more about this now, I'm getting all nervous just thinking about it. I don't want to mess it up. So, again, I say HELP?

NCISwwwwweeeetttt

Why I love the show NCIS:

• The name. NCIS. Naval Criminal Investigative Service. Naval or Navy? Either way, not of the belly button, but of seamen. Sea people. Seafolk?
• Gibbs. Yummy. Has been since the fine piece of cinema "Summer School". And he was front and center in one of those dreams last week, so, yeah. Agent Gibbs. (Not really Mark Harmon, just Gibbs)
• Abbey. She's so cool she's wicked pisser. I want to be her for, like, ever. She's a genius - she's the team's forensic scientist; she's goth - like really goth, in ways I want to be, but can't in my current life; she's like 7 feet tall and nice and thin; she rocks out the pig tails - ok, I wear pig tails fairly often, but hers are way better; she wears red lipstick, flawlessly, and sometimes black lipstick, also flawlessly. I just want to be her.
• Ducky is the punny endearing British morgue dude. Once, he got to be an undercover guy.
• NCIS shot one of it's main characters in the head. In.the.head. Right after she got shot in the chest, and I was all 'omg! Kate's dead!' and after the commercial break she sits up and everyone giggles 'Aw, gee, bullet proof vests and stuff.' Next scene? Bang! Shot in the head! That's some good t.v. right there.
• Back to back to back episodes on USA. On Monday nights. And Tuesday nights. When there's nothing better to do. Nice.
• Witty banter between all main characters. Not quite as witty as CW dialogue, but witty none the less.

Good news (for once!)

This afternoon I walked into a new doctor's office, with an old problem. Me and my 'bad' knee have not been getting along lately. Sigh. I was all prepared to hear a)lose weight, it won't hurt b)surgery c)nothing we can do. What I heard: "These xrays are wonderful! Look at this! And this! All good news!" I also heard: "Actually, we are going to work to strengthen your quads, and your weight will be less of a factor for your knees." "But you do need to rest a bit more." HA! Ha! Ha ha. Oh, that's right, brand new doc doesn't know how I roll - resting? That's for a few hours on the weekend, maybe, if I'm lucky. But I'll try. Oh, p.s. - New knee doc? H O T. Glad I was in work clothes and makeup! So For once, good news. Going to sign up at the new gym tomorrow, and probably schedule some physical therapy appointments. Gotta strengthen my quads.

Saying goodbye

When I was 14, I acquired a second set of parents. Laura and I were beginning to spend a lot of time together, as teenagers do, so she got VonMom and VonDad, and I got Ma and Pa added to my life. I also acquired Sarah (I'd always been curious about what it was like to have a little sister). I couldn't have been luckier. It's hard enough to be a teenager, but one with pretty much four parents? That was me and Laura. It went like this: If I got bad grades, no problem, I got no phone usage, no going out on weeknights - well, that curbed Laura's phone usage and weeknight social life almost exactly. If Laura blew curfew? Well, I was in trouble too. Who else was I going to go out with? Besides, who had the driver's license in high school? Yep - Laura. For as awesome as he is now, VonDad was a hardass when I was a teenager. Granted, thank God he was, but still. Ma was also a tough cookie. VonMom was pretty much the 'whatever doesn't kill them makes them stronger' type, which was pretty cool. Pa? Well *grin* Pa was the awesome one. Pa was a cop, so his hours weren't your typical 9 to 5. Therefore, we spent a lot of time with him during the summers. Laura, Sarah and I would lay around in the pool that was always somehow ready and waiting when summer was just around the corner. Pa would go to Subway, or to get ice cream. It didn't take long before he knew exactly what my order would be, just like he knew his daughters'. One year when he worked some event that the President and First Lady were around, he brought home these really cool tshirts. They had POTUS and FLOTUS on them (which at the time I thought was so super cool) and I remember specifically he didn't bring home just two, there were a few extras, he gave me one right away. I think I still have it somewhere, because it's one of those memories. I've already shared the Medusa's story, and the chuckle and the shaking of his head are such a reflection of how he looked at Laura and I. Again, it was absolutely a "those girls" kind of thing. It was, is endearing. Over the years, as time goes, the time we spent with our parents lessened. Laura has a family, I have my stuff. I still looked forward to every opportunity I had to spend time with Ma and Pa. They even have their very own nickname for me. It would be silly from anyone else, but from them, it's got meaning. Sorry, it's entirely theirs' and I won't be sharing it here. I know he used it every time he saw me. We had an on-going joke, he and I. Laura and I actually grew up in two different neighborhoods. They were next to each other, and we lived only blocks apart. However, to go to Laura's I had to walk under a set of train tracks. The joke was that we each said the other lived on the 'wrong side of the tracks'. My parents' neighborhood is a little odd, and they have this cookbook, and Christmas decorating awards, and green thumb awards, all of which Pa thought was hilarious. So, me being me? OF course I gave him a cookbook one year for Christmas. Another year I drafted a fake letter from my parents' neighborhoods community club stating that even though he lived on the other side of the tracks they were giving him an honorary Christmas decorating ribbon. He thought it was so funny. Sometimes when he laughed, he had to wipe his eyes from the tears. He had a great laugh. He always treated me like a daughter. I remember one night I was on a date. I was pretty young, and I was out with a guy my parents didn't approve of. So, I lied to my parents and told them I was with Laura, when I was really at the movies with A. Well, neither A nor I had a driver's license, so we had taken the bus to dinner and a movie. Of course, the bus had stopped running some time before we were heading home. Shit. And this was before the time of cell phones people! So, I got all scared and worried. A was useless. He just sat there smoking his Marlboro reds. I swallowed my fear and called Laura. Who ended up picking us up? Pa. He pulled up. I was pretty scared. He drove A home in silence. He shot me one of those looks, a dad look, but he never said anything. And, he never told my parents. I was so grateful for that. I'd gotten used to napping with Ma and Pa on Christmas day. Every year for 20 years I've gone to their house for dinner. For the past however many years, Laura has done double duty with her in-laws, so I usually had some down time with her parents. So, yep, a few times we just moved from dining room to living room and we'd all drift off. After a while we'd wake up, chuckle a little, and get ready for Laura to come back or for dessert time to get under way. That's a comfort level that only comes from lifelong friendships, and love. I could go on and on about what a great man Christian Michal was, but I won't do that. I know that in the next two days I will have to say goodbye to him, and I won't hear his standard "Ok sweetheart. You take care. Say hi to your parents. Stop by anytime." I'm a better person for having known him, and having him in my life. I think he knew that I loved him, I take comfort in that. Truth be told, he's always been one of my favorite people. May angels lead you in, Pa. I'm going to miss you.

Sad and nothing but

I have a post to write. One that I've known was coming, even one that I've been formulating in my head for the past month. But for now to be the time? No, I'm not ready. Who is ever ready when someone you love dies? Not me. A great man passed away today. Someone I've known damn near 20 years. More than 1/2 my life. Laura's dad passed away today. Devastated might begin to cover it, but not really. I have so much to say about him. I really do. But not today.

Total cop out.

My weekend. In pictures. Lame, and a cop out. Alas, today I am a busy girl. Bigger and better posts down the road.

Friday

It's been one hell of a roller coaster week. I'm so glad it's Friday, I can't even express how much. I need to rest and recharge in regards to everything. First there was bad news, then less bad news, then semi-ok news. Sigh. We can only hope for not so bad news. My fingers stay crossed for good news for the people I love. Work was crazy busy. Crazy busy - which is a great great thing. I'm not complaining about that at all. Yesterday was one of those days that I thrive in. I was busy busy go-go-going all day long. I loved it! I got a crazy cryptic email from someone who I'm in the process of getting close to. If not for the fact that said person were family, I wouldn't be interested. However, they ARE family, and I'm concerned/interested, so now I have a phone call to make at some point this weekend. Plus VonMom wants the dirt. So, I'll have to make the call, see what's up. Oh, yeah. We have a new governor. He's pretty Rad. RAD, not Rod. God Bless Governor Quinn.

Looking back and smiling

When we were teenagers, Laura and I used to go to this club Medusa's nearly every weekend. We were maybe 16 when we started going there. Medusa's was wonderful. We loved to dance, and the music there was awesome. New Wave, Industrial, all the good stuff from the early 90s. The crowd? While they were our people, we were on the more conservative side of things. I didn't have a driver's license at the time, and I don't think Laura had gotten hers yet. That's the reason her dad drove us there once. ONCE. We were young and blissfully ignorant to how Medusa's and the people that went there would look to Laura's career police officer dad. He drove by - I think we weren't cool with having him drop us off in front - and he saw the fine element that were hanging around outside before going in. Black leather. Mohawks. Chains. Weird piercings. Black lace. Black lip stick. Black eyeliner. "Psssssh." (Laura's dad made some weird noise) Uh oh. That was not a good noise. "You're going THERE?!" He was pointing at the tall big dude with the mohawk. Sigh "Yes." He looked at me, in my blazer and peg rolled jeans smiling hopefully from the back seat. He looked at Laura, in her blazer and peg rolled jeans smiling nervously from the seat next to him. (She was nervous that night because she was the one hiding the cigarettes in her pocket that night.) "Well. Be careful. See you later." He gave us a nervous little chuckle, and his familiar 'those two' shake of his head. But, he let us out of the car. He didn't trust the place, nor did he trust the people. But he trusted us. Even then, that meant something. *** A side note: The big dude with the mohawk? Many years later he would become Laura's husband. To this day I don't think her dad believes that to be true, but it is.

Jersey Boys and Stoopid Chicks

On Saturday Laura and I went to see "Jersey Boys". We got the tickets from Laura's family for Christmas. I was excited about the show, but I didn't think it would be fantastic. It was. FANTASTIC. Our seats weren't the best, we were way up in the balcony, on one side, so we were a little obstructed, but beyond that, the show was fantastic. I even bought the soundtrack. I never buy the soundtrack. Laura and I like to go see at least one musical a year. Being in Chicago, this is something we can easily do. The hard part is picking which show to see. "Jersey Boys" has to be right up on the list. The songs were all great, the performers were outstanding, and the story moved along. However. Sitting just behind us had to be one of the stupidest humans I have ever encountered. She was young (mid-20s). She was cute (of course). But man, was she dumb! The first words out of her mouth that alerted us to her limited IQ were: "Oh! Look! We DO get to sit together! The seats go 1,3,5, stuff! See! I was SO so worried we weren't going to be able to sit together. I was like, God, if we can't sit together, that would suck! Blah! Blah! Blah!" She proceeded to sit down and sing -HORRIBLY- some of the lyrics to some of the songs listed in the playbill. Of course, she even got some of them wrong. Laura, who is historically the nicer of the two of us, even looked at me with this awe/horror/incredulous look. After a few minutes of listening to DingDongDipshit, Laura asked me: "Is she blonde?" **before you freak out, Laura is naturally blonde, and I am blonde by choice, so relax** I turned around and glared at the dummy and said "No. Surprisingly not." So, the lights go down. Everyone else shuts up. From just behind me I hear: "Oooooh." She watched the show ok enough. Ok enough for an eight year old maybe. She talked and sang and generally annoyed us. The lights come on for intermission. What do I hear behind me? "Um, what's going on?" she whined. Intermission. Yes, it's a four syllable word, so she's probably never heard it before. Her boyfriend gets up to go get her more beer and twizzlers. DingDong calls a friend: "Hey! Yeah! I'm at Jersey Boy! So, OH MY GOD! I am Freaking out! I'm sitting here like going I think I left my straightener on! Yeah! I know! NO really! Are you around? DO you think you could like go over there? Yeah. No, it's on. I'm sure. Yeah. It's in the kitchen. Next to the coffee thing. Could you? Oh, you are so awesome! Thanks! Ok! Bye!" Pretty much at the end of every song of the second act, the dippy hooted and hollered, I'm pretty sure she assumed the show was over. Me? I just wanted to punch her in the face. Anyway. After the show, Laura and I had some pretty phenomenal Greek food. Now, if you know me well enough, please pick yourselves up off the floor - yes, I said Greek food. Yes, Greek restaurant. Yes, I hyperventilated a little. Yes, I was tense and not looking anyone in the eye. But beyond my not wanting to be there, the food was great and reasonable, and the place was cute and clean. I will go back there. If only for the saganaki and rice pudding. Friday night was all yummy salads followed by strawberry cupcakes with milk chocolate frosting with VonSis and Sil1x. Good times. Sunday was errands, laundry, homework, and resting my poor busted knee. Happy Monday.

Last Night.

Sometimes when I talk about VonMom, people think I am either exaggerating, or being too harsh. I love my mom. However. Here's what happened last night when I popped over to VonParentsHaus for a visit. Me: "Blah blah blah, cousin blah blah" **both parents simultaneously interrupt me to say stupid and incorrect things that they think I might say next, when I was actually trying to fill them in on something totally new*** Me: "SIGH!! No! That's not at all what I'm talking about!" Yes, I was irate VonMom: "Do we piss you off?" VonDad (God, I seriously LOVE my dad!!) kinda didn't say anything. I changed the subject. A little while later just between VonMom and I: Me: "So, to answer your previous question, you piss me off when I am talking and you interrupt me and talk over me. All. The. Time." VonMom: "Well, you finish people's sentences and stuff." Me: "Really? Like when you tell me the same story three or four times? And I finish it for you? Like then?" VonMom: "Well, you just get so angry." Me: "Because you interrupt me. You've been doing it forever. It pisses me off." VonMom: "You get so angry." Me: "Because it's rude. You don't let me speak." So, we both drop it. Drum roll please!! Not five minutes later: VonMom: "I bought you something." Me: "Oh." VonMom: "You're probably going to get pissed. And hate it." Me: "Great. Give it to me." VonMom: "It's a book." Me: "Mmmhm." VonMom comes back in the room and hands me.............. 'Finally Thin: How I lost 200 Pounds! And you can too!' Me: "You know, if I lost 200 pounds I would be dead, or at least really freaky looking." VonMom: sigh Me: "Yeah. Great." VonMom: "I thought you would find camaraderie in it." Me: "Camaraderie? What?!?" VonMom: "Well, I just read the jacket. It's uplifting you know." Me: "A fat book. Thanks." VonMom: "Are you going to read it?" Me: "I'll take it home." VonMom: "You hate it. You're pissed." Me: " Mmmhm." VonMom: "Do you want a cookie or donut before you go meet your friends for pizza?" None of the above is embellished. I didn't add anything for an entertainment factor. This is my life. This is my mother. Said angrily "You get so angry!" Said lovingly "You're fat. Want some cake?" Anyone want a book written by some formerly fat chick?

Politics, again!

Ok, so I've got a few things to say. I am going to first agree with Laura and say that we should not see the First Family in US Weekly. It might have been a bit of a gray area when President Obama was the President Elect, but now, as the leader of the free world he should be treated as such, and not on the same level of "celebrity" as, say, Paris Hilton. Let's leave him on the pedestal on which he belongs, not gossip rag fodder, but more on the real and actual news pages he belongs on. That being said. More than one person had voiced to me yesterday that they were a little tired of all of the coverage that the inauguration was getting. Hm. Who remembers four years ago? Can anyone honestly say there was more or less coverage? More or less celebrity guests? (Ok, bad Republican celebrity guests, but still) More or less fanfare? No one actually knows, because no one was paying attention! Not one of my young democrat friends gave enough of a shit. See, I distinctly remember turning OFF any and all of the Bush2 celebrations because I couldn't believe we were celebrating four more years of crap. One thing I can speak to (because I looked it up): President Obama's number of Inaugural Balls - 10 - Including the super fantastic Neighborhood Ball that he created as a celebration For. The. People. Former (phew!) President Bush's 2nd term Inaugural Balls - 9. So, you say, you cynic - See? President Obama has a lot! Like the most! Show off! NOT SO FAST. The most Inaugural Balls ever held? President Clinton holds the record at 14! FOURTEEN!! Plus, I don't think the President himself is responsible for the fanfair. Let's not blame him, ok people? On another note. I'm really really annoyed at the women who spent part of yesterday discussing the wardrobe choices of the First Lady and the Vice President's wife. I don't care what Michelle or Jill were wearing. NOT IMPORTANT. As far as their clothes? The most I care is if they were warm. I hope Michelle's feet didn't hurt when she walked part of the parade route. We should not be discussing whether Jill's boots were a solid choice or if Michelle looks good in yellow. By discussing that you demean those two great ladies, and, in my opinion, you demean all women. You present the image that, even on what is one of the most important days in our living history, that we might be so shallow as to discuss at length their clothes. What do I think about when I look at Michelle Obama and Jill Biden? I think 'How strong they are. How brave. They know that they are a part of something huge, and country altering. They could lose their husbands over the small minds and prejudices of some of their own countrymen. They stands by their husbands as no one else can.' I don't think 'Huh. Nice dress.' God Bless President Obama. May his enthusiasm and our country's general uplifted mood last and last. For at least the next eight years.

I'm a sappy mess

So, yesterday I was flipping through the channels, not really thinking what I was looking for. I stumbled upon the Best Thing Ever. HBO was showing the Inaugural Celebration. I was crying within, oh, like 30 seconds. Bruce Springsteen opened the show with that "The Rising" song. I've never before been super huge into the Boss, I could have even taken him or left him in the past. But now, I have this huge new thing for him. Like a willing to spend mega $$ on tickets should he tour soon thing. So, during this song, he's singing, and there's this choir, and he's all grinning like he's just thrilled to be there. It was awesome. It was two solid hours of awesome. Some other highlights: James Taylor. I mean - JAMES TAYLOR (I've been obsessed with him for a couple of years now) Stevie Wonder. Sure, he played with Usher and Shakira, but that was okey dokey. Garth Brooks. He sang "American Pie" (I squealed aloud on that one), "Twist and Shout" and "We shall be Free" (one of his own). So so so good. He's another one I would pay big bucks to see live. I'm not generally a country gal, but I do love me some Garth Brooks. Pete Seeger. PETE SEEGER leading the whole damn crowd in "This land is your land, this land is my land." U2 singing the shit out of "Pride" followed by a little "City of Blinding Light" or whatever it's called. AGAIN a band I would spend money on to see live. The only downside on the singing part was Beyonce singing the national anthem or whatever the hell she sang. I kind of in general hate her nasally, trilly, not-spectacular voice. I hate her persona. I hate her clothes. I'm not surprised she was on the show, I just wish we could have done without her. Another side-note on the singing people - JOhn Mellencamp - he looks old. Sings great still, but looks OLD. In between all of the awesome singing, they had actor/esses speak. They quoted memorable moments from past inaugurations and speeches. It gave me chills. Jamie Foxx did a spot on impression of Obama, quoting the speech from Grant Park on 11/4. I cried and cried and cried. Every time they showed Obama beaming, or singing along, or looking serious, I got chills. Finally, someone I can stand behind, and be really excited about. I know, I know, I've swore up and down that I won't get political here on this ole' bloggy blog. The thing is, I'm so excited about Obama. I believe in him, something I've not felt in all the years I've been able to vote. That being said, I'm sure my sappy little ass will probably tear up a little, or a lot, but I am ok with that.

Aaarrgggh

I know that I have been complaining a lot about the weather, but I think I'm just going to keep at it. See, it's what's on my mind, and it's a whole lot of all there is right now. I don't really think that people not from here get it. I mean really get it. See, your snot? It really does freeze up. In your nose. Every time you go outside. I currently have two matching red/purple lines across my wrists. Why you ask? Well, they are from the parts of my arms that weren't covered this morning while waiting for the train. Nope, not kidding. What are plastic lawn chairs good for? Mainly one thing - to mark your spot! Even the mayor said that it's ok to do it. You dug it out, it's yours until the snow goes away - you know, like mid-April. My face looks sunburned. So do a lot of Chicagoans. Have we been vacationing? Nope. It's windburn. It hurts, it cracks, my skin feels weird. It's pretty unavoidable, and not at all cute. It also doesn't cover up really well with makeup. I can't feel my nose, even when I'm inside. I think it's going to fall off. I refuse to wear a ski-mask. So shoot me. Did you know that they light the train switches ON FIRE when it's this cold?!? I didn't! So, I'm on the train the other day, and as we're approaching the station, there's all these fires everywhere - and no one seems concerned but me! I asked this chick, and she said "Oh, yeah, they light the switches on fire so they don't freeze." ON FIRE. That's hard core people!! It's colder in Chicago right now than it is in the North Pole. And colder than Alaska. No, I'm not making it up. Look it up if you don't believe me.

WWW

Winter Weather Warnings make me cranky. No blog right now. Maybe later. Too cranky. Feet frozen. Hair staticy and messed up. Nose red. Clothes damp. Anyone want to spirit me away to like, say, Florida for the weekend? I'll buy the first round of umbrella drinks!!

I just have to say

I just have to say that I love the word: Circumvent Ok, back to your day. Thanks for stopping by.

Since I can't actually mail them....I give you these.....

Dear Blank, Thank you for the scarf and gloves. The colors are so ugly, I think a blind person would find them offensive. P.S. Polyester makes me itch. Dear You, Thanks for that thing that I might use, like, once. Sure, you can borrow it whenever you want. I know it's really for you anyway. Dear M, Thanks for the pile of junk you pulled out of some $0.99 bin last year on 12/26. Nothing says Happy Birthday Jesus like a travel manicure kit and a book light. I know, you dig quantity. To whom it may concern, Thanks for the jewelry I might have considered wearing (but would probably have decided against) 20 years ago. I wanted to return it, but a) I don't shop where you bought it and b) I know you will be looking for me to wear it the next time I see you. Damn you. I didn't know you disliked me so much. Dear Self, Thanks so much for the Nintendo DS. My "brain age" has greatly improved! Thank you also for the Neal Gaiman books! Thanks for the lovely OPI nailpolishes! You really know what I like. Thank GOd for you! And thank God for credit cards!

Von phones it in

So I wrote this post earlier today, and was like 'Meh. It's ok. Not great, but it will suffice.' I saved it, didn't post it. I revisted the post to publish it, and realized it's pretty bad. Ok, it's lame and well, Lame. So, instead, I give you this, my phoned in week in review via google images: I hope you have a rat-free weekend, filled with Road House caliber fun.

I can't even. Bleh.

"Why do you need a flashlight" (garage door going up) "Because I need to see if I can see it" (garage door up, light on) "You don't need that flashlight" "Why?" "I see it. Right there." "What? Whe Oh my God." *silence for a nanosecond* "Is it dead?" "I think the nose is twitching. That's RIGHT mother f*$ker! You shoulda never come in MAH garage!" "Yeah, the nose is twitching. I think." "What do we do?" "You stand there. If it moves, watch where it goes. I can't open the stupid packaging around the flashlight." "You know I am going to barf, right?" "What? I can't open this stupid plastic!!" "I SAID you know I am going to barf, right?" "Why?" "It's so big. Go in my house and get scissors." "If the tenants come out, pretend you are doing nothing. Just standing there like an idiot because you like the snow or something." "I hate you." (I stare at thing in garage. Convinced it's not only twitching it's nose, but somehow growing. Not like it isn't the size of a house cat already. Waiting for her with the stupid flashlight. Still not sure what we are doing with the flashlight. I really am going to throw up. Or run. But I don't run and there is snow on the ground.) *Oh.No. The tenants are coming out of their apartment* "Close my front door!" "Ha ha!" "Um, the tenants" "Go in the garage." "I don't want to. It may not be dead." "Whatever, it's at least sick. Go in the garage." "That's right! Die! Serves you right mother f&*ker!!" Sigh "It's dead." *flashlight plays over the long, fat dead thing* Out comes the cell phone. She's taking pictures. "What are you doing?" "Taking pictures." "Why? Don't you have to call the city or something?" snap. snap. "They don't care. I'm calling my father-in-law." Snap. Snap. "Seriously?! How many pictures do you need?" "What? So?" "Just call someone to get rid of it. Oh my God. It's so big." Thus ended the life of the rat that thought it was a good idea to take up residence in our garage, and possibly made a foray into our basement. I think perhaps maybe I saw it in the basement on New Year's Day, but didn't mention it thinking I was crazy. He let his presence be known on Saturday, when he scared VonSis half to death as she tried to get to her car in the garage. Wanna guess who was doing all of the swearing and was going to blow chunks in the above conversation? Two guesses, first one doesn't count.....

Road Haus

I have this strange affection for the movie "Road House". I didn't really realize I had a thing for this little bit o' cinema until my just ended long vacation. I found that every time "Road House" was on, I would leave it on. I even know some of the lines. Dalton? Patrick Swayze? One would think, right? With the 12 pack abs and rockin' mullet, every girl's dream. No, there's two dudes in that movie that make me put my remote down. A) Drrrrty Ollllld and-did-I-mention DIRTY Sam Elliot? Oh.My.God. When he rolls up on his Harley in his skinny black jeans with his messy salt and pepper do - yep. I believe his character's name is Wade, or something equally dangerous and sexxxay. If he didn't die, we'd totally have a sequel, all about me and him fighting bad guys in our own bar (probably called the Quadruple Fours) and riding off into the sunset on the back of his mrrrrw Harley. B) The blind singer guy. You know the one, he had like one hit single - Jeff Healy - that's his name. See he's cool and sexy because he's a musician, doubly cool because he's a blind musician, and he knows Dalton, and Wade, so he must be bad ass in his own way. He's sexy in an I-want-to-take-care-of-him way. Plus, in the movie he has a hot girlfriend, so that makes my impressionable female mind think 'Well, he MUST be hot, if she's with him'. Best scenery? Dalton's barn loft/apartment. I'd kill for that. It's $100 a month, and twice the size of my place. Best line? "C'mon chicken dick!" Ok, one of the basic cable channels blocked it out, but another didn't - gotta love inconsistencies!! I also love Red, the auto parts guy, Emmet, well, hell, I love all of the bit players that are old and missing teeth. I love them in an I'd really like to sit around a fire bit and have a few beers with these guys kind of way. Road House - 4 stars!! Admittedly one of the t.v. highlights of my long vacation!!

P.S.

Happy New Year. Love y'all.

RIP DVD player

Due to the untimely and badly timed death of my DVD player, I find I have time to write. This is a distraction to the fact that my three new Netflix came today, and I was looking forward to watching them. Oh, hello 2009, I had almost forgotten that you had arrived. See, due to my lengthy vacation from work, I don't really know what day it is. Maybe the 2nd? That sounds about right. So, how about some renovations, nope that's not the right word. Resignations? Nah, not quite right. Oh, yeah, RESOLUTIONS. Ok, I am going back to my fat meetins'. I need to get myself together, that'll be the first resolution, and probably the first broken. The new diet starts Monday. Next, those people from 2008 that should be forever forgotten are. I said goodbye to you in my head on New Year's Eve. Good riddance. I hope to resolve myself to get back to blogging more regularly, like I did in the beginning. I'll work at this one. I'm also leaving Christmas where it lies - behind me. The good gifts: Gigantic blue topaz ring (perfect!),Cute Creatures Crochet book, docking station, Jersey Boys ticket, and the fuchsia glitter Madonna (as in mother of God, not chic from Detroit) bank - however this was a blatant regift, as in "Here, Aunt Von, I'm giving you this because Jyl isn't here, so you can have it" (I kid you not. See why I am done with Christmas??) The bad gifts (that will be free on Craig's list in a day or so): ugly scarf/gloves, book three of some series I haven't read books one or two of, cheap ass candles, jelly, cheap ass wallet. Next year I will be providing my family with a list prior to my birthday with gift ideas. I will ask that they not stray from this list. It's not going to be ideas, it's going to be concrete things I want. People, please stop giving me things you think I NEED. Give me things I WANT. Things I have no business buying for myself, that's the whole point of the child-like Christmas glee I try to have every year. Every year? Sorely disappointed. Best gift this year? My Nintendo DS. That I bought. For myself. I did decide that this is the year that I am getting back on the dating horse. Dearest reader, let's all forget about that little (I stress LITTLE) bump in the road from last September, ok? Things look pretty favorable on that front. More favorable than in a long long time. While out having Fun Tuesday with Shannon, I met a guy who told me three times how cute I am, and that he will be taking me out to dinner. He didn't so much ask for my number as much as demanded it. And he got it, for his confidence alone. Looks wise not what I'm looking for, but his confidence is intriguing......we shall see when/if he calls. If call, then I agree to a date. Today while chekcing my email, another decent prospect asked for my phone number. And he got it. Hedging my bets? Damn straight. So now I expect two phone numbers that I do not know to show up on my cell phone in the near future. Not to mention the dude in my German class that I wouldn't mind setting up a private study group with. I'm out of ideas for tonight. Off to Best Buy in the morning, need to purchase deceased DVD player's next of kin.